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(Part 1. Part 2 can be seen here: https://alostpaintingslaments.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/log-out/)

~*~

PART ONE: LAMENTING

Stuck in an endless loop that’s broken

Always ignored and stays hidden

I don’t want my life like that

Just a waste of space, an ignorant prat

.

So I want to hide it all

I don’t care if I pay the toll

The lies piling up on my brain

Thinking about it all gives me a huge strain

.

I can’t take all the hurt and the pain

Watching myself lose in this stupid life game

In the darkness, groping for the door

And I just end up on the cold, hard floor

.

My faith is fading fast

The hollow hope that never lasts

The trust that gets all shattered up

The love that just suddenly stops

~*~

PART TWO: ESCAPE

Can you hear me now?

On my my knees, I make a silent vow

My painful pleas echoing inside my head

My misery ignored by everyone alive and dead

.

God, please listen to my sorrows

Don’t make this day end, I don’t want a tomorrow

Let me stay inside this solitary core

Inside this perfect place forevermore

.

Madness is how I play

Escaping from reality is the only way

I don’t want to face what I know cannot be fixed

My world and your world obviously don’t mix

.

Numbed, brainwashed by a little prescription

OD’d by a drug called fiction

Stuck inside my own fantasies

Indulged in my thoughts and insanities

.

Tear down the walls separating fiction and reality

What is real? What is not?

Succumbing to the wrong world, losing my mentality

It’s been so long, I already forgot

.

Stuck in my fantasy

Miserable, bleeding, hanging to insanity

My mind is bound to an abyss that’s empty

For all eternity

.

I’m chained by the darkness

But refusing the light

I want to escape from this whole mess

But I’ll choose to stay in the dead, silenced night

.

I’ve lost my humanity, it’s far gone

Pathetic puppet, miming in this world

Nothing more than the devil’s pawn

Spilling out useless words

~*~

PART THREE: REFUSAL

Leave me in my painful paradise

I don’t care if it’s all just lies

This is my torturous escape, my own reality

The only thing that I’ll choose to see

.

I will gladly refuse to fight

The enemy is not the night

I don’t want to head into the blinding light

This false reality is what’s right

.

Darkness will bind me now

And I shall learn to cope somehow

The piercing dark blinding my eyes

Soon, the light will be nothing but a painful surprise

.

I don’t need anyone’s help

I don’t need your endless game of charades

I can already take care of myself

And I know I won’t make it, with this endless parade

.

My soul is already gone

My inner-self has escaped and ran

I’m not what I used to be

It’ll never be the same, I’ll never ever be free

.

I don’t want to take a stand

I refuse your helping hand

I am not human anymore

This monster inside me has devoured me to my very core.

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