Intoxication

Whiskey gin and brandy
With a glass I’m pretty handy
I’m tryin’ to walk a straight line
On sour mash and cheap wine
So join me for a drink boys
We gonna make a big noise…

~*~

The name’s John Barleycorn, shrewd dipsomaniac since I was born, crude and rude till I get my brewed shit

I’m snapping on schnapps, losing my head on mead, and I invigorate my cold depleted spirits on iced spirits

Feasting nightly on a steady regular diet of grains (well, fermented ones); barley, malt, yeast, wheat, and rye

Foraged aqua vitae for vitality, Dutch courage, until I’m shaken and stirred up, bleary, weary, died and red-eyed

I’m a high flier, a live wire, a wildfire, I glue to the graffitied wall, hundred empty cans of crumpled Budweiser

Admitting my sacrosanct sins like a guilty friar as I’m lip-locked with my fellow liars, and no vicar is any wiser

Gonna go home with no designated driver, I’m pretty screwed, yes, so instead I down another screwdriver

Aye, break out the grog matey, ’cause it’s a sailors life for me, if I sail down the road and fall on the breakwater

And true enough, I partake endless dime vodkas and imbibe myself in penny red wine, but I never take cheap shots

Empty bottles shimmer like stars, shattered cocktails colour my tongue and my imagination left in psychedelic blots

Three sheets to the wind, and I flap carelessly till my pale face is scarlet-chafed and my spine feels warmer

Inebriate with magic potions concocted in a deadly caution, but shit, down the hatch, it doesn’t really matter

Out the back door, in the blind alleyway, toss a sidewalk pizza, bartenders love me; I’m bar diving, quite literally

Nefarious night clubs, shady strip bars, and I slam the glass hard on the counter and throw some more money

Fluttering wildly like a green fairy with broken wings, off to search for more magical nectar of gin and margaritas

Doch and Doris, downing scotch, rum, brandy, tequila, and daiquiri, offering a romantic bouquet of wine to señoritas

Cocky bastards sipping cocktails, winners spilling wine, sherry for ma cherie, champions popping champagne

Bootleggers legging their booties away and mysteriously manufacturing moonshine under the moonshine

Insomniacs wearing nightcaps drinking nightcaps, saltine crackers with salty legumes and styrofoam peanuts

Aperitifs, chasers, and digestifs all glugged back to back, hell, ain’t got no time to wait for the meal to eat that

A round of choked shots and ten fingers of whiskey and I’ve both middle fingers raised in drunken protest

Aching for a fight foolishly, and in the end, aching muscles and broken glasses and broken dignity is all I beget

Paper umbrellas prick my heart and cigarette butts burn holes in my brain, the thick smoke rolls like a fog so bleary

Lost under a forest of sneakers and stilettos as I crawl my way out the door and falling again as I slip on blood…y Mary

Stupid suckers smashed as the pieced glass on the floor, dancing to avoid bullets, idiots can’t contain their booze

I play and clap to this free midnight show, laugh at the clowns and resound along to the crowd’s distasteful boos

The bar’s a free for all, selling beer, beasts, and bodies, swap your husbands and wives for a conga line of cocaine

I knock back an unpaid pint of lager, climb on the countertop, and speak with a bitter brain and a heart of codeine

So I call attention ladies and gentlemen, three cheers to these asshole bastards and three cheers to the good old days

A big toast to poisonous humanity and the problems that only sweet alcohol can possibly ameliorate and erase

Lose sensation, lose elation, lose the pain, lose your gain, dance the night away, flirt foolishly in saccharine slurs

Toss the hammer and gavel from my judgement and end up in jail, but hey, don’t blame me, I’m just another wasted man drinking to stay sober.

~*~

So don’t worry ’bout tomorrow
Take it today
Forget about the cheque
We’ll get hell to pay
Have a drink on me…

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