Monthly Archives: August 2017

Chasing Zebras, Circling the Drain

When I sew you up, don’t let me—stop bleeding!
Tiny stitches that you placed into my skin
Won’t let me go (oh no, oh no!)
And they’re ruining the mood
So I’ll toast every beat of my heart like a miracle…

~*~

I’m just a madman in a gurney

You’re just a liar with a rope

These palpitations don’t concern me

If you cry now, you won’t cope

.

And the nurses are dancing wrong

For the lesions that marked your skin

And the doctors are singing along

Burning like injections and liquid sin

.

Intubate me, I can’t breathe alone

The lozenge you prescribed lodged in my throat

These syndromes are but mere anomalies

But I’m a curious mystery, solve my cataplexy

.

Diagnose me again and over again

Abscesses in my heart, lymphoma in my brain

Give me some lorazepam or another placebo

Is there a hospital gown I can borrow?

.

A convulsion and a single stroke

Say the words and I’ll say that I’m sick

And the experimental apparatus didn’t work

As the vaccines failed the antibiotics

.

Immunocompromise me, make me weak

In a pathological war of an epidemic

I’m in remission, you gave pulmonary edema

I can’t speak now, I’m down with aphasia

.

Another dose of Vicodin to cover

The pain feeling like electric shocks

Your chest heaves under the defibrillator

Your oxygen tank ticks like the clock

.

Count the beats on the monitor

I won’t close my eyes if you listen slow

My blood is clotting from pressure

But don’t worry dear, you won’t see me go

.

I’ll perfuse the circuit, keep you alive

I’ll call a crash cart to make sure you died

Teach you how to use a morphine drip

And sedate you from Occam razor’s sharper slip

.

Accidents happen, they occur the worst

Trust me, this is just a blessed curse

Your heart is removed, your skin feels cold

Just don’t end up crying in the morgue

.

Don’t seize now, don’t crash in a hurry

Hold on, I’m trying to save the date

You went into tachycardia at the sight of me

Your scheduled surgery is running late

.

So call off the operation, call off the operation

If your valium teeth are still smiling

Call off the operation, the operation again

If the IV drips blood, we win, we win, and I win

.

‘Cause I’m just a patient dying in sepsis and crazy

You’re just another white-coat liar with a stethoscope

And all the tools and scalpels are already rusted over

But doctor, is it still too much to ask for some hope?

~*~

And I don’t think you’ll ever want to love me
You’d better listen to your doctor
Doctors lie (lie!), lie (lie!), lie
If the dollar is right, oh, my sweet little girl
Hold your mouth and you’ll be all right!

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Misdiagnosis

Stop targeting

My central nervous

System, you’re

Tearing apart my gut

I need a dose

Of your own medicine

An injection, stat

You’re the raged disease

That’s infecting me

Terminally, I’m quite sure

But is it harmless

To assume that you’ll also

Be the only cure?

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I don’t care…

I’m so fucking sick

And you’re contagious

Just how perfect can we both be?

But another patient

Has already cured you

Shit, why couldn’t it have been me?

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v-tach

Chase away

The darkness

That’s breathing

In me with life

Treat medication

From the veins

I gouged with

A scalpel knife

Eat my cancer

When it festers

Within my mind

That won’t restart

Operate me and

Amputate this

Failure of a system

You call a heart.

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confined

iv line around my neck

needles piercing with a pinch

saline as steady as the flowing blood

working past vein and skin

drip. drip. drip.

on the liquid cycle goes

of crimson and clear

of dehydration and decay

of a sickness and sane

as maddening as the silence

that i take for alternative company

in the four confining walls

of this sterile, whitewashed institution.

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5:48 a.m. downpour

Believe in me, I’m sad and blue
Left with nothing but a picture
Third or fourth weekend in June
December seems to come too soon…

~*~

the rain comes parading

like an old friend comes to visit

in torrents of cool greetings

and sweet altruistic mornings

.

the rain is contented jubilance

like yellow smiley faces pleased

on a blue patterned umbrella

entrancing me with pure peace

.

yet the rain never stays for long

like the fleeting kiss of an autumn leaf

perhaps that’s why i cherish it more

whenever it arrives and leaves.

~*~

Quilted in our hands
And keeping you tucked in too deep
Struck in the shot of two
Twenty-four hours in June
Will you wait until tomorrow?

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Choking Hazard

I swallow the thought of you, but it never leaves past my throat

I choke on your lodged promises and throw up all over the floor

I slip clumsily on the mess that we made as my bloody veins tore

And that unfortunate fall was the main reason my asthenia broke.

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a laugh to the tune of fuck you

the respect

that i do have

for you is too much

oh, i admire every

word, every nerve,

every faint catch

i’m sorry that it had

to be this way

and i had to give in

to the cruelty

the bastards played

it makes me sick

on how they all just

simply treat you as a joke

when you are all

that i’m holding on to

and breathing in for hope.

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l-eye

i look up

to your strength

confidence

and your ability

to look me

in the eye and

assure me

i’ll be fine

but i never went

past those

hopeful glances

to find

the weaker side

within that

was also suffering

and dying.

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sticks and stones

oh, if only

those sharp

and acidic

words can

physically

hurt or inflict

then i would

have been

injured long

ago, and you

wouldn’t live

to see a minute.

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