Monthly Archives: September 2017

Relapse, Recover

Who am I to think I’m one with this
To devise a life and run with it
Well, I’m running away
Then hear my ties to burden
And this is where I’m from
So when my body fails me
And all my beliefs, taking flight
This is how you’ll remember me…

~*~

These cicatrices are verboten, swear to hell that you will keep them

Crashing the pnuematic mistakes I fall away in again and yet again

Clinical neuropathy and an ugly intruder that never seems to yield

Scavenging my liquor breath and leaving my collapsed lungs killed

.

Drink in the chasms of ocean trust and lose a gold fountain of youth

Impervious to the suffering I averted, prismatic saved stars uncouth

If these knives are a circus show, my veins are the devil’s fairground

I never thought I even had it in my dragged carcass to still be around

.

As you spoke in tongues of sequined runes and automatic hieroglyphs

Of laconic hope, disembodied willow phantoms trailing from your lips

The acolytes ambush in resistant strain and infested in forlorn fervour

You won’t dare let this algae drown, alleged not to be a mere spectator

.

So bury the scars under fading promises and writ oaths in ink-noir blood

Privacy’s always my abraded fallacy, occluded to playing games with God

I swallowed the dynamite and lit a cigarette, let the ashes dance delirious

You altered the fuse inside my burning abdomen, knowing it was insidious

.

I never hoped for a full recovery, but I’m hitching a ride at the next ambulance

If the ritalin ceases to perplex my vertiginous peripheral, I will find my chance

I’m starving for friends and absent sense, the ones I’d die in a lost heartbeat for

And if I ever finish tallying all my infinite debts, I’ll let you know the final score.

~*~

Build me a foundation, not one of perfection
But one of structure and word
My eyes are upright, in constant search
Perfection, a shout unconquerable
Aren’t we all human! Aren’t we all human?

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give (up)

i’m tired

of the way

i have to

force myself

to live

(i just want

to hang

out my pulse

and stop)

.

i don’t know

just how

much i

have left

to give

(but i know

it’s not

going to be

enough).

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breaking down

blood and rain

in blocked bathroom stalls

tears and water

a nervous angel’s last calls

blades and beds

numbed-down in narcotics

raw and regrets

jaded of existing semantics

lost and lusting

for tempted taste of demise

scarred and sorry

all these promises were lies.

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sad talk

it’s quite nice

to be depressed

when you have

nothing to say

for motivation

is a madness

and its agony is

the price you pay.

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Scarlet Ribbons

Gilded scarlet ribbons

Cascading past my arms

Colliding with azure threads

Entangling in sick charms

Gilded scarlet ribbons

Trailing throughout my wrists

Ropes of tinsel green envy

Lattices of silver in skins of wist.

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shattered

you didn’t

have to be

there to pick

up the pieces

of this mess

you didn’t

have to cut

your unstained

fingers on the

lethal shards

you didn’t

have to be

the witness to

my unmitigated

self-wreckage

you didn’t

have to do

a damn thing,

you didn’t

really have to…

but fuck, you

did it anyways

i’m glad…i’m glad.

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Scolding a Brick Wall

Redundant litanies

Burning out your tongue

Hoping the fire would catch

On paper hearts unstrung

Exhausting castigations

Shooting past two deaf ears

Don’t bother with accusations

No one’s listening, dear.

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cold feet

anxiety is a chill

embedded at the

notches of your

carved backbones

anxiety frosts over

making you shiver

and it pierces you

in places unknown

anxiety leaves you

breathless and red

and that blizzard

affects you alone

anxiety can’t melt

away, for the icicles

have hardened to

pure diamond stones.

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Still of the Night

Keystone bridges clip the sky
From window seats, lean right over me
Smell my promises to take a pleasant start
Ease a sense of heart, give a little bit…

~*~

This city is often drowsy

But it never slumbers

It only pauses to hitch

An evening’s breath

Before returning to life

And bustle once more

Yet somehow, I prefer

the quiet city when it’s

Barely holding on, and

Almost passing out from

Asphyxiation, all before

Exhaling out stale zephyr

For a fresh glimpse of dawn

Circulating warm blood in

Its road and highway veins

Because in the almost-dead

Of the cityscape midnight,

Both darkness and silence

Ensconce houses within their

Enamoured embrace, as if

It was a cozy knitted tapestry

Quite comforting and familiar

As the sodium-lit stars and

The silver mercury moon

Hesitate not to provide hearts

With soft goodnight kisses

And in the not-quite dead

Midnight from this vespertine

Escape on a cityscape reverie

Is when I take the deepest sighs

And finally take my own share

Of the oxygen that gets stolen

By crowds in suffocating daylight.

~*~

Maybe you were my song
Don’t have to stay too long
Fed up with your friends
Whatever I could do to mend it now…

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somnum

i either

sleep

too much

or not

at all.

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