the sober and the selfish

Loose lips sink ships, so I’ll keep silent
Suggest your words stay in your mouth
It’s never ending, the cycles ascending
People keep asking, I’m not here
I don’t really think that you’ve ever walked
A mile in my shoes, I don’t really think
That you know what I’ve been through…

~*~

yes, i’m such a selfish bastard

who understands the complications

of fucking up my own existence

but i do it despite the consequences

because fuck, why the hell not?

i’m self-destructive and apathetic

and there’s a cyclone constantly

ravaging my barely-functional system

and frankly, we all die anyways

so what’s the difference if i go just

a little earlier than i ought to?

and even if that should, would happen

why should, would you give a damn?

i’m just another needle sticking your neck

just one less burden to carry and get

the crippling sciatica and scoliosis from

and don’t you give me the excuse that “you care”

platitude, because i’m honestly so sick of it

and you know i would never believe in

such poisonous lies, such mechanical bullshit

i know i’ll see graveyard dancing at my own funeral

and you’ll be the one leading the goddamn line

so just give it all up, won’t you? it’s useless.

i’m just another one of those cheap, godforsaken

open-ended dime novels that nobody cares to

solve, because it’s frustrating, not worth their time

and the less you act like you’re a genuine heart

the less you pretend this ain’t pathetic entertainment

the more you’ll understand, the more i’ll get it

and the easier it will be for the both of us to let go

yes, i’m such a selfish goddamned bastard

who doesn’t deserve jack shit, who thinks that he will

never be good enough for anything, and a selfish,

egocentric narcissist who hates himself and pushes away

the things he loves, and this selfishness is all i will ever have

oh, how inconsiderate of me not to care about you

when i could barely start to care about me, but hell no

i’m the selfish one…now isn’t that just cleverly fucking ironic?

~*~

All your life, I wish you would
Have learned to swallow your pride.
And stop preaching
I know what you’re thinking
You’re so far above me in your mind…

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