Monthly Archives: December 2017

Bleeding Eyes See It All

Every second’s soaked in sadness
Every weekend is a war
And I’m drowning in the déjà vu
We’ve seen it all before
I don’t wanna do this by myself
I don’t wanna live like a broken record
I’ve heard these lines a thousand times…

~*~

it doesn’t stay the same

every shredded inch

is just another reason for

you to patch it up and change

just so your bleeding eyes

could do some further damage

.

every lie soaking you in

they say it’s just a futile war

and the darkness is a myth

but you’ve seen it with your

own bleeding eyes, so you

know that it actually exists

.

and they tipped the avalanche

that buried you deep under

but refused to take responsibility

pushing your head underwater

but your own bleeding eyes

have seen it all before

.

and it doesn’t stay the same

every invoice on your shredded arms

is just another pathetic excuse for

you to erase it and start over

until your bleeding eyes could

shed their shallow tears no more.

~*~

We should feel the love so painfully
It hurts right to the touch
I know it stings, I know this cuts
And I wish I could agree with you
But this love is not enough.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

The Art Of Oxygen

“And baby, honestly it’s harder breathing next to you, I shake.”

~*~

A million breaths were held in the company of hope

As the lack of oxygen is making the wind choke

Exhale now, I’ll pick up your pieces if you can pick mine

But don’t taste what you can’t have, don’t be asinine

All my worries are invisible like the writings on the wall

As I inhaled opalescent fog, I only found out about the catch as I fall

Between the lines of what you refuse to read, I’ll get what I need

I’ll learn to live without my lungs, I can’t afford the air that you breathe.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

how to kill a demon

“Trigger my nightmare once again…”

~*~

i’m holding on

too tight for comfort

the thoughts in my head

are deathless; immortal

they cannot be killed

by mere tylenol or advil

or even ativan alone

but maybe alcohol can

fucking drown them

or starving their bloodlust

will slowly pick them out

and if all else fails, then

maybe a bullet straight to

their hearts will do the trick.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

The Marionette’s March

The fear sets in, of knowing how short our time is
The shortness of stride, not a single excuse to prove
That we were meant for this
Everything starts to spin all at once
If you hear something strange in my voice, its conviction
Detest my words, they have no ill meaning…

~*~

Don’t look back on the patience you lost

The blood that’s been wasted, the casualties cost

A strange voice that hides the bad intentions

Though not yours to atone, suffer in perdition

.

Back and forth, the confused marionette swings

Keys of haunted reveries a rusty music box sings

Conviction relinquished to the uproarious applause

What’s yours will be mine, and sever all the loss

.

And I believe that your hands clap for a reason

Just as why thieves walk free and lambs go to prison

If death was a game, then the dice has been cast

Only those caught in the thorns of the throne shall last

.

We move on, we move on, what’s a clock without the ticks?

To warn of oncoming reparations, sounds rather cryptic

Follow the trail of sunshine as it stammers and falters feeble

Heads and tails decision, let the coin land in the middle

.

And if the theatre lights shut down in this city’s comatose

Bow deep and lay upon your mausoleum a dusty merlot rose

Thus holding only the patience that was once yours to have

Now forsaken and lost like a demon in an ocean of gods.

~*~

Oh dear puppet, wake up
And cut the strings before the next show
I believe that this is in your blood
By all means take your place, take your place
Put yourself into this letter, we’ve all had it alright
We dropped the ball.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

I personally prefer bleach to whiskey or wine.

“And do you really trust your tongue or did you bury the taste?
And is this fantasy real, or is it all home-made?”

~*~

And they don’t know

how many times

i hated myself over

the colour of my eyes

l a c k u s t re

g l o s s e d – o v e r

d u l l e d

by a ton of medications

that i take ironically

to bring a blush into my cheeks

some shade into my flesh

and yet the pastel pink

is far too bright

like it’s drawn on with a crayon

by a colourblind child

but no matter what i take

my blood remains the same hue

diluted into a disgusting

watercolour painting

and i have to create artworks with it

every time i cough

and every time i can’t go to sleep

they all say it’s

d i s g u s t i n g

s e l f i s h

a l m o s t  i n h u m a n

and i know, believe me

i know it better than anyone else

you don’t have to tell me again

the voices in my head

do a better job of telling me

but with every decrepit strand of hair

that falls off my deforested scalp

is another count of another hour

no—another minute

that i continue to waste oxygen

in this faultless fucking world

so i knock back my codeine

and i slowly close the

flickering bathroom lights

avoiding my pale judging gaze

on the toothpaste-stained mirror

as i leave to

continue existing in

w o r t h l e s s

f u t i l e

e n d l e s s  c y c l e s

of this monochrome facsimile

drinking it all in

and hating myself again

over the colour of my eyes,

how it doesn’t have any.

i don’t want to live anymore

and yet i simply hate myself far too much

to even attempt to end my misery

and so it goes.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Your Trucker’s Hitch Is Sloppy

A free lesson on growing up make the best of their worst
And never compromise what you feel is right
I make a point to be powerful when I speak
Be the one to give them nightmares when they sleep
Never back down from anyone…

~*~

I’m spinning into retrograde motion

Falling apart as the ropes holding me back

Chafe my abrading skin in expelled dominion

I’m in the nadirs of another devilish attack

Feeling dysentery coursing in my bloated tongue

And sooner than later I’ll spit out the plague

In your eyes, and your grasp will slip on the rungs

Of your vicarious deception and mistakes

So rip apart the hatred that buries me

And I’ll be coming back from the dead for you

If there’s any way to bolster out the barrier

I’ll break you first and demolish until I come through.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Sometimes

Sometimes, things break. Sometimes I break them and I’m unable to fix them anymore. Sometimes I dream about the mistake that I’ve done for consecutive weeks at an end until I decide that a hundred sleepless nights is better than being forever plagued by fucking nightmares. Sometimes, people notice the madness I’ve become and tell me to simply let it go and move on with my life, like that would be magically effective somehow. Sometimes I listen. Most times I don’t. Sometimes I don’t say sorry even though I caused an irreparable amount of damage, and I always get blamed, which is only fair sometimes. Sometimes I promise that I’ll change and replace what I can, and clean up the mess that I made. But that never works out, somehow. Sometimes it hurts me to see what I’ve done, and sometimes it hurts other people too. I’m always fucking things up constantly, and some of these sometimes are gradually turning into an always. Though sometimes, in a very blue moon sometimes, I fight back and rise against it, defeating the odds and putting back what I broke, fixing what I can, saying my apologies, being the better man, going against myself and everything I’ve always been. And when that happens, sometimes I’m actually happy. Sometimes, I’m stupidly hopeful. And sometimes, I think that I’ll always be okay.

But I never am.

Leave a comment

Filed under Prose

Chronicles of the Senseless and the Sleepless: Staying Sober

Well now this could be the last of all the rides we take
So hold on tight and don’t look back
We don’t care about the message or the rules they make
We’ll find you when the sun goes black…

~*~

And we proclaim that I don’t look the same as I did yesterday

Every bruise and blemish counted is just another reason for me to stay

If misery was punishment, then we’re both headed for the guillotine

But I’d rather be decapitated and headless than an overthinking machine

Every story we’ve had to throw, profanity mixed casually like cocktails

Only the starrified night and empty pavements can witness our fails

Waging a war against murderers lurking in the shadows of the city

Sodium streetlamps and laughter illuminating in each other’s company

Hands painted black, music caught between the skins of our teeth

Verboten made verbatim, calculating in every sense of blame and defeat

Maybe we won’t forget the good times, and let the bad times go to hell

Devil may care but we won’t mind, say but don’t tell, give what you can sell

One last drink to toast over, before this damn year gives way and finally breaks

Shots for every adventure and misfortune, one for every felicity and mistake

Alcohol to alleviate the drowsiness, and coffee to nurse the raging stomachaches

I may be a shambling mess, but for this I don’t mind staying just an hour more awake.

~*~

And you only live forever in the lights you make
When we were young we used to say
That you only hear the music when your heart begins to break
Now we are the kids from yesterday…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

metal & skin (xxxv.)

yeah, maybe

i will stop

when the

blades hits

my pulse.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

metal & skin (xxxiv.)

i’m speaking to the red slits

as if they were your own lips

of the words you’ll never hear

when you attempt to interfere

i’m speaking to the scarlet slits

’cause i know they’ll never reply

and i don’t have to listen to bullshit

that i know soon i’ll just fucking defy.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry