Monthly Archives: October 2018

Dumb Little Distractions

I can’t sleep.

And I don’t want to sleep.

Although dreams are

The best reality I have

Right now, it’s also easier

To delude and distract

Myself thinking that

Time will go by considerably

Slower, if I were to stay

Awake for the entire night,

And come next morning,

I’ll be too desensitised

And too tired to even worry

About the very things that

Plagued me to insomnia—

A perfect irony.

For now, I’ll laugh myself numb.

For now, I’ll sip cold coffee

And gorge myself on sugary

Treats and asinine videos

So that later today,

I could pretend that I’m still alive.

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smudged

a thousand flights,

of worn-down stairs,

of hymnal bells tolling,

of careless bodies,

a forgotten memory,

no more than a mere

smudged imprint in

the edifice of a tower

overlooking everything—

and until then…nothing.

.

day in, day out, cycles;

in rapid gyroscopes of

existences so barely free,

almost; not freely, out of control,

spinning, revolving, rotating.

until then, those thousand flights,

once holding melting footsteps,

a clamour that praised each sunset,

and even a few reckless bodies,

now holds back ire history for them.

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I’ve Got All This Blood On My Hands (And None In My Body)

Stay out of the light or the photograph that I gave you
You can say a prayer if you need to
Or just get in line and I’ll grieve you
Can I meet you, alone, another night and I’ll see you
Another night and I’ll be you
Some other way to continue, to hide my face…

~*~

I wanna turn your insides to white (say it ain’t so)

So it looks good on my bedroom walls (black, blonde, red)

My heart’s been bleached by the tidal waves (so wash me out)

I wonder if it had any colour at all (maybe not)

.

(So they say that the switchblade is better than the sense)

Well then, let’s see how you look in basketcase drag

(So they say that all this praying won’t make you a saint)

Well then, let’s see how you look when it goes bad

.

It’s not profound or romantic (it’s a mechanical interlude)

And I’m tired of (waiting for) all the infinite eulogies

(And they all put words in my mouth that) make me feel sick

Babe, I just wanted to sever a vein (but you made it plural)

.

(The incineration of another night, the gunshots rang clear

The townspeople screamed as a body fell out of a windowsill

Sirens wailed and ambulances crashed to the beat of my heart

Screaming “fucking save me!”, but it was all a nightmare thrill)

.

‘Cause Magdalene’s desecrated (and her scripture womb) now ain’t sacred

‘Cause all your best friends will only get together when somebody starts to die

‘Cause you can have your fucking funeral but still end up running late for it

(‘Cause you might) say grace all you want and still throw up (pure lies)

.

(Say it ain’t so) I wanna turn your insides inside out

(Black, blonde, red) And end up drunk on your bedroom walls

(So wash me out) My heart’s been drowned off by the tidal waves

(Maybe not) I wonder if it meant anything to you at all.

~*~

And we’ll all dance alone to the tune of your death
We’ll love again, we’ll laugh again
And it’s better off this way
And never again, and never again
They gave us two shots to the back of the head
And we’re all dead now…

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aromantic

but darling, just

what is love

but another word

for the feeling

i could never have?

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Cloud District

Soft thrums of raindrops

Against scarlet canvas

Crushed flower petals

Bleeding out pink on

Oceans of grey puddles

Pooling on the asphalt.

.

Shorter days, lonelier nights

Blue shoes over fresh graves

Cracks on the warm concrete,

Forgotten in the solstice midst

And a song stuck between silence

Of a boy lost under his umbrella.

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sanguine

When everyone you thought you knew
Deserts your fight, I’ll go with you
You’re facing down a dark hall
I’ll grab my light and go with you…

~*~

you kicked up reckless dusk,

and for a moment, time was yours.

i sat on the kerb and wept,

lost in the haze of fog and music,

watching the years go by with

nothing more than flammable illusions

cutting open the stars because you didn’t bleed,

waking up with dead skies because i couldn’t love—

letting the alarms go off hour after hour

but never letting the nightmare end, melting

away into paranoia and humiliation,

red lips a soundless “darling, i’m fucking cold.”

ignorant eyes couldn’t see the last of us

until it’s held at speculated gunpoint…

do you have to cross the start of the horizon

before they could see that you’ve died?

do i have to cross two lines off my hand

before i could ever try to live?

~*~

And go with you, I’ll go with you
I’ll go with you, I’ll go with you, yeah
Stay with me, no, you don’t need to run
Stay with me, my blood, you don’t need to run…

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L’exquise L’angoisse

Palpitating arteries eviscerate, a familiar taste that tastes like nothing

Frustrated art under his eyelids fading, clever words I’m never caught saying

Lost impressions leave deceptions, a tempestuous flood caught in the fray

Wish my headspace wasn’t suffocating the sun day after another day

.

Imagination stuttering, slowly dying, what are you trying to hide?

If hell’s your new phenomenon, I’m afraid it’s far too late to be described

Every broken bone that the restless audience throws back to your act

Refusing to feel right again, this time I know that I don’t know where to start

.

Don’t look at me. Don’t look at my deathwish. Nor my blinded existence.

I do not wish to breathe the same way you do. Do not bleed out of my presence.

My words are glass blades lodged under my bruised throat, so do not dare me to cough

The eclipse feels impossibly heavier without your weight to hold me down

And so I quietly submerge with only the sound of my empty thoughts.

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iron fist

imprison me

in your pride

as i crawl back

to your open hand

in an act of defiance

.

incinerate me

with your beckon

as i feign free will

and allow myself to be

crushed in your grasp.

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Danielle’s Falling October

Oh yes, she’s my redhead darling

The rarest kind that makes autumn feel so jealous

From her button freckles to her pumpkin-spice skin

She dances vivaciously in a riot of fireplace colours

.

Oh yes, she’s my redhead darling

The rarest kind that always makes my vintage heart feel new

When the pages are torn to cliffhangers and wishful nothings

Her camera smile captures every quaint blush of my pale hue.

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Hypersensitivity

I like you better when you’re numb
I’m sick and tired of false devotion
Devote yourself to moving on
Or suck it up and let it go!
But you’re always out to get me…

~*~

Oh, that quiet little forked tongue

Must feel good rolling on a vile, vulgar vat

Of the purest acid, curling up like fermented spit

And dried offended blood when you

Bit down the corners of your sore cheeks,

Frustrated at the utter lack of control

And flaunting your own proudest corruption.

How cute does that look like on you?

It’s just another waste with puffed cheeks

Blotted in heliotrope, like crushed lies

And bad byes and bruised overused words

Put up to defend that pretty vague hurt,

When all it’s ever done is make it last even longer.

Blatant provocations only last as long before

The sheer amusement sets in, building up

Your own ‘sacrificing’ design of a crude collapse,

Building up the past tense because you think

It’s going to inflict, and pulling the carpet

Under your own crooked feet in the process;

Panting over your ‘headline’ exposés when

You’re already stripped like a shameful screw,

And still spinning, spinning, spinning,

Too out of balance in the wrong direction.

The more that shaky pyramid piles up,

The more I have reasons to quickly laugh at it,

And me and my company can talk about

The time we didn’t even care enough

To hear the indignant, malicious screams

Emanating from the careless night, as we were

Too busy trying to break the daylight in—

Tell us more please, don’t stop now

When I’m already fascinated by the confabulations;

Counting sins like they meant jack shit,

Counting up tallies scratched in solid copycat lines,

Counting yourself in like you even meant a thing.

But maybe don’t sit on the damn fence

Too long and just fucking get over it;

Because most of my golden verses are just not

Meant for all that assuming salivation

And some boys aren’t meant to push

Their greedy fingers into your black hole

And pleasure you deep with choking expectations.

I don’t know if the obvious attention ignites

The gasoline in those butane ribs, but

If some damage control is all there is, then just

Who the hell am I to attempt to ceasefire it?

Oh what a pity, such a pity—that all of that

Pent-up resentment just stubbornly refuses to move on

With the “sweet” in the oversaturated smile

And the venom in the secret snivels back home

Cursing out in spiteful boo-hoo’s and vindication like

The entire world did that poor, poor heart wrong…

Well fuck me, but is that really all that’s

Keeping your twisted self-indulgence going on?

~*~

You think opinions make you savvy
(Like you’re some kind of “expert”)
Your running mouth falls on deaf ears
(I tried to get you to understand)
You say you’re winning ’cause you’re laughing
(Get it all into the last time)
While I’m crying crocodile tears
Just suck it up and let it go!

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