31 – thirty-one.

so. i somehow made it through january. big surprise.

i’ve never really been one for counting off days, but times like these, i couldn’t help it. after all the bullshit i’ve put my head through, it comes so naturally by now that it’s basically instinctual. and life to me is like a giant neon billboard sign falling straight on my head that proclaims “welcome to adulthood, loser. prepare to die soon and be thankful for it.”

anyway, the weather’s finely cold today. football practice was strangely interesting and motivating, and this one other coach (who wasn’t really my coach but was just there practicing) struck up a conversation with me for some reason. it was mostly him asking me about trivial things before completely launching into a discussion about his 33-year journey into said sport, and the man was so passionate about it, bless his soul. i also found the place to get my science 10 papers (fuckin’ finally) and bought a trench-coloured (*cries in josh dun*) dartboard for some “this-is-gonna-make-my-dorm-room-look-aesthetic-asf” reason. so, this day has been an okay day…i think. i don’t have many of those so fast and often, so it’s quite nice to end the month on this relatively lighter note, at least.

looking back on it, i can barely believe that only the first month has passed so far—a lot has happened since and it already feels like such a long year for me. i honestly don’t even know why i signed up for this, because going through college is basically like trying to wade past thick molasses. it doesn’t make any sense, takes up a hell of a long time, i’m most likely gonna get all messed up, and was it worth the damn trouble in the end? nope. not at all. not even a little.

truth be told, i’m just doing this so that my family could ultimately have a lame degree and a graduation photo to proudly plaster on the wall, which would claim me as not totally a complete waste of money and effort and oxygen. but besides that, i’ve already long accepted my fate of becoming a future college dropout way before i even entered said phase of my life, and so far i’m still waiting out on it, knowing my tendency to fuck things up badly. any second now…

i just also realised that at least 97% of the things i’ve written (well, the ones on this personal daily series that i’m about to burn out on—whatever the hell this is, anyway) and posted are basically just about my sad, moping, miserable existence, which i didn’t even realise but i’m not all too entirely surprised about. i mean, that’s just my usual content anyway. but man, this year is pretty much peak bleakness for me. stick around and tune in next time to see just how worse this sad dumbarse could get before they finally give up, promptly walk out into oncoming traffic, and throw themselves under a giant red bus heading to calamba!!! *joyful game show music plays*

well. here’s to you, january 2019, you problematic old bastard. may i never go through you or ever see you again for as long (or as short?) as i live. it’s also currently 3:02 a.m. as i write this and i have an 8 a.m. class, and several more that takes up literally my entire afternoon, without any pauses or intervals in between. my, my, aren’t i off to a great start.

february, here we go.

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