Saligutgot (Chaos)

Ingay—isang kawalan, ayaw mapakinggan

Sakit na hindi matahimik, lumulunok ng mga tinik

Galing sa salitang hindi mabigkas; uulitin at

Uulitin pa rin hanggang sa maubos ang pasensyang

Maikli—ang oras, ang araw, ang naputol na ugat

Sa iyong mga kamay, nagpupumiglas, nanlalamig

At naiipit sa mabigat na tanikalang dumuduyan

Sa mahinang indayog ng kanilang nagdurusang sigaw,

Mahapdi sa kaluluwa, hindi matago ng kisapmata

Nakalimot ka na ba? Tila manhid na sa mga galos

Nang ikaw ay binalibag at kinaladkad na

Parang masahol na hayop, lumalaban sa hinagpis

Na hindi maiwasan, hindi malampasan, at kailanman

Laging mararanasan. Sinong may sala? Kaninong

Anino ang galit na ituturo ng iyong nabaling daliri

Para mapatawad lamang ang kasalanang akala

Mo’y hindi babalik para dalawin ang iyong

Gumuguho na konsensya—kung hindi ikaw, sino? Sila?

Ako? Ang diyos na ayaw magpakita kahit

Tayo’y naniniwala at nagdadasal at nagmamakaawa?

Hindi ito matatahimik. Hindi mo mahahanap ang musikang

Makakapagkontra sa lahat ng sakit, ng pait, kahit saglit, ng—ingay.

Noise—a moment of loss, refusing to be heard

Aches that cannot be silenced, swallowing thorns

From these unspoken words, repeating and

Repeating again until patience is consumed

Shortly—this hour, this day, this severed vein

Within your hands, struggling, freezing

The flesh that’s burned just for a sliver of

Heat and light; scalded tongues, hoping, sobbing

And trapped in between heavy chains that sway

Alongside the soft cadence of their tortured screams

Searing the soul, unable to be hidden by the blink of an eye

Have you already forgotten? Seemingly numb to the scars

Garnered when you were thrown away and dragged around

Like a vicious animal, fighting against resentment

That cannot be avoided, nor surpassed, and will forever

Be endured. Who’s to blame? Whose

Shadow will your broken fingers adamantly point to

Just so that it will be forgiven; the sins you thought

Shall never return to haunt your

Deteriorating conscience—if not you, then who? Them?

Me? The god that does not allow himself to be seen, though

We have been believing and praying and furiously begging?

It will never be silenced. You shall never find the music that would

Counter all the pain, all the bitterness, even for a moment, all the—noise.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s