Why couldn’t I just be smart.
The kind of smart that keeps me from thinking about doing things for my own sake too much, so that I don’t get blamed for being selfish every time I inevitably fall into failure. The kind of smart that doesn’t flat-out disappoint my entire family (which they constantly have to remind me of and rub in my face, day in and day out) and actually gets me somewhere, wherever the fuck they want me to wind up doing. The kind of smart that society glorifies and desperately wants me to play along with; practical with just a perfectly balanced dose of ignorant. The kind of smart that will get me as far as getting a pathetic college degree so I could kiss ass to other people in some boring fucking office job or something along that line—just as long as it pays out well—and nothing more, nothing less. The kind of smart that’s just about like anyone else surviving out there.
Because that’s all everyone gives a shit about nowadays, right? Getting their time and effort and money’s worth off of me, just like every other offspring they’ve casually released into this world without much ado about nothing, like we actually begged them to exist in this miserable state? Otherwise all the other trivial things I could do are just unimpressive and completely goddamn useless, because it won’t get me anywhere good, apparently. It’s all in the situation. No one would ever be free enough for anyone to chase for their stupid shitty pipe dreams, except for the ones who get quote unquote lucky enough to be born into it one way or another. The big picture is, there’s really no happiness nor contentment in this kind of life, only paying your dues and shutting up about it. Whatever, I get it. Everyone’s suffering it out and it’s all fucking relative from here, innit.
But ah, what the hell do I know? I’m just another useless lazy moron who does nothing but sit around on their ass all day and complain as if they’ve got it worse, which they clearly don’t. What a dumb fucking piece of shit. I’m just another part of the whole problem, anyway. Overprivileged hypocritical scum like me deserve to die already. Fuck it.