Tag Archives: 3 AM

Blue Illusion

this friday night

i threw out control and

i drank myself away

until my lips were as blue

as the alcohol i craved

cerulean illusions

faded like fireworks

dancing past my hazy eyes

as i exhaled out slurs

and my breaths collided

with the dim sodium lights

though it isn’t enough

to get me inebriated

and drunk on the colours

but i sure felt hitched

to a temporary heaven

and i sure as hell ain’t sober

razor blades didn’t cut it

so here’s another cure

i’ll prescribe to keep me sane

and i hope these smiling

little breath mints will

help me hide the reek of pain.

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Misery Loves Company

I’m in good company

With idiots and fools

As they entertain me

By being absolute tools

.

I’m in good company

With idiots and fools

But should I be sorry?

Fuck, I don’t make the rules.

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letters to s.d.: fragment #6 {promise}

darling, you[REDACTED] be [REDACTED]ay

.

i’m sorry.

i didn’t mean to.

what have i done.

i won’t think about it.

i won’t do it again.

for you, i’ll try.

not to die.

.

fuck fuck fuck fuck i’m d[REDACTED].

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from a writer who can’t write, to a friend who doesn’t care

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you down
And out is where you ought to stay…

~*~

i’m never enough.

every time i build

my invincible walls

back up, you shatter

it with a crashing

sledgehammer

and a glint of your

candy fucking teeth

you’re so goddamn eloquent

an angel with a seraphim

choir voice, heavenly

and i’m just a shitty

raconteur, a useless dry

quill pretending to be

a writer, a croaking bullfrog,

a clean cut nothing

vying to be the something

you would notice and

admire back, and maybe

even e n v y . . .

but no, don’t read

the lines in the wrong

perspective, oh no

i adore you so much

darling, that it turns

my heart into chiseled

stone and devours my

lusted guts like acid

in my abandoned brain

for your creative spell

is my personal dante’s hell.

but this jealousy

hurts so fucking good

that i find ways to

compare, contrast

and inflict pain on myself

emotionally, mentally

p h y s i c a l l y

desiring the day you

finally notice my scars

and compliment them

and i’ll feel fucking

revered and glorified

by a cheap side remark

by a person who couldn’t care

to a thing with ugly taint.

am i really so insecure

as to resort to low blows

and pathetic attention whoring

to feel a little better

about my blithe existence?

F U C K. Y E S.

because no matter how

many beautiful words

i bleed in silver and gold

from my pen and

into the blank canvas,

prose, poetry, stories, lies—

i’m just never enough

to make myself worthy

for myself…

no, i’m never fucking enough

for you.

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Six: metal & skin (v.)

sharp,

slash,

slit,

sanguis,

splash,

s[k]in.

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metal & skin (iv.)

i remember

memories

more vividly

when i’m

in pain,

so was it

my sin not

to forget, if

i want the

memories

to remain?

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metal & skin (iii.)

someone

please

give me a

blood donation

so i could

cut myself

and bleed out

all over again.

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metal & skin (ii.)

it feels

better if

you close

your eyes,

count to

three, and

pretend you

are bleeding

quaint stardust

instead of

putrid blood.

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metal & skin (i.)

it hurts

less if

you don’t

stop to

t h i n k.

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Cheerful Lessons from a Cynical Asshole

I’m an optimistic person

Can’t you see my wide smile?

I’m enthusiastic asphyxiation

And it hurts like shit all the while

.

I’m a jolly fucking Roger

See me laugh at your plastic jokes

No, I never tell you to shut up

I just silently hope that you’ll choke

.

I’m a person of self-worth

Yeah, I believe in my useless skills

I’m hopeful and me, I shan’t conform

But a sock out of line, I gotta be killed

.

I’m as positive as an electron

Aren’t I learning how to be good?

It’s better to stick to such a delusion

Instead of acting the way I should

.

Shit, I’m a damn happiest camper

And life is treating me fucking well

And if I cannot be any more okay

I guess I’ll catch up with me in hell.

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