Tag Archives: AHS

Briarcliff Presents: A Short* Introduction Of Characters and Classic Acts In Our Humble Asylum

*The descriptions, not the entire introduction itself.

~*~

The rarest crimson bird

A tainted greedy priest

A blue-eyed naïve nun

That hid a ghastly beast

.

A sapphic snoop reporter

A psychotic psychiatrist

A plight pepperpot patient

A very shady Nazi scientist

.

A boy hounded by an alien

And his dead pregnant wife

A child thought hit-and-run

But she’s actually still alive

.

A great guy, graceless Grace

Hey, infamous Bloody Face

Angel of death’ll be upon us

And an exposé for the ages

.

A crying statue of Holy Mary

A bad nymphomaniac Shelly

Anne Frank(?), popsicle Wendy

Killer Santa Claus, that Leigh

.

Conscience-plagued guard

Dominique played to insane

A jukebox for Lana Banana

Oh, did I mention the canes?

.

A superstitious Mexican lady

One—or maybe two—babies

Cannibalistic mutated crazies

Their endings ain’t quite pretty

.

We’ve got twisted mummy issues

And severe scandalous misgivings

We’ve got dirtiest deeds sacrilegious

We got dead couples and mad patients

.

It’s quite an interesting roster of visceral macabre characters

In a banger backdrop of a demented rundown asylum within

Now you’ve met the familiar faces, what are we all waiting for?

Let the grim spotlights flicker off and Briarcliff’s horrorshow begin!

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Briarcliff Manor

We’re defective, we’re elective, we are the good boys and girls gone bad

So restrain me and cure me now with *buzz* *buzz* electroshocks

Cane me and lock me up within the corners of grimy limestone walls

Torture me to your own whims Sister; why not? It’s a madhouse after all

.

Boiling baths to condense your soul of all its black smoking madness

Solitary confinement to expel the numerous demons you possess

Colourful characters to see, like greedy priests and a Santa Claus defaced

Mexicans and devilish nuns, and here comes ‘ol infamous Bloody Face
.

Scarlet Rorschach tests that the psychiatrist provides are spattering

Patterned rusty blood and brown faeces on the floor are freely dripping

What do you see? A knife? A heart? A person? Or a shiny gun?

Worry not, my dearest patient, you and I are going to have so much fun

.

Screams and chants and yells and thudding heads in a morbid symphony

A terrible storm is brewing, so let’s just go and watch a old Christian movie

Demons, monsters, angel of death, Nazis, aliens, all this sheer nonsense

So go ahead and take a pick from this varied roster of utter madness

.

Now it’s time to take a side; are you a victim? Or the victor?

Do you want bitter pills to cure your ails, or retribute with a glinting razor?

Decide your fate, come what may, but in the end, surely you’ll still fall

Oh what the hell everyone, shut up and deal, it’s a madhouse after all.

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Murder House

Doomed souls entrapped in an endless charade

Dead after dead, marching solemnly in a parade

Gruesome executions and macabre murder

The death and destruction thus carries on further

.

The innocent, the broken, those with sinister plans

No mortal is safe from the curse of this vile land

A single step inside is enough to sign your death sentence

Its grandiose exterior is all but a twisted pretence

.

All the way back from when it was built, already defiled

First victims a mad doctor, a lamenting wife, and a dead child

It’s best to stay away from the dark gravity of this place

Because the house is starving—and it wants warm blood and flesh.

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