Tag Archives: ambition

violent self-deception

I’ve been crawling circles in my skin
Leaving trails to where I’ve been
I’m still following
I’ve been tying knots in my muscles
Grinding down all of my bones
I’m paper thin, paper thin…

~*~

arrest the cloying hope

like the blood in my mouth

clotting, bitter, deep red,

barely letting me breathe.

i can’t justify myself

and my repeating hypocrisy

but i want to leave it all

behind…even if that means

being consumed by my

own fool’s ideology

and suffer disappointment

over and over and over again

for the sake of a dream;

just another tragic cliche.

that’s why my secret

is still a secret, and why even

the most vicarious pleading

won’t force it out of me

because if cold laughter is

the answer to a pending question,

then what good will it do me

to add my ambition to

their comedic entertainment?

it’s the only thing i have

left to fucking fight for anymore…

it’s the only thing i have left.

no, i don’t want anything grand;

i just want to have a little faith

even if that means lying to myself.

~*~

Give me something to believe in
I’ll give you something to forget
Just give me something to believe in
I’ll give you something to forget…

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Be Something

Nobody thinks what I think, nobody dreams when they blink
Think things on the brink of blasphemy, I’m my own shrink
Think things are after me, my catastrophe at my kitchen sink
You don’t know what that means because a kitchen sink to you
Is not a kitchen sink to me, okay friend?

~*~

If I were to collapse

On myself and care

About the way I speak

And how I do my hair

Then I wouldn’t be here

Then I wouldn’t be dead

I’ll just be an old memory

At the back of my head

Yes, I want to grow up

But I want to do it my way

So I don’t need any handouts

Of so-and-so’s displays

And I’ll take the challenge

But with no instructions

Leave me to figure out

And trip again until i’m done

Because life is meaningless

All this shit doesn’t matter

So I’ll take my chances

And test the deeper waters

Then if I fail, well just be there

To say that “I told you so”

Even then, I wouldn’t care

Because this I know

At least I tried my very best

And I claimed my stakes

Instead of just simply regretting

That I never made mistakes.

~*~

Are you searching for purpose?
Then write something, yeah it might be worthless
Then paint something then, it might be wordless
Pointless curses, nonsense verses
You’ll see purpose start to surface…

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run boy run

and i just don’t want

to spend the rest of my life

chasing down another

hollow-pointed ambition

i’m already too late, so

i need to start now, or else

i will never go on.

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averted ambition

i’m so tired

from chasing

after empty air

and looking

for something

that isn’t there

i want badly

to believe that

it’s more than

it ever seems

but am i just

fooling myself

is it just a futile

otiose dream?

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dial tone dream

i found my true calling

for the longest time

i’ve already known

i found my true calling

but it just won’t pick up

the goddamn phone.

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Crash and Burn

We always seem to find
A way to fuck things up
At the worst time, you know
We’ve never been the smartest
You know you could have anyone
But standing on the edge I said
I don’t want no one else…

~*~

Hey there, let’s crash and burn

This damn night is too old for the both of us

To take into consideration alive

But these stupid games are about to begin

So why don’t you pick a losing side?

Too young to die, too insane to change

Ain’t that what this city needs?

They say we’re wrong, but we’ll show them

We are the vagabonds that will lead

We’re too reckless, putting it all on the line

If there’s anything we can’t get, hell it’s all mine

We’re the wreckage of the generation to come

Kids dancing on boulevards and playing with guns

These empty mouths are way too crass

But we ain’t nothing to be defeated by victorious

So let’s pick it up straight off the sidewalk

Get out of the way, these minds are about to talk

We’re idiots maybe, as smart as bricks

But we don’t stop to think about your bullshit

Let’s go three times and then we can do it again

I can’t spell fun but I can say when

Crazy honest laughter was always the remedy

For a life of missed targets and bad candy

In lady luck and boy bucks, inciting headache riots

Working heroes and nine to five we are not

Should we feel sorry? Should we care?

Let’s burn hotel buildings down if we dare

Should we simply change? Where does it all end?

Kill off the clock with wasted hours we spend

But our skins and bones were already corrupted

At an early age, our mindsets are polluted

With nothing but garbage dreams and ambitions of junk

So I say screw all this shit, let’s aim to flunk

Sorry mom and dad, I can’t stand on your shoulders

If all it does is make me fall and break as I’m feeling taller

Sorry to the ones who say we’re better off this way

What a shame for the good opportunities you can never take

So yeah, we’ve got a million things to gain if we get it right

But we’ll miss the addicting adrenaline and the thrill of the fight

We have nothing to lose, nothing to prove, but everything to have

And fucking things up has always been what we are good at.

~*~

They say it’s time to grow up
And stop with these foolish games
But I say they’re wrong
She says go, go, go!
I don’t want to take it slow
There’s plenty of time for us to finally get it right
Why don’t we crash and burn tonight?

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Come on Holly, Put the Gun Down for Me

Love me as you lay
Dizzy and falling, y
our legs dangling
Accidents happen, they happen to me
Try to forget the beginning and end…
Forget the world!
Without removing t
he glass from your lips!

~*~

Make me another promise

About the seven sins I spilled

All over your faded grave

And the starry innocence I killed

I know I haven’t been the best

But I did it when you were at your worst

Holly, you’re making me choke

I’m steering off my turnpike course

Don’t let me go away now

When I’m about to ask you how

Everything under the roses

Makes me think in bloodred guesses

This rage is highly contagious

It’s severing my every vein quite vicious

The candle lights mask your tears

Only your sunny friends never hear

Holly, you’re killing me here

Your ambitions are craving my envy

Dysthymia’s slipping on your lips

Like cold Novocain and an apology

But don’t call me then hang yourself

Trying to reach for the dollar on the moon

Playing hooky’s bad for your health

We’ll grow up, but not too soon

These fingertips left marks on my throat

With every white lie that you spoke

Holly, I still love the way you murder me

I’ll offer you my doubts and maybe’s

But life can be a cruel farce to envision

I’ll keep the gun from my mission

Your necklace of bullets complimentary

To the blood falling on my gurney

You won the fight Holly, and no pet names

Will taint your rallying soul anymore

And I spent all of my what-ifs and initial fame

Simply trying to attempt to keep score

I have got nothing else left to give but my never

‘Cause I thought these two hearts called a truce

Now tell me Holly, when you say that it’s all over

I understand, but what have you got to lose?

~*~

Doll up and sleepwalk
Until we have some teeth marks
Narcotic sweet talk
Until we have some teeth marks…
(This whole place is gonna burn!)

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Mr. Moneybags Will Have His Fickle Comeuppance in Los Angeles

It’s so relieving
To know that you’re leaving
As soon as you get paid
It’s so relaxing
To hear that you’re asking
Wherever you get your way
It’s so soothing
To know that you’ll sue me
This is starting to sound the same…

~*~

You were smoking bones

As if they were cigarettes

Miss the tale called home

Affiliated with a sickness

That ate through cuckolds

Made fools out of cocottes

Making poker dealers fold

And hat in hands to fought

Where were you when she

Died last night? Asking for

Extra straws from the sea

To suck up its open floors

.

Ambitious was your hobby

Buying fortune from clowns

Earning leprechaun money

Wearing a replicated frown

With apparels of gold velvet

Canes of candy in platinum

Fevers of e.coli and scarlet

Eye contacts tinted iridium

Where were you when she

Died last night? A roosting,

O’er open fireplaces calmly

Whilst she was screaming

.

For help, with blood flumes

Cascading down her nicest

Sunday church dress, lunes

Devouring into their behests

Waiting for your latest calls

When broken windowpanes

And her tears started to fall

Pilferers feast, no shame in

It; where were you when she

Died last night? In bed, with

A hired trophy wife, unguilty

Living a millionaire’s dream

.

Now you’re a failing destitute

Case, has-been in showbiz on

Industry, hailed dropout brute

With a buck to his appellation

Living in a cardboard box flat

Selling signatures no one will

Take off your hands, you’re but

An extra in life’s silent film reel

So, just where were you when she

Died last night? Wishing that you’re

Dead, junkie OD’d, madness addicting

Suffer as she sits in Heaven laughing.

~*~

She’ll come back as fire
To burn all the liars
And leave a blanket of ash on the ground
I miss the comfort in being sad…

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The Cabinet of Broken Curiosities

Dangling pink pointé ballet shoes faked

Worn out by the cold shadows unseen

Pirouetting high in the dusty swan lake

Of just another lost dancer’s dream

.

Quills, nibs and broken dried pens found

Dripping a puddle of grotesque black ink

Onto the pages of a great book never bound

From a mind that winded but never thinked

.

Unplucked, rusted, old, stiff guitar strings

Strummed by the zephyr’s soft bearings

Absorbed in the silent symphony, mourn

Of just another musician’s unsung woes forlorn

.

Lush paintbrushes and chromatic sessions

Never to touch a canvas forever or today

Strange abstractions and love illusions

Unpainted and tainted in darkest of grey

.

An old curious cabinet sits unnoticed in the corner

Containing memories and emotions made for never

Of just another aspiring artist’s once hopeful ambitions

Til they were told to grow up and lost their colourful visions.

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