Tag Archives: amuse

first act, insanity; next stop, recovery

“I never meant to hurt nobody
I never meant to hurt you, no, no…”

~*~

acrid laughter is ringing in my ears

good-natured, perhaps, to them

but the sound pierces like twisted barbed wires

straight through the caliginous corners

of my teeth, bared like a regurgitated heart

and almost—if not just as—crimson

as the fucked-over severity in my demented head

but sometimes it feels good to simply pretend

that the banter is a little less than risque

and i let my agitation be fooled…what an idiot.

as i’m sorry plays like a stenographic record

etching deeper grooves in the back of their stares

but never playing the right kind of music

am i screaming a typhoon in your clear day parade?

i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i want to cut it out

i want to cut my fingers open to point it out

and take all the sharp-edged blame all for myself.

but my testy temper rides on the flexible bullet

severely mutilating this nascent entertainment

that masqueraders and pantomimists have played

for the melancholic, esoteric, plastic actor

and you insisted on applause and receptivity

despite my initial protests against it all

for i am not your contagious chemistry audience

but i surrender my scab blood to you anyway

and keep clapping on and on until my hands fall apart

like a marionette’s lamenting swan song;

like this borrowed skin that sheds itself as we speak.

their laughter is mutating into vicious sneers

stabbing like blunt edges of a mangled fountain pen

and making me grit my shattered teeth—

your fogged-over eyes interpreting it as a smile

amused, but i’m simply bemused by my endurance.

i’m tired. i’m tired. i’m so fucking tired.

of the teasing testing taking terrors tampering

with my dysfunctional mood, its revolution ever retrograde…

it’s not your fault. did i ruin your sunshine again?

i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Apathy & Density

I am an architect of difference, you are just a hole
Oh how I love to hear you beckon and stripped to the bone
But when I come around I come inside and just leave
Because if I had a heart I wouldn’t wear it on my fucking sleeve…

~*~

am i not allowed to feel

such vicious serendipity

should i stick to chasms

of my own propinquity?

.

why does it amuse you so

when i show distal symptoms

of my emotional capability

you consider it but an insanity

.

is it because this sickness

of the apathetic muse is carved

in your dense brainwaves

and my oracular soul i starved?

.

if your perception is blurred

i’ll spell out clearly the words

love, for me, is not uncharted

and within it i’m not departed

.

if you still refuse to acknowledge

such distinguished fact of the lies

alas, my stone heart cracks to you

am i just not human in your eyes?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

unempathology

waiting sullenly

for nothing

amusing with

pathological lies

thoughts of

arson and murder

a thousand ways

to fucking die

waiting worn-out

contemplating

the demise of both

opposed parties

to who gets killed first

it won’t be a mere

act of cruel vengeance

but an act of mercy.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry