Tag Archives: apathetic

Shades of Blue

If I do what I came to do
I’ll break through in shades of blue
In red and gold, the lights
Will flash and strobe
And I will finally know
This is my home…

~*~

the taciturn rain,

sometimes quiescent drizzle,

sometimes clarion storm

reminds me of turquoise memories

.

of electric glitter nail polish

shaded onto fingernails

pointing in the wrong direction

and chipping at the edges

.

of hair that looks like clouds

but coloured blueberry-slushie sky

and is iridescently sweet

like a gloom boy’s laughter

.

of sulky mp3 players

singing sempiternal distractions with

symphonies of dizzy dreamers

and skyward soul collisions

.

of apathetic faded scarves

wrapped around breeze-bitten necks

subtly referencing a beloved one

of the same jaded violin notes

.

of self-made backpack straps

a final flicker of glimpsing hope

before cosmic turns infinitely invisible

and footsteps cease giving chase

.

of cerulean paint peeling off bus seats

revealing a dull sheathe of grey slate

of wailing sirens intertwined with alarming red

of the ocean navy pen composing this poem

.

of the sky and the sea, melting horizon’s clarity

stark in mindless scratches adhering to scarred skin

the taciturn rain, so quiet, that cobalt eyes never noticed

coldness ceased falling, as blue memories caught up with me.

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Obnoxious

I think with my heart and love with my head
Do you see the problem here?
You rip me to shreds
I think with my heart, you fuck with my head
Do you see the problem here?
You rip me to shreds, so tear into me…

~*~

I don’t know how to approach without causing a tiffed scene

For the situation is delicate and I’m a pubescent drama queen

With a firsthand awkwardness and an attitude that’s second rate

And a single third-degree word from my mouth could exacerbate

The bad into worse, wrong to right, and the good into questionable

I’ve never known how to react in a way that’s decent and preferable

Because I’ve hurt people too much, and my head is a constant mess

I am just another kid with a mean streak and a biro with a complex

It’s not the way it was anymore, now there’s always a tangible tension

A silent crash of peripheral glares, and a screeching of metal emotions

I’m sorry if I’m maundering, apathetic, and constantly act like I don’t care

But the truth is that I actually care far too much—and that’s why I’m scared.

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Rock Climbing

You got me gasping for air
Tryna hold onto your memory
It should be easier to breathe
You knock me off my feet
I won’t forget it, c’mon you don’t regret it…

~*~

I grapple for a memory of you, hoping to understand

Trying to find a foothold in your heart ever so stiff

But it’s quite hard to let go of your blue-blooded hands

When I’m hanging off a steep bottomless cliff

.

The sharp rocks mercilessly slice my chafing skin open

The screeching wind careens me, laughing and mocking in glee

Yet I still struggle to complete my descent to your soul then

Despite all the searing pain and arduous misery

.

But if I fail the climb, still, maybe it won’t be so bad after

When I fall and get swallowed by the rampaging dark waters

And as soon as my consciousness slowly takes its leave

It should be a little easier for both you and me to breathe.

~*~

…You’re impossible to please
I don’t wanna go but I know
You should be easier to leave…

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Human Machinery

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- 

</SYSTEM_START> 

.

Sunlight.

.

Another new day. Get out of bed. Reboot your CPU again.

Clean your parts shiny, no spot of dirt must remain.

Fix the errors, clean the viruses until you are better.

Now take a look at your face in the mirror.

.

Just the same emotionless face. As always.

.

Cold. Calm. Careful. Calculated.

Not a single bolt out of place.

Fixed. Unbroken. Perfect. Pseudo-dead.

Not a single wrong. Not a single mistake.

.

Best to keep up that facade.

Emotions are unwanted and bad.

Plaster a thick mask upon your face.

Don’t turn your mouth up. Don’t shed tears. Leave no trace.

.

Ready?

.

Now take a step outside. Slowly. Carefully.

Into your stage. Into your industrial play.

There are fellow machines also moving.

Nod a bit. But no expressions. No faint smiling.

.

Start to walk. The creaking of your gears, do not mind.

Walk. Carefully. Into your scheduled place.

Feel the clank of the metal. The process of your mind.

Faster. Faster. Time is running in a haze.

.

Into the building. Into the office. More machines.

But different. Flawed. Sentient. Actually having fun. Laughing.

Should you be jealous? Should you turn green with envy?

No. That is the work of a failed machinery.

.

Walk on. Walk on. Ignore. Ignore.

Lay your ocular device upon the cold white floor.

Into your room. Into your work. Don’t move another inch.

Don’t stop. Don’t rest. Don’t eat. Don’t flinch.

.

Keep on working for the rest of the day.

.

The ticking time signals the end.

Go on. Give your wires and screws a stretch. Stand.

Off you go, out the building. Into the setting sun.

Another day gone. Another job done.

.

Home.

.

Step inside. Flick the lights open. Adjust your vision.

Go into the living room. Sit. Turn on the television.

Apathetic to murders. Thefts. Corruption. Bad news. Death.

When time comes to time, shut down your systems and rest.

.

Repeat cycle the next day.

.

This is it. This is all there is to my life. To me.

 All but perfect cycles, all human machinery.

No emotions. No feelings. No fun. No nothing.

No joy. No sadness. No anger. No singing.

.

A world of metal toys, grinding gears, and utter perfection.

An industrial society reeking of smoke and oil with no other distractions.

A hellish life of monochrome, darkness, and bore.

Please. No more. No more. No more

.

. .-.-.-.-….——..-.-__._.–. 

N@O$#+.$(M@&@O¢^÷|¶’R√℅¢E°}’$- 

</SYSTEM_CRASH>

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