Tag Archives: apathy

apathy

i wish

people

cared

a little

more—

i wish

that i

cared

a little

less.

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all hands (around my throat)

This is strange as hell to me
To say out loud it’s happening
What a powerless weight I am feeling
Oh, I’m fighting for a fate so fleeting…

~*~

i’m crossing

lines that

i didn’t know

were there,

taking the

last word in

an endless

argument that

never even began,

and tasting the

chagrin in a

flavourless

tongue.

i danced with

the devil once

and now i’m

struck by love,

no love for

this insanity,

no love for

myself at all—

nothing even

matters anymore.

i blame myself

for what i

didn’t do, for

what i couldn’t

have helped,

blame myself

for what they said

because it’s

easier that way.

i don’t want

anyone’s grasp

to pull me out and

bring me back,

i don’t want

to be named

another specimen;

i just don’t want

to be saved.

and i’m trying my

best to ignore

the voices

coursing in my

veins, draining me

of blood, as they

all hissed away

vindictively

“that could have

been you.”

~*~

You can’t let go, who is this ghost?
I won’t agree, calling my friends
This is for real, emergency…

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mental block. (6)

***

i’ve mastered the

art of self-apathy

but somehow your

problems and burdens

become mine to carry.

***

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Apathy & Density

I am an architect of difference, you are just a hole
Oh how I love to hear you beckon and stripped to the bone
But when I come around I come inside and just leave
Because if I had a heart I wouldn’t wear it on my fucking sleeve…

~*~

am i not allowed to feel

such vicious serendipity

should i stick to chasms

of my own propinquity?

.

why does it amuse you so

when i show distal symptoms

of my emotional capability

you consider it but an insanity

.

is it because this sickness

of the apathetic muse is carved

in your dense brainwaves

and my oracular soul i starved?

.

if your perception is blurred

i’ll spell out clearly the words

love, for me, is not uncharted

and within it i’m not departed

.

if you still refuse to acknowledge

such distinguished fact of the lies

alas, my stone heart cracks to you

am i just not human in your eyes?

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There’s Something About Her

Am I eccentrical? 
Exactly what you want
You’d rather give me up
I’m all alone, yeah, I’m alive
Just see how I arrive
Am I someone that you adore?

~*~

What is it about you

That makes me believe

That I’m always less

Of me than I need?

.

What is it about you

That makes me vain

To throw bricks at your

Window when it rains?

.

What is it about you

That makes me stare

To spit in my own eyes

Frustrated that I care?

.

What is it about you

That makes me envy hurt

As the sting of your apathy

Tastes like bittered ice curt?

.

What is it about you

That makes me feel bad

That makes me feel anger

And shitty love in a ballad?

.

What is it about you

That makes me remember

Conversations hostaged by

A gun, memories never over?

.

What is it about you

That makes me see myself

In the chasm of your eyes

Drinking me in to the death?

.

What is it about you

That makes me ask again

Even though you ceased

I’m tempted to keep you in?

.

What is it about you

Making me loathe you thorough

Tell me, just what is it about you

That makes me deign for you so?

~*~

I don’t care, don’t let me die here
Wait, you know I wanna, wait, you know I’m gonna
It’s like you want me to, it’s like you want me to
Stay, you know I’m gonna, stay, you know I wanna
It’s like you want me to, it’s like you want me to fail…

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metal & skin (xxxv.)

after a while

the pain loses

its thrill

soon enough

i’m covered in

cuts i can’t

even feel

after a while

the scars lose

their thrill

soon enough

i wouldn’t

care if i get

killed.

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farce, fake, false

how long do

i have to put up

to my friends

with such a farce?

how long do

i have to keep

on ignoring all my

internal wars?

how long do

i have before this

apathy starts to

shatter and break?

how long do

i have left to live

to atone for all my

abhorrent mistakes?

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blank slate

We went down to the shore on a day that was warm
With the end of my fist, I thanked you for this
Over watch of fields and feelings I’ve met
I could pray to the day, I haven’t felt them yet…

~*~

detached emptiness

lone as the cells in my blood

breathing in frigid air

exhaling ink and neurons

but is it merely a deceitful calm?

a last resort i’ve set myself

to fall into and regress upon

if so, it must be quite nice

to feel this divine zero

a voided vacancy all the time

sometimes, loneliness is

mandatory, a chance set up

against my parallel lines

but never mistake that for

fragility, i merely need repose

appeasing such desolation

is to my own volition.

~*~

The waves will watch you go
‘Til you’re gone
And you come home no more…

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The Toy Soldier

membranes screaming

with quaint distaste

zeppelins weighing on

the bottom of my palate

ennui is injected like

hard heroin, but down

instead of rush high

amusement of a chronic

detachment, falsettos

left to simply, slowly die

rivers of silver, i’ll sink

in pouring liquor and rain

as my thoughts keep

reverting to primal disdain

another day of feeling

nothing, and walking on

harsh gravel and cold rocks

and this life’s about as

exciting as an empty

wooden toy box.

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the sober and the selfish

Loose lips sink ships, so I’ll keep silent
Suggest your words stay in your mouth
It’s never ending, the cycles ascending
People keep asking, I’m not here
I don’t really think that you’ve ever walked
A mile in my shoes, I don’t really think
That you know what I’ve been through…

~*~

yes, i’m such a selfish bastard

who understands the complications

of fucking up my own existence

but i do it despite the consequences

because fuck, why the hell not?

i’m self-destructive and apathetic

and there’s a cyclone constantly

ravaging my barely-functional system

and frankly, we all die anyways

so what’s the difference if i go just

a little earlier than i ought to?

and even if that should, would happen

why should, would you give a damn?

i’m just another needle sticking your neck

just one less burden to carry and get

the crippling sciatica and scoliosis from

and don’t you give me the excuse that “you care”

platitude, because i’m honestly so sick of it

and you know i would never believe in

such poisonous lies, such mechanical bullshit

i know i’ll see graveyard dancing at my own funeral

and you’ll be the one leading the goddamn line

so just give it all up, won’t you? it’s useless.

i’m just another one of those cheap, godforsaken

open-ended dime novels that nobody cares to

solve, because it’s frustrating, not worth their time

and the less you act like you’re a genuine heart

the less you pretend this ain’t pathetic entertainment

the more you’ll understand, the more i’ll get it

and the easier it will be for the both of us to let go

yes, i’m such a selfish goddamned bastard

who doesn’t deserve jack shit, who thinks that he will

never be good enough for anything, and a selfish,

egocentric narcissist who hates himself and pushes away

the things he loves, and this selfishness is all i will ever have

oh, how inconsiderate of me not to care about you

when i could barely start to care about me, but hell no

i’m the selfish one…now isn’t that just cleverly fucking ironic?

~*~

All your life, I wish you would
Have learned to swallow your pride.
And stop preaching
I know what you’re thinking
You’re so far above me in your mind…

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