Tag Archives: art

Trying to keep busy, bee ba boo bee~


Just a quick little timelapse video with some things I recently made. I know it isn’t the highest quality or a frigging award-winning cinematographic masterpiece or anything of that sort, soz. This was literally filmed with some natural 7 AM lighting, on my phone that was propped up on a haphazard stack of books and held together by a bit of kneaded eraser, and the entire setup was constantly in danger of completely collapsing altogether if I dared so much as to carelessly move my elbow. Which was all too terrifyingly plausible, judging by how fucking cramped this small table is already. And I forgot to lock in the focus before I started, so there’s a lot of dizzying blurry bits in there as well. Lastly, please pardon my fatarse hand constantly getting in the way as I hastily mixed in the colours.

For the artwork, it’s just your run-of-the-mill watercolour painting in my main cartoony style, just a quick scribble of two of my favourite people in the world looking all goofy and stuff. It’s actually a redraw of an old drawing I’ve had pasted in my journal for over a year now, hence why the paper size (btw I’m using Fabriano paper, cold pressed, 25% cotton, 200gsm) is half as small than what I tend to usually work on. Speaking of, I’ve also had my dearest Sakura Koi set for a year now and though a bit stubborn and chalky at times, this thing is still holding up like a true champ despite all the relentless abuse I put it through and I’m rather fond of it ahah. Anywhozzles, this piece is so far away from completely done—there’s still about a thousand layers to go (though not as much as the fancy schmancier portraits thank beelzebub, those ones are honestly a headache and a half smh), but it took me maybe thirty minutes to pencil in the initial sketch and finalise the lineart, and about ten minutes to lay down these initial flat colours. I also didn’t pre-mix my palette beforehand—in usual Allen fashion—and it’s kinda hella messy for now, but it wouldn’t be my art if it wasn’t fuck-all!!! I kinda have half a mind to film the last end stages and timelapse that as well but I guess we’ll see about that…?

As for the track, bloody hell, it took way longer than the actual artwork itself. Like way, way, mikey fuckin waaay longer. Maybe a couple hours, give or take??? So firstly, I threw together a quick lofi beat with a nice looper (i had way too much fun with the filter and gater here can y’all tell), then it came to figuring out what sound bite I wanted to sample (ofc i settled with one from a metal meme video), then extracting the sample from the aforementioned video and setting the right bpm and key. And then I had to arrange the various elements I had and add some effects; first to the vocal samples, then to the additional piano and midi audio, and then finally to the overall track itself. Which also meant that I had to personally customise the fx pedals, which took some fiddling with and figuring out as well since I don’t really know jack shit about music production. But in the end, I settled for a bit of tremolo here and there on the sound bites (but not too much as to be blatantly overpowering), added some slight distortion and spacey reverb for that nice ambience, upped the gain and boosted the bass for an extra vintage ethereal vibe, and included just a smidge of compression to reduce the audio peaks and make it sound a lot more cohesive altogether. Added one last CD quality preset mix for the final mastering and boom, this piece of shit for an end product!! It’s really not the best one I’ve created so far. Or at all, by any other criteria. It’s honestly kindergarten-level simple and very stripped-down compared to my other few WIP projects and I wish I could’ve added just a few more elements to make it truly stand out—but then again, the former took days and days of relentless editing and this was thrown together in about five hours so that has to cut me some slack?? Idk but yo my fire asf mixtape be coming out soon for only $69.69 on bandcamp pls support this starving artist jk

I had no idea how much of that dumb rant even made sense to anyone at all—but long story short, I made some okay art and music thingies, they were really fun to make, I’m quite happy to waste my time with learning cool stuff that maybe doesn’t feel like too much of a waste, and I don’t really have any friends anymore nor nearby people who’ll even give half a damn about my random hyperfixations so I’ll just incessantly overelaborate about it on here instead??? That’s all thanks for coming to my TEDx byeee

Update: seven or eight not-so-quick glazes later, here’s how it looks with the flat colours fully blocked in, and then it’s finally detail and shadow time :’)

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Filed under Other stuff

come on, skinny love.

Skinny love, what happened here?
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my
My sullen load is full
So slow on the split…

~*~

confidence in taut collarbones

and sinews of soft flesh sticking out

from these slowly-crumbling ribs

hoping they won’t notice the excess

counting macros and scale numbers

on the package of chewing gum

.

i promise you, the hunger’s not real

but the ugly bulk on your arms are

and on your legs and chest and neck

so suppress it all, ignore the growing pain

and perhaps all the consumed water

will revive this withering flower

.

brittle hair falling like twisted snow

too tired all the time from staying pretty

a dull glow from behind skinny eyes

hoping a skinny heart will keep me alive

tears dripping off like the clothes on my back

as the mirror sneers, it’s not enough

.

so i’ll just suck my skin in even tighter

and chew on empty air and constant disgust

never satisfied with my toothpick limbs

until i’m certain that my body could easily splinter

if i was given a hug, by the people who like me

because i finally look the way i forced myself to be.

~*~

Now all your love is wasted
Then who the hell was I?
Now I’m breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines
Who will love you? Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

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Filed under Poetry

vanilla iced coffee (for archer.)

haze of rosy dusk

a quick afternoon nap

dreams about cake

a yawning drowsy cat

.

deeper lilac sprawling

to flood the sky with stars

sketch in colour pencil

now to finish and restart.

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Filed under Poetry

a cold slice of toast (01.03.19)

It’s 2019.

Maybe I could improve on my writing skills

I know I write shitty poetry a dime a dozen

But my dumb fanfictions and short stories

Are still no good to me—no, no good at all

Or perhaps I could do a little better with chord

Changes and strumming and barre chords

On my strawberry-red guitar and ukulele

And buy a violin I’ll probably never use just

To get a laugh out of my poor bleeding ears

Or I could make a hundred more watercolour

Paintings and spend a million quid on buying

Art materials I don’t even know how to use

Just to make a mess out of my dorm room desk

And I didn’t do so well on my first semester

But perhaps it will be better the next time around

In the meantime, I could tire myself out and travel

I could improve my bad ollies, try out new hobbies

Finally get a kickflip in, paint my hair to a rainbow

Stop ignoring my friends like I don’t give a damn

And stop being frustrated with the way I am—

Or I could spend an entire year coming up

With better ways to say “fuck it all, who cares anyway?”

…I think I like that last one a lot.

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Filed under Poetry

Diesis

i revere you

with clenched jaws

grinding bones

scream, scream

.

ulysses defeated

a sisyphean darling

crushed by mere pebble

and then over again

.

arcana uncovered

red eyes and whitecaps

cigarettes after dark

hypanthium reborn

.

or apoplectic laughter

in a shockwave cadenza

and a swindled affair

wet milk and ballet

.

luxuries losing out to

sensationalism and

tabloid embolism, finding

adverts for martyrdom

.

black flies swarming

on the gloom of my

eyelids, lithium to fend

off the vulgar answer

.

saving the worst for last

submerge all the colours

to confess before the lie

here comes the hurricane

.

yes, i revere you with a

ruthless antagonism

but to love you, mon cherie?

i wouldn’t ever dare.

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sadder days

Dirty fingernails, same as your mind
But he can strum the guitar just fine
Every now and then he’d think about his life
Daydreaming just to pass the time…

~*~

today

is one of

those sad days

sadder days

morning grey

feels eclipsed

a ghost in

the window

blocking sunlight

reaching out

impalpable

sadness?

you dream

my darling, of

perhaps life

as you know it

or perhaps

nothing at all

as i pen eulogies

to my name

woe is me, my

dreams have

not been kind

they never were

but i hope

love, that yours

flourishes into

more than

sweet cosmos

and forget-me-nots

and the colour of

lilac i painted

your lips with

a pale afterglow

a subtle adoration

love, pure love

i hope all your

dreams visit you

not only when

you repose

and may they

never fall away

like, i ponder,

all those whose

footsteps have

faded from familiar

halls, missing

from freckles and

constellations

searching

for better days

or bitter days

or both—

they’ll be gone soon

but so will i

and so will you

and so will all

these sad days be

i only wonder

what time brings

for you and me

tomorrow

~*~

Now the sun is closer than it was before
Anyone who’s anyone can feel it
Saturdays are not the same as they used to be
Sadder days, why do they keep on using me?

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Filed under Poetry

Not Your Monster

I am not your monster

I’m not the flesh you wish to rend

With your bared fangs

Clawing the sides of my shoulders

As if making me bleed

Profusely would be your salvation

.

I am not your monster

Hidden underneath the floorboards

But you have a shovel

And a knife, and the dirt you dug up

Was crammed into my

Mouth, burying all the words I spoke

.

I am not your monster

Stitched up and painted to look alive

A bride without a heart

Shambling down the aisle in despair

Veil masking the frowns

Picking thorns out of my open palms

.

I am not your monster

A lullaby you use to terrify children

Threatening retribution

From such a wicked, deformed being

Still human; though just

Not enough to invoke empathic pity

.

I am not your monster

The madness you created for yourself

Scars warn to “stay away”

An urban legend for the rest of society

No, I am not your monster

But I fear you might be becoming mine.

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Sensum Cacoëthes

I don’t want your body, but I hate to think about you with somebody else
Our love has gone cold, you’re intertwining your soul with somebody else
I’m looking through you while you’re looking through your phone
And then leaving with somebody else; no, I don’t want your body
But I’m picturing your body with somebody else…

~*~

Your flesh does not impress me

The way it arcs against your bones

Or how soft your face must feel

To be pressed feverishly to my own

I dare not dream of fathoms, nor

Embraces on long nights, lukewarm

My fingertips don’t itch to wander

Searching for quicksand to sink into

.

Show me the inside of your mind

Guide me past its strange labyrinths

What makes it yours, lull me with

Candid words you sing in your sleep

And let me know you beyond you

Beneath skin and blood and starlight

Constellating an ephemeral body

Let me hold you beyond lusted disillusion.

~*~

Get someone you love?
Get someone you need?
Fuck that, get money
I can’t give you my soul
‘Cause we’re never alone…

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likha

anong ipapalit

para sa iyo,

aking likha?

kalikasan sa

aking dibdib, mga

ugat na walang

daloy, pusong

hindi napakikinggan

berdeng kumupas

sa kayumanggi

at napintasan

animo kahel

ang bawat hibla

ng iyong buhok at tila

nababahala, mga

matang napuno

na ng dagat

haranang nawala

alingawngaw na lamang

ang natira

o, kanilang saya!

sa aking kalumbayan

landas na napariwara

sumiklab na ang

kalangitan sa

tila ng hiyas na ulan

wala akong nasalo

bukod sa

karamdaman na

aking naipilit

para lamang sa iyo,

aking likha

what will be sacrificed

for you,

my creation?

nature in my

chest,

veins without

cascade, a heart

falling on deaf ears

veridian fading out

to brown

and affronted

akin oranges,

each single strand

of your hair and perhaps

worrying, those

eyes filled up with

the ocean

a lost serenade

only echoes

remain

oh, their jubilance!

at my melancholy

a fate straying away

the skies have

conflagrated with

the slowing of

the crystalline rain

and i have caught nothing

except for

a fever that i

have forced upon

only for you,

my creation

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Synapses

My head’s like loopy strings and rubber bands, I try my best to keep it running smoothly but it tangles and snaps and that kinda gives me a migraine something awful, so I just stick pins and needles in my scalp and hope it will at least sew up a nice little embroidery for my dreams to enjoy tonight, or maybe pluck me a song I haven’t heard though these stretchy things aren’t really made for music but still, that would be quite nice now, wouldn’t it?

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Filed under Prose