Tag Archives: art

Parola (Lighthouse)

Ituring ang iyong sariling
Tagahawi ng ulap
Sa kalangitang kulimlim
Kampanang yayanig
Sa bawat nilalang
Magigising ang lupang
Kulang sa dilig…

~*~

Tila yata nabanlian ang mga araw ng walang-hanggan

Yumayanig pa rin sa mga pilat na sugat ng nakaraan

Galit na para bang umaarangkada ng walang humpay

Nilait na alindog, laging sinusubok ang sarling tibay

Ng dumadausdos na bagyo, uubusin pa ng kalangitan

Ang malakas na ulan, ibubuhos ang lahat kahit kulang

Para durugin ang konkreto ng kanilang nakausling mga buto

Ngunit hindi papalagpasin, nakabilanggo sa bawat minutong

Aawatin at aawitin, halina’t pakinggan ang boses na walang aruga

At ano pa kaya ang mga pagkukulang na hindi sinasadya

Ngunit ang maantak na balat kung saan ang kalumbayan nakatampok

Ay umiwas sa huni ng dapithapon, at nagdurusa pa sa munting usok.

It was as if the days were scalded by forevermore

Still trembling from all the scarred wounds of the past

A fury that seems to plummet on without ever ceasing

Vilified captivation, constantly testing one’s strength

By the cascading storm, now emptying the skylines

Of torrential rain, deluging all to give despite the lack

Just to shatter the concrete from their protruding bones

Yet never squandered, and incarcerated by every minute

Restraining and singing, come listen to the voices without sympathy

For what other shortcomings might have been unintentional

Though the tenderest flesh where every sorrow is exposed

Has avoided the humming of twilight, and is tormented by mere smoke.

~*~

Ikaw ang liwanag sa dilim
At sa paghamon mo
Sa agos ng ating kasaysayan
Uukit ka ng bagong daan…

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Filed under Poetry

brushwork

peace in painting

colourful nothings

tranquil world building

depths over blending

.

peace from painting

painstaking everything

images constructing

for an evoking unveiling.

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little spirals (06.05.20)

life’s been kinda fucked. anxiety and depressive episodes have been really bad. so many big and sudden changes happening both in and out of my personal perspective that i’m finding maybe just a bit hard to cope with. incessantly worrying over certain things and people even though it’s rather pointless to do so but i can’t help it all the same. mild vapid distractions don’t seem to be working anymore and i literally can’t do anything normal nor mindless without overpowering guilt having a big go at me, yelling that i shouldn’t be doing it at all because god damn it, life can’t go on right now—not with everything else that’s going on at the moment, you inconsiderate selfish cunt. 2020 just somehow keeps stretching into another insane bout of unwanted changes and numbing limbo and miserable infinity and at this point, it’s honestly quite reasonable to wonder if it’s still even worth it to keep hanging around. if not, then perhaps the total surrender could be justified if there’s nothing really left to look forward to out there anymore. huh. some rotten food for thought. i wanna fucking throw up. or just stay off the internet for a while. anyway, take care and three cheers for worsening mental instability 🥂

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Filed under Prose

#BlackLivesMatter

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Filed under Poetry

RE: anxiety’s a bitch but I don’t want to be whinging too much about it because it could be so much worse off, so here’s a dumb thing I did instead

The current state of the world getting worse and worse with every passing minute + some personal comedowns and lingering paranoid afterthoughts + just the usual unreasonable brain dysfunction fuckery have really got my anxiety spiking up to unbearable extents lately, so here are some random practice gouache animals I painted last night in an attempt to zone out of reality and keep myself distracted for a couple hours.

Well I mean, they’re supposed to be animals but I don’t really know how to properly draw any sort of creature outside of PokĂ©mon species and Animal Crossing villagers, so they’re more really closer to vague, blobby, bastardised approximations of what may or may not be IRL animals or just completely made-up ones at this point, soz who knows. I obviously couldn’t be arsed halfway through making some of these and that’s why they look like they crave the sweetest release of death but oh well :^) 20 internet points if y’all could tell which ones those were (surprise!! t’was actually all of them!! jk but not really). I think the bee looks the best though, I did love making those fuzzy textures and translucent wings and ah heck maybe I just like bees a lot anyhow, bzz bzz. Also, slightly off-topic but my poor sketchbook is falling apart so much that it’s basically only held together by crude bits of washi tape at this point and I only have less than ten pages before I finally fill it all up and wow I reeeeaaally need to purchase a new one at the earliest possible convenience. Hopefully a better quality one that won’t buckle too much if at all under my constant art supply abuse???

Anyway, I digress. I’ve also found that listening to instrumental piano music greatly helps to calm me down—as much as I do adore electric guitars beating me up with crunchy distorted djent riffs, extreme nonstop drum snares and blast beats, and spaghetti bass strings tuned lower than hell itself whilst the vocalist with a voice of fifty tortured lovecraftian monsters shrieking in unison beckons me on to get the fuck up and disrespect my surroundings, bless that heavenly beautiful-sounding instrument as well—and I listened to the 0124 album by Hiroko Murakami while making these (along with some soul-cleansing classical pieces by Debussy and Ravel, can’t go wrong with those ofc). And if all else fails, I pretty much just make a nice fresh mug of lemon green tea and nick some biscuits off the grocery bags and then afterwards proceed to curl up and bury my face in my sleeping cat’s soft warm tummy for a couple minutes and quietly yell about uninteresting trivialities until I either start to feel better or simply pass out from severe exhaustion. As a matter of fact, I think that may hit the spot, so ta and goodbye for now :>

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Trying to keep busy, bee ba boo bee~


Just a quick little timelapse video with some things I recently made. I know it isn’t the highest quality or a frigging award-winning cinematographic masterpiece or anything of that sort, soz. This was literally filmed with some natural 7 AM lighting, on my phone that was propped up on a haphazard stack of books and held together by a bit of kneaded eraser, and the entire setup was constantly in danger of completely collapsing altogether if I dared so much as to carelessly move my elbow. Which was all too terrifyingly plausible, judging by how fucking cramped this small table is already. And I forgot to lock in the focus before I started, so there’s a lot of dizzying blurry bits in there as well. Lastly, please pardon my fatarse hand constantly getting in the way as I hastily mixed in the colours.

For the artwork, it’s just your run-of-the-mill watercolour painting in my main cartoony style, just a quick scribble of two of my favourite people in the world looking all goofy and stuff. It’s actually a redraw of an old drawing I’ve had pasted in my journal for over a year now, hence why the paper size (btw I’m using Fabriano paper, cold pressed, 25% cotton, 200gsm) is half as small than what I tend to usually work on. Speaking of, I’ve also had my dearest Sakura Koi set for a year now and though a bit stubborn and chalky at times, this thing is still holding up like a true champ despite all the relentless abuse I put it through and I’m rather fond of it ahah. Anywhozzles, this piece is so far away from completely done—there’s still about a thousand layers to go (though not as much as the fancy schmancier portraits thank beelzebub, those ones are honestly a headache and a half smh), but it took me maybe thirty minutes to pencil in the initial sketch and finalise the lineart, and about ten minutes to lay down these initial flat colours. I also didn’t pre-mix my palette beforehand—in usual Allen fashion—and it’s kinda hella messy for now, but it wouldn’t be my art if it wasn’t fuck-all!!! I kinda have half a mind to film the last end stages and timelapse that as well but I guess we’ll see about that…?

As for the track, bloody hell, it took way longer than the actual artwork itself. Like way, way, mikey fuckin waaay longer. Maybe a couple hours, give or take??? So firstly, I threw together a quick lofi beat with a nice looper (i had way too much fun with the filter and gater here can y’all tell), then it came to figuring out what sound bite I wanted to sample (ofc i settled with one from a metal meme video), then extracting the sample from the aforementioned video and setting the right bpm and key. And then I had to arrange the various elements I had and add some effects; first to the vocal samples, then to the additional piano and midi audio, and then finally to the overall track itself. Which also meant that I had to personally customise the fx pedals, which took some fiddling with and figuring out as well since I don’t really know jack shit about music production. But in the end, I settled for a bit of tremolo here and there on the sound bites (but not too much as to be blatantly overpowering), added some slight distortion and spacey reverb for that nice ambience, upped the gain and boosted the bass for an extra vintage ethereal vibe, and included just a smidge of compression to reduce the audio peaks and make it sound a lot more cohesive altogether. Added one last CD quality preset mix for the final mastering and boom, this piece of shit for an end product!! It’s really not the best one I’ve created so far. Or at all, by any other criteria. It’s honestly kindergarten-level simple and very stripped-down compared to my other few WIP projects and I wish I could’ve added just a few more elements to make it truly stand out—but then again, the former took days and days of relentless editing and this was thrown together in about five hours so that has to cut me some slack?? Idk but yo my fire asf mixtape be coming out soon for only $69.69 on bandcamp pls support this starving artist jk

I had no idea how much of that dumb rant even made sense to anyone at all—but long story short, I made some okay art and music thingies, they were really fun to make, I’m quite happy to waste my time with learning cool stuff that maybe doesn’t feel like too much of a waste, and I don’t really have any friends anymore nor nearby people who’ll even give half a damn about my random hyperfixations so I’ll just incessantly overelaborate about it on here instead??? That’s all thanks for coming to my TEDx byeee

Update: seven or eight not-so-quick glazes later, here’s how it looks with the flat colours fully blocked in, and then it’s finally detail and shadow time :’)

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Filed under Other stuff

come on, skinny love.

Skinny love, what happened here?
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my
My sullen load is full
So slow on the split…

~*~

confidence in taut collarbones

and sinews of soft flesh sticking out

from these slowly-crumbling ribs

hoping they won’t notice the excess

counting macros and scale numbers

on the package of chewing gum

.

i promise you, the hunger’s not real

but the ugly bulk on your arms are

and on your legs and chest and neck

so suppress it all, ignore the growing pain

and perhaps all the consumed water

will revive this withering flower

.

brittle hair falling like twisted snow

too tired all the time from staying pretty

a dull glow from behind skinny eyes

hoping a skinny heart will keep me alive

tears dripping off like the clothes on my back

as the mirror sneers, it’s not enough

.

so i’ll just suck my skin in even tighter

and chew on empty air and constant disgust

never satisfied with my toothpick limbs

until i’m certain that my body could easily splinter

if i was given a hug, by the people who like me

because i finally look the way i forced myself to be.

~*~

Now all your love is wasted
Then who the hell was I?
Now I’m breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines
Who will love you? Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

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vanilla iced coffee (for archer.)

haze of rosy dusk

a quick afternoon nap

dreams about cake

a yawning drowsy cat

.

deeper lilac sprawling

to flood the sky with stars

sketch in colour pencil

now to finish and restart.

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a cold slice of toast (01.03.19)

It’s 2019.

Maybe I could improve on my writing skills

I know I write shitty poetry a dime a dozen

But my dumb fanfictions and short stories

Are still no good to me—no, no good at all

Or perhaps I could do a little better with chord

Changes and strumming and barre chords

On my strawberry-red guitar and ukulele

And buy a violin I’ll probably never use just

To get a laugh out of my poor bleeding ears

Or I could make a hundred more watercolour

Paintings and spend a million quid on buying

Art materials I don’t even know how to use

Just to make a mess out of my dorm room desk

And I didn’t do so well on my first semester

But perhaps it will be better the next time around

In the meantime, I could tire myself out and travel

I could improve my bad ollies, try out new hobbies

Finally get a kickflip in, paint my hair to a rainbow

Stop ignoring my friends like I don’t give a damn

And stop being frustrated with the way I am—

Or I could spend an entire year coming up

With better ways to say “fuck it all, who cares anyway?”

…I think I like that last one a lot.

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Diesis

i revere you

with clenched jaws

grinding bones

scream, scream

.

ulysses defeated

a sisyphean darling

crushed by mere pebble

and then over again

.

arcana uncovered

red eyes and whitecaps

cigarettes after dark

hypanthium reborn

.

or apoplectic laughter

in a shockwave cadenza

and a swindled affair

wet milk and ballet

.

luxuries losing out to

sensationalism and

tabloid embolism, finding

adverts for martyrdom

.

black flies swarming

on the gloom of my

eyelids, lithium to fend

off the vulgar answer

.

saving the worst for last

submerge all the colours

to confess before the lie

here comes the hurricane

.

yes, i revere you with a

ruthless antagonism

but to love you, mon cherie?

i wouldn’t ever dare.

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