Tag Archives: ashamed

crooked stars

I braved treacherous streets
And kids strung out on homemade speed
And we shared a bed in which I could not sleep at all
‘Cause at night the sun in retreat
Made the skyline look like crooked teeth
In the mouth of a man who was devouring us both…

~*~

i defy you, stars.

i want to defy you.

but how could i do that

if i could barely defy

my own skin that i wear?

my own skin that i tear

until its appearance is

beyond any form of recognition

beyond any form of salvation

but i can’t go outside and

live a normal life without it;

i still have to wear it

despite how wornout, how

bleached, how damaged,

and tattered with moth holes it is.

so for a moment, i’m ashamed

for a moment, i feel sorry

that i lost control enough to

shred apart the thinnest veil of

a sanctuary that i have left,

and no amount of careful stitches

will return it to former beauty;

will return it back to the way it was.

you defy us, stars.

you need to defy us all—

despite how much pollution

there is in the sky to

render you lost and numb,

you cast the ethereal light of

your glowing skin upon

the pale atmosphere

and leave quaint scars

over our ugly, filthy ones.

don’t defy me, stars…

please don’t ever defy me.

everything’s left for dead now.

you’re the only one left.

~*~

I’m a war of head versus heart
And it’s always this way
My head is weak, my heart always speaks
Before I know what it will say
And you can’t find nothing at all
If there was nothing there all along…

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i can do shameless too (and this one goes out to you)

As we wake up in your room
Your face is the first thing I see
The first time I’ve seen love
And the last I’ll ever need
You remind her that your future
Would be nothing without her…

~*~

a s h a m e d

of violent emotions

branded on the

underside of my

numb, petulant brain,

making dizzy patterns

and dainty waves

and tracing cicatrices

of infantile graves,

returning to plague

what i always confused

and refused to admit…

y e s  i  c a n  f e e l

as the argent feathers

on your hair are effulgent,

dwelling ebony shades

escaping the delight of

my aspired clairvoyance.

they spite me for being

no stranger to the beggar

c a l l e d  l o v e

for always greeting it

rather fastidiously and

tossing a merciful nickel

whenever i chance upon it

on a bustling boulevard,

instead of spitting and

sneering condescendingly

and holding back my

burning tongue to trip it.

am i cruel for being kind?

dear, you’re a halogen

h a l l u c i n a t i o n

and i am but a yonder

sabotaged daydream

and i shall keep on falling

victim to your musings,

like a burning ochre moth

to the sickly sweet fragrance

of the kerosene oil…

so, is that truly my solitary

t r a n s g r e s s i o n ?

for being able to accept

what i’ve always constantly

abhorred and denied,

only to discover in denouement

that i’m the only fool that’s

crashing unsteady bridges

and drowning in the process—?

i shall not be craven of

the grander bouts of unknown,

for i’ve my own armament

tucked and hidden away

in a four-chambered dungeon;

ready to slash and shear

at the abstract canvas which

they all mocked as an

i n s u l t i n g  a r t w o r k .

you are not incarcerated,

but i am yours perpetual to

black out to the moon

and i will return from my

stratosphere holiday carrying

a souvenir star, lifting

the light to you, so that we

will never have to be

a s h a m e d.

~*~

If you kiss me goodnight
I’ll know, everything is alright
Second chances won’t leave us alone
Won’t leave us alone
‘Cause there’s faith in love…

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