(An attempt to see the world in the eyes of a schizophrenic. I greatly apologize for this mess of a poem I made.)
I am awake now.
My mind is in a constant state of disarray.
Torn to pieces.
Like pieces of paper in the wind.
I find no other purpose to exist in this world
Besides the Devil and His whims.
Why am I bothering to even write this down?
It won’t even matter at all.
My life is just invalid
My existence is a sham
I was just a terrible accident.
I don’t want to live.
I wasn’t meant to live at all.
But maybe I was?
Did Lucifer just want me to suffer
In this horrible, horrible world?
A mad man, that Morningstar was
Mad, mad, madder than me
But surprisingly a brilliant chap as well
Sent me to this place, yes He did.
Smart man. Smart move.
Where am I?
Am I dreaming? Am I dead already?
Carked it? Rotting off?
Infested with maggots at this very moment?
Where is this place anyways?
It can’t possibly be Hell.
It’s too white. Too clean.
Too clean for an impure man like me.
It needs more red. More black.
More inferno. More darkness.
Pure doesn’t exist in this filthy world.
It’s making my eyes hurt.
My eyes are hurting too much.
Blood. I see blood.
It’s bleeding off the damn walls.
Who’s to clean that up now?
Not I. I have enough blood on my hands.
No. It’s gone now.
It’s been replaced with black butterflies now.
They’re fluttering off into the window.
Who sent you to me?
It’s Asmodeus again, is it?
Oh, he’s the devil, He is.
That blighter is messing with my eyes again.
Or was it the man in white again?
He calls himself a “doctor”.
He says he could “help me recover”.
Ha! Such foreign, made-up words
Diving at the tip of his tongue.
What a sneaky, nosy, pesky pathetic liar.
Asking me questions like I couldn’t see
His true form at all.
He’s a messenger of the angels.
An advocate of the enemy.
He’s always trying to confuse me
With his sharp, sharp tongue
And his metal instruments of torture.
Ha. But he’ll never get me.
He never will.
Who’s that I spot in a corner?
Oh no. It’s her again.
The faerie woman clad in black.
She’s back. No.
She’s the worst deceiver of them all.
I thought I killed her off.
The knife I used is still lodged in her back.
Pus and blood spurting off the wound.
She’s smiling at me with her razor teeth.
And stared with her empty eye sockets.
I feel utter shock.
The woman ripping at the seams
Exploding on my head
Tearing through my mind
Like the starved animal it is.
Why are you so cold-hearted and cruel?
Don’t hurt me.
I’m just a victim taken by the people in white.
The evil bastard angels.
Too much discord.
They saw her.
They’re acting up again.
And begging for mercy
The voices in my head are.
Pounding through the walls of my skull
Such inconsiderate people
Their endless noise-making
Is giving me a headache
I want to make them stop already.
I want to make the woman leave.
What should I do?
What could I do?
I can’t do anything at all.
My hands are bound
My soul is shattered clean
My mind is unraveled
Like a fragile spider thread in a spool
Used as a noose.
The faerie woman smiles at me again.
Teeth flashing like fireflies, flash, flash
She whispers delicately “Nunc abire”
And with her bony hands covers my eyes.
I’m done for. Goodbye.
And so I scream and wail
Like a wounded animal in great pain
Though there is no one to hear me fall
And so I cry, like an oncoming storm
Until she envelops me and I can cry no more.
I am awake now.