Tag Archives: back at it again with my bullshit i guess

Sick Sickly

I go through all the trouble
Of keeping it within my walls
I try to be as subtle as I can
Assume that nothing needs me
All I’ve done defeats me
It looks like you were right again
And again, I let you find it on your own
Then I found myself alone…

~*~

I feel kind of sad today

It’s the type of sad where

I somehow feel physically sick

Of everything and nothing

Of myself and everyone

Of whatevers and howevers

All at once and all I just wanna do

Is curl up until the hurt starts

To wane away—if it ever

Wanes away—and yet I don’t

Even know why I’m so sad

I don’t know why I feel wrong

I don’t know why I’m complaining

When I have scars to remind me

That this is what’s supposed

To be a normal feeling for me

And it shouldn’t come as a

Surprise that I still missed this

I miss feeling like shit, feeling

Like I’ll always miss you, feeling

Like there’s really nothing left

But this miserable stasis I

Locked myself into, and it will

Always be that way, no matter

What I do and how much I try to

Distract myself because it’s

Always going to be what’s left

For me in the end. Just me and

This fucking sickness, the type of

Sad that feels so unreasonable

The type of sad that sticks in my mouth

The type of sad that makes me

Feel okay that it will never be okay

And I should just learn to live with that.

~*~

The more I want in, the more I want in
The less I know, the less I know
But I’m forgotten, I’m forgotten
I’ll be alone, I’ll be alone, I’ll be alone
With everybody watching me
Uh oh, where can I go?
Everybody’s watching me…

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Filed under Poetry