Tag Archives: bad

if there’s a god, he doesn’t have time for my bullshit

Take the pain
Make it billboard big and swallow it for me
Time capsule for the future
Trust me, that’s what I will be
Oh, the things that you do in the name
Of what you love

You are doomed but just enough…

~*~

i’m just so sick of faith

being forced down my throat

like it’s a mandatory responsibility

i may as well be tasting tax bills

but even then, at least i know

that the former is concrete, instead

of blindly fumbling for my hands as

i clasp the scapular and mumble

memorised prayers that i grew tired of

in another dead lifetime ago

because if i have to starve for days

and cut myself open just to enter heaven,

then why do they tell me it’s the devil’s fault?

isn’t that what i’m doing, anyway?

and what’s the fucking point of paradise?

Yes, the norms and dictations were all fun and

amusing when i was a wide-eyed child

so malleable, curious, and foolish enough to believe in

santa claus and the tooth fairy and tall tales

and believing whatever people told me was true

because i couldn’t construct my own reality back then

but now i’m older (one may contradict that

i’m not *that* old, but if my family says i’m old

enough to have to go through this bullshit, then that’s

adequately old enough for me, thanks very much)

and i’m wornout and jaded and tired and have

gone through not a lot, but just enough to lose the beliefs

that have done nothing good or beneficial for me

because all the saints and the promises of salvation

couldn’t make my eyes fall shut every night

and keep them wide open every morning,

day in and day out, over and over and over again.

i may as well be wishing quiet little whims every 11:11

or plucking lucky four-leaf clovers from grass

for whatever faith that’s worth anchoring myself onto.

Now, i know to keep my mouth shut and respect their faiths

but just don’t fucking cram all of it down my throat

like it’s my responsibility to be a good child,

to feel sorry for my sins and stay away from hell…

because if i live in a world like this, just how bad can that be?

~*~

And it’s getting hard to know what’s real
And if death is the last appointment
Then we’re all just sitting in the waiting room
I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom…

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despair

i might know

a thing or two

about bad sides

and semantics

but your volatile

desperation and

petty attachment

reeks of pathetic.

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Obnoxious

I think with my heart and love with my head
Do you see the problem here?
You rip me to shreds
I think with my heart, you fuck with my head
Do you see the problem here?
You rip me to shreds, so tear into me…

~*~

I don’t know how to approach without causing a tiffed scene

For the situation is delicate and I’m a pubescent drama queen

With a firsthand awkwardness and an attitude that’s second rate

And a single third-degree word from my mouth could exacerbate

The bad into worse, wrong to right, and the good into questionable

I’ve never known how to react in a way that’s decent and preferable

Because I’ve hurt people too much, and my head is a constant mess

I am just another kid with a mean streak and a biro with a complex

It’s not the way it was anymore, now there’s always a tangible tension

A silent crash of peripheral glares, and a screeching of metal emotions

I’m sorry if I’m maundering, apathetic, and constantly act like I don’t care

But the truth is that I actually care far too much—and that’s why I’m scared.

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The Buildup Before The Downfall

This is your night with arms wide open
I’m the option you shouldn’t have chosen
Scared of the dark, the door’s wide open
This is the night you’ll regret in the morning…

~*~

Don’t you feel bad for choosing the option

That left me feeling good only out in the open

I’d bare my marred soul and read the signs

But you won’t talk back, our glances won’t align

I swear, I’m damned, do you regret me now?

Loverboy don’t play a fun game without any toys

I’d call your bluff and I’ll cash in all my friends

And still I’m short-selling, I couldn’t see this end

My hands will wander, and my eyes will travel

But you’re closer to heaven than I am to hell

Don’t pass my lips like obscenities, this is the first

You said you were an ocean, but why did I die of thirst?

I look over the chip over my shoulder to greet unrest

The choice I took was never mine, and you were my best

With the lies that surround me now, you tore me down

To build me back up into something completely different of your own.

~*~

Loverboy, you play those hearts like toys
Don’t you feel bad, don’t you feel bad, feel bad for them?
Given the choice, would you do it again?
Of course I would, of course I should
Well, I’m your friend, friend with benefits…

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The Drama Queens Called, They Want Their Bullshit Back

You can call me little Miss Piss with a kiss
And after all this the rest is all bullshit
And you love it, you love it
You love it, you love it…

~*~

Oh blah blah blah

You think you’re so special

Doing what thousands do

Glorified, you’re fucking mental

It’s satisfying, isn’t it?

When there’s no point to it

All you’re doing is being an attention whore

Doing it for the sake of bullshit

And I’m so very glad

That I handed you the keys

That would lock you in this transgression

And you didn’t say thanks or please

But it’s fine, it’s fine

I enjoy hearing your little chatter

When you’re crying out a fucking puddle

Then say you’re drowning underwater

So blah blah blah and etcetera

Good girl gone bad, oh, ain’t she just special?

But beneath all your overblown hysteria

You’re just another pitiful pathetic liar.

~*~

Say no to brains, it’s a no-brainer
Lowest common denominator
It pays the bills to be this sterile
Fuck me now, rip me off later
And you love it, you love it
After this the rest is all bullshit…

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hemikrania

this day is like

a bad headache

i just hope that

it doesn’t turn

into a chronic

migraine.

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Post-its for the Past

Now you’re here and you don’t know why
But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen, listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won’t return…

~*~

MAYBE LOST

I have my back on the sun, facing forward

So long and goodnight to the mornings I will discard

In the highway I constructed, shadows shift

I think I’ll be walking on this life they call a road trip.

~*~

CASTCADE

Conflagration flying past oceans, murmuring tacit prayers

Counting fallen feathers for the losing sky-drowned hours

Causeries bartering hanging lights and silver dollar moons

Crashing in collisions of star showers, orbit heaven at noon.

~*~

ANGER DANGER

Leave me to beat out the bad news with a belt

But I never leave scars, only angry marks and welts

Soon they’ll come back for another box round

Perhaps this time I can bury them all into the ground.

~*~

MIRRORED OFFING

The distorted horizons appear to be a looking glass

In which vacant visages can peer out flummox past

Unblinking funicular eyes oscillate betwixt the edge

Again it sinks into cosmic cisterns, glazing the ledge.

~*~

RECEIVED

The letter I sent to the past never arrived for the message

The return address was blurred, I lacked a ten pence postage

So I’ll send another envelope to the future me, it’s enough

This time, I’m changing the postmark and licking the stamps.

~*~

But you’ll just sit tight and watch it unwind
It’s only what you’re asking for
And you’ll be just fine with all of your time
It’s only what you’re waiting for…

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When the Rebel Fucks the Anarchy

My alligator blood is starting to show
I know that you know that, I know that you know
Can’t call a bluff with a dead man’s hands
Put a gun to my head and, paint the walls with my brains
Put a gun to my head and, paint the walls!

~*~

I want to set beautiful, dangerous, cataclysmic fires

And fuck the walls up with profanities and paint

I want to stab the living shit out of someone

To control, devastate, and cause trigger-happy taint

I want to do drugs, get hammered, and get busy

With sordid bedroom activities and a paid-for rancid honey

I want to get inked all over my ugly mess of a face

And pierce a thousand rusty needles at every blank place

I want to incite vengeance towards my sorry enemies

Start a fight and start a riot, bad enough to provoke armies

I want this screwed system to get fucked and change

To use lethal weapons freely, of guns and hand grenades

I want to just do whatever the fuck I want to do

Without getting screamed or bitched at, boo-fucking-hoo

I want to be myself, and to crush this cookie cutter mentality

To not give a damn if they think I’m just so bat-shit crazy

I want to be unrestrained, from society’s choking grasp released

To serve my unfair fate and for once, do myself some justice

I want to lose all my control just so I could take it back

For the humanity and the decency and the morality that I lack

I want to be self-destructive and be fueled by nothing but pure hate

And take some goddamn bastards down with me as I detonate

Life fucking hates me anyway, I just want to cause chaos and anarchy

What have I got to lose? I’m just fulfilling everyone’s easy stereotype of me.

~*~

Cut me up and wear my skin
Show me how to live
Tear me down, clean me up
Now spill my fucking guts
Just help me find a way!

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Bandages and Bad Dreams

When every vein is red out of the blue!
I held a diamond to the sun
To count the moments on account of the way
You smile, smile for me
(Oh, we’re in slow motion when you)
Smile, smile for me…

~*~

Please just listen to me

I can’t keep you away

I have nothing to give

But the bleed on the fray

Eavesdropping on stars

When they whisper to scars

Scratch lines on my guitar

I’ll admit it under fire

Send me off with a thrill

On a rocketship intervention

Detonate me and kill

Without any good intentions

My teeth are quite hostile

So numb my smile with a file

This splinter in my heart

Won’t keep me apart

Criminal kaleidoscopes

I love the sky past a periscope

Night as black as train tracks

Burning smoke and jet lag

So hear me out in indulgence

For my sin is liquid gold

Midas hide my penitence

Hold me…I feel so cold

But watch the lights dancing

Like the sun in your eyes

We’ll taste ibuprofen ice cream

Self-sabotage until we die

I swear I’ll drag myself under

The oceans of gasoline

Won’t you be my oxygen

And provide oxytocin

Chase Jupiter and the moon

For the nightmares we can save

If you’re still quietly breathing

Darling, it’s gonna be okay

So please fucking listen to me

I just can’t give you away

And I have nothing left to keep

But our blood from today.

~*~

As you fall fast asleep, it reminds me
Of the slow symphonies behind me
(They sing along)
All the nightmares you’ll see tomorrow
All the stars on your ceiling
They glow but not for you

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I May Be A Bastard, Baby, But You’re My Blasphemy

After all is said and done
Climb out from the pine box
Well I’m asking you
‘Cause she’s got nothing to say
The angels just cut out her tongue
Call her Black Mariah
Would I lie to you?
That girl’s not right in the brain!

~*~

I’m the desecrate devil

You’re a chemical angel

Damned in fake prayers

But I swear I mean well

Cold tax, burn chlorine

Drowns me in gasoline

Drag knives on my back

And hit me like a truck

My sophisticated alibis

Have no place in a world

Where each lie’s sweeter

And a lie’s in every word

So let’s play a long game

Let the apocrypha begin

We’re both fuck-insane

So you’re not apt to win

Hot shot, scream queen

Drama love, got it mean

Wasted hearts, tough kid

Shit, you’re just so stupid

But of course I’m the fool

For I injected innate rules

Getting high on their rush

System rejected, it passed

This is one ethereal dance

And I have a sprained foot

Lead me across the chance

Against the pain and truth

Hold me, crush me tighter

Baby doll’s too loatheful

Strangle or suffocate her

She won’t swallow anger

Did I lose the apocalypse?

My, what a big revelation

Douse my wings in blood

Lock me in an institution

Trigger cold, feels so safe

Please shoot, please rape

My mind with gun metal

Splatter red on the walls

Then if death do us part

Scream for my old heart

Stab halos on the ceiling

I know you’ll miss feeling

So find me and fuck it all

I didn’t make the last call

Pour me all, have a drink

Don’t stop now, just think

I’m just a desperate devil

You’re my poisoned angel

Don’t say this is all wrong

It was their plan all along

If we’re caught, act at best

We’re innocent, it is a test

If not, confess to perdition

Realise your transgression

Cathedral bells are ringing

Moment of hypocrite litany

The bloodred sky’s opening

The almighty laughs misery

So I’ll do a round of rosary

Excuse me for my old gaffe

Cleaned it with the upstairs

Guess what? He doesn’t care

So why should you? This life’s no winner

Not everyone’s either a cross or a sinner

And good or bad ain’t a two-sided nickel

Oh for heaven’s sake, we all burn in hell

I’m just a roman soldier, don’t die for me

I know I’m the nails that pinned your flesh

But you carried me all the way to Calvary

God damn it, you should have guessed.

~*~

Mass convulsions
Strike the choir
By the grace of God
Gun it while I’m holding on…

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