Tag Archives: better

self-apology

i’m sorry

i’m breaking

i can’t keep

myself together

i’m sorry

for the veins

and all the ties

that i might sever

i’m sorry

that i keep on

throwing out any

attempts to be better

i’m sorry

i’m a fucking mess

and i’m sorry it’ll

stay that way forever.

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A Note To Send In The Sun

It’s hard to be living, you gotta play the cards you were given
You think it’s simple but it goddamn isn’t
It’s tougher now than breaking out of Shawshank prison
And as you’re hitting your prime
People say you been committing a crime
But I won’t quit till I’m home
I’ll chip the limestone a bit at a time…

~*~

I’m rigid and frigid, yet bespoke

Speaking of sharp tongues that limit

Themselves to asking “what is it?”

As the audience applauds the cynics

And sits in mentalities of finick

Spin it, another losing tale to uphold

The tongues of silver and hearts of gold

If my failed memory was distantly bold

Then why is the thought of you so cold?

Sold, the paintings I hid in the cellar

Buying my heart for a million dollars

Clashing in shades of blue and white collars

Eyes that could never appreciate the colours

Call her, the girl with piercings in her skin

And her tattoos that tally her sin from within

To keep the demons from gladly releasing medicine

She was injecting just so she could stay breathing

Was she so wrong to want to continue living?

And if living is a vice, then I don’t have to play nice

And keep on hanging to surprise just so I could receive their lies

For this world is not a masterpiece of peace waiting patiently on the shelf

Rather, it’s an empty canvas depicting ruin for the better

An accurate self-portrait of oneself.

~*~

Shit in storage, living from a suitcase
Thinking “this is how a silver spoon tastes?”
Cause you can make a dream possible
But it’ll never be easy, no matter what you chase…

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No One Does It Better

I woke up this morning with a grudge the size of a short story
Oh, I feel, I feel so low
Let me start at the end, the part I haven’t figured out yet
Yes, I am, I’m moving slow
You are playing the lead
The headache that my actions feed
Oh, I’ve only got myself to blame…

~*~

If these whispered words don’t make sense

Because all the things you say are in past tense

I’ve never seen a frown quite like yours, dear

We’re moving too quick, I can barely see past the tears

.

Things won’t change with the blink of a blue eye

There’s a crash in the system, and a sun that won’t die

Leave it all behind when your feet is barely touching the ground

Searching for a secret place where you could never be found

.

Let’s stay out late and laugh about the childish lies that could never be

If I chain myself to your bleeding wrists, would I be set free?

But somehow there’s a moral somewhere in this addicting vice

I’ll simply smile behind your back and I’ll play nice, I can play nice

.

This was nothing but trouble, but it was all worth it to me

We’re going down, I told you about how it’s gonna go wrong badly

The alarm is sounding, red lights flashing, and we’re dancing under fire

Can you still hear me as you drown under the depths of desire?

.

The bitter taste was my saving grace, my only reason to live

I’m too tired to find my problems now, I’m too tired to know what I can give

I don’t know what I was thinking when I pulled the curtains shut

The rope around my neck is keeping me hanging on, please understand that

.

I would be out of line to say how damn beautiful you look tonight

But even if I’m not allowed to speak, that doesn’t mean that I’m not right

I was hoping to take a hold of the lost future we saved for the last

It wasn’t the best we had, but it’s better compared to the past

.

The headache is beginning to grow, I think it’s highly contagious

The room is spinning and my vision’s blurring, and I’m going delirious

Your honesty is something to be jealous about, and your vanity’s not your sin

Your virtues burn faster than your cigarettes, inhale the smoke within

.

I woke up with all your bags packed and gone, and the cab you hailed was denying

This is just another difficult test, and it’s one that I seem to be failing

The grudges I held onto left faster than your memories, I’m not losing sleep over you, it’s true

And if there’s any reason to move past, dear, no one does it better than you.

~*~

This is another test
Which I would fail when at my best
Oh, always ending the same
If I were an honest guy
I’d give this role another try…

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Unnecessary Assurances

My soundness of mind

Cannot be measured by

Lies forming on words or

By mere lines from a ruler

So thanks for the concern

And worried calls, but I’m

Dealing with this shit alone

And I’ve never been better.

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I’ll Play to Win, You’ll Pay to Lose

I’ll be the winner, I can take this shallow game by force

The consequences can wait later, let things run their course

The curses I hid at the very back my tongue are threatening to spill

And I’ve got a camera to shoot and a scandal set up for the thrill

It’s contagious and dangerous, but don’t be such a coward

If you keep up the act and smile behind the pain, you’ll get a reward

I swear I need some room to breathe, so stay the hell away

I’m playing dirty, so sob and sue me, it’s a lawsuit for another day

The flavour of the day is anguish with a side of fake issues

In cigarettes smouldering on the ashtray and numbers written on tissues

Forget all common sense, it’s what I need, let’s make this happen

And if I told you another secret for the moment, would you start to listen?

Dearest enemy, I give you my trust and all the blame there is to gain

I’ll check you off my list, I’m done with you, don’t try to explain

Desperate hearts resort to desperate measures, so pick your card and bluff

I’ll be the jack in the deck and cheat with a smile and handcuffs

This should be enough, but you always wanted a little more

Don’t wipe away the dry clean slate when I’m trying to keep score

Hold me down and keep me around, I’ll entertain your sick satisfaction

And when I take my break and pause, I’ll slip you the poison

You’re young and deluded, and every breath is a knife in your chest

Trophy eyes that shine and rust, you think life will simply give you the rest

Hang on to my every words and give me away to the waiting crowd

Have you had your fill? Don’t make me a big thing and say those things aloud

Pose as you hold me closer, guarantee me utmost confidentiality

This one-night stand is controlling, I’m disclosing faith and losing my identity

I’m declaring war and flashing you my dorsal fins and sharp bite tooth

But I’m telling you that it’s the truth, it’s the truth, it’s the truth

You say it was an accident, and I believe you and your best friend

But just go back home and contemplate, this is the beginning of our end

I’m going down but I’m not out for the count, I’m here to please

I know things you don’t know, does that hurt to even question these?

I know you won’t be able to change face to face, so don’t fix what ain’t broken

You’re so wrong when you say I’m right with the words I’ve spoken

I’ll let you have a taste of me but take caution, I’m the thorn in your throat

Is it that hard to swallow? Drink your wine if you don’t wanna choke

Clean up the mess you made, line them up, line them up, and knock them down

These rules were made so you can ignore them and flash your golden crown

Hate loves company but three makes for a crowd, I bet we won’t make it

So don’t advise me about high places, I’ll just about fall for any one of your shit

You’re so selfish, so save your scarlet kisses for the ones in need

The boys are here to take their share, feed, and indulge in their cruel greed

Don’t remind me of the septic way you make amends for yourself

I’ll accept you and your misery, but damn, it’s just fucking bad for my health

Watch your mouth, don’t spit it out, I’ll tighten the gag between your lips

It’s a storm of jealousy, let’s just take the middleman out and skip

We’re running out of time, our lying bodies keep saying we’re just fine

But the crumpled letters on my bedside say I’m paying for another cold crime

I keep my enemies close, but you’re so special, I’ll keep you even closer

I’m on my own and I need you more than ever, but I’ll walk ahead and say never

If this is what it takes to fix another detonated wasteland falling apart

Then beat me, we don’t give and take, we steal and never know how to restart

You go too far, push out the walls, we’ll never heal if we keep reopening the cuts

I’m screaming my apologies to the sky, but your crying eyes stay shut

It’s much safer if there’s a line to be crossed, and it’s much safer if you stay gone

The pages are ripped out of the book again, and the story goes on and on

I didn’t want to find out like this, things could have been much better if I stay

But you knock me down and hang me out, and you’re forcing me to do things your way

I will be the winner, I’ll murder my pride and reputation just to have a bit of fun

And when I emerge triumphant and you’re crawling on the ground, we’ll see who’ll be the better man.

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Dead Giveaway

It’s a been a day, it’s felt like an age
Since I have seen you a face to face
So we can say what we need to
I know you’ve changed, you don’t look the same
We all make mistakes, these growing pains
It’s just a phase we have to go through…

~*~

That’s all I got to give

So I understand if you leave

Our generations train tracks apart

Of the collision you had a part

No, I won’t waste your breath

With my apologies tasting of death

I won’t confuse your mind at all

With drunk dials and alcohol

There’s no more to be lost none

No more lies to dim the sun

There is more to be found again

But I guess see you until then

I gave you all my blades and insanity

I gave all but my own humanity

But you can’t bother with my digits

And flushed my memory down the toilet

Dear, you have been mine for longer

Than I ever reckoned to ponder

Guess torture was my drug to love

Self-esteem you sucked with your touch

But there’s no more sacrifices to plead

No more guilty consciences to lead

Hell, I’m happier than I’ve ever been

But I wonder why you’re still staring?

Really, if we’re better off this way

I don’t think I have anything else to say

‘Cause this is all I have got to give

So don’t be surprised when I finally leave.

~*~

I’ve been wasting all these nights
Trying to keep you off my mind, yeah
You off my mind, but no more
What are you searching for?
What are you looking for?
I don’t think you know…

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Mis[s]ery

I miss you

Like hell misses a colder rain

I miss you

Like a masochist craves pain

.

I miss you

Like a lost star on night skies

I miss you

Like a lover misses all the lies

.

I miss you

Like Noah misses tantrum flood

I miss you

Like a psychopath desires blood

.

I miss you

Like fallen angels miss their wings

I miss you

Like a slob misses the little things

.

I miss you

Like a miser misses all his money

I miss you

Like a butterfly thirsting for honey

.

I miss you

Like a junkie addicted to his drugs

I miss you

Like an alcoholic without her mug

.

I miss you

Like the sunset misses the moon

I miss you

Like a trailing song faded too soon

.

I miss you

Like I don’t miss my heart everyday

I miss you

And perhaps it’s better off this way.

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messages over mugs of coffee

why do i drown

in coffee cups

every time

i sense your

presence?

and what is

it with you

that makes

my clarity an

omniscience?

why does my

heart leap

like a gymnast

every time i

read each letter?

and why, oh

why do i know

it’s not the

coffee’s fault

that i feel better?

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Fallere

Pray I shall never be a better man

For failure is who I am

And if you take that away from me

Then what would I be?

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