Tag Archives: bitter

Rhyme and Reason

I’m a stray for blue boys and a songheart for little bo-peeps.

I wish I didn’t exist in dusty novels and forgotten storybooks the way that your obscene breath does, the way that your dreamscape wings fall off into ashes, the way that you simply do. Always in the ways that I couldn’t.

I despise myself for being a complete upside-down fool, madly limerent for this fiasco of a game that I’ve lost the moment before it even started, violently surrendered and beaten blonde and black to the point where I start doubting myself in bitter gunshots and giving my sweet bullets all up just so I could be your unsigned scarlet letter.

Do you understand me? Because I don’t.

I wish I would have written a hundred synesthetic postcards left unsent, but all I have are these hundred meretricious words to tell you what you don’t know. What you won’t know. And what you never will.

Stay lost, blue boy. Or you’ll end up like me.

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i know something you don’t know

Hold on, don’t look back
You know we’re better, we’re better than that
Lost and thrown away
You know we’re better, we’re better than that
We are the strays…

~*~

lips twisted in

orange sour and

bitter secrets,

indulging unseemly

stories under the

brink of clearwater stars

sweet as frosting and

dripping in sap as

caramel words,

these strange stories

no one would

dare to listen to.

the moon might not

come out tonight,

but tongues open fire

and in that

naked horizon

of calming darkness—

everything else

comes to light.

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Stressed or Sad (and Turn Out the Lights)

I brought a knife to a gunfight
I brought my words to a fistfight
I brought my hell to you
And now the boys are back
The boys are sad…

~*~

Let’s talk it it out and let’s talk too loud

And spare our breakdowns for the times it’s not allowed

Deprived of oxygen and choked off to sleep

But I’ll stay awake with you, I guess it’s what we need

‘Cause I may not be the best company but I know a thing or two

About being selfish and pretending to be a happy blue

The clever words and rhetorics make us laugh half to death

Drowning our worries in coffee until it’s dangerous to our health

Because it’s times like these when bitter tastes best

And the yonder moonlight is too delicate to get any deeper rest

But I’ll draw some stars and you can paint them in embers

With what’s left of the sky, we’ll write about what we can remember

We’ll scream about our addictions like loose patients in an asylum

Of the southern boys and houston beats until we’re both tired and dumb

I’ll sing a song out of tune, and your echoes fade to shadows

This is the art of somniphobia, we’re good as we are not tomorrow

Tonight we’ll starve the nighthawks and dehydrate the nadirs of melancholy

Until the petulant sunrise glowers at us for being too damn noisy

We were never meant to stay high in a world that’s not designed for the broken

But let calming music glow in your bones, we’ll be entertained until then.

~*~

You’re so cold
I’ve got to know what made you so
Scared to be alone?
I’ve got to know who chilled your bones
That wasn’t me…

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v.) sunset cinema.

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Ash & Tongue

Ash is just a word, but why does it taste so ironically bitter in my mouth? Does it hurt to say it, because the conflagrating embers originated from my pharynx, tactlessly ignited after I accidentally swallowed phosphorous nitrate and it corroded against my sandpaper throat and set me on fire? Who would kiss a person with a mouth this filthy? Even the most affectionate of mothers turn their backs away from my chapped sooty lips, bleeding of halitosis and ashes and lies lies lies.

There it is, that word again, pulling my voice under hell and waking me up when I’m having the sweetest dream in my acerbic existence. The exit signs are glowing softly in delicate overtones, yet my bloodshot eyes perceive it as an uproarious neon scream, blinding my eyes, deafening my sight, blackening my vision. The water’s getting colder, I’m caught up in the rip, and my footing has slipped away. I’m swimming, no, drowning in the hazy fumes, dizzy from the medication-addled ozone, and still I could not hear a single truth amid all the false accusations.

He was a man until you destroyed him. You were a girl before I desecrated you, cautiously building you up brick by chalkdust brick, all the while as I’m hiding away the solitary intention of vulgarly demolishing the body that is your temple. And it was all too late for you when you found out. Did you survive all the devastation I caused and rose up from the rubble like a newly-reborn phoenix? Or have your devout worshipers fled the havoc and left you suffocating and buried under all the debris and ashes? Ash is just a name I used to call in my sleep, but why…why does it taste so painful between my teeth?

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Crown the End

Self-destruct personality
Won’t discuss my responsibility
I am always walking on the final verge
I’m killing myself but I am not a murderer…

~*~

I’ve been okay

For far too long

It’s time for time

To carry along

And drag me down

In bitter ashes

That strangle me

The more pain passes

Because I’m never

Meant for feeling fine

All I can do is grit my teeth

And keep on lying

To convince myself

That murder’s just a word

That dreams are archaic

And life is just a joke

Can’t I have that?

The ability to laugh

Without the need of blades

To keep me on the track

To see you not in jealousy

But rather in charm

To promise my skin and bone

That I will do no harm

For the numb to suppress

Every inch of regret

I’m starving for hunger

But never at my very best

I forgive the wounds

But never forget to bleed

I chase away those I want

Lacerate what I need

Is there a way out

For the revolution to die

And I can truly say

That I’m oh-kay-ay-why

For I think I’m a peasant

Content in warm walls

But I’m just a king in his tower

Waiting for the fall.

~*~

Never gonna be the only thing that matters in my life
When everything around me has failed
Who knows what the future brings but
Eventually the truth will prevail
It’s moments like these when you really gotta think
About the broken dreams that you sell
Tick tock on your head it goes where it stops
Who knows, like a carousel…

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sugar me bitter, bitter you sweet

It started again, claiming a friend
I couldn’t be, I’ve never been
I’m all alone out in the cold
I’ll never know, your sugarcoat…

~*~

the thousand apologies

i left past your bedroom

but do they really mean

nothing at all, for you?

those tiptoes in soaked

socks and hushed laughs

were they just tolerances

you never want to pursue?

confusions and delusions

of the deluded convolution

but was that all i really set

myself up to run and trip?

for all those wrongs i know

and the mistakes i will grow

will you never be the mouth

that distinctly explains it?

~*~

Look what you did
Suck on your lies ’til your eyes turn red
What did you say
Willing to drown in a tidal wave
Take me away
Let me believe that you’re on your way…

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electric ocean

tiny pond in a thumb

painted soft tranquility

chipped oceans fade

tea shops and memory

rippling lake stones

nictitation nail silvery

scintillate northern

bitter blue melancholy.

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bitter tastes

it was supposed

to be the final

magnum opus,

the swan song

of a perfect day

but i guess i’m

just not meant

for that much

happiness, and

maybe it’s just

better off that way.

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Feel My Bones Ignite

~*~

The Night Gets Wasted

Banned bus seat backseat sovereign serenade

Diligent difference between a limerence renegade

Demons dancing, sober stars separating names

I’m screaming underwater as you burst into flames.

~*~

Break a Leg Tonight

I’m operating on the dead doctor with understudy nurses

He’s asking for some saline sedation and anaesthetising curses

Sewn into his own gurney, an advanced state of paranoia

I’ll lie about his terminal condition before I conduct euthanasia.

~*~

The Sound of Answering Machines

Settling for the taste of bitter window glass and sweeter tonic lips

Sp hold me down with your merest memory, and take another sip

Celebrate the way the scars constellate in your homemade fantasy

Do you think you’re the only animal who can’t breathe without me?

~*~

Pretend to Close Your Eyes

Fade me quietly into what seems to be a broken dead end reverie

Liquid lights leaking into blackened mechanisms, a faltering gallantry

I’ll run away and chase your nightmares, wrap you in a labyrinth

Exit signs crying as hell reads to heaven, you fall asleep in your plinth.

~*~

The Taste of Being on Fire

Our symphony written in blood and lipsticks, for a saving grace sonata

Tiring tirades traded, turn away and face the music, persona non grata

Two faces burning into colours, on a sunrise long-dead on the highway

Don’t make me vain for viscid vials of aether to dispel innocent display.

~*~

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Filed under Poetry