Tag Archives: borderline

Swallowing Diamonds: Does It Hurt?

Don’t even know if you left a note
Should we blame the Dekapote? Or vilify the Abilify?
You were trying to find your vanilla sky
Then you unravel, facedown on rock bottom
Fucking chewing gravel, because
A human’s so fragile, what can you do?

~*~

Got another issue

Pressing like a migraine

And all the healthy “bless you’s”

Can’t repair, can’t compare

To the amount of extraordinary pain

That’s felt with every angry stare

.

So I take a pistol that’s pink on one end

And swallow it whole ‘cause my life depends

On the gunpowder chemicals

Checking up on my broken physicals

Recycling my blood through and through

10 out of 10 doctors recommend that it’s true

.

They all thought I was blissful

‘Cause they never wanna hear about

The things that are fucking awful

Trained by clinical trials, trained by pharmaceuticals

So I’m still saying “I don’t need your help!”

As I choke on my fucking gavel

.

I’ve got a teaspoon of anxiety for my head

And a glass of borderline thoughts before I go to bed

As my body fights every request and rejects my skin

The strangers may praise me, but I will never win

Even if I had all the money in the world to sell out what I love

Would that change the happiness I lack in my blood?

.

‘Cause everyone’s a critic

And a cynic and they all “get it”

When they’re living in glowing cities

With their missus, acting clever

With their 9-5 IQ’s and 401k GPA endeavours

Feeling guilty their children didn’t get their Nerf Guns

.

But monsters don’t discriminate, it’s all fair game

No blame on no names, every label is the same

You could be sitting in gold and still don’t want to get old

You could be in a prison cell and don’t do what you’re told

Or you could be like me, contemplating a straitjacket tee

On my way out to an existence that doesn’t cope out too badly

.

So maybe there are issues that cannot be fixed with tissues

Or underhanded “you’re fine’s” or endless rounds of “bless you’s”

But it doesn’t hurt to compare and it doesn’t hurt to repair

The amount of extraordinary pain that no fake adrenaline stain

Nor serotonin on our hair, taken with a beggar’s angry stares

I’m only human like you and them after all, would it hurt me to care?

~*~

They press our teardrops into diamonds
They change our sorrows into gold
They’re gonna turn our blood to rubies
We just need someone we can hold…

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Filed under Poetry

Worthless Words from a Worthless Wreck

You’re too kind to me, you know that?

I don’t deserve absolution, or warm comfort, or reassuring words, or a steady shoulder to lean on when I cry. I deserve atonement, a punch in the face, a cold scream to strengthen up, I need tough love and tougher hate, because I’m far too spineless for my own good and I shouldn’t be stagnantly melting and caving in to that unwieldy trait anyway.

Do you like hearing about my problems? I don’t honestly believe that. Even I’m so sick of listening to the same old shit that I speak over and over again. Whining about problems so trite and unreasonable, even the purest of angels will certainly hate me for it. Oh, I’m sad again. Big fucking deal, so are a million other people out there, but do you see them complaining? No, so I should just suck it up and shut up about it already.

But I can’t, and I don’t. And you unknowingly get caught up in the middle of this ugly mess.

Just like any other rational person out there, you must think I’m rather obnoxious. Petty. Disgustingly needy. I know that’s not your nature, but still, I understand that, though. On the contrary, I understand it more than anyone else ever will. I know I push everyone’s patience to their breaking limits. I hurt and I hurt, and I’ve hurt other people, and I’ve hurt you, and I’m not worth my time or space, and neither should I be yours.

I’m sorry, but the truth is the truth, no matter how much it makes all the repressing lies in my fucked-up brain seethe indignantly. I’m always so pathetically selfish, but I sincerely never wanted this for you. You’re a decent soul with the best intentions and better people to spend your life on. I’m a bad person. I’m a bad friend. I’m always going bad. So why, just why are you being so good to me?

You’re too kind to me, you know that?

That’s being too cruel to yourself.

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Filed under Prose

Dreamcatcher

We’ve been a burden though we were kept alive
By the ones we’ve forsaken, by the ones at our side
The truth we’ve found is out there lost in everything
We can show the way for the wandering
When we’re young, we’re so naive….

~*~

It comes in wavering collapses

Of grief and breathless apologies

The artificial halogens are but false hope

As the truth is buried up to your knees

.

Where do I stand still if not for time?

I feel tears threatening to dwell again

Borderline deranged on black composure

Cyanide approval for minutes of craven

.

Is it worth the catch to let go of the dream?

There’s a ghost whispering lies inside my skin

And if I choose to listen to the sound of hell

Is there a way for me to break the spell?

.

But guide me home where the stars don’t hurt

And the light cast upon me is my transient rebirth

I won’t be resurrected in the blink of a goodbye

Though perhaps this time, I would feel less when I die.

~*~

It’s easy to see we’re running out of time, the walls are collapsing
They’re coming down on me, and nothing’s as it seems
This world is in ruins, you can’t believe what you see
Don’t you see, don’t you see? Don’t you desire to see the truth?

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Filed under Poetry

A Borderline’s Chants

Whose raindrops are

Falling on my cheeks

When I’m indoors now?

Not mine, no not mine

.

Whose saline tears are

Dripping down from my

Eyes, when mine are dry?

I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine

.

Whose rubious liquid is

Staining the pillowcase

When sunset triumphs?

Play nice, nice, nice, nice

.

Whose aqua vitae ebbs

Away from life and onto

The affinity of the scars?

Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies.

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Filed under Poetry