Tag Archives: build

deconstruction

mistakes,

i am built of

pencil shavings

lingering with

backaches

bitter sugar

a life-changing

flick of the wrist

stuttered change

homeless thoughts

gloomy showers

drenched in loneliness

small conversations

smaller smiles

overthinking

and undermining

deaf solfeges and

melodic dissonance

coalescing into

lucid obsessions

for somebody who

doesn’t exist

desperate need

pretty in pale purple

cruel in wrong red

damaged boy

starving for salt

like a suicide slave

hunger-crushed

ribs, leather scars

underlining the

scribbled prose

inkstains bleeding

nonsense, rambling

anxiety, trembling

neverending lies

nothing more

everything less

plain as paper grey

human unbeing

still unbecoming

j u s t . a . n o b o d y

is somebody…there?

bad and better

not so clever

tired of counting

can’t fall asleep

it’s been months now

centuries of waiting

yet still dying just

to find out

something, else

anything, right—

nothing’s right;

i am built of

mistakes

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the waiting game

anticipation

is building

and building

and building up

and still building…

but without

the relief of a

needed release,

it’s all i could do

not to crumble

under my own

nervous weight.

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Filed under Poetry

The Buildup Before The Downfall

This is your night with arms wide open
I’m the option you shouldn’t have chosen
Scared of the dark, the door’s wide open
This is the night you’ll regret in the morning…

~*~

Don’t you feel bad for choosing the option

That left me feeling good only out in the open

I’d bare my marred soul and read the signs

But you won’t talk back, our glances won’t align

I swear, I’m damned, do you regret me now?

Loverboy don’t play a fun game without any toys

I’d call your bluff and I’ll cash in all my friends

And still I’m short-selling, I couldn’t see this end

My hands will wander, and my eyes will travel

But you’re closer to heaven than I am to hell

Don’t pass my lips like obscenities, this is the first

You said you were an ocean, but why did I die of thirst?

I look over the chip over my shoulder to greet unrest

The choice I took was never mine, and you were my best

With the lies that surround me now, you tore me down

To build me back up into something completely different of your own.

~*~

Loverboy, you play those hearts like toys
Don’t you feel bad, don’t you feel bad, feel bad for them?
Given the choice, would you do it again?
Of course I would, of course I should
Well, I’m your friend, friend with benefits…

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Ash & Tongue

Ash is just a word, but why does it taste so ironically bitter in my mouth? Does it hurt to say it, because the conflagrating embers originated from my pharynx, tactlessly ignited after I accidentally swallowed phosphorous nitrate and it corroded against my sandpaper throat and set me on fire? Who would kiss a person with a mouth this filthy? Even the most affectionate of mothers turn their backs away from my chapped sooty lips, bleeding of halitosis and ashes and lies lies lies.

There it is, that word again, pulling my voice under hell and waking me up when I’m having the sweetest dream in my acerbic existence. The exit signs are glowing softly in delicate overtones, yet my bloodshot eyes perceive it as an uproarious neon scream, blinding my eyes, deafening my sight, blackening my vision. The water’s getting colder, I’m caught up in the rip, and my footing has slipped away. I’m swimming, no, drowning in the hazy fumes, dizzy from the medication-addled ozone, and still I could not hear a single truth amid all the false accusations.

He was a man until you destroyed him. You were a girl before I desecrated you, cautiously building you up brick by chalkdust brick, all the while as I’m hiding away the solitary intention of vulgarly demolishing the body that is your temple. And it was all too late for you when you found out. Did you survive all the devastation I caused and rose up from the rubble like a newly-reborn phoenix? Or have your devout worshipers fled the havoc and left you suffocating and buried under all the debris and ashes? Ash is just a name I used to call in my sleep, but why…why does it taste so painful between my teeth?

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Filed under Prose

walls

So my knees are the foundation
My skins the crumbling walls
And the fire in between is my blood
And it’s cold, and weak, and small…

~*~

and i could hear the walls

of my crumbling existence

crashing down around me

simultaneously, but i just

don’t want to build it back

up anymore, because i know it

will just fall down again, and

honestly, it’s just not worth it.

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Filed under Poetry

We March To The Beat Of A Different Drum

Listen honey, I’m a lot like you
Don’t trip, let us show you what to do
You say hey, let’s cheers to us
We’re gonna be victorious
Don’t matter what they say…
~*~

Hey, let’s cheers to us

Another year of crazy fuss

Madness, stories, and reminiscing

The same beat our hearts are singing

Some connections may be hazy

And the threads may be entangled badly

But I know I’ll always find my way

Back to what we have built in solidarity

You only live once, the anthem we live under

As we lose our sane to the fun and misadventures

Here’s cheers to another year, and to the next

May we create more memories that we don’t take for granted.

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Filed under Poetry

alienation

they say that friends

are good, but all they

do is build up and hurt

i just don’t understand it

i guess i’m just another kid

with a spaced-out mind who

doesn’t belong to this planet.

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Filed under Poetry