Tag Archives: care

happy hour

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cigarette smoke

hangs heavy in the air

dizzy dizzy daydreams

i know i won’t care

a drowsy companion

and blue drip on my lips

the world is way too loud

four minutes away from sick

the way the music throbs

like a toothache in my ears

blaring guitar against my grin

another round of shots and beer

maybe six more for the road

and another, just to melt away

like the ice between our shoulders

and the night that’s left to stay.

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so what was it that you were hoping for?

just an instantaneous reprieve

i still piss myself off with the thought

that it wouldn’t matter if i worry

you’re just a pretty name on paper

and my stuttering pen refuses to bleed

so my head does all the purging

again and again and i want it to be fine

even if i’m inconsequentially yours

because you’ll never find me out

i’m too shaded but i can’t cool it off

blindsided by your automatic ideas so

i guess i’ll apologise under my breath

every night, just before you save my

nightmares and leave the brake in

your clutch, ripped off like the breaks

in my heaving ribs, mouthing sorry

over and over and i’m not over it

i’ll never be fucking over it anyway

is that all you want? don’t even bother

i’m just the mirror you’re pointing at

and i’m just mimicking your baby eyes

it’s exhausting to let it glint all day

but who will care? you’re the best that

it gets, and i’m half as worse as i will get

and we’re all just a bunch of broken bodies

seemingly set for headfirst collision but

only narrowly missing by a sinew in the end

well i shouldn’t really get my hopes up

you’re far too clever for my cry for help

and my delusions can only cash in so much

before you’re changing your mind again

and i think for a second, maybe, oh

just fucking maybe—falling prey again

to your last instantaneous reprieve

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Blasé

“you’re too young

to be jaded by love.”

said she, twisting

imaginary wedding rings

on a broken finger

.

mustering an odd smile

weak and halfhearted

as the glittery ache behind

my eyes betrayed just

barely a glimpse of

.

the devotion i’m still

wasting myself on

of inked skin and shared

laughter, but only the

demons in my head hear

.

if only she knew. if only

you knew. if only i didn’t

know any better—then

perhaps i wouldn’t be old

enough to even start caring.

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pseudonym

all i made was you

not another myth to spare

don’t fake the truth

you’re not designed to care

.

claustrophobic now

intertwined like spiderwebs

zealous—just jealous

elysiums, but not your name

keeping me barely sane.

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Conspire

I wonder what you’re up to

I wonder what you’ll wear

I wonder if today’s your day

I wonder if you’ll be there

.

I wonder what you’re up to

Though I know I shouldn’t care

‘Cause you’ll never ask about me

And I guess that’s just only fair.

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Continuums

It’s a statistical impossibility multiplied

I knew the chances worked against me

But I went on ahead and paid the price

Never knowing how much it really cost me

.

You wrote unsent letters for someone else

The very same way I always do for you

Are we both just chasing phantoms, then?

Love, are we both craving nothing new?

.

The pain spreads violence in my thoughts

Saturating every lusted wakeful nightmare

You’re tearing me away, you never found out

That this world is more than willing to play unfair

.

But I guess it’s my fault, I handed you the bullets

That ran under my skin in these times of despair

When my vulnerabilities gouged holes in my system

Connect the dots all you want, but I’m beyond repair

.

The last time I said was the last time I’ll do this

But it lasted too long to last—this time, I mean it

You’re just too vague, oh, this is all just too simple

I let my veins die for the sake of an open answer

.

Now the impossible’s melting, but melting into red

I knocked back bland neurosis just to sedate my head

I knew this was coming for me, I know that you’ll never care

But why does it hurt even more when there’s no space left to be unaware?

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Have Some Booze, So You Don’t Choke On The Truth

So come on and take a shot
You just can’t get enough
Don’t let the fact that you know
Nothing stop you talking now
‘Cause when all is said and done
My name’s still on your tongue
But tell me, why you gotta
Kick me when I’m down?

~*~

I meant what I said

When I said nothing’s wrong

Because nothing was what’s left

Of this bad trick all along

.

You act like you’re in sorry pain

Try to keep your glares curt

But blunt lies crush the silence

You’re the only one hurt

.

And to think I never thought

Only accepted with the blindest faith

But things are too good to be true

And they won’t come to those who wait

.

It was just a matter of time

But I wasn’t really keeping score

We’ve done this over and over, now

Hell, I’ve seen it all before

.

And honestly, it’s fine by me

It’s one less bullshit to worry about

Less weight on my strained shoulders

A good lesson to keep the flies out

.

So hold out your soul and cry

I won’t stay to watch the flowers die

You’re not even worth the spite

You were never worth the fucking fight

.

So long, and no thanks for the crazy memories

That stabbed like a migraine even as I kept going on

Goodbye and swallow the drama, I don’t need it anymore

It’s just easier to accept that I never cared all along.

~*~

Yeah, I know it’s all in good fun, but
Don’t say it’s coming from love now
I see those arms in akimbo
And don’t set that phaser to stun
‘Cause what doesn’t kill me
Well, it better run like hell
Yeah, you better run like hell…

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Care Ethics

Maybe I don’t really want to care

But my mind could only lie so much

To convince the rest of my humanity

That my hard apathy’s set in stone

‘Cause now you’re chiseling it all away

And sculpting a different kind of truth

I swear, the tears in my eyes is just

From all the dust that you’re kicking up

Maybe I shouldn’t really care, I know

That I could weigh myself with worries

And still be rendered powerless to this fate

You’re too far away from my reach

But why am I complaining now, when

I was the one who built this pedestal

For you to stand on with your marble feet

When I know you won’t even care at all?

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28 – hesitant hope

i know you aren’t sick

of that five-hour coffee yet

or even making a mess out of

expensive watercolours

but you better stop laughing

while you’re down and out

.

and you also don’t care

for the farewells and five a.m.

headaches making a mess

out of your cheapest apologies

but you better start fixing

that wretched old life of yours.

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Swallowing Diamonds: Does It Hurt?

Don’t even know if you left a note
Should we blame the Dekapote? Or vilify the Abilify?
You were trying to find your vanilla sky
Then you unravel, facedown on rock bottom
Fucking chewing gravel, because
A human’s so fragile, what can you do?

~*~

Got another issue

Pressing like a migraine

And all the healthy “bless you’s”

Can’t repair, can’t compare

To the amount of extraordinary pain

That’s felt with every angry stare

.

So I take a pistol that’s pink on one end

And swallow it whole ‘cause my life depends

On the gunpowder chemicals

Checking up on my broken physicals

Recycling my blood through and through

10 out of 10 doctors recommend that it’s true

.

They all thought I was blissful

‘Cause they never wanna hear about

The things that are fucking awful

Trained by clinical trials, trained by pharmaceuticals

So I’m still saying “I don’t need your help!”

As I choke on my fucking gavel

.

I’ve got a teaspoon of anxiety for my head

And a glass of borderline thoughts before I go to bed

As my body fights every request and rejects my skin

The strangers may praise me, but I will never win

Even if I had all the money in the world to sell out what I love

Would that change the happiness I lack in my blood?

.

‘Cause everyone’s a critic

And a cynic and they all “get it”

When they’re living in glowing cities

With their missus, acting clever

With their 9-5 IQ’s and 401k GPA endeavours

Feeling guilty their children didn’t get their Nerf Guns

.

But monsters don’t discriminate, it’s all fair game

No blame on no names, every label is the same

You could be sitting in gold and still don’t want to get old

You could be in a prison cell and don’t do what you’re told

Or you could be like me, contemplating a straitjacket tee

On my way out to an existence that doesn’t cope out too badly

.

So maybe there are issues that cannot be fixed with tissues

Or underhanded “you’re fine’s” or endless rounds of “bless you’s”

But it doesn’t hurt to compare and it doesn’t hurt to repair

The amount of extraordinary pain that no fake adrenaline stain

Nor serotonin on our hair, taken with a beggar’s angry stares

I’m only human like you and them after all, would it hurt me to care?

~*~

They press our teardrops into diamonds
They change our sorrows into gold
They’re gonna turn our blood to rubies
We just need someone we can hold…

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