Tag Archives: cold

Ash & Tongue

Ash is just a word, but why does it taste so ironically bitter in my mouth? Does it hurt to say it, because the conflagrating embers originated from my pharynx, tactlessly ignited after I accidentally swallowed phosphorous nitrate and it corroded against my sandpaper throat and set me on fire? Who would kiss a person with a mouth this filthy? Even the most affectionate of mothers turn their backs away from my chapped sooty lips, bleeding of halitosis and ashes and lies lies lies.

There it is, that word again, pulling my voice under hell and waking me up when I’m having the sweetest dream in my acerbic existence. The exit signs are glowing softly in delicate overtones, yet my bloodshot eyes perceive it as an uproarious neon scream, blinding my eyes, deafening my sight, blackening my vision. The water’s getting colder, I’m caught up in the rip, and my footing has slipped away. I’m swimming, no, drowning in the hazy fumes, dizzy from the medication-addled ozone, and still I could not hear a single truth amid all the false accusations.

He was a man until you destroyed him. You were a girl before I desecrated you, cautiously building you up brick by chalkdust brick, all the while as I’m hiding away the solitary intention of vulgarly demolishing the body that is your temple. And it was all too late for you when you found out. Did you survive all the devastation I caused and rose up from the rubble like a newly-reborn phoenix? Or have your devout worshipers fled the havoc and left you suffocating and buried under all the debris and ashes? Ash is just a name I used to call in my sleep, but why…why does it taste so painful between my teeth?

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Filed under Prose

going, going, gone

would they notice

if my eyes faded away

and i lost my way

to the beckoning light?

the constructed highways

and hanging bridges

i still have to traverse are

too treacherous for my feet

and i can’t drag it out

watch me fight back

my shoulders straining to

remove the weight of the world

from its teetering blades

and yet i fell off the balance

waiting for the end of hell

in the beginning of the creation

closing my open heart

in this faceless underwater

i’ll feel anxiety again if i resurface

so i’ll embrace the cold and let

myself sink peacefully

all the way to the bottom

soothing the burns in my tongue

and the wait that manifests

saying i’ll jump off if i’m far too lost

and no one could come with me

to the deepest end of nowhere

where no one could reach my hand

and pull me back again

into the chaos they call home

who knows if i could still return

maybe i’ll just disappear for a while

after all, no one would notice.

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Filed under Poetry

Illumina

i was wrong to think

dear, that the lights would follow you

back home, where i sleep alone

with an extinguished lamp

.

perhaps you were too prudent

and needn’t dare to waste the stars

on such fickle promenades

.

or perhaps i wasn’t worth the weight

of a galaxy where you exist

.

or perhaps the infinite nights were too much a burden

.

but whatever the curious reason

i still stand solitary under a dismal sky

and you’re still kissing the sunlight

as the moon falls under the endless well

weeping grievously for its lost love

.

and my heart wouldn’t be forgiven

for all the scars it left on yours

.

but i hold starlight within my eyes

ones you shall never touch nor extinguish

like the cold lamp smouldering by my bedside

.

for i was mistaken to think, dear

that you were the only source of luminescence.

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Filed under Poetry

january evenings

keep me warm

for my rattly bones

and my shivering flesh

and the very edges

of my frosted fingertips

are rather arctic cold…

so share your tepid breaths

circulating faintly like

your lukewarm blood

and wrap your tiny fingers

in mine, as i ensconce

you around a quiet

embrace, keeping the

both of us warm and cosy

comfortably nestled together

under blankets and pillows

as we rest in the midst of the

brewing tantrum storm outside,

frigid breeze only daring us

to thaw tighter in each other’s

soft, assuring, ember grasp.

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Filed under Poetry

New Year, New Year

I’m in the sky tonight, there I can keep by your side
Watching the wide world riot and hiding out
I’ll be coming home next year
Into the sun we climb, climbing our wings will burn white
Everyone strapped in tight, we’ll ride it out
I’ll be coming home next year…

~*~

The arctic wind tastes of a million ethereal memories

Beleaguering the lost sympathy in my jaded brain

Thinking about all the moments I spent under the sun

The nostalgia that I’ve forgotten so they’ll eternally remain

Leading on, leading on, marching this bittersweet repast

Words that strike to the very bone, another reeling line cast

In inkstains and furious scribbles that cross out the world

And I did what they said I couldn’t, and I didn’t do as I was told

To the divine songs I dance along to, that told me “boy, you’re alright”

Passion, emotion, vindication, separation, in notes that alight

Saying hello but never goodbye to the quaint darling heart I gained

And to the kindred souls still there for me despite all the withdrawing pains

Sure enough, the months may not have been a consistent flurry of good

And most times, things don’t really work out the way that they should

Ebony turns an even darker shade, and gelid rain falls in crashing maelstrom seas

And when I rest my head every night, a litany of emptiness is all I can see

But with the hope that I once lost, I can fervently regenerate it again

Celebrating the end of the days with the guys screaming Viva La Hysteria Bien!

And with only the secrets I traded and faded, the things I don’t have to hide

I may be dead somewhere, in another time, but for now I know, at least…I’m still alive.

~*~

Come on get on get on, take it till life runs out
No one can find us now, living with our heads underground
Into the night we shine, lighting the way we glide by
Catch me if I get too high when I come down
I’ll be coming home next year…

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Filed under Poetry

Seasons in Retrograde

Come at me with everything you’ve got
Burst into flames, s
cream in the dark
I’m gonna light up this place
And die in beautiful stars tonight…

~*~

They said it wouldn’t be easy

And being homesick is better than being alone

As the moon burst into flames

I ended up igniting under my coalescing bones

.

Throw me behind the darkness

And I’ll learn to breathe without the light

As the blade swings closer to me

Love, I’ll hold it back for you, and I’ll fight

.

I’m dizzy from wreaking all this havoc

Sober as the ashes melted in my numbing lips

Counting seconds until these stars drop

I’ll catch them like a nightmare, take and keep

.

Because everything looks even more beautiful

When I’m submerged a thousand feet deep in waters

And the undersea glow is a vicious accentuation

To those pale azure eyes that speak of blank aspiration

.

For they won’t come to take you back

And being homesick is better than being alone

As the midnight sun froze into winter

I ended up embracing the perennial cold for my own.

~*~

(What do you do when you’re out of time?)
(Where do you go when they’re right outside?)
(And how do you scream when there’s no one left around?)
I’m gonna light up this place (No one left around?)
And I will be the only light, I’ll be the only light.

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Filed under Poetry

The Soldier In The Desert

Well, after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar’s just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up while you can…

~*~

so tell me, what have i done

to deserve these icy shivers

you dripped down my spine

and halted my temperature?

.

i only wished to take respites

and thaw this spastic relation

i never thought you’re weary

fathomed into a sunken inure

.

but grudges develop into gall

and interpretations turn awry

communications break down

and scars leave defaced marks

.

though was this my sin or yours

praying to the deities of hearsay

and believe gossip from tongues

refusing thus to light the sparks?

.

so tell me, just what have i done

to deserve your crashing bullets?

dismayed gunpowder sending me

straight down into an early grave

.

i only wished to defuse the placid hate

and cease this ineffectual, aeonian war

but perhaps both of the perpetrators are

enjoying such pain too much to be saved.

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Filed under Poetry

Snow Maiden (Winter Sonata)

Snow is falling, last train home
Hurry up, it’s been too long, I know, I know
Been on the road a hundred days
And I can’t wait to see your face
Come home, she said come home…

~*~

The disappointment is as palpable

As the ashes of a burnt linden tree

Painting nightmares on my tongue

Tracing rivulets of bruised scarlet

I wonder if I knew anything at all

(I’ll never feel this way again)

.

I wake up to scream at the falling sky

Waiting for melting watches to tick

As i crushed quinces on my fingers

Lost queries of my olive laurel echoing

Returning peace to my crystal diadem

(If I held my breath, would I feel a thing?)

.

Cleaves of grey accentuate my shoulders

Angles cutting against chilly winter wind

As I mindlessly counted cobweb snowflakes

The jackfrost kissing my unfortunate skin

It’s so cold, yet your spell is potent to season

(I’ll never feel this way again)

.

Was it my crime to tread past your virgin snow?

Snapping frail twigs beneath solemn footsteps

Looking for lime thrush amid robin evergreen

Distractions working their way into my heart

YThe temperature drops like icicles in my coat

(If I held my breath, would I feel a thing?)

.

Hibernating eyes reminded me of summer days

That never really arrived to thaw this glacial soul

Midst of mirages and premonitions of soft laughs

My warm coffee spilling as the steam train stops

I thought I was finally home…hope is a fickle thing

(I’ll never feel this way again)

.

Oh beloved, your nectarine gaze was mine to spare

Crashing the chrysalis of our failed metamorphosis

As arctic weather turns our breaths foggy, icy shivers

Last beyond the horizon. I never meant to let you down

I’m so sorry that I still can’t see why you truly loved me…

In this cruel coldness, I wonder if I knew anything at all

(If I held my breath, would I feel a thing?)

.

(And I’ll never feel this way again—

If I held my breath forever, would I still feel a thing?)

~*~

You’ve been waiting so long for me
I know that’s not that fair now baby
I come home on Christmas morning
Knock on your door, the snow is falling
You come out, come out to greet me
Wrap your arms, your arms around me…

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Merry Christmas Is Too Cliché, I’ll Burn Down Your House Instead

Now I hope you’re happy with yourself, ’cause I’m not laughing
Don’t you think it’s kind of crappy what you did this holiday?
When I gave you my heart, you ripped it apart
Like wrapping paper trash, so I wrote you a song
Hope that you sing along, and it goes
“Merry Christmas, kiss my ass!”

~*~

I waited 359 days for the day

You’ll wake up and see the star blink out

On the top of your christmas tree

And I’ll be just fine and merry

‘Cause baby, it’s cold outside

And the weather’s as frigid as your soul

But guess you knew all that

When you buried me under the snow

And the bells may be a’jingling

But my face is numb and tingling

From all the endless and forced laughing

As the carolers continue wailing

Say you’re Santa Claus ‘cause you went to town

I got my eggnog when I got you down

You once were sweet like striped candy cane

And now you’re just stuffed like a red stocking again

But 12 days ain’t enough to keep you satisfied

I’ve had my fill, now I wanna throw up

The silent night turned into total manic chaos

All I want for christmas is you, to shut the fuck up

I’m on my own, so wrap me up

Like a delicate present, and rip me up

I’ll be the cookie drowning in your sweet milk

The soot in your chimney, coal and ink

And play, and play all the songs once more

About how this holiday is keeping score

Month of goodwill, hope, and festive season

When it’s nothing but a festering commercialism

Naughty’s being nice, and Santa ain’t true

But even if he was, well he won’t ever visit you

Gun down the sleighs, trip the reindeers

Ho ho holy shit this whole thing is just a derriere

But christmas miracles do happen, so they say

And your good-for-nothing face went away

I hope you choke on your tinsel and peppermint

I’ll hang myself by the christmas lights like an ornament

The sense of rude nostalgia, and all the childish feels

Of you begging for more presents, you got me hot on my heels

And if the decorations are blocking your misery

Call me gingerbread man, because you can eat me

And tonight I’m gonna burn the mistletoe down

To forget what happened under its boughs

And use it as minty poison on my lips

For your goodbye kiss, pucker up, and I’ll take it real slow

‘Cause I waited 359 days for the moment

Thar I could write another trite and cliched song

About my damn trashy special little snowflake

And how everyone got this christmas bullshit all wrong.

~*~

No, fuck you girl, I’m going out
I gave you my all, but our love hit a wall, now
I’m jingle belling, and everyone’s yelling
We’ll drink ’til the bars shut us down
Ain’t that just what Christmas is all about?

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Filed under Poetry

rain, rain, don’t go away

i’ve written

a billion words

for the rain

one for each

raindrop that

falls down again

.

drenched in

poetry, chilled

to the bone

neutral weather

in rhythmic

diamond tones

.

hole in quaint

heart, and rest

for the weak

and solace and

comfort is all

my skin seeks

.

i’ve written

a billion words

for the rain

hoping that each

one makes it

fall down again.

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Filed under Poetry