Happy start of June, everyone. And happy summer holidays (or the end of it, to some), as well. It’s been a while.
So. I made it home somehow. And to no one’s surprise, I have to drop out from college (whether temporarily or permanently, it’s still undecided) thanks to failing grades, so I guess I’ll be stuck here a while. I’m honestly just relieved to get this whole stressful weight out of my chest now, and mostly thankful that my entire family hasn’t totally disowned me and scissor-kicked my pathetic ass straight onto the kerb, leaving me to die alone, destitute, and homeless. But assuming the role of the classic family disappointment living in their parents’ basement aside, I still have to do something productive. Maybe find a crappy job to toil on for the rest of my useless life. Maybe go back to college after a bit of rest and then suffer extensively to the verge of suicide again. Maybe find some other calling or whatever the hell that means. People are lowkey pushing me to take DIA or some writing internship or shit like that, but I really don’t think my heart would be in it, and it would also just mean more unnecessary expenses that would be wasted, should I inevitably fuck up again. So now…I don’t know yet. I know for sure what I really want to do with myself, but just the details of that plan are so insanely fuzzy and the end goal is far from attainable. Ah, hell. C’est la vie. I could always just throw myself directly into oncoming highway traffic and either die or sue if nothing else works, save everyone the time and trouble.
In other less-depressing news, I’ve been focusing so much work and energy into drawing and arts—and the occasional ear training, scales/modes practice and music theory studies, which I admittedly have been kinda slacking on—that I never really realised until now that I haven’t quite paid attention to writing as much these days. Not that I’m worried about completely slipping out of the habit of it, though. I just find it a bit strange and disconcerting for my hands to not be itching for a pen and my journal all the time. Writing is always going to be the main core of my hobbies, since it’s the one that comes most naturally to me, but I gotta take a break every once in a while, y’know? After thousands upon thousands of various write-ups both finished and unfinished, maybe I’m just a teeny bit burnt-out—wow, who would’ve thunk? I’ll probably get back to it soon anyway, since I really have nothing else to do nowadays but lie in my dusty bed and get deep-fried by the severe goddamned heat wow global warming is real you guys
Anyway, here are a few trash illustrations and whatnot that I’ve worked on the past couple months. Might as well share it here, since they’re just sitting in my sketchbooks and rotting away miserably otherwise. As for a demo music-wise, well…I’ll see if I can gather up enough courage and motivation to record myself and actually put up stuff of that calibre. Nah, jk. I won’t subject whoever’s stumbling across my blog to my shitty voice and sappy lyric-writing and subpar instrument playing. This ain’t the time and place for that. Y’all just gonna have to wait for my full-length fire asf album to drop coming out 2069 eyyyy hahahaH end me please :)))
But that’s about as exciting as my life gets, really. And I have more fitful and unknown days way ahead of me. I mean for god’s sake, I’m barely a week into this holiday and my life’s already collapsed back into a deathless rot, and I’ve also got an ongoing migraine that’s festering worse than a twenty øne piløts song. Let’s see what kind of other mindless indulgence and flagrant existential crises this round of the year brings.