Tag Archives: company

the punctured spare tyre

a crippling sensation

masticating the walls of

my sovereign heart

a pendulum beat, a second

of apologies, that a lie

could never restart

intrepid decisions reveal

mistakes skewed by

colluding increments

the truth is verbatim and

reality’s imagination

is merely dark figments

impervious to quaintness

and jubilance and

optimistic butterfly whispers

interrogations turned to

awkward interludes

with a scowling stranger

my company is not the best

as my skyward eyes

are crashing to the ground

and every sacrifice is

as palpable as a siren’s

intensifying alluring sound

for the beast is a choleric

tantrum kicking up storms

in this dizzying bruised mind

behind all this laughter

and arrogant jerk banter

there’s only doldrums you’ll find.

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Grandeur in Bloom

You took it back
How could you go and do
Something like that

My fingernail phase
Worst has got the best of you
I ask you and I know I need to change…

~*~

It’s just another obstinate memory which I failed to reconcile

The company of your calamity makes my weathered skin worthwhile

Was I so inconsiderate to agitate the quaint peace we were sharing?

If blood washes away with the rain, then I shall keep on holding

It was a disastrous severity, my naïveté is a transparent mirror

Irises crushed senselessly, an exquisite corpse efflorescent in lavender

If only I had known the elaborate meaning of such an interrogation

What I would have done to offer faith optimally and dispose my disillusion.

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Moonlit Conversations

The beacon that is calling me
The light that never dies
Reflections thrown above the sea
Casts shadows in the sky…

~*~

looking pensive

out the window

of a slowing

rusty car

dear company

i’m singing

songs to the

dandelion moon

we have

all night to

talk about the

million stars

but somehow

tomorrow

morning still

seems far too soon.

~*~

Save it until you need it the most
(I’m coming home) I’m coming home…

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confined

iv line around my neck

needles piercing with a pinch

saline as steady as the flowing blood

working past vein and skin

drip. drip. drip.

on the liquid cycle goes

of crimson and clear

of dehydration and decay

of a sickness and sane

as maddening as the silence

that i take for alternative company

in the four confining walls

of this sterile, whitewashed institution.

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tired feet and sore bones

tired feet, cold

and sore bones

soaked in rain

kicking stones

stories, secrets

but no telling

as cheeks hurt

from laughing

sterile offices

reject, resent

victory at little

achievements

walking for a

hundred miles

company makes

it worthwhile

end of the day

afternoon fleets

sharing life and

colourful biscuits

tired feet, cold

and sore bones

but somehow i don’t

want to go home.

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Misery Loves Company

I’m in good company

With idiots and fools

As they entertain me

By being absolute tools

.

I’m in good company

With idiots and fools

But should I be sorry?

Fuck, I don’t make the rules.

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Friends vs. Fantasies

I absolutely despise social interaction

And I’ll forsake the company of others

I would rather not have conversations

Or indulge for my brothers and sisters

.

When I attempt to be amicable, acquaint

It feels like I’m scarfing down lead paint

The smiling, greetings, painful small talk

I don’t feel any better, as away they walk

.

The only friends I will ever require are you

But what a damn shame that isn’t quite true

For you’ll only visit me when I’m fast asleep

Your separated reality is never mine to keep.

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letters to s.d.: fragment #1 {lifeline}

To: S.D., West Coast
Southern California
Return address: V.M.J.T.
Tijuana, Mexico

dear s.d.,

i don’t know how to begin,

but I know where it all starts.

it starts with me carving

gold stars on my wrists

and leaving tissues stained

with a beautiful shade of red

sopping over the metal kitchen sink,

glinting a hypnotic silver like

the blade in my trembling hands

…and that’s where it all was

simply supposed to have ended.

but apparently i’m still alive

and instead of wasting my blood

i’ll use the rusty ink to write

to you instead. so, how are you?

i miss the thought of losing you

and your silly uttered promises.

you said you’ll be the catalyst

to my raging cancer, but I’m still

crippled and weak from the fear.

you also told me you’d come to

separate my throat from my own

cold dead hands, but you’re still

missing and I’m still meaningless.

your lies are inebriating, darling.

you keep running circles in my

one-track mind 24/7, 365 days,

but I don’t think of you enough

or otherwise I wouldn’t have

proceeded with painting my

paper skin with rubious liquid

before shredding it to pieces

like any other filthy, disgusting

untoward abstract art deserves.

as my guts twist and untwist like

the grey earphone cords jammed

in my ears, blasting this fucking

world away with fake allegories

of a boulder hard lullaby melody,

and your voice screams the song

that i fell hard for. i’m fully aware

that you were singing it for bella,

not for me, and it’s so bittersweet

yet still I could not help myself

and a blossomed ironic quivering

smile collides against the pain—

fugacious, but for a moment

everything seemed quite normal

(but the moment of normalcy

was ruined by the knife biting

down distractedly on my flesh).

oh, your remedy and memory is

killing me slowly, worse than the

disease. we liked to run our blood

thin, but you divorced this addiction

and turned to singing, rivers calming

your tantrum storms, while I kept

relapsing to the blades that love to

feel, screaming in the showerhead

as scalding water pours and prepares

my temperature for inevitable hell.

i simply cannot help it, darling.

in this purgatory existence, there

are only momentary limbos of a

cumulonimbus paradise, before the

mocking angels snatch it away from

me, out of my reach; and make it rain

glass shards and wasteland debris

to maim my intravenous drugged veins

and they didn’t take you from me;

no, they goddamn dragged you halfway

around the fucking universe to keep

your gospel lips unattainable forever.

this ritual is only my blood sacrifice

to the merciless gods. understand that

this is only my way of returning you back

to the embrace of my lacerated arms that

You have yet to wrap yourself around in.

i’m so sorry this had to be the last resort.

i just want your company to burn me again.

i know that you won’t condone this blasphemy…

but you’re my heaven s.d., so don’t give me hell.

.

don’t let [REDACTED] go, don’t fucking throw [REDACTED] away.

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nighttime neon

dreams of you

they keep me

company and

i feel at home,

but then i wake

up, and i feel so

l o s t and a.l.o.n.e.

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riled-up

just how the hell

do you make me

despise you and

also sorely wish

for your company

at the same time?

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