i’m so confused
as to whether
i should hate you
for your little trivialities
up for dissection
or like you for
the bigger picture of
the friend with which
i could share every emotion.
just how the hell
do you make me
despise you and
also sorely wish
for your company
at the same time?
Please won’t you push me for the last time
Let’s scream until there’s nothing left
So sick of playing, I don’t want to anymore!
The thought of you’s no fucking fun
You want a martyr, I’ll be one
Because enough’s enough, we’re done!
Abandoned brains dripping on the cold spiral staircase
My crumpled train station tickets wiped them all away
The nights were as sober as 5 AM Jack on the rocks
Reset reverse repose and smash a hammer on the clock
You’re like a spoke in my heart, like nails through my teeth
Let’s slow down the sound of pain, ’cause you taste so sweet
I’m like the chlorine in your skin, like the poison in your cure
Maybe I’ll inject the moonshine once again just to be sure
You’ll never see my face in the movies as you always should
But babe it’s tough to dwell on the surface of Hollywood
Endgame of a bloodless artery, and I’m the rebel subsidiary
I’m the heart attack in your nightmares until you wake me
Am I confusing? Or complex? Am I the nuclear home you wrecked?
Are you the cannonball that hurtled past and broke clean my neck?
Breaths frosting over glass like a harsh blizzard in the winter
If I’m the martyr dying on a cross, then maybe you’re the sinner
You mixed suicide in my bloody scotch and you left me to rot
If I’m jumping off the bridge, then you’re my second thoughts
You’re the puppy crush love and I’m the old dog you put down
You hanged me by my collar in the gallows with a silent frown
We were screaming at each other in the most perfect harmony
If you were crying or laughing at the end of the line, I can’t see
You dosed my soul with whiskey and you sang a metal lullaby
And when I passed out from the hate, you crept out, no goodbye
So listen, wake the fuck up! Who the hell are you to die on me?
If you’re searching for some peace eternal, then I guess I’m sorry
I wrote your name on my mutated wrists with a blunt safety pin
And the scars on my lips won’t fade away anytime soon, darling
So don’t you go away now! Who the fuck are you to fall apart on me?
The razor blades in my throat won’t be swallowed with your fake sorry
This turbulent liquid passion made us crash on the tides and capsize
But if there’s a heaven waiting baby, then it won’t have a place for your lies—!
You told me think about it, well I did
And I don’t wanna feel a thing anymore
I’m tired of begging for the things that I want
I’m over sleeping like a dog on the floor
Imagine living like a king someday
A single night without a ghost in the walls
We are the shadows screaming take us now
We’d rather die than live to rest on the ground!
the sky is bound
to fall anyways
maybe i’ll hold it
but now the drugs
paralyse my body
the fumes i inhaled
make me so tipsy
and they scream in
surprise and scare
whilst chemicals, it
blurred and stared
the police in batons
they knocked down
the basement doors
paint the red towns
and i’m sitting here
with cold dead hands
clutching my heart
wishing to understand
as they plucked the
planets off the ceiling
my lucy’s parvenus
her swan song dying
maybe the sky will
fall, splash eternity
but i’ll swim in the
face of its futility.
Take me down to Wonderland
Down the dark rabbit hole
Try to make me understand
Your own mad little world.
Paintings in dark grey
Time set in a weird delay
Wind’s breath is hitching
When your world is spinning.
ON LIFE IN COLOUR
I’m not jealous of rainbows
Nor the lights of the big city
My life is more bright, colourful
Than any palette will ever be.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Engrossed in the tired clock
Movement at a snail’s pace
Slowly pushing past the haze.
Soft hair freely twirling
Whimsical light singing
Sheer elegance elevating
And she keeps on dancing.
Yeah, you don’t know my mind
You don’t know my kind
Dark necessities are part of my design
Tell the world that I’m falling from the sky…
I sign the papers to my own death knell
As I gladly submit to your anathemic spell
A personal, selfish, rotten, sick addiction
Adding another rusty nail to my crucifixion
The darkest of my clandestine necessities
Lighting me up inside like wild incendiaries
Got me so high until I refuse thusly to stop
So make me fly again and fill up my cup
Swirling with the sweetest soul’s spirits
Add another toxic scarlet potion and stir it
Perfume scents, the most dizzying kind
Further deepen the haze that is my mind
Soliloquies and bullets spill from my mouth
Confessions told, kneeling in a roundabout
Vices, virtues, now they all look the same
Salvation, sinning, so remember my name
I know the bad side effects, consequences
I have knowledge of this wrongful mess
But at this point I’m lost, gone too far under
To even stop to care about it now and wonder.
Do you want this love of mine
The darkness helps to sort the shine
Do you want it, do you want it now?…