Tag Archives: confusion

Blind Ears To See, Deaf Eyes To Hear, Mute Mouth To Speak

True friends lie underneath
These witty words I don’t believe
I can’t believe a damn thing they say anymore
Lie! Liar, you’ll pay for your sins
Now! Liar, I know all the places you’ve been
Forgiveness—this taste all but poisons my mouth…

~*~

We all have arbitrary problems

Whether it’s petty or magnanimous

The cryptic remains we wish to seal up

And bury inside a metal sarcophagus

But it could be easily exhumed

Or never even entombed, after all

And inevitably, sooner or later

I shall play the role of the coroner

When I’m contorted in a painful position

It gets to me, red sprites of confusion

To inject dopamine, a blush of adrenaline

But instead I’m simply a machine

Automatic in my messages underhand

Pretending that I could understand

What’s easy is difficult, I go into overdrive

The train of thought which never arrives

I wish I could spill out waves of clarity

Instead of letting the cobwebs gather

In my drying, decomposing mouth

Conflicted about platitudes I muttered

If only I could then convince myself

To cease listening to blaring smoke alarms

Remove the arrow lodged in my trachea

And ask why, it will do me no harm

But instead I end up feeling incompetent

In total oblivion from such a situation

I’m not a companion, but I’m merely a bench

A rusted statue, a broken monkey wrench

Seminal symptoms that cripple and debilitate

Responses taken from a mind that is surrogate

I wish I could confront, interfere, absolve dysthymia

But my tongue is affected by parasaethesia.

~*~

I scream but nothing, nothing will come out, you’ve gone too far
So tell me how does it feel, how does it feel to be like you?
I think your mouth should be quiet ’cause it never tells the truth
So tell me, so tell me why, why does it have to be this way?

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You Better Get The Door

Wash away these memories, silent and proud
Blood won’t confirm on these curtains
Your blood, my hands, your blood, my fucking hands
Run for the hills, your strength, from the dead afar…

~*~

A moment of delusion, celestial superfusion

Wander, demand her, a second of confusion

Seven to heaven when I find the intersection

Logistics and statistics that I failed to mention

.

Broken and unspoken, for the days I set unnumbered

We’ll plan this sheer madness until we’re torn asunder

Mayday don’t you say a thing, now don’t you maunder

Relay and decay me, the taste of suffering feels blander

.

Sorry, you know me, a crack away from the brick bracs

Gave me what you saved me, and the senses that I lack

Then we’ll set up for the kill, the trigger’s left unlocked

If I leave my morals ajar, maybe someone else will knock.

~*~

Run for the hills, your strength from luck
Cut this off, and if you think you’re alive,
Then you’re better off fucking dead!

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assumptive apologies thrown out at the walkway

Isn’t it obvious I’m a wreck
I set these fires just for you
Isn’t it obvious I’ve calmed down
I saved my breakdowns just for you…

~*~

i’m sorry that

i was never there.

that i was just

one trivial moment

in all of life’s

sordid complexities,

the benzedrine

you impulsively take

at three in the morning,

effects shooting up

your severed veins

but always subsiding.

i just wish i didn’t

have to feel like

a counterfeit dollar,

washed up and torn apart

because i look far

too factitious to be

of any use for anyone;

or that final cigarette

you take under the midnight

streetlamps to experience

thrill one last time

before you stop forever.

my conscience feels

strangely disembodied.

i don’t know if

this guilt is justified

or simply being irrational

i don’t know if my

attachment is paramount

or just another necessity

like sleep, or food,

that you can easily replace

i don’t know if i’m

overused, or misunderstood

or i’m simply being

a complete presumptuous,

one-sided, narcissistic

fool about all of this…

i don’t know my function.

i’m confused by your confusion,

and i’m sorry if i’m wrong

but i’ll be even more

sorry if i turn out to be

right.

~*~

I want what I need, I need what I want
And I’m not what you wanted
I felt you slowly slip away, those cemetery eyes
These seven deadly sins, these forty days of night
Have severed all our ties…

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frustriert

frustration is

falling off like

stars on the ceiling

against the glow

of the bedroom

i find them crashing

with every light

that blinks out

under its own fire

i bite my tongue

hold my breath

and say i’m a liar

so blame me again

indecisiveness pours

like cement in my nerves

and it’s paralysing

hypnotising, suffocating

every slight verve

i’m holding on

but barely enough

to make a change

confusion ensconces

my heart, comforting

yet quite strange

these emotions are

heavy and overwhelming

like a tantrum storm

and frustration is

winning once again as

i’m drowned in scorn.

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Frenemy

i’m so confused

as to whether

i should hate you

for your little trivialities

up for dissection

or like you for

the bigger picture of

the friend with which

i could share every emotion.

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riled-up

just how the hell

do you make me

despise you and

also sorely wish

for your company

at the same time?

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(stand still)

don’t make

me cry

when you

haven’t even

opened

your mouth

(to sing)

.

don’t wound

my skin

with guitar

strings as a

garrotte

straight away

(i’m dying)

.

don’t break

my lungs

with poison

when you’re

trying to

make me

(feel strong)

.

don’t make

me confused

and weak

as my soul

gains audacity

and epiphany

(don’t say i’m wrong.)

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Throwing Cheap Bouquets by Juliet’s Balcony Stage

Please won’t you push me for the last time
Let’s scream until there’s nothing left
So sick of playing, I don’t want to anymore!
The thought of you’s no fucking fun
You want a martyr, I’ll be one
Because enough’s enough, we’re done!

~*~

Abandoned brains dripping on the cold spiral staircase

My crumpled train station tickets wiped them all away

The nights were as sober as 5 AM Jack on the rocks

Reset reverse repose and smash a hammer on the clock

.

You’re like a spoke in my heart, like nails through my teeth

Let’s slow down the sound of pain, ’cause you taste so sweet

I’m like the chlorine in your skin, like the poison in your cure

Maybe I’ll inject the moonshine once again just to be sure

.

You’ll never see my face in the movies as you always should

But babe it’s tough to dwell on the surface of Hollywood

Endgame of a bloodless artery, and I’m the rebel subsidiary

I’m the heart attack in your nightmares until you wake me

.

Am I confusing? Or complex? Am I the nuclear home you wrecked?

Are you the cannonball that hurtled past and broke clean my neck?

Breaths frosting over glass like a harsh blizzard in the winter

If I’m the martyr dying on a cross, then maybe you’re the sinner

.

You mixed suicide in my bloody scotch and you left me to rot

If I’m jumping off the bridge, then you’re my second thoughts

You’re the puppy crush love and I’m the old dog you put down

You hanged me by my collar in the gallows with a silent frown

.

We were screaming at each other in the most perfect harmony

If you were crying or laughing at the end of the line, I can’t see

You dosed my soul with whiskey and you sang a metal lullaby

And when I passed out from the hate, you crept out, no goodbye

.

So listen, wake the fuck up! Who the hell are you to die on me?

If you’re searching for some peace eternal, then I guess I’m sorry

I wrote your name on my mutated wrists with a blunt safety pin

And the scars on my lips won’t fade away anytime soon, darling

.

So don’t you go away now! Who the fuck are you to fall apart on me?

The razor blades in my throat won’t be swallowed with your fake sorry

This turbulent liquid passion made us crash on the tides and capsize

But if there’s a heaven waiting baby, then it won’t have a place for your lies—!

~*~

You told me think about it, well I did
And I don’t wanna feel a thing anymore
I’m tired of begging for the things that I want
I’m over sleeping like a dog on the floor
Imagine living like a king someday
A single night without a ghost in the walls
We are the shadows screaming take us now
We’d rather die than live to rest on the ground!
Shit.

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☆ but ★

♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

the sky is bound

to fall anyways

maybe i’ll hold it

back someday

but now the drugs

paralyse my body

the fumes i inhaled

make me so tipsy

and they scream in

surprise and scare

whilst chemicals, it

blurred and stared

the police in batons

they knocked down

the basement doors

paint the red towns

and i’m sitting here

with cold dead hands

clutching my heart

wishing to understand

as they plucked the

planets off the ceiling

my lucy’s parvenus

her swan song dying

maybe the sky will

fall, splash eternity

but i’ll swim in the

face of its futility.

♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

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Ponderings and Preludes IV

~*~

ON FRIENDS

Take me down to Wonderland

Down the dark rabbit hole

Try to make me understand

Your own mad little world.

~*~

ON CONFUSION

Paintings in dark grey

Time set in a weird delay

Wind’s breath is hitching

When your world is spinning.

~*~

ON LIFE IN COLOUR

I’m not jealous of rainbows

Nor the lights of the big city

My life is more bright, colourful

Than any palette will ever be.

~*~

ON WAITING

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Engrossed in the tired clock

Movement at a snail’s pace

Slowly pushing past the haze.

~*~

ON HAPPINESS

Soft hair freely twirling

Whimsical light singing

Sheer elegance elevating

And she keeps on dancing.

~*~

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