Tag Archives: conversation

makes sense

Your past-times consisted of the strange
And twisted and deranged
And I love that little game you had
Called crying lightning
And how you like to aggravate the
Ice-cream man on rainy afternoons…

~*~

thought i had it

waged forever

for a single day

of conversation

.

keeping you at

arm’s length for

another chance

of redemption

.

but i can’t make

up my mind now

i want only that

shade of green

.

and you won’t

share your hues

for the sake of

being seventeen

.

i’ll be unused

synecdoches

an example of

your whole part

.

but you’re just too

pretty to describe

i’ll read a dictionary

in the bleakest dark

.

twenty-six and

maybe then, still

is this sensibility

too immature?

.

do you want a

lifetime together

or something

more than pure?

.

but i guess

this is forever

even though

it’s not the best

.

everything is just

too confusing

and now you’re the

only one left.

~*~

With folded arms you occupy the bench like toothache
Stood and puff your chest out like you never lost a war
And though I try so not to suffer the indignity of a reaction
There was no cracks to grasp or gaps to claw…

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Co-in-cide


“There’s no question
You’re the answer
I will find you.”


coincidences, that’s all they are. small, meaningless, stupid fucking coincidences. whatever you do, don’t overthink about it. don’t let it get to your head. and don’t you dare drag me down with you.

okay, listen up. fool me once, shame on me. fool me twice, and on the exact same instance? no way. something’s going awry here, and you have got to admit it. deep down inside, where you repress all the crazy things you hate to believe but still quietly cling onto, you know. you just do. it wouldn’t totally mess you up like this if you don’t. don’t you?

no, i don’t. not at all. and don’t act like a subversive condescending prick and proclaim that you do, somehow. the entire universe literally doesn’t give a shit about you, idiot. nor will it to anyone and anything else. so stop pretending that it’s something more grandiose and consequential beyond what it actually is—absolutely nothing—and leave it out of your life, goddamn it. and don’t try to convince me otherwise with all your tinfoil hat conspiracies. you’re better than this. at least, you really should be, anyway.

but what if it is? does it hurt to believe in the impossible, even for just a second? would it kill you just to be a little less empty than you already are? why? why not? what if?

what if, huh.

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oblique

you never listen

to a word i say

though i seem to

always fall back

to yours again

.

i try to convince

myself you need

some time to think

caught up in other

better affairs then

.

used to being used

there for disposal

an easy comfort out

speak sweetly and

softly and sensibly

.

my turn comes around

and i talk back to a ghost

out of sight, out of mind

now i wonder—did you

ever really undermine me?

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Rumours on Red Tapes

I do not know why I would go
In front of you and hide my soul
‘Cause you’re the only one who knows it
Yeah, you’re the only one who knows it
And I will hide behind my pride
Don’t know why I think I could lie
‘Cause there’s a screen on my chest…

~*~

Call it a conversation, or another bad decision

Talk is cheap, but you’re costing me more than you’re worth

The casualties counted, words set to ignition

But I’ll salvage what I can and I’ll try to keep my insults curt

.

You’re searching for a purpose, I’m looking for a reason

Differences aside, you can’t stay clever if you’re wrong

Listen carefully now, don’t make me repeat myself twice

Because I don’t really want you to misunderstand my lies

.

Pay attention, this can’t go on, go find another friend to ruin

With your pitiful convictions—or better yet, simply stay alone

Sober is your middle name, but your vision keeps on spinning

Ignorance can’t be your bliss if all you ever do is mumble and groan

.

While I endure the problems, getting addicted to gnashing teeth

For there’s comfort in this car crash, fracturing every fucking bone

I held your hand like you asked, you went ahead and twisted my wrist

But you can’t complain forever, and I know that I should have known

.

That this is not a conversation, just another bad decision

You speak sweetly with silver linings—but fuck that, I need gold

Casualties buried now, falling out of spellbound sedation

But I’ll walk away while I still can, and you can choke on what you’re told.

~*~

We’re broken people, oh
I’m standing in front of you
I’m standing in front of you
I’m trying to be so cool
Everything together
Trying to be so cool…

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27 – musings on gil puyat station

oh, she’s like this cardboard city, with the subtle way she’s barely holding herself together.

she’s an anachronism, of late-night guilt and freshly-brewed coffee; no sugar, no cream, barely sipped. she intertwines her deepest confessions inside my vulnerable chest cavity and suddenly constricts without warning, completely sucking me dry of resentful consciences and clever second thoughts.

though i talk with corroded shackles beneath my tongue, i care not for the sharp tang of rust. while she solemnly weeps for fictional infinities on the other side of the country, i impatiently await that impending reply as i absently gaze outside the window of a clattering train, basking at this city, built upon centuries of dusty grey smog and busy promises—of fragile bodies barely touching, barely stopping to breathe, barely existing.

she has an irrational need, that insensible girl, to save what can no longer be saved, to control what is far beyond her means, to create as it destroys her. the pleading words on the dull glow of my screen are a tangible whisper, tasting of colliding tears and bitter shame. “i want to help you, like they always did for me, but—i fear…i fear i cannot.”

can you not, indeed? my ulterior rejection is swift and bordering on impolite; but i still listen, and descry for mutual understanding. for though i shall never admit it out loud, your blithe persistence undoubtedly plagues me; to the very throes of my lavender dreams—resting beneath the stars as i turn my back upon that flimsy conversation and that paper metropolis, and allow myself to think clearly again.

to her, i am the eternal glue that holds her together. to me, i am the stranger who mercilessly ripped her apart in an attempt to reconstruct her to my own selfish beliefs.

who is right? what is the relative concept; of wrongness, of forgiveness, of sudden change and reconciliation, of the flismy trust that you broke, and the tested faith that broke you?

and who am i to tell?

the verdant landscape of laguna finally greets my wandering eyes and thankfully pulls me away from the echoing cries of that city, that poster past of a coalescing city that fills up my thoughts with a charcoal haze and renders everything else an unfamiliar slate of grey. my sighs are comforting once again, and she no longer appears to be just another one of the million impostors i came across today.

she means well. she meant well.

though—call it nihilism if you may—at the very least, she should be tolerable to her qualms and fear not the fortunate reality of losing me; arms unfolding, heart reaching, mind forgetting.

and fade away, i will. a plastic boy like me has no place in a cardboard world like this.

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afterwords

rain and quiet conversations

with the shadow of a stranger

warmth of coffee, cold of night

mishaps fleet, transient danger

stresses, messes, second guesses

caught in breezes, puzzle pieces

chicken soup spilled on the soul

artworks of silver and charcoal

daylight saving, wasting evenings

under trees and benches, petrichor

desolation wrapped around blue bones

waiting for the time when it feels like home.

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Misdial

Daydreams that you never want to leave
Only your own thoughts to keep you company
Like a room of strangers staring quietly
Playing make-believe to keep you in between
Selfish and alone, where did you go?
Never find you in a memory…

~*~

It’s selfish to keep it in between my eyes

But I think I’m losing the disconnection

As I constantly find myself in debt with doubt

Wondering if I caused the false commotion

.

‘Cause the conversations don’t play out the same

And I don’t know if it’s all simply me to blame

Music’s a little duller when you’re not there to listen

At night, I wake up to the wrong daydreams again

.

I shouldn’t hold out hope to a fragile glass phone

But the rocks in my hand don’t wanna be alone

So I’ll take back my words, the way I always do

And regret that I couldn’t be your dial tone clue

.

I just hate the way that time fades the brightest of stars

And when the sun comes up, the horizon’s a little less blue

I hate that I couldn’t be there to be a distracting lullaby

Maybe you didn’t lose me, but I sure as hell lost you.

~*~

I feel your apathy, to me it all feels the same
I want to know how to think the way you think
About anyone but me, but you’re never sure
Never present, I want to fill my head with you…

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Just Making Conversation

Say what you’re mad at me for, me for
Yeah, why you talk that evil, yeah
That’s not the way you show love, show love
No love, no love, no no
Say what you’re crying at me for, me for
Try to control your ego, yeah…

~*~

No hard feelings

But how’s the rocks

Coursing in your veins?

.

I know you’ll say that

It fucking hurts like hell

But you enjoy the pain

.

No hard feelings

But how’s feeling sorry

Working out for you so far?

.

I know that you’ll just

Laugh like a humourless act

So why bother going far?

~*~

‘Cause I got all the things I wanna say
But nothing’s coming out
And all the times I came to you
But never ever lied…

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Back To The Red Tapes

You are a handful of roses
Thorns and a cheap bouquet
True, I’m a walking disaster
They told you to stay away
Seems like I’m making
A deal with the devil…

~*~

I remember when we loathed each other

And what we wouldn’t do to one up and over

Subtle poison in each vindictive word and verse

Poised to hit the most vital organs and curse

.

We smeared the walls with our cold fresh blood

Leaving basilisk messages for another pitying god

And undertones of candy-coated punches in stitch

In plates of ‘hope you die, you conniving little bitch’

.

But sometimes the relapse was felt in compassion

A confusion of collisions, casting the condensation

I didn’t know if it was coincidence, or I was insane

But the universe parked parallel, changed the game

.

Passing the halls with the same songs in our mouths

Composing about the same things that gave us doubt

Secretly racing the other one for covert little challenges

And trying to push at each other’s buttons and nuisances

.

It was a mess, and the bleak battleground ain’t so pretty

But the smoke cleared up and the aftermath forgot me

Where the sun was aglow and my coffee tasted less bitter

And tears only came in the form of erupted endeavours

.

Now I read the past stories and I want to laugh out loud

Enough to disturb the anxiety that’s keeping my head out

The snide smirks, the loose lies, the entertaining electricity

Who knows what’s meant for you and what’s meant for me

.

After the sheer mayhem that came after each round of drinks

After every conversation held and confessions begging not to think

After all the chaos caused and the devastation left in its wake

It’s a lot easier to admit I’ll miss it—I’d listen again for a rewinded take.

~*~

‘Cause I feel like a bad joke
Walk the tight rope to hold onto you
Was it real? Or a love scene
From a bad dream? I don’t think
I can forget about it…

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Inebriated

a call came

from the night

when loneliness

was rarely sober

.

it asked if they

needed the stars

and if they could

possibly come over

.

loneliness drank

some stale wine

and stared at the

concerned moon

.

“i never sleep”

was the slurred reply

“i’m afraid that

you arrived far too soon.”

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Filed under Poetry