Tag Archives: crack

Aggravate

It’s a wink

It’s a smile

It’s a tribute

It’s defiled

It’s an insult

It’s the lie

It’s who wants

To even die

It’s a stone

And a bruise

One got hit

And they lose

It’s a doubt

It’s cold flame

For a kid up in

A wrong game

It’s a smirk

It’s a grin

It’s the fun

For who wins

It’s a sinner

It’s a cynic

It’s too funny

Now, isn’t it?

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bedroom serenades

Now you’re gone, but I’ll be okay
Your hot whisky eyes have fanned the flames
Maybe I’ll burn a little brighter tonight
Let the fire breathe me back to life…

~*~

remnant of voices

saccharine pristine

never been better

i’ll listen forever

.

wind’s static noise

can’t mask laughter

we can’t be sober

i’ll listen forever

.

midnight memory

simple symphonies

a life in full colour

i’ll listen forever

.

serenading back

‘til morning sighs

so end this never

i’ll listen forever

.

it’s a nervous sea

but i don’t mind

i’ll listen forever

will you hear me?

~*~

I will sing to you every day
If it will take away the pain
Oh and I’ve heard you got it, got it so bad
‘Cause I am the best you’ll never have…

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tumbler

this utter chaos

gives me a headache

and so many mistakes

it’s such a complete mess

.

but i asked for it

and i got what i paid for

and all of this is even more

than what i need for happiness.

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Back To The Red Tapes

You are a handful of roses
Thorns and a cheap bouquet
True, I’m a walking disaster
They told you to stay away
Seems like I’m making
A deal with the devil…

~*~

I remember when we loathed each other

And what we wouldn’t do to one up and over

Subtle poison in each vindictive word and verse

Poised to hit the most vital organs and curse

.

We smeared the walls with our cold fresh blood

Leaving basilisk messages for another pitying god

And undertones of candy-coated punches in stitch

In plates of ‘hope you die, you conniving little bitch’

.

But sometimes the relapse was felt in compassion

A confusion of collisions, casting the condensation

I didn’t know if it was coincidence, or I was insane

But the universe parked parallel, changed the game

.

Passing the halls with the same songs in our mouths

Composing about the same things that gave us doubt

Secretly racing the other one for covert little challenges

And trying to push at each other’s buttons and nuisances

.

It was a mess, and the bleak battleground ain’t so pretty

But the smoke cleared up and the aftermath forgot me

Where the sun was aglow and my coffee tasted less bitter

And tears only came in the form of erupted endeavours

.

Now I read the past stories and I want to laugh out loud

Enough to disturb the anxiety that’s keeping my head out

The snide smirks, the loose lies, the entertaining electricity

Who knows what’s meant for you and what’s meant for me

.

After the sheer mayhem that came after each round of drinks

After every conversation held and confessions begging not to think

After all the chaos caused and the devastation left in its wake

It’s a lot easier to admit I’ll miss it—I’d listen again for a rewinded take.

~*~

‘Cause I feel like a bad joke
Walk the tight rope to hold onto you
Was it real? Or a love scene
From a bad dream? I don’t think
I can forget about it…

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teeter totter teetotaler

“I want devil horns, I wanna breathe in your rush…”

~*~

pour over

like the gin and tonic

you’ve been nursing

this entire night now

saying you’re pathetic

.

throw out

the shame you’ve had

vilifying every notion

and sense of rationality

numbing your emotion

.

break down

like the shattered mirror

in your now-empty pocket

cracking under your weight

saying that you never had it

.

clean in

the disaster you started

with unsteady shaky eyes

and red bloodshot hands

saying it’s all in your head

.

sober up

wasting these days are over

and this escape is peripatetic

whatever you think you took

saying it’s all simply bullshit.

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Chronicles of the Senseless and the Sleepless: Staying Sober

Well now this could be the last of all the rides we take
So hold on tight and don’t look back
We don’t care about the message or the rules they make
We’ll find you when the sun goes black…

~*~

And we proclaim that I don’t look the same as I did yesterday

Every bruise and blemish counted is just another reason for me to stay

If misery was punishment, then we’re both headed for the guillotine

But I’d rather be decapitated and headless than an overthinking machine

Every story we’ve had to throw, profanity mixed casually like cocktails

Only the starrified night and empty pavements can witness our fails

Waging a war against murderers lurking in the shadows of the city

Sodium streetlamps and laughter illuminating in each other’s company

Hands painted black, music caught between the skins of our teeth

Verboten made verbatim, calculating in every sense of blame and defeat

Maybe we won’t forget the good times, and let the bad times go to hell

Devil may care but we won’t mind, say but don’t tell, give what you can sell

One last drink to toast over, before this damn year gives way and finally breaks

Shots for every adventure and misfortune, one for every felicity and mistake

Alcohol to alleviate the drowsiness, and coffee to nurse the raging stomachaches

I may be a shambling mess, but for this I don’t mind staying just an hour more awake.

~*~

And you only live forever in the lights you make
When we were young we used to say
That you only hear the music when your heart begins to break
Now we are the kids from yesterday…

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Haters Gonna Hate: Ultimate Diss Track

Alright, you had your turn

At the spotlight microphone

Yelling names down my ears

For the whole crowd to hear

But now it’s my fucking turn

And you better listen up then

‘Cause I’m about to burn me

Worse than I have ever been

Since everyone’s out to slay

My nasty reputation anyway

I’ll do you (and me) a favour

I’ll roast myself in full colour

So don’t you wish I was dead?

But join the club, it’s growing

Tons more waiting to sign up

And I’m the goddamn president

Because I’m a jerk, a selfish dick

Jerking off like a worthless prick

I never make amends, never work

Get busy on excuses until I choke

I don’t improve, though I degrade

Fuck humanity, screw my grades

It’s my fault I’m an underacheiver

Never reaching my true potential

And I have problems, I complain

But no one wants to hear a thing

They also got crap to deal with

Got no time for whiny bullshit

My attitude gets on their nerves

Who is this loser and his verve?

An attention-seeking infamy slut

Rebellious, stubborn, fucking nuts

Thinking that I did everyone wrong

So I cut off all the communications

It’s all I can do, it’s easier that way

Who wants to live with me anyway?

Because I’m simply damn egotistic

Anxious, narcissistic, so apathetic

I’m depressed, but I can go suck it

Eat my own shit, it’s just pathetic

I’m not so special, I’m not anyone

And I’m just another stupid human

Being cynical, rotting in this reality

Say we’ll die anyway, why be sorry?

And I never think that I’m enough

No self-esteem to even cover me up

Insecurities too deep it never heals

Stifling myself down on how I feel

I’m a chronic liar, two-faced bastard

Performances deserving of an award

I cheat, I steal, I loathe, I’m jealous

Moralities fucked, it’s overzealous

In the end, I’m all talk but no bite

I’m all blind punches but no fight

I’m all write, don’t say what I mean

Sucking on empty hope and dreams

I’m always so harmful and noxious

Think I’m cool but really obnoxious

Hurting the only ones tolerating me

Pushing away all friends and family

And I don’t care for my own being

Even in the sake of any other doing

The fact I’m even writing all of this

Shows how much garbage I could be

I mocked and pissed at myself now

Still I feel it’s inadequate somehow

I’ve got a million profanities to give

And a million more why I shan’t live

But I’ll never change for the better

I simply push my head underwater

Wallowing in such a wretched state

Suffering is grand, it’s fucking great

I’m never alright, and I’ll never be

And the worst part is this self-pity

It’s disgusting, repulsive yet I take

Swallow down every dumb mistake

Never apologetic, always insincere

I’m such a faker, so crucify me here

It’s just another sin up the final tally

I don’t mind, go ahead and blame me

‘Cause I get it, I do, it’s into the ground

Why no one even wants to stick around

Because I’m just a miserable piece of shit

And if I’m this way, then yeah, I deserve it.

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Merry Christmas Is Too Cliché, I’ll Burn Down Your House Instead

Now I hope you’re happy with yourself, ’cause I’m not laughing
Don’t you think it’s kind of crappy what you did this holiday?
When I gave you my heart, you ripped it apart
Like wrapping paper trash, so I wrote you a song
Hope that you sing along, and it goes
“Merry Christmas, kiss my ass!”

~*~

I waited 359 days for the day

You’ll wake up and see the star blink out

On the top of your christmas tree

And I’ll be just fine and merry

‘Cause baby, it’s cold outside

And the weather’s as frigid as your soul

But guess you knew all that

When you buried me under the snow

And the bells may be a’jingling

But my face is numb and tingling

From all the endless and forced laughing

As the carolers continue wailing

Say you’re Santa Claus ‘cause you went to town

I got my eggnog when I got you down

You once were sweet like striped candy cane

And now you’re just stuffed like a red stocking again

But 12 days ain’t enough to keep you satisfied

I’ve had my fill, now I wanna throw up

The silent night turned into total manic chaos

All I want for christmas is you, to shut the fuck up

I’m on my own, so wrap me up

Like a delicate present, and rip me up

I’ll be the cookie drowning in your sweet milk

The soot in your chimney, coal and ink

And play, and play all the songs once more

About how this holiday is keeping score

Month of goodwill, hope, and festive season

When it’s nothing but a festering commercialism

Naughty’s being nice, and Santa ain’t true

But even if he was, well he won’t ever visit you

Gun down the sleighs, trip the reindeers

Ho ho holy shit this whole thing is just a derriere

But christmas miracles do happen, so they say

And your good-for-nothing face went away

I hope you choke on your tinsel and peppermint

I’ll hang myself by the christmas lights like an ornament

The sense of rude nostalgia, and all the childish feels

Of you begging for more presents, you got me hot on my heels

And if the decorations are blocking your misery

Call me gingerbread man, because you can eat me

And tonight I’m gonna burn the mistletoe down

To forget what happened under its boughs

And use it as minty poison on my lips

For your goodbye kiss, pucker up, and I’ll take it real slow

‘Cause I waited 359 days for the moment

Thar I could write another trite and cliched song

About my damn trashy special little snowflake

And how everyone got this christmas bullshit all wrong.

~*~

No, fuck you girl, I’m going out
I gave you my all, but our love hit a wall, now
I’m jingle belling, and everyone’s yelling
We’ll drink ’til the bars shut us down
Ain’t that just what Christmas is all about?

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Gossip

despite all of

the gossip

that isn’t true

look on the

brighter side

at least

they’ll all be

giving a damn

about you.

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Filed under Poetry

On Account of Accounting

Accounting lessons; 1:00 PM. There’s a dull humming invading every comatosed whim of my numbed-down senses, as my wandering stare loses its attention from the blackboard and stays to the harshly glaring rays of the stupor-inducing sunshine. Perspiration trickles solemnly down my neck, a steady saline river of liquid ennui, scribbling fluid retrospections on my scoliosis-slouch back. Nothing else makes much sense but senselessness. The discussion goes on, and the teacher, god bless her, but her voice is beginning to melt into the sound of the faceless grownups in a classic Peanuts movie, and I’m the exasperated Charlie Brown looking comically tired and uttering my disappointed interjection of ″Good grief.″ I sigh inwardly at the depressing thought. A speck of dirt flies past my jaded drooping eyes, almost taunting me as it basks in all its glorious and dignified freedom, and I can hear a squeaky voice at the back of my head blowing raspberries and chanting ″You’re stuck and forced to endure this torture and I’m not, suck it loser!″. I send it away with an aloof glare and a whiff of carbon dioxide from my dry cracked lips, and the high pitched voice trails away with an indignant Darth Vader yell of NOOOOOO, as the dirt speck finally disappears from my line of vision. Yes, I am seriously picking quarrels with infinitesimal matter. I am either very much insane, or have transcended all the limits of human boundaries and am, in fact, an omniscient god who can communicate with inanimate objects. An audible laugh accidentally escapes my throat in a choked hiss at such ludicrousness, and I hastily attempt to cover it up with a weak and pathetic cough. I clamped one heavily-doodled hand to my mouth to prevent any further unfortunate situations, as the teacher’s pupils (well, the ones on her eyes anyways, not the students) twitch in suspicion and scan the tepidly simmering room, ears perked up and nostrils slightly flared in alarm. I duck, scratch on my soaked neck awkwardly, and feint nonchalance by pretending to copy down notes in order to avoid her accusing eye contact, earnest visage etched on my face as I am actually writing this down. The sunlight tears against the glass panes more invasively than before. The room grows stuffier and unbearably hot, the students sliding into a gregarious and palpable grudge, the teacher’s voice sounding more and more like a drone of disturbed angry wasps, buzzing and incoherent. There is nothing else to do but further degringolade into the void of boredom as my neurone flickers off and commits suicide one by one. I hang my head back and absentmindedly gape at my besmirched hands, the vantablack Sharpie ink on my tanned skin shimmering as it separated itself from the dermis and began to float upwards like helium balloons, calligraphic band member names and splintered song lyrics dancing and fusing in an amalgamation of odd letters and incomprehensible symbols, right before my delirious hallucinating eyes. The sky grows temporarily dislimned as the vicious sun gets blocked off and hides behind a passing temperamental cloud. The students become a caricature tableaux of a cautionary cry for help, melting into human puddles along with their creaking plastic armchairs. The unknowing teacher rambles on, lost and deafened by her own static white noise. The cycle continues. It’s official: I am clearly very much insane.

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Filed under Prose