Tag Archives: creature

a persistence of forgotten memory

i am clothed

in nightmares

subliminal—

sympathy;

cruel, mocking

resilience inching

in the undertows

of a fervent

disguise

their smiles fall

into chipped sneers

as violet eyes

flash with

covetous envy

but the crimson lips

on my thighs do

nothing but gape

without teeth.

bleeding petals

slip away to

reveal the ugly

creature underneath,

melancholy human

weeping for their

own insolence

grieving what they

do not have, and

asking for ire faith

in blind places,

and yet again

i find myself dear

in the company

of the strangers

in my head,

and the demons

in my bed, clawing

with terror, writhing

with pleasure, altogether

tearing me apart.

i am clothed in

my own

nightmares–

and yet my soul:

fully bared and

torn open

apart for everyone,

exposed and

insulted and reviled…

it still feels rather

n a k e d .

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Primal Fear

I can’t escape myself
So many times I’ve lied
But there’s still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can’t control myself…

~*~

I can’t last, can’t escape

My bloodshot eyes can’t tell

I can’t love, but can hate

Cage the animal in eternal hell

.

I tried to let go of the knife

In the past, when it was dark

But the nightmare in my life

Can’t be tamed with a mark

.

I can’t last, can’t escape

My bloody hands hang limp

I can sleep but can’t wake

Burn the beast when it sinks

.

I have tried to shake off

All the voices in my brain

But the screams and scoffs

Causes an eternal migraine

.

I can’t last, can’t escape

All the blood has exited my body

I can’t fake, I can’t take

Bury the creature in the cemetery.

~*~

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one would ever change this animal I have become
And we believe it’s not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
And we believe it’s not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal…

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La Bella Fantasia

“I swear that I can hear you in the wind…”

~*~

little phantasmic phantoms dance about

growing flowers at the garden of my mind

waiting to pluck out each bluebell and daisy

to fashion the wreaths into something kind

the playful zephyr is a fair weather friend

lulling each berceuse to sleep until the end

orbit sending me high into the atmosphere

but i won’t fall, no—i have nothing to fear

listening to the cherry blossoms that hide

in the boroughs where there’s a tinkerbell bride

and the mystical creatures would understand

with every speck of dust, a magic that enchants

.

but the delphi hearts and oracular tongues

speak of stories and brier thorns that selfishly clung

to innocent naivete still stubbornly preserved

though only to the pristine youth that it deserves

the wily eyes staring into the darkness osiris

as the nettles grow wild prevent cogent dreams

they scoured the atlas looking for eternal citadels

the nondescript pangs unaware of incarnate bevels

shrines that i pray to now submerged in irascible sins

incoherent adages leaving bruised indentations within

will the pixies be daunted? will the elves repatriate?

Quietly accepting the moiety of their unfortunate fates?

.

but beneath the black and white of underground paradise

is a fair place for scathing asters and aureole mirth alike

beyond the curlicues of charcoal smoke that paint the stars

a gossamer love decays, recording a dictaphone of past wars

in an imbroglio of lotuses, past the wafting scent of sandalwood

on the horizon, a transit of venus, a crescent smiling platitude

thoughts as crystal clear as seaglass, reflect candid illusions

show a bouquet from the spectres, a plethora of guiling ruminations

amid the taste of camphor and lead, i return to lacklustre reality

wondering and pondering when i’ll get lost again in my crafted fantasy.

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Sleep: The Awful Things That I’ve Seen

And through it all
How could you cry for me?
‘Cause I don’t feel bad about it
So shut your eyes
Kiss me goodbye
And sleep, just sleep…

~*~

4:30 AM. I was just drifting off to sleep, beginning to conjure coalescing dreams, hazy and not yet solidified. As my slumber deepened further, sliding into proper unconsciousness, the fantasy materialised more clearly.

I found myself standing in the middle of a school building, an ancient and decrepit one, along with several faceless people, all of which seemed vaguely familiar, yet none that I could decipher specifically. Up to that point, everything was fine. It was just another one of the dreams that I have on a regular nightly basis, fractured and almost nonsensical. I wasn’t worrying yet. Continuing the journey of my dream, I rode on an elevator with the aforementioned faceless company, the elevator’s metal doors and interior glimmering with cleanness, strangely sterile and out of place, a stark contrast as compared to the near-dessicated state of the ruined building. I pressed a button to go several floors up, and the elevator hummed lightly, the glinting silver doors closing with a reassuring ding.

And that was where the nightmare began.

After a few seconds of waiting in uncomfortable silence, the elevator finally stopped with another cheerful ding!, the lights flickering momentarily as the doors opened smoothly, and we all stepped out of it without so much as a glance or hesitation. We found ourselves in a room, a total mess and cluttered, practically flooded, with varying sorts of garbage, debris, detritus, and disused technology, and just as equally rundown as the one we had previously been to. Thus we began investigating, scouring the place for god knows what endgame.

As I clambered atop a pile of junked wicker furniture—already unravelling from its weave and was all but falling apart—to scout the location, someone suddenly realised that one person was missing from the group, and s/he called us out and gave attention to the fact. By some form of interlocked gregarious instinct, we all looked curiously towards the elevator, eyes drawn to the buzzing reflective doors, and, as if on cue, that prominent ding! sound cut through the thick slippery silence like a bread knife through butter. Breaths bated, we all waited in suffocating suspense.

It didn’t open. No movement from the inside. No indications of our absent companion can be seen. My faceless companions and I didn’t acknowledge each other, either. We were all simply frozen to the spot, and no one moved a muscle, not even as a soft music box tune began eerily playing from behind the closed doors, muffled as it seeped past the minute cracks between the doors. As it continued to play, sweet and lilting at first, I began to grow uncomfortably disturbed, for it seemed to be seeping past not only the elevator doors, but past the boundaries of dream and reality as well. It felt so real, so palpable, so tangible, that for one moment, my dream self actually broke past the fourth wall, becoming fully aware of its incorporeal state, and I pondered if I accidentally left my phone’s music player on before I fell asleep.

But then, out of nowhere, a high-pitched screeching sound went off and collided with the initial silence that was keeping the dream at bay, as the music box melody grew louder, more distorted, chillingly hair-raising. The stentorian tone came to a point where it became too unbearable for my thoughts, and I immediately jolted back to reality, hoping to effectively get rid of the discordant noise.

Or, at least it seemed to be reality, at first. I can still see what I would’ve seen if I was awake; the red and grey stroller that my older sister left on the place, immobile and parked carelessly in front of me, my phone clutched on one limp hand, its screen faintly glowing and still opened on an abandoned Aldiko eBook that I was listlessly rereading before I fell asleep, and the sheer darkness of the quiet room only being perturbed by the light on the dining room, always left open at such hours of the day. I was awake, and everything was all normal…

Except the damned music box sound was still playing in my ears, and I can’t move.

From that moment forth, I knew I wasn’t awake yet, nor was I dreaming still. I was trapped in limbo, floating between a hellish combination of unconsciousness and consciousness that I can’t break out of. I can’t go back to sleep, but I can’t wake up anymore. It was time for drastic action. Blood rushing wildly in my heart and heart hammering out of my ribcage so hard it might just break, I frantically tried moving an arm, a leg, any limb, any muscle, to no avail. I attempted to straighten out and change my semi-foetal position, but all I could feel cooperating was my left toe, wiggling frantically, willing the rest of my body into a contagious movement, and without much success. Not even my eyeballs can be goaded into looking side to side, fixated blankly past ahead, horrified gaze locked upon the stroller, forced to watch the unfolding events transpire, as my vision shifted and spun out of control.

I felt sickeningly dizzy. Gravity must be working against me. There seemed to be an invisible force that was moulded into my entire body, blanketing me entirely as it pressed against both internal and external flesh and held me down, and the only sound I can hear anymore was no longer the pleasant music box tune, but rather, some sort of strange caterwauling amalgamation of static and a rushing wind vortex and painful banshee wails that roared angrily whenever I attempted to move, its volume nearly deafening, nearly driving me into intense deliria. This unknown spectre was overpowering, sending fresh waves of prickles on my skin, shudders and chills down my spine, and contorting currents all over my body with every futile attempt of mine to make motions, telling me victoriously that I was held under its claws, pinned like a helpless mouse under a cat’s paw. I was its puppet, and it can make me motionless whenever it wishes to. I was under its total control.

For what seemed like hours to un/conscious me, this unwinnable game went on mercilessly. The invisible force grasped strong and willfully as it immobilised me, the raging static continued to come in cacophonic mocking screams, the dreadful fear ultimately pervaded and successfully overrode every part of my system. I couldn’t break away, I couldn’t find a release, I was defeated and thinking that I’d be trapped forever in this fucking state, and come next morning, my relatives will find me already turned to cold stone like Medusa’s poor victim, with a permanent expression of horror etched on my visage, a person literally frightened to death.

But then the spell broke down. I felt everything lighten up gradually, that shocking magnanimous force that has paralysed me and held me hostage for the last few minutes slowly dissipating, the angry static noise ebbing away into nothingness, and I finally began seeing everything in a less surrealistic, less blurrier, less disorienting sight. I opened my eyes—or if they have been opened all the time anyways, I am still highly uncertain—saw the lightless room, my resiliently-illuminated phone, the abandoned monochrome stroller, my hands clutching the mobile, normalcy, reality, and hopefully for good this time. I glanced down absently at my trembling bent legs and realised with ecstatic joy that I could already move, and I rocketed myself immediately into a stiffened position, almost letting out a vivacious cheer of triumph. Everything rewound back to its proper setting, and my wildly panicking heart began to calm itself, gradually lessening a beat every second until my pulse was at an acceptable pace once again.

For several minutes after that, I was motionless. I simply laid still, staring mistily at the dull yet reassuring glow of my phone, listening to the tired whirring of the restless electric fan. For the hellish dream may have passed, but I wasn’t completely relaxed that easily yet. Fear infested itself momentarily again, and I immediately jammed my eyes shut, very much afraid that if I moved or swept my vision over the place, I would see a horrifying countenance grinning with razor blades for teeth and glaring back at me with flaring jaundice-yellow eyes. I was still scared out of my wits, thinking that, perhaps, the nightmare was not over yet.

Sooner than later, the fickle irrationalities subsided into common sense. I knew I can’t keep up such an act forever, and if there were any bastards waiting to devour me whole, then goddammit I’ll face them now. I hesitantly opened one eye, and, seeing no otherworldly creature about to pounce on my viscera, only my luminescent phone’s clock blinking sullenly and reading 5:08 AM, I opened the other eye and sighed exorbitantly, the sound of my own voice washing over me and providing me clarity and sensibility. I felt ashamed and silly, yet at the same time thankful and relieved.

But not for too long, before horrifying thoughts struck me once again, epiphanies falling down on my mind so hard I saw stars. Deprived of sleep and going through such a traumatic experience in such a short amount of time, one can only think so clearly before hell sets its hounds loose upon their brains again. I gasped audibly. My blood froze abruptly. My pulse raced maddeningly again. A hard lump metastasised on the back of my throat, making it difficult for me to breathe. A final chill slithered down my spine, and rested there permanently.

I cannot sleep again. Whatever beast or demon or godforsaken creature used me and made me its plaything for tonight, I fear it will return again to finish its job. I cannot let that happen. Never again. Perhaps if I just make it past this night, then it will leave me alone. But I am tired. I am very tired. No, I’m okay. I’m fine. I’ll make it. I’m going to die. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts…

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Shapeshifter

Layers of human muscle and skin that I do not own hide the grotesque creature within

As I carry on outside with a different life, following the normalities and smiling politely

But if my deception ever gets found out, I drastically change, to pay for my ultimate sins

A painful transformation, ripping teeth, organs, and morphing bones apart to another false identity.

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Filed under Fandom Poetry, Poetry

My Asinine Angel

And I think I’ll blow my brains against the ceiling
And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall
Fall on your tongue like pixie dust just think happy thoughts…

~*~

And all you are is snivelling, a languid meek creature sick appalling

Take your stride my little angel, are your cotton white layers peeling?

Pray learn to leave the dissident haze of your own broken lithium cage

The door is wide open for freedom, yet you’re blinded by your self rage

.

Self pity and soft flowery words that you pick like a good luck charm

Is it hurting your weak heart’s garden? Is it causing you greater harm?

Poor cherubim, stung by a dinky buzzing bee and you’re rendered defenceless

Sorry to inform you dearest, but this world is simply but a huge chaotic mess

.

So don’t be dainty and fragile now, steadfast faith, and stop shattering your crying glass tears

In a cold warring scarring sanction, there is no place for your petty paper fears

Would you rather be alone and incarcerated, plucking your velvet feathers’ withered plume?

Or would you risk to take the flight today and finally break free from the raging maelstrom of your own created gloom?

~*~

And now the red ones make me fly
And the blue ones help me fall…

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Hidden Little Monsters

There’s a wicked witch brewing green poison inside my heart asunder

And inside my mind; a raging creature roars, and shadows slither black

But I could easily say that the greatest residing incorporeal monster

Would have to be the fluttering pink butterflies dancing inside my stomach.

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Transformation

At first, the back of my head throbs

Just a small pulsating angry vein

Threatening madly to simply burst off

And give me an intense bad migraine

.

Blood rushes deafeningly in my ears

Heartbeat pounding in my mouth

My paper skin is threatening to tear

Body temperature boiling high south

.

Grating shrills, pervading cold voice

Screams enveloping my every whim

Bones cracking in such a horrific noise

Veiny eyes bleed black liquid within

.

Now I’m no longer just a human being

But a grotesque creature transformed

A shapeshifter with no warm feeling

Lusting for horror, gore, and raw storms

.

He’s begging for a chance to be alive

But I plead murder in the first degree

And when the monster in me is satisfied

Maybe I’ll let you die a little quicker for mercy.

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Hallowe’en.

Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn’t you like to see something strange?
Come with us and you will see
This, our town of Halloween…

~*~

WHAT SHE FEARS

Ghosts and phantoms of all sizes haunted the dark streets

Monsters and wraiths, terrible creatures in different feats

But as she stared blankly outside the window, sitting in her bed

She realised that the monsters she was scared of most resided in her head.

~*~

HALLOWEENTOWN

They adorn their colourful masks and hide their pale sunken faces

Place bedazzling costumes upon costumes to avoid strange gazes

The entities, every night they play, dressing up as normal humans

Pretending to be normal and hiding their true forms as horrid demons.

~*~

FADE

Once-warm bodies will soon rot and decay

And bitter ashes can scatter, filling the air with a sickly grey

An insipid blotchy photograph’s all there is to stay

A lonely reminiscent of another fugacious life faded away.

~*~

SILENT VIGIL

Flicker, flicker, flicker, off the lighted candles go

Unsteady flames wobbling, gradually they grow

Solemn prayers passed around like a paper and pen

Lost souls pray for themselves; cold, saturnine, forgotten.

~*~

TRICKS AND TREATS

Knocking on the door and chanting “Trick or treat!”

Children smile and eagerly await their free delicious sweets

Tooth-tingling candies to beguile the innocent outright

From the true monsters and devils lurking that very night

With their own personal bags they roam, looking for their free treats

And what that might be? Young children. With fresh tender meat.

~*~

This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Pumpkins scream in the dead of night
This is Halloween, everybody make a scene
Trick or treat till the neighbours die of fright…

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Pulsus Ex Ordine

You knocked on my door in the middle of the night

When I was unguarded and too weary to fight

Asked meekly to stay, if I had a room

But behind those despondent eyes lied my utter doom

.

And how such a pompous fool I was

To let you underhandedly slip away

And being a huge impeccable crass

You promptly overdued your stay

.

I tried to patch up all the abyssal holes

To cover up all your faithless lies

And yet you still slipped into your goals

And contravened to comply

.

I still don’t understand why you hounded me so

I did nothing wrong, I ebbed in my flow

You stalk and scream at me, to cause my heart harm

You even tried blinding me with your sickening charm

.

Chased me away like the wild animal you are

You can’t even allow me to have my fun anymore

I tasted the universe, but you crashed my stars

And pulled it apart so it can never be restored

.

Now it’s destroyed, it’s my world’s end

It was too late when I tried to defend

You stand there laughing at my sorrow

Heartless creature, are you satisfied now?

.

Honestly, it never really was your fault

Because I’ve been too confident and proud

That I could restrain and make you halt

Thus doing so I spelled out my decimation aloud

.

What now? Will you run from what you caused?

I suppose the bad guys never look at explosions

Filthy vagrant, set fire to all my work

Then left me pounding my fists in the cold hard dirt

.

Okay, I admit, I’ve been driven out and utterly defeated

You can take my keys, my business here’s no more

But always keep this little prayer swirling in your head

You will always repulse me to my very core.

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