Tag Archives: curious

food for thought

my stomach’s

a cracked vase

you’re filling up

with casket nails

.

i plead that i’m

already full but

you pretend to

not be fooled

.

my mouth fills

up with blood

but at least i will

not be thirsty

.

i’m getting used

to the taste of ink

and the aftertaste

of coppertone rusty

.

my stomach’s

a cracked vase

and the flowers

have long died

.

but if you’re still

curious, then go

ahead and check

whatever’s left inside.

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Cause Of Death

Have you ever had enough of it?
Straight over it, sick of it, can’t get a hold of it?
Like a drug I need another fix
I’m a moth to a flame and I’ll burn for the hell of it
Battle scar ’cause I lost the fight
Every time I take a breath it’s like I’m losing my life
Fuck it, why am I so dysfunctional?
So irrational? I don’t know what to do…

~*~

The medicine you said you only injected under pressure

Crashing the fluids in your spine, worse than acupuncture

Don’t expect me to stay for another panache dosage round

I’ll down another shot of NyQuil to sleep safe and sound

.

Madness is the disease you declared was the supreme cure

Sane is just an inadequate substitute for the epiphanies pure

But if that’s the case, then why did you have to lock me up

In the asylum you once revered, and my system left to rot?

.

Will they forget the failed experiment that is my botched heart?

When your scientific curiosity deigned for its imminent restart

But the shocking electric currents seemed to pass the wrong way

Now my body’s shaking uncontrollably, and you pushed me away

.

But despite playing the doctor, you killed more than you healed

With each accident you’ve revived, more saline fluid was spilled

It’s okay, I know my nameless wounds would bleed out like death

And I’ll let you mark it in the coroner’s report, outline by the bullet

.

You conducted my autopsy, hoping to find and satisfy the missing answer

I would’ve told you myself, darling, if only you had asked me a little nicer

But when you finally satiate your desire to create and mitigate destruction

I’ll be there standing at the wreckage, all primed to pull the loaded weapon.

~*~

So I push you away until you beg me to stay
Just for the thrill of the chase, you got me intoxicated
Fucked in the head from all the things that we did
But I will never forget I need you, my medication…

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Illumina

i was wrong to think

dear, that the lights would follow you

back home, where i sleep alone

with an extinguished lamp

.

perhaps you were too prudent

and needn’t dare to waste the stars

on such fickle promenades

.

or perhaps i wasn’t worth the weight

of a galaxy where you exist

.

or perhaps the infinite nights were too much a burden for you

.

but whatever the curious reason

i still stand solitary under a dismal sky

and you’re still kissing the sunlight

as the moon falls under the endless well

weeping grievously for its lost love

.

and my heart wouldn’t be forgiven

for all the scars it left on yours

.

but i hold starlight within my eyes

ones you shall never touch nor extinguish

like the cold lamp smouldering by my bedside

.

for i was mistaken to think, dear

that you were the only source of luminescence.

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Suicide is Imperative; Dying is Relative

Stop me before I go to waste
For every heart that’s born can easily be torn away
I can’t comply to this state of consciousness
That we call life, and though I stand here to perish
I will stand here ’till I die…

~*~

Suicide is such a selfish word, isn’t it?

An exquisite hum never to be whispered

And muttered under cautious hushed breaths

But don’t let your sweet little girl pull the trigger

And send her down along to her early death

It’s the last resort to someone who has nothing

Failure is relative, but then again so is dying

An easy way out, you don’t need to leave a note

Be an open ending with your last pages never wrote

Jealous hearts seek clarity in forms of twisted mentality

Bladed sobriety, I wish someone would find me

But no dares to ask, and no one dares to kindle and ignite

The bonfire that might burn down the entire midnight

The attempts I’ve hidden behind star-spangled band-aids

The promises thrown away like an extinguished hand grenade

Guilt, pain, contrition shaken up like a secret toxic potion

Three cheers and toast to us, and here’s to murderous emotions

For the lifelines we destroyed, the stars that will outlast

The existence that will never be, the sulphurous bite of the past

For giving up the ghost so hard the grim reaper gets chills

For the recovery that is bullshit misery, for all the numbing thrills

Don’t decode the snarled banter, dying’s really just entertaining

A childish amusement, they say it’s serious, but why am I laughing?

It’s so easy to throw yourself to the vultures instead of the sharks

There’s nothing left to be salvaged if you’re already torn apart

Suicide, it’s such a disgustingly beautiful word, isn’t it?

For the bruised minds that keep slipping under the lack of leverage

Three unlucky syllables can never sum up all the sussurous pleas

Never to do it, for our spines never to be avaricious nor weak

But sometimes, enough is just fucking enough, isn’t it?

Never mind the big picture of the future if the details are flawed

The decades I have left won’t compare to the halcyon thought

For the peaceful centuries of eternity that my corpse has left to rot

Life is difficult. I should just kill myselfshouldn’t I? Why shouldn’t I?

~*~

Stop me from making more mistakes
Fallen friends have learned their lessons
Fate their teachers taught them all too late
Don’t teach me too late, just hide me from my fate…

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In Hindsight

Three wasted years, standing still
As you opened up, eighteen miles wide
On this country drive, I can’t keep up
‘Cause you’re so far gone…

~*~

Satin eyelids closing, obstructing castles in the air

Crestfallen subtleties, vintage postcards, cab fares

A drawbridge separating, onto evergreen pastures

Fractious obstinacy lost in throes of verdant cures

Nuanced lips haunting, a tenor’s aria in resonance

Rekindling fiascos within, spectrum in dissonance

Entreaty of moribund curiosity, transforming stars

Eavesdrop from parallel dimensions hidden in jars

Skirls of a zephyr, flumes under rehearsed streams

Ceramic heart in allusion, elusive firmament seams

Gateway to phantom illusions, fairies light up sense

Don’t open your eyes yet, it all might simply coalesce.

~*~

Three wasted years, wasting time
As the hunger pains grow inside
I can’t keep up, ’cause you’re so far gone
And it’s all too much hindsight…

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Stealing Seconds of Eternity

[Before I return to take back the stolen eternity]

{It was never yours to keep away, I’m quite afraid}

[Perhaps I was too immodest for my dear adversary]

{Say it isn’t so, you were simply being oddly staid}

[I instruct, here’s how the evening shall transpire]

{I won’t keep any promises, but I’m fascinated so far}

[Listen to my candle pondering, don’t blow out the fire]

{I couldn’t fathom a consequential tenebris I’ve to war}

[Apologies, to me, felt like prickling stars under my skin]

{Infinitesimally glowing, yet you’re ashamed of constellations}

[And though I have but the sun to offer to my regretful kin]

{My mind is awed by the faintest glimmers of an oncoming dawn}

[I’ll cave, while you’re distracted by the illustrious sight]

{Never has thine cold moonstruck eyes experienced such a flare}

[And far too curious and enthralled to even regard your sleight]

{I aspire to discover this incandescence, I’m caught at unawares}

[I’ll do a whispery tiptoe behind your back and reach in quietly]

{I could barely feel a butterfly touch sweetly humming in my pocket}

[And finally have eternity for myself forever, to display in wondrous reverie.]

{Had you forsaken your diamond tears and asked nicely, I would have let you keep it.}

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morte

anticipating

death would be

presumptuous,

but getting

ahead of it all

would simply

be cautious.

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Apathetic Addicts in Abatement

No, don’t tell me I’m alright
It seems the more I fall, the less I come alive
It’s hard to see inside
Just take a look behind the curtain of demise…

~*~

Coerce me to torment

An ideology in cement

Humiliate every bone

Throw the initial stone

Rejecting faithless keep

Push a hatchet in deep

Neuropathic tendency

In a bellicose affability

A picaresque headline

Anaemic from decline

In a scandalous blade

White blood coagulate

So shatter the enamel

Infect in parasitic hell

Drowned in lying acid

Yet all the while placid

Apertures of cruel harm

Slaughter drastic charm

A basement ramification

Trapped curious revulsion

Alacrity for a punishment

Consequence in sentiment

Hesitation holding a while

But it was all simply facile.

~*~

I’m an addict force of habit on the double
I spark the static for dramatics call me trouble
You never would believe what I have become
And still I can’t believe I’m running…

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Baby Blue, Pastel Pink

Scattered toys

Wailing noise

Chubby boys

.

Laughter soft

Amber quaint

Cute girls loft

.

Curious doves

Playful bairns

Childish love.

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metal & skin (ix.)

i can’t

blame you

for this

bladed tragedy

after all

i’m just a curious

actor who

wanted to be part

of a story.

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