Tag Archives: dangerous

Chase Atlantic

For you, I chased down atlantic until it was drained and empty, consuming every last drop, and still, you were thirsty.

Xans, Oxy, gram, adderall, molly, vicodin, ketamine, codeine, amphetamine, heroin, every medication legal and illegal you selfishly overdosed on like it’s the sweetest candy, drugs and money fucking everything up, riding the waves, breathing in the ozone layer and craving the vaporous atmosphere, until all you could hear are birds singing at midnight and all your blank glazed eyes could see where pink shadows coalescing in the basement and the sound of your own synesthetic undersea voice, sewn up into crude stitches before it shatters soundlessly against the restless pastel ghosts; and you find out you were uncomfortably lying on your back in the bedroom floor all along, staring at the unlit ceiling dripping what you thought were your own tears but turned out to be rainwater, dial tone screeching your garbled songs, trying to call nobody at half past four in the morning, worn-down carpet igniting the smoke alarms with your interminable vices. I could only wish to hell that I was there to put it out.

There was a certain elegant delicacy in your tactlessly constructed words, soft beatnik aspersion and aggressive indie slurs romancing and entrancing my chilled spine, humming saxophone amid the alluring amalgamation of incoherent voices intertwining together into a strange, tangible, panicking tranquil. It was an art form in itself, inimitable, one of a kind, scattered accentuation your personal intricate signature. Every careless lilt about the dangerous pseudonymous girls you slept with last night, Angie, Cassie, Roxy, and the pill-popping pharmacists you’ll hold up with a gun as soon as the sun hits tomorrow. All these unsettling courtesies set in three parts of pastel grey and explicit roses, the dalliance and the nostalgia of everything, you were speaking in a foreign language only the truly sick in the head could properly understand, and the way you talked about all the mental pressure and self-esteem and choking anxiety so goddamn beguilingly, the way you talked about addiction as if you weren’t an addiction in itself, the way you just fucking aren’t, it got me overdosing on the panoply panache and sovereign shit on your bedside, but I was so into it.

How many times have you made my pulse beat when it was no longer mine? Every single afternoon, I wake up with a stabbing jolt like a guillotine’s rope pulled tight against my throat, gasping and desiring desperately for more, more of your prevarications. It was a talk show tactic, and you were the host telling me to talk slow and tell no lies, and I was your prize trophy, spilling my secrets and picking my battles cautiously, even though I knew that you were probably lying to me all along. The world was on your shoulders, angels hissing temptations under your skin, and we danced to the beat of your laughter and talked endless miles of film spiels about friends and no friends, gravity and good vibes, church walls and dancing in the dark with the devil, indiscretions and junkie stories high on adrenaline and dopamine, driving too fast and run over by the cops and swimming and thrashing in paradise until we’re so much higher than before, and everything was rhapsodic…until you hit the trigger and got me begging on my bleeding knees again. I’m scratching my nails, shivering madly, abusing my liver, and tearing the veins off my dead-ass heart as you killed my sanity, and baby I was only 23.

I’m obsessive. You said hold your breath, you’ll save me from the fading injections and we’ll run away right here to the underside of the world, and I won’t need to miss you and your anchor tattoo. And fuck it, but I believed all your twisted promises so fervently. I didn’t expect to fall instantaneous victim for such a scrupulous stratagem, this alternative relativity of drugs and parties not my accustomed niche, fucking up this whole thing. I was married to the screaming voices that serenade me everyday and haunt me every night, and I was theirs to render completely deaf into freedom; until you came out of nowhere and divorced me from the nightmares, and you incarcerated me—you made me even worse. You’re a psychopathic fringe wearing a smile on your face and holding a knife in your hand, you’re becoming a work of art. You don’t look too sane when you act like that, and babe, you won’t live too long with a mind like that. I was always fastidious about the taste of serotonin that I place against my lips, but even though it’s fire I’m kissing now, I’ve already been burnt, I fucking have. And I love counting the cigarette stains in my fragile marred skin, sepia-shaded nicotine tattooed permanently between my fingertips, branding me with your whispered name. My parents say I’m crazy, but I only wanna be buried six feet under your bed, ready to meddle about and smoke the cancerous stars away with you anytime. They say be rational about these things, but I stopped being reasonable the moment I listened to your drugstore symphonies and drowned in your cheap perfume. This chemical destruction is beautiful. I’ll keep it up, and I’ll keep riding the waves, crashing into you once more. And why stop at all? Okay is all I know right now. Mama I’m sorry, but reality’s boring.

For you, I’ll chase down atlantic until I’m drained and empty, consuming every last drop, and still, I’ll be thirsty for your eyes.

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Filed under Prose

There’s Such a Word as Damnation, and I’ll be Your Role Model

Well you can hide a lot about yourself
But honey, what’re you gonna do?
And you can sleep in a coffin
But the past ain’t through with you
‘Cause we are all a bunch of liars
Tell me, baby, who do you wanna be?
And we are all about to sell it
‘Cause it’s tragic with a capital T…

~*~

We both promised, we both promised that we’ll be dead together

And watch the showering fireworks kill the sky at the end of November

We swallowed bullets in turn, hoping to spit them into diamonds

But we laughed too hard, spilled cheap champagne, choked on garrotes

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We didn’t want, we didn’t want to hold hands all the way to suicide

We just wanted more than an automatic answering machine before we died

I disputed the grave, lights in nave, one more nightmare for you to save

But I walked away from the mausoleum doors, leaving all that I gave

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So would you, so would you consider therapy even for a moment

For neurotics and martyrs and vagrants thinking they’re fucking heaven-sent

And dead Mary, quite contrary, I’ll be your lifeless little boy blue

Herding my sheep towards starved wolves, as if innocence was something new

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And you’ll chant, and I chant, na na na now’s the time for all the killjoys

To wash the blood off their broken noses and scream until they break their voice

Collecting melancholy in notes of g and eyeliner verses of the apocalypse

Bruises and lipsticks melting together into a dangerous warpaint on their cheeks

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One more time, one more time, let me listen to the prayers of the damned

I’m just another corpse decaying on the pew, preaching for predicament demand

And you’re the pastor that opened the stained chapel windows to let me in

We’re friends of hell, and I wish you well, thank you for welcoming all of my sins.

~*~

‘Cause we all wanna party when the funeral ends
And we all get together when we bury our friends
It’s been eight bitter years since I’ve been seeing your face
And you’re walking away, and I will die in this place…

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What’s Her Name

She’s a rebel, she’s a saint
She’s the salt of the earth
And she’s dangerous
She’s a rebel, vigilante
Missing link on the brink
Of destruction…

~*~

She won’t leave until the lights turn red

Troublesome girl, rebelling past the bed

A softspoken tongue, serpentine temper

Stories of surprising anarchy and terror

A saint with horns, little girl with a knife

A lace veiled bride, a bruise beating wife

Rules don’t concern her, A-game’s about

Bosses and bitches, she can take ’em out

Perspectives changing as it tore the walls

I guess I never really knew that girl at all

Past her charming smile and demure eyes

The beast to be feared when unleashed lies.

~*~

She’s a rebel, she’s a rebel, she’s a rebel
And she’s dangerous!

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Filed under Poetry

Heaven’s Host of Holy Harlots (or; Her)

Now I do recall, we were just getting to the part
Where the shock sets in and the stomach acid
Finds a new way to make you get sick
I hope you didn’t expect to get all of the attention
Let’s not get selfish, did you really think
I’d let you kill this chorus?
Let’s get these teen hearts beating faster, faster…

~*~

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€1€  $L$U$C$Y$  £$£H£O£W£B£I£Z£

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Testosterone and pheromone clashing on purple stars and narcotic sweet talk

You don’t have the money to pay for me honey, so empty your whiskey and walk

Paint me a picture of lascivious lackeys and jejune Johns glued up on the ceiling

It’s a risky risqué, a flaccid falsification, don’t you wanna genuinely force feelings?

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The audience applauded your strip club scene lauding until you caught the clap

Your bedroom bulbs burning your bare back, the director yells cut! It’s a wrap

Decadent sweat and flimsy nightdress, a godmother touch of ghetto beatnik

But don’t let the acids shock your head, cameraman, attention to the chick flick!

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Rusty bobby pins that stab my dollface like she’s a patchwork quilt, a girl voodoo

Addicted to anorexic magazines, counting every stretch mark on her waistline

Your latest triple-X films didn’t do so well on the silver screen, adultery’s no clue

No one loves you anymore, you’re just another passé blasé belladonna landmine…

.

~*~

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.

You downed your roofies, curled the pills against your tongue, and woke up

With a broken nose, and swimming in blood and vomit in the bathroom tiles

Replay the night where you infiltrated and massacred the innocence enough

A sledgehammer kills your brain and limbs splayed on the counter to defile

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Ideology and irresponsibility, edification of evanescence you coldly brandished

Through clenched teeth you feed and consume, suck the bones of the sun dry

Ate the Big Apple through the core, and yet you’re still starving and famished

Safe scepticism and sober sessions, but darling you won’t get better if you try

.

Bulimic bullying coating the lining of your stomach, sinking like wrought anvil

Don’t wanna look like a lookalike, so you crawled in your bed and spindled Advil

Hollow helium and hearts splattered on the wall, as this boiling passion simmers

I’m left with horseshoes blasting hand grenades, you sauntered away to canter…

.

~*~

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{3}  {M}{A}{R}{Y}{A}{N}{N}{E}  {C}{O}{M}{P}{A}{S}{S}{I}{O}{N}

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Too young to be cynical, too old to whine, dramatic design of sedentary sophism

I’ll attend your recital and pray on budget guilt, quavering on false catechism

Gospel eyes focusing nauseous as I’m making out with the cusp of the booze

Until I’m sulking and subdued and shit-faced and I got fucking nothing to lose

.

My ten dollar words are too costly, my immortalised chronicle barely illegible

You’ve got the propensity my dear, be my choreographed sculpture eligible

Gisella won’t sing about the beautiful forest when both her parents are dead

Sauté arabesque, my mermaid ballerina, dance the charade under my bed

.

Contemplate going on a date with your executioner to get out of arraignment

A coldness to infect hypothermia and escape, burn the flag to ride full extent

I’ll wait for you and rendezvous, guzzle motorcycle serotonin on the gas station

You’re my getaway and my regime, without you I’m just another human violation…

.

~*~

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•4•  •R•A•C•H•E•L•  •D•O•M•I•N•A•N•C•E•

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My maiden of lilac blossom and fragile plexiglas plays dirty, go past the curfew

Your ceramic bones and silicone nerves aren’t making it fucking obvious for you

Kiss my gnarled knuckles hard until it bruises and let the blood be your lipstick

I’m a repeat offender you keep going back to, the stalker burning out your wick

.

Rub the wet sand in my dry eyes, sever your umbilical cord off my bluest neck

So put your revolver down for me Annie, this fantasia wonderland ain’t got feck

All the oxygen in my lungs rushed out in a cyclone breath, my blood evacuation

My teeth are tingling at the sight of your old smile, you’re giving me palpitations

.

Luciferin in your neon glow lights, a femme fatale and a courtyard miscreant

You’re a dangerous incentive, infamous explicit actor, and that’s what you want

Your illegal wink can cause insanity, your sun freckled dirt nose abating injury

They won’t sojourn the court and bend your lithium cell against a case of perjury…

.

~*~

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|5|  |H|E|R|  |S|C|A|N|D|A|L|

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My darling virgin porn star stubbed her crushed heart by the bedpost late last midnight

Those ruby stripper heels and fuck-me eyes whispered a freak beneath the bedsheets

Aphrodisiac of varnish and musty paint, we don’t need a school bell to start up the fight

Getting intimate with perfect strangers, selling sex and slipping on stagnant love for free

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You came and took me out of your floral mouth like I’m just a repulsive decaying tonsil

But my love, I missed the way you called me persecutory names under the windowsill

Start with after-hours in bars, end up screwing up in cars, I’m your backseat confidential

One foot slammed on the brake as we careen out of control, don’t die, you’re too special

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I can taste the prevarications on my neck, leaving saliva and bile dripping down my warm nape

It’s too fucking late to return past all our selfishness, it’s more than your shaking body can take

My darling virgin porn star, you’re just a funeral wreck, and your life’s a hellbound shitty wake

If you strained yourself and stained your velvet coffin, will you laugh with me until your soul breaks?

.

~*~

I got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you’ll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving
Of exchanging body heat in the passenger seat
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me
Let’s get these teen hearts beating faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?

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Filed under Poetry