Tag Archives: darkness

metal & skin (xiv.)

under the darkness

the cycle proceeds

of a mercury teeth

and a soul in need

.

under the darkness

the ritual proceeds

with a lethal gleam

and a heart to bleed.

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cardboard nightmares from san diego

Failing lights amass
One hundred sleepless nights
And I might be holding on too tight
But there’s a beast in my heart
And he won’t let you leave alive…

~*~

i can’t sleep

your narcotic songs

serenading

the darkness

like strong coffee,

like an addicting pill,

like my eternal fix

that keeps

me craving as

it doesn’t

leave me hanging,

are keeping me

up again.

with a blanket

for a noose

and blacktop

curtains lacing

my hazy nightmares,

the bracelets

you tore off your

lungs constricting

tearing at the

glitch in my

stupid beating heart

as sanguine souls

fended them

all away.

the delusional

circus polluting my

mind like

strangers at a

party, and

i feel like i’m

eating cardboard

and liquid nitrogen

through the

hole in my chest,

and it makes

me sophisticated

even though

the tines on my

fork are being

held by the monster

in my head.

i feel like

i’m cheating

as i begin to

see stars

on the ceiling,

in zero gravity

spinning madly

to make the

cracks and paint

peel disappear;

but heaven didn’t

anticipate to

sacrifice halogen

lights just so

i can waste it

on you.

hallucinatory visions;

the stavanger sky

that glowed

with pitch black

and stole my

knives for me,

the colourless eyes

that left their

suicide note on

the underside of

the mattress,

the tattoos that

painted themselves

against but they

pierced the

wrong skin,

the hounding

of the astral voices

screaming my

lullabies for me

like choirs

of a wasteland,

my thoughts

constructed like

a kindergarten artwork

with messy hands

and a vestige

posed irrationality,

everything…

it’s fucking me up.

nightmares;

of you and your

caramel gaze,

honeyed flesh,

and barbed wires

of your tangled hair

and that unique

playful anarchy

of a foreign ethnicity

laughing wild

all this hopelessness

infesting…

you’re fucking me up.

leave my

unconsciousness,

won’t you?

i can’t sleep.

~*~

This is the price you’ll pay
Thoughts in your head
That will never die…

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Agony and the Man

Ah, the inscrutability of agony

Greeting you like an old friend

The domain of unwanted pain

For your attention it contends

.

Ripped by shades of monochromes

Like ancient pages of a fragile tome

Insalubrious tales of a ghastly mend

Unto which your life dares to depend

.

Mister Razor incising like the devil

Ceasing flows of red blood vessels

Lost hope to which you relied upon

Darkness, it comes to take you son

.

Ah, the inevitability of agony

Greeting you like familiar sin

The stains of welcoming pain

Bothers not—for it always wins.

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A Wayward Child’s Empty Pen

((The following entries are transcribed from a waterlogged brown journal, found along with a dried blue pen, in an abandoned park bench in Southwark, London.))

~*~

01/13/??; 01:25 AM/PM.

It’s so cold.

The Arctic rains pour angrily, beating down in relentless torrents

The languid sky is shaded with an amalgamation of sickly grey

Under my tattered umbrella, I attempt to figure it out but I can’t

If the lost sun is falling out of its orbit, or just breaking the day

Perhaps I wasn’t meant to know.

.

01/13/??; 02:00 AM/PM.

Nothing but unadulterated trouble, problems arising from the start

A cautioned winter’s tale as thorny and ancient as Eros’ pierced heart

It warned, leave that wayward child to find its way in a crooked path

For avariced Hell hath no fury than wicked disappointment’s wrath

At my current state, I know they’re right.

.

01/13/??; 02:26 AM/PM.

So I shattered all the best of china dinnerware, and bent all the tines

So I melted my sister’s only set of crayons and lied to waste their time

So I played hooky, hung in alleys, and started a chaotic playground war

So I scorched half our house, maybe a pet, just for a speck of warmth

But that fire was just so pretty.

.

01/13/??; 03:15 AM/PM.

I plead and begged and beseeched, but unfortunately, to no such avail

It seems that my dearest loved ones wish for me to simply fail

Wounding thorns clung to my sullied dress like demented hands

For they’re the only company I find reassuring and I can understand

Hello darkness, my old friend.

.

01/13/??; 4:00 AM/PM.

I know I’ve been a guilty bastard, I’m all but holy, or God forbid, saintly

I’m a cragged diamond, cracking under the pressure of my turbid sins

My weak conscience wrestles and grapples with my slippery sanity

Perhaps this time, I’ll cease being the referee, let one of them win

But I know I’m not that strong.

.

01/13/??; 4:55 AM/PM.

Counting all my remaining days away on my bloodstained fingers

The tragicomedy death of my feminine art nouveaux still lingers

Withered skin falls in fragments, peeled from my chapped ivory lips

Catch it like fairy dust or white snowfall, and make a quaint wish

Snowflakes taste like faith.

.

01/13/??; 5:01 AM/PM

You’re lost, you’re lost, my scalding mind accuses, accrues, accosts

An inane foulness of its profoundness breathlessly traipsing around

I’ve been nothing to seeing stars and dottiness but a gracious host

Honestly, why dare I even complain, what dare I even maunder about?

I saw it coming from miles away.

.

01/13/??; 5:27 AM/PM

Why thou’st I abated thy tempt, thy lust, gluttoned thy forsaken monster?

Borrowed words I’ve spoken now, chagrined regrets not mine, all rust

I was caught unawares in a graceless predicament tryst lacklustre

I discovered amidst the fuss, I was never worth my weight in stardust

I’m so sorry, mother and father.

.

01/13/??; 6:00 AM/PM

As this wayward weather ages, the jaded hurricanes growing much old

That lush aftertaste of bliss’t twilight indented within the fiery cosmos

I nearly hit a brick wall staring upwards, waiting for comets to unfold

Once again, I’m stuck at a dead end, regent shadows my blanket close

Ah, so it was afternoon, after all.

.

01/13/??; 6:30 PM.

Cold…it’s so cold.

I wish for a coffee, chamomile tea, or maybe a chocolate chip cookie

The frosty mist from my mouth is actually my frozen soul leaving me

An ebony feather drops from my back, searching for my palace free

I will amuse myself with black burnt matches and burnt out reveries

Yet no chthonic demons cackle nor heavenly Seraphs beckon me back

Rejected by both sides of the cruel horizon, sky beat blue and black

Walking like a spectre, even though I know that I’m no longer breathing

Cold…I’m so cold…please…why won’t anyone just…please…let me in?

.

01/13/??; ??:?? PM.

I’m all out of ink.

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Ah, where art thou, sleep?

As I busy myself with chewed pencaps and entertain my arid whims with my bleary cursive handwriting, coalescing into one big scarlet mess before my jaded sinking eyes, this mischievous (and perhaps bordering on draconian) mistress persists to continuously allude me. Several times I have attempted to drown under the mystifying spell of dreams, yet it always ends up rejecting me and spitting me back gracelessly into reality.

Dislimned restless nights are spent huddled beneath a timeworn yellow duvet, alternating between intervals of irritatingly scratching inflammatory mosquito bites to no avail, and musing such desolate thoughts, as my frenetic imagination takes my tired brain by the hand (stem?) and chases rainbows and cemeteries with it. Sighing, laughing, cringing, longing, regretting, reminiscing, changing channels constantly in my head, until I’m ultimately left with dead batteries and a static screen, stuck staring slack-jawed at a dancing monochromatic display, lulled by a comforting dissonant white noise, into a dark insensibility.

So instead I turn my feverish mind off, allowing it to repose and cool down, and look up onto the astronomical midnight firmament, watching the chaste trace of the soft cottony moon doze on lazily by, and bask in the myriad stars’ winking, pulsating, flickering, a show of spectacular scintillation; positively illuminating these lacklustre graphite pupils of mine, making the languidly-burning embers in my heart flare wildly and higher, as if doused with tantalising spirits, as if wishing to rival the stars in space, as if reaching out into the galaxies to occupy the missing lacuna in the skies it calls home.

Slumber is calmly lurking within the sibilant raven shadows, waiting patiently, sharpening its bladed claws, ready to pounce upon me in my most vulnerable state, and finally devour the last detritus of my falling somnolent consciousness. But in the meantime, it’s just the company of my insomnia and I on a nocturnal picnic, in the comforting solace of a clement Luna and a million optimistic stars, into a tranquil oblivion.

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Sun

In a world of

bleak apparitions

that haunt nights

in coldness

and darkness

and shivering toes

with curses

and quick prayers

uttered to fight

them all away

.

I ask, please

let me be the sun

that rises daily

and smiles back

and shines bright

to see another sky

i wish, please

let me be the sun

that isn’t afraid

of ghosts.

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Light Up The Sky

I blaze a trail like the rays from taillights
Sound shaking the ground like earthquakes hail might
Someday I’ll die but not tonight
Excuse me while I light up the sky…

~*~

Same faltering cycles, none so tumultuous

Days shrouded by clouds of cumulonimbus

Candy floss skies eaten away by falling rains

A nuanced ray of sun I can no longer sustain

.

So why won’t you just light up the sky

For me, steal another with your sighs

Show me the world when my attention

Wishes to be far from ennui detention

.

I used to taste sweet stars dancing on my skin

But they’ve all blinked out to dark noughts now

Woe is me, and to the midnight sky I shall cling

Lost and floating like an empty vessel of sorrow

.

So won’t you simply light up the sky

For me, when I’ve no tears left to cry

Show me the universe when my soul

Wishes to be a scorned lump of coal

.

Yet dear, these are but mere amorphous shadows

What have you left in yourself to fight them back?

If I hurt myself on a thorn, would I blame the rose?

If I wound up missing, is it the forest’s own attack?

.

So why won’t we just light up this dark sky

To be this hazy planet’s new guiding lights

Show them the path when their condescension

Beats their senses back into a faux contradiction

.

But dear, the sun and moon tire of rising daily too

Can’t you feel their candescent hearts oscillating?

Will our coalesced illumination see them through?

Shall we leave them in their humble tapestry’s resting?

.

Dear, why won’t you and I just already light up the sky?

When crepuscular affinities arrive, they cometh descry

Let’s bask in our astral pains, let it be our fetid oxygen

And tomorrow let rejuvenated cosmos rise once again.

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Starless Night

From the Ancient Gods I stole a golden and silvery bow

And aimed for the pale lunarian orb with a lithium arrow

Hoping to fetch back from the sky even just a shred, a scintilla of twilight

.

Instead what I’ve pierced was Helios’s incandescent diadem

Glowing brightly in a tangerine-pink pulse, a crystalline gem

Its resplendence burning a hole through the darkness of my starless night.

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Foolish Stars

We’re both fools, you and I

Simply looking for some light

Darkness brewing in our cores

But we didn’t want no more

.

We’re both fools, you and I

Whose dead stars had to collide

Thought each other was the answer

To feed away at our leeching cancer

.

We’re both fools, you and I

By the dark we were rendered blind

Thinking the pain could cancel out each other

But all it ever did was make it grow stronger

.

We’re both fools, you and I

But the damage had been done too much

Now we’re a massive black hole, not a force to defy

Sucking out all the light from everything we touch.

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Dépendance Noiré

Yeah, you don’t know my mind
You don’t know my kind
Dark necessities are part of my design
Tell the world that I’m falling from the sky…

~*~

I sign the papers to my own death knell

As I gladly submit to your anathemic spell

A personal, selfish, rotten, sick addiction

Adding another rusty nail to my crucifixion

The darkest of my clandestine necessities

Lighting me up inside like wild incendiaries

Got me so high until I refuse thusly to stop

So make me fly again and fill up my cup

Swirling with the sweetest soul’s spirits

Add another toxic scarlet potion and stir it

Perfume scents, the most dizzying kind

Further deepen the haze that is my mind

Soliloquies and bullets spill from my mouth

Confessions told, kneeling in a roundabout

Vices, virtues, now they all look the same

Salvation, sinning, so remember my name

I know the bad side effects, consequences

I have knowledge of this wrongful mess

But at this point I’m lost, gone too far under

To even stop to care about it now and wonder.

~*~

Do you want this love of mine
The darkness helps to sort the shine
Do you want it, do you want it now?…

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