Tag Archives: darkness

Just Look At The Mess You Made

Another knife in my hands
A stain that never comes off the sheets
Clean me off, I’m so dirty babe
The kind of dirty where the water
Never cleans off the clothes…

~*~

flies on your shoulder

blood in your sundress

darling girl of the hour

did you make this mess?

spelling decayed wrists

a blade for the clergies

vomit on blonde tresses

did you make this mess?

makeups smear breakup

a suicide note in lipstick

clean is now so careless

did you make this mess?

bathroom tiles shattered

pills and mirror scatters

a beauty fed to the beast

did you make this mess?

broken bones and skins

as agonist lungs scream

darkness she confessed

did you make this mess?

monsters devour a mind

it’s nothing you can find

a darling girl, mum’s best

why are you such a mess?

~*~

Only go so far ’til you bury them
So deep and down we go
Touched by angels, though I fall out of grace
I did it all so maybe I’d live this every day…

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Still of the Night

Keystone bridges clip the sky
From window seats, lean right over me
Smell my promises to take a pleasant start
Ease a sense of heart, give a little bit…

~*~

This city is often drowsy

But it never slumbers

It only pauses to hitch

An evening’s breath

Before returning to life

And bustle once more

Yet somehow, I prefer

the quiet city when it’s

Barely holding on, and

Almost passing out from

Asphyxiation, all before

Exhaling out stale zephyr

For a fresh glimpse of dawn

Circulating warm blood in

Its road and highway veins

Because in the almost-dead

Of the cityscape midnight,

Both darkness and silence

Ensconce houses within their

Enamoured embrace, as if

It was a cozy knitted tapestry

Quite comforting and familiar

As the sodium-lit stars and

The silver mercury moon

Hesitate not to provide hearts

With soft goodnight kisses

And in the not-quite dead

Midnight from this vespertine

Escape on a cityscape reverie

Is when I take the deepest sighs

And finally take my own share

Of the oxygen that gets stolen

By crowds in suffocating daylight.

~*~

Maybe you were my song
Don’t have to stay too long
Fed up with your friends
Whatever I could do to mend it now…

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searching for chimaera

Love, love is the warmest color
Petrol blues, hallelujah, hallelujah
Comes, saut dans le vide, my lover
In my youth the greatest tide washed up my prize…

~*~

it miming fantasies

a prayer of dahlias

warmth and sprigs

of wallpaper roses

cast hallucinations

spectral silhouettes

crescent lunar lamp

of moment to forget

consent trepidation

elucidating respites

chiasmus chimaera

an effete of the night.

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v-tach

Chase away

The darkness

That’s breathing

In me with life

Treat medication

From the veins

I gouged with

A scalpel knife

Eat my cancer

When it festers

Within my mind

That won’t restart

Operate me and

Amputate this

Failure of a system

You call a heart.

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metal & skin (xiv.)

under the darkness

the cycle proceeds

of a mercury teeth

and a soul in need

.

under the darkness

the ritual proceeds

with a lethal gleam

and a heart to bleed.

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cardboard nightmares from san diego

Failing lights amass
One hundred sleepless nights
And I might be holding on too tight
But there’s a beast in my heart
And he won’t let you leave alive…

~*~

i can’t sleep

your narcotic songs

serenading

the darkness

like strong coffee,

like an addicting pill,

like my eternal fix

that keeps

me craving as

it doesn’t

leave me hanging,

are keeping me

up again.

with a blanket

for a noose

and blacktop

curtains lacing

my hazy nightmares,

the bracelets

you tore off your

lungs constricting

tearing at the

glitch in my

stupid beating heart

as sanguine souls

fended them

all away.

the delusional

circus polluting my

mind like

strangers at a

party, and

i feel like i’m

eating cardboard

and liquid nitrogen

through the

hole in my chest,

and it makes

me sophisticated

even though

the tines on my

fork are being

held by the monster

in my head.

i feel like

i’m cheating

as i begin to

see stars

on the ceiling,

in zero gravity

spinning madly

to make the

cracks and paint

peel disappear;

but heaven didn’t

anticipate to

sacrifice halogen

lights just so

i can waste it

on you.

hallucinatory visions;

the stavanger sky

that glowed

with pitch black

and stole my

knives for me,

the colourless eyes

that left their

suicide note on

the underside of

the mattress,

the tattoos that

painted themselves

against but they

pierced the

wrong skin,

the hounding

of the astral voices

screaming my

lullabies for me

like choirs

of a wasteland,

my thoughts

constructed like

a kindergarten artwork

with messy hands

and a vestige

posed irrationality,

everything…

it’s fucking me up.

nightmares;

of you and your

caramel gaze,

honeyed flesh,

and barbed wires

of your tangled hair

and that unique

playful anarchy

of a foreign ethnicity

laughing wild

all this hopelessness

infesting…

you’re fucking me up.

leave my

unconsciousness,

won’t you?

i can’t sleep.

~*~

This is the price you’ll pay
Thoughts in your head
That will never die…

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Agony and the Man

Ah, the inscrutability of agony

Greeting you like an old friend

The domain of unwanted pain

For your attention it contends

.

Ripped by shades of monochromes

Like ancient pages of a fragile tome

Insalubrious tales of a ghastly mend

Unto which your life dares to depend

.

Mister Razor incising like the devil

Ceasing flows of red blood vessels

Lost hope to which you relied upon

Darkness, it comes to take you son

.

Ah, the inevitability of agony

Greeting you like familiar sin

The stains of welcoming pain

Bothers not—for it always wins.

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A Wayward Child’s Empty Pen

((The following entries are transcribed from a waterlogged brown journal, found along with a dried blue pen, in an abandoned park bench in Southwark, London.))

~*~

01/13/??; 01:25 AM/PM.

It’s so cold.

The Arctic rains pour angrily, beating down in relentless torrents

The languid sky is shaded with an amalgamation of sickly grey

Under my tattered umbrella, I attempt to figure it out but I can’t

If the lost sun is falling out of its orbit, or just breaking the day

Perhaps I wasn’t meant to know.

.

01/13/??; 02:00 AM/PM.

Nothing but unadulterated trouble, problems arising from the start

A cautioned winter’s tale as thorny and ancient as Eros’ pierced heart

It warned, leave that wayward child to find its way in a crooked path

For avariced Hell hath no fury than wicked disappointment’s wrath

At my current state, I know they’re right.

.

01/13/??; 02:26 AM/PM.

So I shattered all the best of china dinnerware, and bent all the tines

So I melted my sister’s only set of crayons and lied to waste their time

So I played hooky, hung in alleys, and started a chaotic playground war

So I scorched half our house, maybe a pet, just for a speck of warmth

But that fire was just so pretty.

.

01/13/??; 03:15 AM/PM.

I plead and begged and beseeched, but unfortunately, to no such avail

It seems that my dearest loved ones wish for me to simply fail

Wounding thorns clung to my sullied dress like demented hands

For they’re the only company I find reassuring and I can understand

Hello darkness, my old friend.

.

01/13/??; 4:00 AM/PM.

I know I’ve been a guilty bastard, I’m all but holy, or God forbid, saintly

I’m a cragged diamond, cracking under the pressure of my turbid sins

My weak conscience wrestles and grapples with my slippery sanity

Perhaps this time, I’ll cease being the referee, let one of them win

But I know I’m not that strong.

.

01/13/??; 4:55 AM/PM.

Counting all my remaining days away on my bloodstained fingers

The tragicomedy death of my feminine art nouveaux still lingers

Withered skin falls in fragments, peeled from my chapped ivory lips

Catch it like fairy dust or white snowfall, and make a quaint wish

Snowflakes taste like faith.

.

01/13/??; 5:01 AM/PM

You’re lost, you’re lost, my scalding mind accuses, accrues, accosts

An inane foulness of its profoundness breathlessly traipsing around

I’ve been nothing to seeing stars and dottiness but a gracious host

Honestly, why dare I even complain, what dare I even maunder about?

I saw it coming from miles away.

.

01/13/??; 5:27 AM/PM

Why thou’st I abated thy tempt, thy lust, gluttoned thy forsaken monster?

Borrowed words I’ve spoken now, chagrined regrets not mine, all rust

I was caught unawares in a graceless predicament tryst lacklustre

I discovered amidst the fuss, I was never worth my weight in stardust

I’m so sorry, mother and father.

.

01/13/??; 6:00 AM/PM

As this wayward weather ages, the jaded hurricanes growing much old

That lush aftertaste of bliss’t twilight indented within the fiery cosmos

I nearly hit a brick wall staring upwards, waiting for comets to unfold

Once again, I’m stuck at a dead end, regent shadows my blanket close

Ah, so it was afternoon, after all.

.

01/13/??; 6:30 PM.

Cold…it’s so cold.

I wish for a coffee, chamomile tea, or maybe a chocolate chip cookie

The frosty mist from my mouth is actually my frozen soul leaving me

An ebony feather drops from my back, searching for my palace free

I will amuse myself with black burnt matches and burnt out reveries

Yet no chthonic demons cackle nor heavenly Seraphs beckon me back

Rejected by both sides of the cruel horizon, sky beat blue and black

Walking like a spectre, even though I know that I’m no longer breathing

Cold…I’m so cold…please…why won’t anyone just…please…let me in?

.

01/13/??; ??:?? PM.

I’m all out of ink.

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Ah, where art thou, sleep?

As I busy myself with chewed pencaps and entertain my arid whims with my bleary cursive handwriting, coalescing into one big scarlet mess before my jaded sinking eyes, this mischievous (and perhaps bordering on draconian) mistress persists to continuously allude me. Several times I have attempted to drown under the mystifying spell of dreams, yet it always ends up rejecting me and spitting me back gracelessly into reality.

Dislimned restless nights are spent huddled beneath a timeworn yellow duvet, alternating between intervals of irritatingly scratching inflammatory mosquito bites to no avail, and musing such desolate thoughts, as my frenetic imagination takes my tired brain by the hand (stem?) and chases rainbows and cemeteries with it. Sighing, laughing, cringing, longing, regretting, reminiscing, changing channels constantly in my head, until I’m ultimately left with dead batteries and a static screen, stuck staring slack-jawed at a dancing monochromatic display, lulled by a comforting dissonant white noise, into a dark insensibility.

So instead I turn my feverish mind off, allowing it to repose and cool down, and look up onto the astronomical midnight firmament, watching the chaste trace of the soft cottony moon doze on lazily by, and bask in the myriad stars’ winking, pulsating, flickering, a show of spectacular scintillation; positively illuminating these lacklustre graphite pupils of mine, making the languidly-burning embers in my heart flare wildly and higher, as if doused with tantalising spirits, as if wishing to rival the stars in space, as if reaching out into the galaxies to occupy the missing lacuna in the skies it calls home.

Slumber is calmly lurking within the sibilant raven shadows, waiting patiently, sharpening its bladed claws, ready to pounce upon me in my most vulnerable state, and finally devour the last detritus of my falling somnolent consciousness. But in the meantime, it’s just the company of my insomnia and I on a nocturnal picnic, in the comforting solace of a clement Luna and a million optimistic stars, into a tranquil oblivion.

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Sun

In a world of

bleak apparitions

that haunt nights

in coldness

and darkness

and shivering toes

with curses

and quick prayers

uttered to fight

them all away

.

I ask, please

let me be the sun

that rises daily

and smiles back

and shines bright

to see another sky

i wish, please

let me be the sun

that isn’t afraid

of ghosts.

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