Tag Archives: denial

Inconceivable

What haven’t I done? What have I done?
What haven’t I done to deserve a cold war
On all sides? It’s so bleak all the time
“Stay with me. You’re alone in the center of hell. Just be.”
The longest winter I have ever seen
From hospital to hospital, repeat…

~*~

Her eyes won’t open up anymore

As the flower in her womb began to wilt tonight

Petals sifting into her nervous system

And she looks so good in bandaged white

.

Won’t you stay with me, please?!

The traffic lights won’t amount to the hell

That I’m driving myself straight into

Hoping to find her broken body at the end of the well

.

For a while, she was beginning to blossom

Delicate heliotrope blots dotting her pallid cheeks

But the intruding scarlet painted her open lips

She looks so beautiful, please let this be a trick…

.

Hold on, please hold on, I’ll be there with you

If only you’d take a breath if I held mine as long as I do

I could kill god for all the wrongs I’ve committed

But that doesn’t give him the right to take it out on you

.

Her pulsating shallow beat is slowly going thud thud thud

Like my fist on the hospital doors, I arrived in time for the flatline

As the thorns rage around her heart, the flower begins to decay

If she loses, then I’ve lost, I wouldn’t have it any other way

.

I can’t…I can’t believe this…why did you—why did you leave me?

My foot won’t ease on the pedal, and the carbon monoxide is choking

‘Cause there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and I can see her face

Calling out to me, the headlights blind me as I fall into her embrace…

.

C R A S H.

~*~

First I need to save the life of god
So that god can come and save me from myself
If I have to walk alone I’m giving up
I can’t stay here knowing love is not enough…

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A Borderline’s Chants

Whose raindrops are

Falling on my cheeks

When I’m indoors now?

Not mine, no not mine

.

Whose saline tears are

Dripping down from my

Eyes, when mine are dry?

I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine

.

Whose rubious liquid is

Staining the pillowcase

When sunset triumphs?

Play nice, nice, nice, nice

.

Whose aqua vitae ebbs

Away from life and onto

The affinity of the scars?

Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies.

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Come To Life

when the

reality sets

and the rain

i can feel

.

on my skin

as i run in

a panic, a

dazed reel

.

yelling and

quivering, i

mumble and

choke thrills

.

it’s always

plagued me

every single

night i heel

.

a hole in my

teeth and a

throat lump

big as a hill

.

one foolish

mistake and

i failed their

test of skill

.

now its all

chasing me

my irrational

dark fears

.

attempting

to figure out

if this is just

all false will

.

or this isn’t

a dream and

that levee is

set up for kill

.

fragments fall

from my mouth

as i cease and i

make myself still

.

giving up on the

lost, as enamel

bones grind and

chilled dry tears

.

blood is flowing

warm as a heart

pain is setting in

thereon and here

.

and the focus, it

clears, and the

phantasm has

dispersed nil

.

my trepidation

grows and my

spinal fluids

freezes fills

.

and i know, oh

horror—! that

this is not just

another spill

.

everything is

corporeal; my

nightmare has

become real.

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