Tag Archives: desperate

Unreachable

Maybe it’s just jealousy
Mixed up with a violent mind
A circumstance that
Doesn’t make much sense
Or maybe I’m just dumb…

~*~

Don’t dive headfirst into the raging currents

And loudly flail for help as you start to drown

Don’t dare to sit on that empty rusted throne

And get beheaded for the sake of an old crown

.

Don’t plead and weep and cry out to a missing god

And solely blame them for being bitterly cruel

Don’t vie for something you know you can’t have

And end up playing this world’s desperate fool.

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scar tissues

Baby, pour over, tell me, are we concrete?
What would you do without
My perfect company to your undressed spine?
And I can hear you drag behind my car by your broken legs
(Swallowing stitches in her sleep as she)
Stole my only view, may I never blink…

~*~

i am your bare bones

and the words that can fracture it

a faked death, disappearance

in the lonely asphalt ash

so undress my bad memories

take off that pretty, pretty, pink dress

and show me the lacerations

the lingering bruises on my spine

of your decayed entertainment

modern anxiety at its brutality finest

and tell me again how bad

all of my imminent injuries were

until i can feel enough

until i am enough

don’t hesitate on backburners

simply make me believe

that the chemicals in my open veins

serotonin, endorphins, tryptophan—

are not just a lie you made up…

like the raised welts on

my broken, praying wrists

nor the unrecoverable night i came to you,

sobbing and begging for gravity

to come drag me under

underwater, underground,

because i was desperate for it to be over

but we crashed in abstract strokes

only one pair of lungs breathed again;

a sordid altercation.

you’re a lucid dreamer, love

and i have an eidetic memory

and this damn world has selective hearing

over gasoline and sunshine

and the difference that it makes

when you light the aphotic city on fire

like a paradox under my skin.

this is my mass hysteria

although i’m calm at the altar veneer

and absent blank, my mind is an

apocalyptic wasteland

and i’m the sole survivor.

so surround my lavender hands

and black out the soft sodium streetlights

and patch up these obscene bones

and simply say the words

to make me forget.

~*~

Listen, I’m the one who made you
I’ll be the one who brings you down
But this will be the last time…

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The Taste Of Bad Medicine

Drag my hand behind you
Like a chain behind a truck
Sparks over your carpet while
I chase you through the darkness
Somebody’s supposed to fall in love
But nobody even calls; somebody’s supposed to…

~*~

If I held the gun that made your insides feel worse

Tell me, is it still a blessing or have I become your curse?

Your marionette body makes me fall apart again

After I’ve taken my prescriptions and adjusted my skin

.

I’m too selfish to taste all these abrasive chemicals

Forming newer lies at the tip of my pale purple tongue

So won’t you take them away and shatter up these brick walls

That’s keeping my sanity in, just another emergency man

.

In the bedroom floor where our breaths feel like the new testament

My tell-tale heart is still writhing and clawing desperately at the cement

You buried me in black and white, but all I could see is an endless blue

Starving for some modesty like it’s some unheard modern-day virtue

.

So break me away, I’m responsible for this reckless self-medication

Just to sleep and dream a little longer, just to find something to hold on

Because all I hear is anguished screaming from the other side of that door

And I could only listen so much to this overdose before I could take no more

.

If I held all the pills that made your insides feel worse

Tell me, am I your blessing or do I have to call up a hearse?

Your puppeted agony makes me fall apart, and then

I’ll take two and pass out just so I could call you in the morning.

~*~

Tear this place apart
Until you find me hiding, silently I wait
You’ll be excited just to see me someday
Everything’s okay…

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Secret Catastrophe

i am lacklustre—

butterfly wings devoid

of floral-rose shade

lost within asteroids

.

i don’t seek cold seas

or gift-wrapped love

i wished desperate throes

from broken-bent doves

.

only pain lit in purple

unveiled under a night sky

all-consuming death—wanders

in my azure-blinded eye.

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a specific kind of hurt

hurtful twinges

filling up every

corner of my

expanding coroner’s

disease; debilitating,

destroying, until

what’s left of me

is nothing

.

hurtful twinges

crashing down every

space of my

suffocating mental

affliction; desperate,

decaying, until

what’s left of you

is nothing.

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bitter; beater…better?

“I’ve been saving myself for you.”

~*~

for me, bring back the beat

symphonies static in summer heat

ocean waves that washed away

the memories that will never stay

saving blood for what can’t be had

never knew you want it that bad

warm as the photographs you set on fire

i’ll be a good boy and say i’m the liar

convince me that this isn’t just a movie

and your melodrama ain’t a comedy

that the rude words colliding on the sky

wasn’t just another plot for me to die

but with everything i thought i’ll create

is just another separation desperate

and i can’t wait to bring the beat back home

but this time i’ll be playing it all alone.

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Accusations Amok

Now hold on, this is innocent blood
All the beach boys look like sharks
Because without you nothing ever mattered
I scream and wave my arms but you don’t understand me
Now as I watch them feed on you, it’s over…

~*~

Don’t listen to them

And their hateful hearsay

Ricocheting among

Their vituperate memories

.

Don’t let them ruin

That innocent mortality

Put into the stands

By a blood-hungry jury

.

Don’t look at them

Conspire among themselves

Like ravenous savages

Looking for fresh meat death

.

Don’t taste the fear

That they put in your mouth

Spit out the poison

Away with your bitter doubt

.

Don’t let them make

You out to be their villain

Because, in the end

You’re only another victim

.

Don’t let them make you unfair

They can hate and stay desperate

But I promise they’ll get nowhere

Don’t let them—I won’t let them.

~*~

I saved myself for you
Don’t you know I’d die for you?
I saved myself for you
(Without you what’s the point?)

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grave mistake

“My fancy grew charnel. I talked ‘of worms, of tombs, of epitaphs.’ I was lost in reveries of death, and the idea of premature burial held continual possession of my brain.” ~The Premature Burial; Edgar Allan Poe

~*~

buried alive;

screaming my

strained lungs

out, i’m desperately

banging on

the casket door

blood is beginning

to seep from my

nails onto the glass

and onto the

plush coffin floor

buried alive;

i’m twisting and

writhing until

every part of my

postmortem

feels deathly sore

i don’t why i

even bothered

to try when i know

that help won’t come

and i’m secretly

enjoying all this horror.

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I May Be A Bastard, Baby, But You’re My Blasphemy

After all is said and done
Climb out from the pine box
Well I’m asking you
‘Cause she’s got nothing to say
The angels just cut out her tongue
Call her Black Mariah
Would I lie to you?
That girl’s not right in the brain!

~*~

I’m the desecrate devil

You’re a chemical angel

Damned in fake prayers

But I swear I mean well

Cold tax, burn chlorine

Drowns me in gasoline

Drag knives on my back

And hit me like a truck

My sophisticated alibis

Have no place in a world

Where each lie’s sweeter

And a lie’s in every word

So let’s play a long game

Let the apocrypha begin

We’re both fuck-insane

So you’re not apt to win

Hot shot, scream queen

Drama love, got it mean

Wasted hearts, tough kid

Shit, you’re just so stupid

But of course I’m the fool

For I injected innate rules

Getting high on their rush

System rejected, it passed

This is one ethereal dance

And I have a sprained foot

Lead me across the chance

Against the pain and truth

Hold me, crush me tighter

Baby doll’s too loatheful

Strangle or suffocate her

She won’t swallow anger

Did I lose the apocalypse?

My, what a big revelation

Douse my wings in blood

Lock me in an institution

Trigger cold, feels so safe

Please shoot, please rape

My mind with gun metal

Splatter red on the walls

Then if death do us part

Scream for my old heart

Stab halos on the ceiling

I know you’ll miss feeling

So find me and fuck it all

I didn’t make the last call

Pour me all, have a drink

Don’t stop now, just think

I’m just a desperate devil

You’re my poisoned angel

Don’t say this is all wrong

It was their plan all along

If we’re caught, act at best

We’re innocent, it is a test

If not, confess to perdition

Realise your transgression

Cathedral bells are ringing

Moment of hypocrite litany

The bloodred sky’s opening

The almighty laughs misery

So I’ll do a round of rosary

Excuse me for my old gaffe

Cleaned it with the upstairs

Guess what? He doesn’t care

So why should you? This life’s no winner

Not everyone’s either a cross or a sinner

And good or bad ain’t a two-sided nickel

Oh for heaven’s sake, we all burn in hell

I’m just a roman soldier, don’t die for me

I know I’m the nails that pinned your flesh

But you carried me all the way to Calvary

God damn it, you should have guessed.

~*~

Mass convulsions
Strike the choir
By the grace of God
Gun it while I’m holding on…

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Room for Seconds

Cold pizza, tie-dye shirts (I don’t care)
Broken hearts, give ’em here
Give ’em here (Where you’ve been)
Hand me downs, gimme gimme
Leftovers, gimme gimme (How many miles)
Sloppy seconds, give ’em here
Give ’em here (I still love you)…

~*~

It’s not the fault of San Andreas

That you went way over the line

Bone chips stuck out of your skin

As you said you were simply fine

Narcotic pain and conversations

Over the rusted telephone booth

And I’ve got teeth marks on me

When you bit me with the truth

I was just your sloppy seconds

Devouring my entire existence

And when you fed your demons

You no longer needed assistance

I was just the emotional baggage

That you left ticking at the airport

You’re contemporary, I’m vintage

So you cut my oxygen tube short

And I was too desperate for shit

I barely felt the knife in my back

I guess salty wasn’t your flavour

So you burnt me charred black

I took my low blows with stride

You chewed with mouths open

Wiped your lipstick off the side

Your goodbye was resentment

And it’s a damn shame we fell out

The bed was shrinking fast for two

I ended up sleeping on the ground

The lies were clear: it’s me or you

But don’t you leave me hanging now

I’m starving and I will be playing fair

And I’ve got enough room for seconds

Even though I know you’d never share.

~*~

And there is not a single place
That I would rather be
I’m fucked up just like you are
And you’re fucked up just like me…

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