Tag Archives: die

wingless

the fall

was just another

excuse for me

to attempt to fly

and if that

doesn’t work, then

i won’t lose

anything when i die.

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letters to s.d.: fragment #6 {promise}

darling, you[REDACTED] be [REDACTED]ay

.

i’m sorry.

i didn’t mean to.

what have i done.

i won’t think about it.

i won’t do it again.

for you, i’ll try.

not to die.

.

fuck fuck fuck fuck i’m d[REDACTED].

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This means war, sweetheart

“Every single door in this house is on FIRE!!!”

~*~

I’m in agony over how

You just constantly

Abuse your privilege

And stab razors in

My throat; yes, the

Very ones you stole

From me last night,

While I slept wasted.

I hate your words,

Your putrid tongue

That doesn’t speak

The language of

Originality, somehow

Speaking of holes

And roses and

Pretty fucking proses

In imitated neurosis

And you reckon

You’re so damn cool

When you’re the jack

Playing the fool

And if you’re gonna

Be pretentious

As all abrasive hell,

Then fuck it, at least

Learn how to spell.

Why do you make

Me despise you

So much, then pull

My heart away with

The beat of a miracle?

You threw first punch

But you hit yourself

And blacked out

Your own perspectives

You are impossible

But somehow I read

Every toss of your

Androgynous wink

You can’t fool the

Ones who don’t think.

But don’t take it away

Don’t take the injections

That sedate me from

This lifeless corpse

Named reality…..

They’re mine, goddammit

So don’t make me hate

What I fucking love,

Don’t let me live so you

Could kill me slow,

Don’t ruin victory and

Misery and SoCal lifelines

Singing for me now…

You can’t be that harsh.

You can’t be that insane.

Surely, you can’t be that stupid.

You won’t understand me

You were never too clever

But hear me out again

Damn it, won’t you listen?!

I may talk too much

But bitch please,

You breathe too much,

So I guess we’re all

Peachy and even now

Even though you’re

Still stepping on my toes

With a fist worthy sneer

Chanting la-dee-fucking-da;

But that’s fucking fine

I’ll concede your asininity

…Time remaining.

So get your knife out

Of my jugular now,

Cross a busy highway

And fucking eat shit

And excuse me while

I go and throw up,

‘Cause you make me

Feel so fucking s-i-c-k.

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This Dizzy Dreamer and Her Bleeding Little Blue Boy

Licking your fingers like you’re done
And you’ve decided there is so much more than me
And baby honestly it’s harder breathing next to you, I shake
I brought a gun and as the preacher tried to stop me
Hold my heart, it’s beating for you anyway…

~*~

There is a delusion of us I hoped vainly to abstain

I’d lust after this dissolution, but it never remains

Both blank eyed, watching kaleidoscopic scenery

Against smoky shadows of automatic machinery

.

I am a Tom Sawyer stuck in the American Gothic

So drive a pitchfork in my chest, call me pathetic

I’m used to heaving, this deluded boy won’t think

Pastel pink of watered-down blood lining the sink

.

Now my tongue is fettered to the roof of my mouth

Preoccupied with my dizzy little girl from the south

Her poison scented soft like a postcard from France

Breaking off both wrists with her single cold glance

.

You gave me a present, I wasted it reaching the past

I swear these mnemonics were not supposed to last

I won’t be able to retrieve those nights that you stole

Crushed like my soul to draw my portrait in charcoal

.

Your silver necklace is beginning to tighten like a noose

The chain links are tiredly tarnished but I can’t set loose

I’ll die clashing against gold and in monochrome lockets

Please save my heart dizzy girl, and hide it in your pocket.

~*~

What if I can’t forget you?
I’ll burn your name into my throat
I’ll be the fire that’ll catch you
What’s so good about picking up pieces?
What if I don’t even want to…?

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Flint and Flame

You are the match

That burned the whole city down.

The person who danced on the ashes

Of the ruined smouldering town

You were that blazing

Decade-long wildfire

That caused evacuations

That ate civilisations

That tore down society

And tallied a thousand casualties

With your tempers high

Above both degrees

Celsius and Fahrenheit

And your smokescreen of shadows

Obscuring the sunlight’s glow

Your embers snarled angrily

And lashed at those who dared

To touch their fragile paper skin

On your dangerous beauty

And they coughed up blood,

Inhaling charcoal fumes that

Rose above you in softest

Of intricate laced whorls,

Your gruesome work of art.

A haphazard elegance,

That you were.

A blending of tangerine and

Xanthus and azure and all

Colours invisible to the naked

Eye, birthing your kindle red.

You were luminescence;

A hopeful light of blinding hopeless

You were warmth;

A radiating heat of scorched blisters

Every part of you, flammable

Every part of you, sparking a pyre

You were life, and death, alike

Black of soot, white of light

Left to their hands to decide

Which blade they shall use

On the fates they will deride.

Yet; only one choice did it take

And you melted steel and flesh

Ignited into fueled madness

Laughing at the agony you behest

Burn it all, you crackled, glaring

No survivors, incessant destroying

The oceans of Pacific had barely

Made a dent on your aberrating

It was as if fate was on your team,

So you laughed and fought back

But gritted at your diminishing

Against the soothing cold attack

So you flared, and flickered,

You sizzled, and simmered

You were truant then tame,

For a moment you won the game.

But the cyclone stormed suddenly,

The rains fell triumphant at your loss

Your infamous last words faded

It’s…magnificent…chaos…

Your pillar of fire flared even higher,

Against the tide of the cruel water

The magnum opus of your fame,

A final swan song to your name.

You dwindled and you darkened,

You were nothing more than a stain,

And you were finally put out…

But your damage will forever remain.

You were the rampaging fire

That burned everything down

With your conflagrating hate

I watched it all, the annihilation

Of an innocent nation, and its

Own rebirth, in a phoenix state

You were the match that

Burned the whole city down.

Until everything was too late

And mercy, for I was the rough surface

Who struck so carelessly

Against your phosphorus nitrate.

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The Death Of Me

3-2-1 We came to fuck
Everybody party till the gasman comes
Sparkle like Bowie in the morning sun
And get a parking violation on La Brea till it’s done
Hair back, collar up, jet black, so cool!
Sing it like the kids that are mean to you!

~*~

There is this tacit agreement within these hospital halls

An echoing of secrets bouncing off the sordid tiled walls

The telly, tabloids, radios, they’re all straining to eavesdrop

A sensational press release to be taken with Ritalin drops

.

The news at eleven is blatting their usual bullshit and nonsense

Your scowling mugshot showing on every black and white prints

Calculated analysis pours in, idiot savants paying their two cents

Highfalutin judgement via observing your colourless eyes’ stints

.

You ask for more oxygen, instead they provided methane

Burning embers flare with every pained breath you inhale

A skeletal hand reaches out, a last damaged angel reverie

“I’ll miss you honestly, but you’re gonna be the death of me.”

.

Stay still on the Dekapote, let’s test out your anatomy

And dissect the postmortem of your decaying sanity

But it’s not penicillin that is curing ails in elimination

It’s your synthetic test lab love’s biohazard radiation

.

There’s something to be said about the pills we consume

A soupçon of this, a little panacea, inhaled asthma fumes

It’s destroying your baby girl, ingénue rendered quondam

Repeat Rx, errant pharmacy alibis, drink until ad nauseam

.

So fly across the turnpike, hold tight, increase maximum velocity

We have an expiration date chasing us, so let’s indulge in alacrities

My rented heart has four chambers, but none with an open vacancy

I’m sorry, but don’t you see? You’re gonna be the death of me

.

It leaked to the media, their most darling charismatic starlet

Accrued some terrible habits, a degrading scandalous mess

She’s gone mad, she’s insane, I’ll bet it’s all that pure cocaine

Conspirators pass the rumours around like shots of codeine

.

But who cares? Let’s smile at the camera and dance like tumbleweeds

Annihilate the festering bourgeoisie that writ[h]e and sic[k] and f[r]eed

If it’s ingestible, it’s presentable, but let’s break this rhapsodic melody

If they think who’s who is gonna be, then who’s who’s the death of me

.

Just take out those glory guns of yours, embrace that cool revolver

Fuck what all the haters say my dear, you’re this generation’s solver

Red flags of vendetta and anarchy, you lead this boulevard’s parade

Pulling at my dislocated hand to listen to the public effigy you paid

.

It burgeons and blots away, a failing prototype of human nature’s stumbling runs

Mortalities ain’t for centuries anyhow, so in the meantime, let’s have unlimited fun

A suicide pact for two idiotic lovers, hell, why not? We’re gonna die anyways, baby!

Set me free, let me be, I’m crazy, don’t you see honey? You’re gonna be the death of me!

~*~

When you wanna be a movie star
Play the game and take the band real far
Play it right and drive a Volvo car
Pick a fight at an airport bar
The kids don’t care if you’re all right honey
Pills don’t help but it sure is funny
Gimme gimme some of that vampire money
Come on!

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Die Prinzessin und der Drache

You’ve got a lot of nerve
But not a lot of spine
You made your bed
When you worried about mine
This ends now!!!

~*~

Will you never learn your lesson of not exacerbating the situation, pretty pink princess, shining of faux bravery and twisted self-pity?

Just when the skies were crystal clear to fly in an easy escape, you stupidly pulled along your own cloud of dark gloom and self-misery

Peal princess of glittering pearls and shimmering gold, sheeny fluffed gown screaming loudly with pathetic colours of desperate attention

You’d do anything to get noticed, going so far as to sneak in the dank dusty dungeons and poke the undisturbed malevolent dragon

Drag the entire town along with your destruction, your diamond crown and sympathetic fake smile acting as your personal “get out of jail” card

Crying a storm of teardrops while taunting behind your spineless back so hard that you deserve your own selfish shameless spiteful award

You may be cold falling rain honey, but my fiery shocking lightning strike travels faster than your foolish self-centered mind would care to think

You maybe think you’re safe for now, but I’ve got wizards held captive, and if only hatred is purely poisonous, then dearie, you’d already be fucking killed.

…and good riddance, too.

~*~

I wouldn’t hold my breath if I was you
Cause I’ll forget but I’ll never forgive you
Don’t you know, don’t you know
True friends stab you in the front?

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Little Blue Butterfly

Little blue butterfly

Dancing in the pink skies

Past the green lands grassy

Aren’t you just very pretty?

.

Little blue butterfly

Now don’t you dare cry

For beauty is your grace

Adding colour to our days

.

Little blue butterfly

All you ever do is try

Flutter against the cold rain

Fight against the harsh pain

.

Little blue butterfly

Why do you sadly sigh?

All the sweet nectar is gone

Chromatic flowers wilted on

.

Little blue butterfly

Why do you still lie?

Try to exude hope as you fly

But truth is…

Don’t you just want to curl up and die?

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Pomp and Circumstance

~*~

Clothe me in soft laces of golden honey

Spun from a weave of senseless lies

With high heeled shoes and face painted so sunny

Ain’t it fun to dress me up and watch me die.

~*~

Celebrations of glitz and glamour

A room of glittering gold and sparkling silver

Attended, by no other than sombre clowns and masked harlots

Pretending to shine brightly when they’ve already rusted a lot.

~*~

She’s lovely, pretty, her dress was so breezy

The expression on her face displays that life is easy

He’s a gentleman, a handsome one, his face shows nothing but fun

They get adored by everyone but who genuinely cares about them? No one.

~*~

Abstract concepts of presumptuous formality

Painted with ballgowns, top hats, riches, and exterior beauty

What is that painting though, but an example of human crime

Of another blank canvas ruined with the wrong ideas overtime?

~*~

I’m gorgeous, mystical, prettier than shades of pink

I’m Gomorrah, maledicted, uglier that one might think

I’m perfection, elegance, radiant to society’s eyes

After all, they’re the one who dressed me up, so I say, bring on the lies.

~*~

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If Only

If only I could learn to hide the weapons that drain me of my color

My guns, my pills, my sharp little razors

If only I could pick up the pieces of the broken glass from my dresser

And buy a new mirror that does not show me as a monster

If only I could remove the persistent voices in my head

Remove the cold slithery whispers that always wish me dead

If only I could wash all the dried blood of my hands

Erase my tracks, remove the prints, move off to a faraway land

If only I knew how to make some new friends

Make this infinite stretch of sadness and loneliness finally end

If only I could get rid of all the poisonous words and all the venomous hate

Eject the putrid toxins that stop me from being great

If only I could teach myself how to clear the static

Block the white noise, clean the blurs, replace it with music

If only I could change the bursting, fleeting emotions inside of me

Find the key, open the lock, and finally set my feelings free

If only I could break free from these masks of hollow lies

Reveal myself, show my true face, strip myself off this fake disguise

If only I could be brave, use my powerful voice, and gladly shout

Let the energy burst throughout my body as I run and sprint about

If only I could learn how to have fun, stop this endless pantomime

Enjoy my short life, taking on the big world one step at a time

If only I found the color of life, the chromaticity

Finally fix my problems, shake those gray chains off, and set myself free

If only I could let go of my hurtful, haunting past

And live my life in the present at last

…If only I didn’t die first.

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