was just another
excuse for me
to attempt to fly
and if that
doesn’t work, then
i won’t lose
anything when i die.
was just another
excuse for me
to attempt to fly
and if that
doesn’t work, then
i won’t lose
anything when i die.
darling, you[REDACTED] be [REDACTED] ay…
i didn’t mean to.
what have i done.
i won’t think about it.
i won’t do it again.
for you, i’ll try.
not to die.
fuck fuck fuck fuck i’m d[REDACTED].
“Every single door in this house is on FIRE!!!”
I’m in agony over how
You just constantly
Abuse your privilege
And stab razors in
My throat; yes, the
Very ones you stole
From me last night,
While I slept wasted.
I hate your words,
Your putrid tongue
That doesn’t speak
The language of
Speaking of holes
And roses and
Pretty fucking proses
In imitated neurosis
And you reckon
You’re so damn cool
When you’re the jack
Playing the fool
And if you’re gonna
As all abrasive hell,
Then fuck it, at least
Learn how to spell.
Why do you make
Me despise you
So much, then pull
My heart away with
The beat of a miracle?
You threw first punch
But you hit yourself
And blacked out
Your own perspectives
You are impossible
But somehow I read
Every toss of your
You can’t fool the
Ones who don’t think.
But don’t take it away
Don’t take the injections
That sedate me from
This lifeless corpse
They’re mine, goddammit
So don’t make me hate
What I fucking love,
Don’t let me live so you
Could kill me slow,
Don’t ruin victory and
Misery and SoCal lifelines
Singing for me now…
You can’t be that harsh.
You can’t be that insane.
Surely, you can’t be that stupid.
You won’t understand me
You were never too clever
But hear me out again
Damn it, won’t you listen?!
I may talk too much
But bitch please,
You breathe too much,
So I guess we’re all
Peachy and even now
Even though you’re
Still stepping on my toes
With a fist worthy sneer
But that’s fucking fine
I’ll concede your asininity
So get your knife out
Of my jugular now,
Cross a busy highway
And fucking eat shit
And excuse me while
I go and throw up,
‘Cause you make me
Feel so fucking s-i-c-k.
Licking your fingers like you’re done
And you’ve decided there is so much more than me
And baby honestly it’s harder breathing next to you, I shake
I brought a gun and as the preacher tried to stop me
Hold my heart, it’s beating for you anyway…
There is a delusion of us I hoped vainly to abstain
I’d lust after this dissolution, but it never remains
Both blank eyed, watching kaleidoscopic scenery
Against smoky shadows of automatic machinery
I am a Tom Sawyer stuck in the American Gothic
So drive a pitchfork in my chest, call me pathetic
I’m used to heaving, this deluded boy won’t think
Pastel pink of watered-down blood lining the sink
Now my tongue is fettered to the roof of my mouth
Preoccupied with my dizzy little girl from the south
Her poison scented soft like a postcard from France
Breaking off both wrists with her single cold glance
You gave me a present, I wasted it reaching the past
I swear these mnemonics were not supposed to last
I won’t be able to retrieve those nights that you stole
Crushed like my soul to draw my portrait in charcoal
Your silver necklace is beginning to tighten like a noose
The chain links are tiredly tarnished but I can’t set loose
I’ll die clashing against gold and in monochrome lockets
Please save my heart dizzy girl, and hide it in your pocket.
What if I can’t forget you?
I’ll burn your name into my throat
I’ll be the fire that’ll catch you
What’s so good about picking up pieces?
What if I don’t even want to…?
You are the match
That burned the whole city down.
The person who danced on the ashes
Of the ruined smouldering town
You were that blazing
That caused evacuations
That ate civilisations
That tore down society
And tallied a thousand casualties
With your tempers high
Above both degrees
Celsius and Fahrenheit
And your smokescreen of shadows
Obscuring the sunlight’s glow
Your embers snarled angrily
And lashed at those who dared
To touch their fragile paper skin
On your dangerous beauty
And they coughed up blood,
Inhaling charcoal fumes that
Rose above you in softest
Of intricate laced whorls,
Your gruesome work of art.
A haphazard elegance,
That you were.
A blending of tangerine and
Xanthus and azure and all
Colours invisible to the naked
Eye, birthing your kindle red.
You were luminescence;
A hopeful light of blinding hopeless
You were warmth;
A radiating heat of scorched blisters
Every part of you, flammable
Every part of you, sparking a pyre
You were life, and death, alike
Black of soot, white of light
Left to their hands to decide
Which blade they shall use
On the fates they will deride.
Yet; only one choice did it take
And you melted steel and flesh
Ignited into fueled madness
Laughing at the agony you behest
Burn it all, you crackled, glaring
No survivors, incessant destroying
The oceans of Pacific had barely
Made a dent on your aberrating
It was as if fate was on your team,
So you laughed and fought back
But gritted at your diminishing
Against the soothing cold attack
So you flared, and flickered,
You sizzled, and simmered
You were truant then tame,
For a moment you won the game.
But the cyclone stormed suddenly,
The rains fell triumphant at your loss
Your infamous last words faded
Your pillar of fire flared even higher,
Against the tide of the cruel water
The magnum opus of your fame,
A final swan song to your name.
You dwindled and you darkened,
You were nothing more than a stain,
And you were finally put out…
But your damage will forever remain.
You were the rampaging fire
That burned everything down
With your conflagrating hate
I watched it all, the annihilation
Of an innocent nation, and its
Own rebirth, in a phoenix state
You were the match that
Burned the whole city down.
Until everything was too late
And mercy, for I was the rough surface
Who struck so carelessly
Against your phosphorus nitrate.
3-2-1 We came to fuck
Everybody party till the gasman comes
Sparkle like Bowie in the morning sun
And get a parking violation on La Brea till it’s done
Hair back, collar up, jet black, so cool!
Sing it like the kids that are mean to you!
There is this tacit agreement within these hospital halls
An echoing of secrets bouncing off the sordid tiled walls
The telly, tabloids, radios, they’re all straining to eavesdrop
A sensational press release to be taken with Ritalin drops
The news at eleven is blatting their usual bullshit and nonsense
Your scowling mugshot showing on every black and white prints
Calculated analysis pours in, idiot savants paying their two cents
Highfalutin judgement via observing your colourless eyes’ stints
You ask for more oxygen, instead they provided methane
Burning embers flare with every pained breath you inhale
A skeletal hand reaches out, a last damaged angel reverie
“I’ll miss you honestly, but you’re gonna be the death of me.”
Stay still on the Dekapote, let’s test out your anatomy
And dissect the postmortem of your decaying sanity
But it’s not penicillin that is curing ails in elimination
It’s your synthetic test lab love’s biohazard radiation
There’s something to be said about the pills we consume
A soupçon of this, a little panacea, inhaled asthma fumes
It’s destroying your baby girl, ingénue rendered quondam
Repeat Rx, errant pharmacy alibis, drink until ad nauseam
So fly across the turnpike, hold tight, increase maximum velocity
We have an expiration date chasing us, so let’s indulge in alacrities
My rented heart has four chambers, but none with an open vacancy
I’m sorry, but don’t you see? You’re gonna be the death of me
It leaked to the media, their most darling charismatic starlet
Accrued some terrible habits, a degrading scandalous mess
She’s gone mad, she’s insane, I’ll bet it’s all that pure cocaine
Conspirators pass the rumours around like shots of codeine
But who cares? Let’s smile at the camera and dance like tumbleweeds
Annihilate the festering bourgeoisie that writ[h]e and sic[k] and f[r]eed
If it’s ingestible, it’s presentable, but let’s break this rhapsodic melody
If they think who’s who is gonna be, then who’s who’s the death of me
Just take out those glory guns of yours, embrace that cool revolver
Fuck what all the haters say my dear, you’re this generation’s solver
Red flags of vendetta and anarchy, you lead this boulevard’s parade
Pulling at my dislocated hand to listen to the public effigy you paid
It burgeons and blots away, a failing prototype of human nature’s stumbling runs
Mortalities ain’t for centuries anyhow, so in the meantime, let’s have unlimited fun
A suicide pact for two idiotic lovers, hell, why not? We’re gonna die anyways, baby!
Set me free, let me be, I’m crazy, don’t you see honey? You’re gonna be the death of me!
When you wanna be a movie star
Play the game and take the band real far
Play it right and drive a Volvo car
Pick a fight at an airport bar
The kids don’t care if you’re all right honey
Pills don’t help but it sure is funny
Gimme gimme some of that vampire money
You’ve got a lot of nerve
But not a lot of spine
You made your bed
When you worried about mine
This ends now!!!
Will you never learn your lesson of not exacerbating the situation, pretty pink princess, shining of faux bravery and twisted self-pity?
Just when the skies were crystal clear to fly in an easy escape, you stupidly pulled along your own cloud of dark gloom and self-misery
Peal princess of glittering pearls and shimmering gold, sheeny fluffed gown screaming loudly with pathetic colours of desperate attention
You’d do anything to get noticed, going so far as to sneak in the dank dusty dungeons and poke the undisturbed malevolent dragon
Drag the entire town along with your destruction, your diamond crown and sympathetic fake smile acting as your personal “get out of jail” card
Crying a storm of teardrops while taunting behind your spineless back so hard that you deserve your own selfish shameless spiteful award
You may be cold falling rain honey, but my fiery shocking lightning strike travels faster than your foolish self-centered mind would care to think
You maybe think you’re safe for now, but I’ve got wizards held captive, and if only hatred is purely poisonous, then dearie, you’d already be fucking killed.
…and good riddance, too.
I wouldn’t hold my breath if I was you
Cause I’ll forget but I’ll never forgive you
Don’t you know, don’t you know
True friends stab you in the front?
Clothe me in soft laces of golden honey
Spun from a weave of senseless lies
With high heeled shoes and face painted so sunny
Ain’t it fun to dress me up and watch me die.
Celebrations of glitz and glamour
A room of glittering gold and sparkling silver
Attended, by no other than sombre clowns and masked harlots
Pretending to shine brightly when they’ve already rusted a lot.
She’s lovely, pretty, her dress was so breezy
The expression on her face displays that life is easy
He’s a gentleman, a handsome one, his face shows nothing but fun
They get adored by everyone but who genuinely cares about them? No one.
Abstract concepts of presumptuous formality
Painted with ballgowns, top hats, riches, and exterior beauty
What is that painting though, but an example of human crime
Of another blank canvas ruined with the wrong ideas overtime?
I’m gorgeous, mystical, prettier than shades of pink
I’m Gomorrah, maledicted, uglier that one might think
I’m perfection, elegance, radiant to society’s eyes
After all, they’re the one who dressed me up, so I say, bring on the lies.
If only I could learn to hide the weapons that drain me of my color
My guns, my pills, my sharp little razors
If only I could pick up the pieces of the broken glass from my dresser
And buy a new mirror that does not show me as a monster
If only I could remove the persistent voices in my head
Remove the cold slithery whispers that always wish me dead
If only I could wash all the dried blood of my hands
Erase my tracks, remove the prints, move off to a faraway land
If only I knew how to make some new friends
Make this infinite stretch of sadness and loneliness finally end
If only I could get rid of all the poisonous words and all the venomous hate
Eject the putrid toxins that stop me from being great
If only I could teach myself how to clear the static
Block the white noise, clean the blurs, replace it with music
If only I could change the bursting, fleeting emotions inside of me
Find the key, open the lock, and finally set my feelings free
If only I could break free from these masks of hollow lies
Reveal myself, show my true face, strip myself off this fake disguise
If only I could be brave, use my powerful voice, and gladly shout
Let the energy burst throughout my body as I run and sprint about
If only I could learn how to have fun, stop this endless pantomime
Enjoy my short life, taking on the big world one step at a time
If only I found the color of life, the chromaticity
Finally fix my problems, shake those gray chains off, and set myself free
If only I could let go of my hurtful, haunting past
And live my life in the present at last
…If only I didn’t die first.