Tag Archives: disease

Cardiomyopathy

you maniac heart, you

catatonia

throbbing enamel and

philophobia

bleeding uranium, you

arrogant soul

you destitute malady

skinless goal

now lie in hospice, you

anosognosia

autonomy wanting and

open hematoma

.

you maniac heart, you

cryptophasia

nerve damage done and

agliophilia

transmitting a fever, you

capricious role

you diabolic attraction

apoplectic hole

now die in humours, you

necromancer

cryptic temperament and

heuristic answer

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Filed under Poetry

Colourblind Memory

And when I see you
I really see you upside-down
But my brain knows better
It picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around, turns you around
If you feel discouraged
That there’s a lack of color here…

~*~

It was an easy kind of self-destruction; the one I never had to beg for.

After a few nights of staying awake and listening to cheaply-constructed songs on the static radio, I was already haunted. Copper chain links that stabbed at the fictional horizon and left unstitched scars on the exposed wind. Shy vespertine flowers that bloomed in the most coruscant spectrums, but only when no weeping eye was there to witness their exquisite grandeur and compose concerto symphonies about it. An infinite, arrogant, wakeless kind of blue that rivaled every transatlantic and pacific direction that I chased; but, unlike the oceans of this planet so drenched and cold and jaded to the bone, no one is ever able to cross it, and no one ever will.

And violet. A damnable shade, akin to roses-not-reds and forget-me-nots, that violet. A bleeding, dirty kind of violet that left filthy, undecipherable Roschach stains everywhere. Splattering the bruises of my halted tongue, shading the asphyxiation of my untouched lips, violently overtaking the rock-steady sorry secret that was divulged and diluted all too late. It painted a tragedy that only the most damaged and paranoid artists could understand, and rending shreds of the purest agony down my colliding ribs that not even the most genius maestros and starving dilettantes could begin to dissect; for it was a foreign anatomy. A different unknown. A beyond the beyond. It was brutally twisted inside my veins and gauchely discarded somewhere in between sense and sanctuary, photographed and arrested in another postcard vintage lie. I could write graphite letters at the back all I want, but I’ll never swim away from the indigo waves in front. It was our holiday memory, drowning me again and again and again.

Absolutely useless. It couldn’t aid my breathing. It couldn’t save my sleeping. It was a disease that was highly susceptible only to my atrophied words and comatosed syllogisms—the same unfortunate ones that are now leaving my chafed fingers but never my wornout mind, like you, like you, like you.

Unrelenting. Unsuspending. Unending.

All my colours were inverted. And no one can turn it back the right way.

If there even was one.

~*~

Please don’t worry, lover
It’s really bursting at the seams
For absorbing everything
The spectrum’s A to Z
This is fact, not fiction
For the first time in years…

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Filed under Prose

Crash Test, Crash Cart

Give my crash test body

Another shot of lidocane

My punctured lungs need

Its unusual shot of oxygen

.

As it s-s-stutters through

What used to be a clarity

B-b-breaking apart syllables

Like a feigned calamity

.

Wait for contagious chemicals

To course through liquid lies

Imitating another fake panacea

Muffling premonitions to die

.

A shutdown in my system

Scribbled clots all over my veins

Filtered in expendable organs

Until only basic parts will remain

.

The incentive for a flourished

Technique in my pericardium

Paranoia cyanotic, bare threads

Until there’s angels in the room

.

Arrhythmia ticking metronomes

In a pulse that still blindly beats

And a serpent in the colder lumen

Ravaging the amputated disease

.

So just give this crash test dummy

Another shot of every single medicine

And if I die before my body wakes

Ensure that I’ll have enough morphine.

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Filed under Poetry

a specific kind of hurt

hurtful twinges

filling up every

corner of my

expanding coroner’s

disease; debilitating,

destroying, until

what’s left of me

is nothing

.

hurtful twinges

crashing down every

space of my

suffocating mental

affliction; desperate,

decaying, until

what’s left of you

is nothing.

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Filed under Poetry

The Madman’s Magnum Opus

Insane is all I know right now, and my head feels demented

My nails fall out, my gums decay, before I get sedated

I choke on my teeth and swallow a few, shit, it feels hard

As they wring the spit from my eyes and again I’m a discard

So numb that I couldn’t feel the knife on my spine anymore

And I couldn’t count the tally marks screaming on the wall

Keeping track of the infinite days when the demon lets me be

And inches its fangs closer to put me out of my stagnant misery

.

Because the blood tastes more delectable when it’s not my own

As the whores that I corrupted bring my wasted body home

They don’t flinch at the maggots that they suck from my mouth

But they do protest before the chloroform hits their breathing south

No no, it’s not torture, I promise I won’t ever hurt you, my dear

I just wish to lick away all your mingling doubts and puerile fear

But don’t piss yourself, don’t soil your skin, or I’ll be very mad indeed

Behave yourself and stay sweet as hell, or you’ll die before you heed

.

But they caught me revering over one of my masterpiece creations one day

Yelling loud profanities to such beauties, that’s not a very nice thing to say

They dislocated my shoulder just trying to put my artistic hands in cuffs

And took away my beloved artworks, goddamn these useless criticising cops

So that’s how I ended up in here, living and sleeping in a filthy jail cell

With a colossal man who uses me to play every night as if I couldn’t even tell

The food is bland, the nurses laugh, the doctors give me exclusive diseases

The medicine is cheap and expired, putting my mind under heavy poisoned dazes

.

But it’s alright, because the girls I love visit me when no one else is looking

Their breaths may be putrid, their bones may protrude, but I won’t be complaining

And they’re building a rope out of their intestines to help with my grand escape

Don’t worry, I’ll be back to make you feel loved again, so just you patiently wait

They may inject cholera and botulism in me, and force me to see an underpaid shrink

But I won’t be deluded at all, no, as clear as a dark day I can still properly think

I’ll lace my pustule-dotted hands with anthrax and touch them until they’re all dead

Writhing on the floor as I step on their bodies, no one can help these bastards now

.

But for now, insane is all I can ever know, and all this pain feels rather demented

My cheeks slough off, my ears leak brain fluid, yet I feel so divinely elevated

I suffocate on plastic pills and jolt again from the electroshock, shit, it’s such a buzz

As they wring the tears from my broken neck and again I black out with a slurred cuss

So insensible I couldn’t feel the rusted scalpel slicing out my frontal lobe anymore

But I wouldn’t have to count the scratched tally marks shrieking at me on the stone wall

Because when the demon rends another piece from my heart and transfers immortality

Vengeance will be served and heads will roll; this world is damned, so I’ll add a little more beauty.

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Filed under Poetry, Valentines Poetry

Cause Of Death

Have you ever had enough of it?
Straight over it, sick of it, can’t get a hold of it?
Like a drug I need another fix
I’m a moth to a flame and I’ll burn for the hell of it
Battle scar ’cause I lost the fight
Every time I take a breath it’s like I’m losing my life
Fuck it, why am I so dysfunctional?
So irrational? I don’t know what to do…

~*~

The medicine you said you only injected under pressure

Crashing the fluids in your spine, worse than acupuncture

Don’t expect me to stay for another panache dosage round

I’ll down another shot of NyQuil to sleep safe and sound

.

Madness is the disease you declared was the supreme cure

Sane is just an inadequate substitute for the epiphanies pure

But if that’s the case, then why did you have to lock me up

In the asylum you once revered, and my system left to rot?

.

Will they forget the failed experiment that is my botched heart?

When your scientific curiosity deigned for its imminent restart

But the shocking electric currents seemed to pass the wrong way

Now my body’s shaking uncontrollably, and you pushed me away

.

But despite playing the doctor, you killed more than you healed

With each accident you’ve revived, more saline fluid was spilled

It’s okay, I know my nameless wounds would bleed out like death

And I’ll let you mark it in the coroner’s report, outline by the bullet

.

You conducted my autopsy, hoping to find and satisfy the missing answer

I would’ve told you myself, darling, if only you had asked me a little nicer

But when you finally satiate your desire to create and mitigate destruction

I’ll be there standing at the wreckage, all primed to pull the loaded weapon.

~*~

So I push you away until you beg me to stay
Just for the thrill of the chase, you got me intoxicated
Fucked in the head from all the things that we did
But I will never forget I need you, my medication…

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Filed under Poetry

Collide in Contagion

Bury me in the bedroom where I, I can sing you to sleep all night
Put me next to the open window, promise me a second time
‘Cause I don’t want to leave without you buried by my side
I’d rather kill the one responsible for falling stars at night
Cause they fall all around me, the night can be deadly….

~*~

You’re the honorary

Disease of my cardiovascular

Eradication, love

The million spider bites

Injecting toxin in my system

Until my nerves seize

Like the abrupt hitch of my

Asthmatic breath when

Your fangs sank into soft flesh

And painted my skin red

Red as the cerise vows you made

That gave me scarlet fever

.

But where would we end up

If it weren’t for your pellucid palate

And bloodlust for melodrama

Rictus interlocked against rictus

Disgustingly quivering as

Both mouths whispered bullshit

That intensifies the acrid taste

Of our executed demise

I’ll carve profanities in your

Fractured ribcage, and pierce this

Needle past your deflated lungs

Serrated viciously until you gasp for air

.

I buried this disgusting romance

Under a reckless murder scene

And if you think you can dig it back up

I’ll hit your head with the shovel

Your eyes are protanopic machines

My lips feel like corroded metal

So rust away the scar tissues

And mangle in the alkaline fear

Pernicious hysteria and controversies

Realining my taut fasciculus

Sealed surgery with parallax thorns

Festering in my paralytic accident again

.

So tell me if my parasitic mind

Is as right as your moral ambiguity

I’m inhaling your reputation

Like crushed cocaine and car smoke

But the crash test of my dopamine

Is beginning to rapidly decline

And the agony of your bruises are

Already starting to fucking set in again

My encephalon is incapacitated

You took advantage of the ill

But love, if this is what it takes to

Collide me with your wrecked body

Then I don’t ever want to heal.

~*~

And I don’t care if you’re sick
I don’t care if you’re contagious
I would kiss you even if you were dead
Would somebody make me go blind for the rest of my life?
‘Cause I’d do anything to hold your hand!

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Filed under Poetry

Skin and Bone

Your deception, my disgust
When your name is finally drawn
I’ll be happy that you’re gone
Ash to ashes, dust to dust
Ash to ashes, dust to dust
Skin to bone and steel to rust…

~*~

I feel the insects and parasites

Tangled in sick writhing masses under my skin

Like the paranoia in my blood

Synthesising bone and muscle to cold creatinine

Alkaline anaemia feeding away

On a prion virus anarchy that’s imminent to stay

Distorted appendages and deliria

Cryogenic stitches sewn under lighted penumbra

Hypertensive breaths suffocating

Lacerations and abrasions numbing, intimidating

Allergic to morphine and to pain

Adhesives abuse, an acidic atrocity left to remain

Tourniquet turning my veins blue

Scourge, eviscerate my neurological impediment

Through the slits in my silky skin

Pyrexia tastes like sweet sweat fever, I’ll torment

So let my lethargy be the catalyst

Listen to the acoustic shadow echoing in my ribs

The ligatures fading to distension

Voracious maggots in my head trauma slip incision.

~*~

Let tomorrow have its way
With the promises betrayed
Skin to bone and steel to rust…

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Filed under Poetry

P.R. in the E.R.

Rejected, rejected
You’re never gonna be the one respected
Infected, infected
This is the way that every life is ended
No, no this life won’t swallow me whole…

~*~

Maybe I’m simply a rhetorical felony

An acrobat caught in dangling chains

A contraband of a misplaced memory

The redundant punishment to remain

A confrontation’s my personal disease

I have my cardiac arrest out on a lease

Treatment is the scalpel in the morgue

And I’ll be discharged on forms forged

Maybe I rigged the monitor for mortals

Blood doping and hoping for unreliable

Indistinct responses of epileptic arteries

Lapses and antacid are my only enemies.

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Filed under Poetry

Demon Dissection

Cut up into pieces, looking for a reason
Who’s gonna be there to make me whole?
I can’t stop the bleeding, looking for a meaning
Throw me a line and bring me back home
Won’t you say something, say something…

~*~

My system is dysfunctional, don’t rouse the groggy demon

Breathing water in my lungs, filling my brain with helium

Paralyse the thin blood that clots into a circulatory decline

My taut nerves are snapping at heavy pressure in my spine

Respiration repressed, perspiration drowning perspicacious

Shutting down involuntarily, muscle and bone tearing anxious

If the oxygen doesn’t reach my lungs, and my pulse begins dying

Let my heart finally repose, and let this diseased demon flatline.

~*~

It leaves lines and divides, this life can cut like a knife
It leaves lines that divide a before and an after…

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Filed under Poetry