Tag Archives: distant

Saudade

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my source of discomfort stems from sweeter apathy,

the one that subtly shifts behind frayed sweaters and

bubbles up from under clogged drains; the kitchen sink

is stained with petrified rose petals, your disinfectant love

creeps like cold chlorine under my tongue, and your kisses

taste like taking a deep breath under a swimming pool

but i don’t know why i cough up sea salt in my lungs

and the sand gets in my eyes and my fingernails, the

irritating grit keeps me vainly scratching all throughout

the night. you don’t seem to mind, for you have the covers

wrapped tightly around your body like a quilted cocoon, and

there’s a steady rhythm humming beneath the sweaty pillows;

of oxygen, and slowing pulse, and being unable to dream

while i dream up enough nightmares for the both of us

and the noisy skeletons in our padlocked closet. nobody’s

around to witness me jumping to conclusions, just an

inch of mattress that translates to transcontinental throes

you are so impossibly distant, whilst i quietly sit in the same

chair by the jammed window for hours and let myself wander—

perhaps i might chance upon a fairy tale place where home

feels like home, and not simply another temporary kingdom to lose

your keys; and where you are no longer a strange extraordinary metaphor

but rather, just a tiring contrary cliché that i’ll be more than glad to call my own.

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Paternoster

I still look for you

In suffocating temples

Within the faith I lost

And in mindless rituals

.

Mumbled promises

The kind I couldn’t keep

Memories that grow

More distant as I sleep

.

I still look for you

When the pangs cut through

All the could-have-beens

Just a name they never knew

.

Maybe there’s an afterlife

And maybe I’ll turn out okay

Memories will stay with us

Even if you’re long gone away.

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Glass Slipper

Because baby, baby, you’re so crazy now
Looks like I’m not the only one now
And I could finally see the light
Oh, there’s a million stars tonight
A single one could save my life…

~*~

There’s a million glass slippers across the galaxy

Scintillating in quiet fervour, constellated reveries

In sizes that vary, from supernova explosions to dwarf suns

But I could point out the most distant and say it’s the one

The one that barely emits light, almost devoured by the darkness

Of the eventide firmament, a pale eternity of madness

Unremarkable in comparison to other astral entities that rage

Indigo skies blotched with abstract shades, while it burns a solemn beige

But that broken glass slipper is the one I will always adore

Every night, I gaze upon it while nescient eyes shall choose to ignore

There’s a million glass slippers scattered across this infinity

But I only have one, my dear Cinderella star, I know she fits me perfectly.

~*~

Red water leaves us
As we collide (Drella! Drella!)
Red water leaves us
And I just drive.

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parroting

silence is a

distant bird

at the back

of my throat

daring to fly away

.

conversation

is a broken

winged dove

wishing to soar

yet never getting away.

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Another incident in the darkness

raven hallucinations

take over furtive glimpses

of a wary glinting eye

.

the nightingales are

mournfully weeping as the

crows cackle “someone’s going to die”

.

deathly silence enveloping

thick as the opalescent fog that

obscures the most crepuscular of souls

.

all before a distant scream pierces

the infinite nightmare; and another

wandering entity is devoured whole.

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heartaches painted in grey

i want a million diamonds

from the sky to shatter my perception

and allude my verboten tongue

.

waiting for florid ice and fire

to thaw in each other’s grasp, aureole eyes

flickering against the soft dimming of the lights

on and off and on and off and on…

.

these hearts don’t belong

to the bathroom stall

and your paperback tales aren’t mine

.

i wish i could collide my mouth with the promises

that you will never keep from me

and i wish you would climb out from the

black screen that you hide under

praying for a sordid memory

.

though they say it isn’t meant to be

but another distant heartache

spilling oil paintings at the back of my

monochrome cracked skull.

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a soft place to land

in a distant land

of nothing but

rocks and gravel

at the very bottom

i’m standing at

the top, and only

looking for a softer

place to land on.

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silent summers and wasted memories

They used to be the rivers
That would take us away
But now you only call me
Every Christmas and my birthday…

~*~

diving into

liquid reveries

and searching for

lost words

i could never

set past my

grievous tongue

in endless

nights of misadventure

and chicanery

rife with fondness

and hyperbole

and playful kicks

jovial as it hits

our wayside brains

though never

directly spoken

we were speaking

in a language

that only we

could decipher

leaving the rest of

the world to wonder

what amuses our

strange souls so

little did they know

we were laughing

at them all along

for they could

never understand

how these broken gears

spin and stutter

and how we turn such

mechanical gnashes

into a symphony

listening to each other’s

lilting cacophonies

until sunset hits

our bloodshot eyes

bidding us its goodnight

and i yearn for those

pastel-shade days…

of glib tongues

talking about stuff

and sheer nonsense

and insensibility

and rancid relativity

and bouts of sovereignty

in blue screen deaths

and sleep infidelity

now a distant polaroid

fettered in grey

and fragmented by time

a memory daze—

i break the surface of

my reminiscing

almost forgetting to

catch my breath

and write the words

i remembered to think

but never said aloud

hoping someone could

still hear the wind…

it was a delicate summer

and yet, rather wasted

on dead air and empty silence

that much, i know

that much, i could see

and that much, i wonder

i wonder if you knew

and i’m rather curious

why are we wasting

time again?

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Disasterology 101: Nightmares, Catastrophes, and Tragedies

I laid down, I drank the poison
Then I passed the fuck out
Now let me tell you about the good life
I have a million different kinds of fun
When I’m asleep and in a dream
That I’m your only one…

~*~

Several times these diamonds nearly bleed to death

Complicated breathing on a midnight I won’t forget

Thousand dollar oneirist, and coffee on your tongue

A song for my darling, upon shooting stars you hung

.

An average rusted boy galvanised in strings of silver

Guitar crying between your careful calloused fingers

In lakeside eyes and shotgun hearts that bit the bullet

Dim burgundy and pastel notes splashing your palette

.

Brushstrokes of gasoline, swimming under losing holds

Shame feels like broken bones, a promise not quite cold

Leatherbound love and liquid lie of a tarnished machine

Past your desecrated mouth, your affinities of evergreen

.

Haunted homes fusing and fabric skins melting together

In miraculous eternity, reposing on a graveyard weather

Hopeless chasms I dug out deeply in my wilted backyard

Veil lacing past spinal cords, as my pallid flesh is charred

.

Oh, I may well never marry gold, your lucent sun is not for my abyssal sea

And the sable ravens perched in the courtyard do not sing nor caw for me

But as the sky revolves around horizons, and our distant footsteps scream

I can hear you vividly in hymnals of faith, and of your throes I shall dream.

~*~

If you come over tonight
We can travel through time
We can sleep on the ceiling
And creep under black lights…

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Will You Sleep Tonight?

(I.) Head in the Clouds

.

Cloud-stained blankets

A late-night house call

I’ll dream for you again

Dear, if I wake up at all

.

Nightmares dripping away

Under the bed, I will sweep

Dust and decayed reminisce

That was sealed under keep

.

I adore you quite senselessly

Every vein in my body fights

Am I just a distant memory

Or will you sleep tonight?

.

(II.) Eyes the Size of the Moon

.

You’re perfect like an asylum

Colourful ultraviolet madness

Nick in your smile, silver ring

Oh you’re an immaculate mess

.

With perfection of impossibility

You defy definition and gravity

A voice like coffee and caramel

Halo heaven holds my lost angel

.

I keep candy floss under my pillow

Like a firefly our fading bones ignite

(Sleep) Am I just a distant memory

(No more) Or will you sleep tonight?

.

(III.) Hearts Swinging on Empty Stars

.

Witness the death of a floral lust

Glittering teeth, arrogant sun rust

You withheld cold phantom glow

Swallowing crystal, raining snow

.

Hispanic hearts and a charm of gold

The stars are falling, so we were told

But don’t believe in truths and reality

Sleep me away, come repose with me

.

Darling, break every fracture in my body

And I’ll reach and turn off the moonlight

(Sleep) Am I just another distant memory

(No more) Or will you finally sleep tonight?

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