Tag Archives: dying

Stomachaches

My body’s weak, it gave up on me
This time I don’t think I will get out from
What I’m underneath, it’s hard to believe
Another day of rain has come and gone…

~*~

curled up compact

as shockwaves of pain

twist daggers up my sides

doubling over metallic tang

as i coughed up rust

breaking, breaking

.

coiled within and writhing

as the shock slithers into aches

breaking apart in sulphurous acid

tearing holes in my viscera

as i’m blistered and vitriolic

hurting, hurting

.

contorted inhumanely

as the irascible aftershocks

flowed magma on my insides

burning me internally

as i waited for it to be over

dying, dying.

~*~

“Don’t go” she said
I wouldn’t mind but I’m cold inside
I’ve felt so bad for so long
I’m scared I’m fine…

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Suicide is Imperative; Dying is Relative

Stop me before I go to waste
For every heart that’s born can easily be torn away
I can’t comply to this state of consciousness
That we call life, and though I stand here to perish
I will stand here ’till I die…

~*~

Suicide is such a selfish word, isn’t it?

An exquisite hum never to be whispered

And muttered under cautious hushed breaths

But don’t let your sweet little girl pull the trigger

And send her down along to her early death

It’s the last resort to someone who has nothing

Failure is relative, but then again so is dying

An easy way out, you don’t need to leave a note

Be an open ending with your last pages never wrote

Jealous hearts seek clarity in forms of twisted mentality

Bladed sobriety, I wish someone would find me

But no dares to ask, and no one dares to kindle and ignite

The bonfire that might burn down the entire midnight

The attempts I’ve hidden behind star-spangled band-aids

The promises thrown away like an extinguished hand grenade

Guilt, pain, contrition shaken up like a secret toxic potion

Three cheers and toast to us, and here’s to murderous emotions

For the lifelines we destroyed, the stars that will outlast

The existence that will never be, the sulphurous bite of the past

For giving up the ghost so hard the grim reaper gets chills

For the recovery that is bullshit misery, for all the numbing thrills

Don’t decode the snarled banter, dying’s really just entertaining

A childish amusement, they say it’s serious, but why am I laughing?

It’s so easy to throw yourself to the vultures instead of the sharks

There’s nothing left to be salvaged if you’re already torn apart

Suicide, it’s such a disgustingly beautiful word, isn’t it?

For the bruised minds that keep slipping under the lack of leverage

Three unlucky syllables can never sum up all the sussurous pleas

Never to do it, for our spines never to be avaricious nor weak

But sometimes, enough is just fucking enough, isn’t it?

Never mind the big picture of the future if the details are flawed

The decades I have left won’t compare to the halcyon thought

For the peaceful centuries of eternity that my corpse has left to rot

Life is difficult. I should just kill myselfshouldn’t I? Why shouldn’t I?

~*~

Stop me from making more mistakes
Fallen friends have learned their lessons
Fate their teachers taught them all too late
Don’t teach me too late, just hide me from my fate…

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l-eye

i look up

to your strength

confidence

and your ability

to look me

in the eye and

assure me

i’ll be fine

but i never went

past those

hopeful glances

to find

the weaker side

within that

was also suffering

and dying.

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Ephemera

Like violets stranded in eternity

I lay dying in here for centuries

Like snow and dandelion white

Melting on my paintings tonight

Like the incandescent butterflies

I’ll never crash, and I’ll never lie

Like taste of stars and lemonade

I’ll never be gone, I’ll simply fade

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letters to s.d.: fragment #3 {selfish}

why can’t i fucking keep [REDACTED] from [REDACTED] the world?

.

please save me

when i don’t wanna

be saved, ‘cause

i just can’t be saved

i’m too damn weak

i’m too fucking tired

i’m just wasted away

i’ve spent nights

screaming at the top

of the balcony

until my lungs beg me

to calm the hell down

you told me not to do it

but temptation crushed

me in its serpentine hold

and why do you care?!

i’m not worth your time

i’m not worth any of

your vocal paintings

in lacquer and grey

i know you’ll never

write songs for me

when i am hurting

or when i am lonely

or when i’m miserable

and hell, all three

effects simultaneously

and i know you

won’t stop singing

even when i’m gone

your serenades are never

mine to hide to myself

as a decadent secret

i’m just not, you’re just not.

but why?

why do you keep the

rusty razors from dancing

on my leather heart?

why do you make me

vain to feel every pain

when i loathe emotions

and it hurts even more?

why do you keep me

awake all night, like a

paranoiac insomniac, but keep

me alive all damn day?

why do you make me

believe you wholeheartedly

when you softly say

“darling, you’ll be okay”?

why do you make me

laugh as i start to cry

and cry as i start to laugh?

why? why? why?

why do you even try?

why do i even lie?

why is it always you?

why do you keep me from fucking dying?

and why don’t i fucking care?

.

why [REDACTED] listening [REDACTED] shit?

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(stand still)

don’t make

me cry

when you

haven’t even

opened

your mouth

(to sing)

.

don’t wound

my skin

with guitar

strings as a

garrotte

straight away

(i’m dying)

.

don’t break

my lungs

with poison

when you’re

trying to

make me

(feel strong)

.

don’t make

me confused

and weak

as my soul

gains audacity

and epiphany

(don’t say i’m wrong.)

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Thanatos

If living is pure bliss

And paradise is but a distant dream

If dying means afterlife

Or eternal rest, perhaps reincarnating

.

Well I would rather be sad and woeful

And I will induce an everlasting coma

If I were given the chance to live again

Then I would rather accept euthanasia.

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