Tag Archives: ennui

This Uselessness is Murder.

I try to walk away, how has it come to this?
I’ve said it once, I’ve said it twice, 
I’ve said it a thousand fucking times
That I’m okay, that I’m fine, that it’s all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can’t seem to sleep…

~*~

Idling away with nothing but my butane thoughts

To reinforce the growing rot in my kindling head

Godforsaken memories ungraciously worm their way

Back from repressed twinge and into my unmade bed

Longing for a grandiose escape from this noetic asylum

I call my own mentality, as I keep desperately clawing

At the thin bleached walls of my own bleeding skull

But never shattering it completely, and only left dying

And I honestly just can’t fucking stand this sedentary state

Eyes left reduced to another silent ticking timebomb

Working my dull teeth’s grind like it’s a paying day’s job

Doing everything I can to keep myself blisslessly numb

And the worst part is when the overthinking kicks in

Hitting me straight in my fractured chest again and again until

I couldn’t breathe anymore, and until I would just about do

Anything, anything at all, just to distract myself and not to feel

And when the mollifying rain stops and the vengeful heat returns

To exacerbate the heavily-settling hell of a migraine inside

It’s all I can do to groan inhumanely and suffocate myself on the pillow

Realising wretchedly that summer hasn’t even started—and I’ve already died.

~*~

Every second, every minute
Every hour, every day
It never ends, it never ends
Every second, every minute
Every hour, every day
It never ends, it never ends…

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The Toy Soldier

membranes screaming

with quaint distaste

zeppelins weighing on

the bottom of my palate

ennui is injected like

hard heroin, but down

instead of rush high

amusement of a chronic

detachment, falsettos

left to simply, slowly die

rivers of silver, i’ll sink

in pouring liquor and rain

as my thoughts keep

reverting to primal disdain

another day of feeling

nothing, and walking on

harsh gravel and cold rocks

and this life’s about as

exciting as an empty

wooden toy box.

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Concrete & Clocks

Time is ticking like pewter rocks

Another stony glare for the clock

Paralyse, stupor, lethargic, stuck

The yawn escapes, I’m outta luck

Time is ticking, wasting the clock

Ideas hit me but they fail to knock

Ennui colliding like massive trucks

I’m falling out and dead like a fuck.

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Wicked Halo

I was used to rejection, but not from the sky

Angels ejected me out of the clouds for a lie

Both wings were fractured, my halo dimmed

But I can promise you that this wasn’t my sin

They call me fallen, I’ll call them in expletives

I saw paradise, and it wasn’t all that exclusive

All shades of purity, all hues of vestal virginity

And in other words, it’s the most perfect ennui

I was extinguished, just another star left to die

But now I’m careening down, set to destroy life

You will ask, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

But I was never there in the first place, so try again.

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