Tag Archives: fade

Dead To You

It starts as a simple thought
And grows, eats you alive
You choke and you spit
But you can’t get the taste
Out of your mouth
Don’t you know it’s with you
Until the end…

~*~

You hang my stretched guts up high on the rafters

But I love the crass style of this never-ever-after

The pink in my cheeks is from blood on the water

So go ahead and drag my corpse down the sewers

The rats will enjoy feasting on my faded colours

.

You string me quite taut with the sonic turnover

Mania shredding too fast, that I then begin to wonder

If I’m not just another victim which you won’t remember

But maybe that’s asking for far too much, loathsome bother

So I’ll go and fake my late autopsy just so you can sound clever.

~*~

You fight back with all you have
Denying your intellectual cell
It’s a race against time
It’s a fight you can’t win
You should know it is with you
Until the end…

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weltschmerz

the wary thought

of october graves

in autumn sunrise

her name and yours

on an open letter for

the future young, as

old boats unfurl their

paper sails and the

breeze flows north

so often they whisper

.

“oh, i wish you had

never said a word”

their lacklustre ire

lesions seeping into

bandages and coffee

grounds and the very

last time you saw her

alive that day, of the

very last time you ever

felt alive, that fateful day

.

what more is left now?

statues still into monuments

and the gentlest reminder

of a violent decision that

carved another number

into your mausoleum, and

hers—it’s a strange way to

love, to unravel with her skin;

to twist, and to fade, and to

be the breath she always saves.

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sadder days

Dirty fingernails, same as your mind
But he can strum the guitar just fine
Every now and then he’d think about his life
Daydreaming just to pass the time…

~*~

today

is one of

those sad days

sadder days

morning grey

feels eclipsed

a ghost in

the window

blocking sunlight

reaching out

impalpable

sadness?

you dream

my darling, of

perhaps life

as you know it

or perhaps

nothing at all

as i pen eulogies

to my name

woe is me, my

dreams have

not been kind

they never were

but i hope

love, that yours

flourishes into

more than

sweet cosmos

and forget-me-nots

and the colour of

lilac i painted

your lips with

a pale afterglow

a subtle adoration

love, pure love

i hope all your

dreams visit you

not only when

you repose

and may they

never fall away

like, i ponder,

all those whose

footsteps have

faded from familiar

halls, missing

from freckles and

constellations

searching

for better days

or bitter days

or both—

they’ll be gone soon

but so will i

and so will you

and so will all

these sad days be

i only wonder

what time brings

for you and me

tomorrow

~*~

Now the sun is closer than it was before
Anyone who’s anyone can feel it
Saturdays are not the same as they used to be
Sadder days, why do they keep on using me?

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Shades of You

Grey, that’s all there is now.

I used to be the brightest iteration of alizarin crimson, and I wore my lustrous colours proudly on my chest to disguise the bloody cancer secretly tearing irreparable holes inside my slowly-withering system. So bold and reckless I was, that soon I found myself losing full control and suddenly careening headfirst onto your blue brick wall, and well…the collision was more violent, more radiant, more spectacular than you and I and anyone else could ever begin to imagine. No freshest shade of unhealing bruise nor deepest sour of aged wine could ever compare to the stunning explosion of blinding indigo we left on the scene of the accident, that day. The perfect way your incandescent glows and mine contrasted together and exquisitely showered the atmosphere, it was rather exhilarating.

But like everything that’s been left out under the sun just a little too long, the vibrant hues we initially adored and reverently shared started to quietly fade; akin to a rampant disease viciously working its way past our frail bodies, fingertips first. We could do naught but weep dull stardust as we held ourselves together in the tightest embrace, in the desperate yet ultimately futile hopes that we could still preserve our deteriorating youth—that if we hid away well enough, we could keep even just a sliver, even just a sleepless teardrop, of the resplendent spectrum we once thought we would carry along with the siren songs of this universe forever.

But in the end, it was all for nothing.

Soon enough, you had strangely turned into a serpentine shade of lucid green, and my hazy eyes began to see nothing else but charcoal wastelands and bleeding ash. Oh, how we’ve both drastically changed. And maybe not quite for the better. Still, I don’t wish to stain your newfound emerald gleam with my obscene tenebrescence, so as much as it caused a solemn ache to my soulful bones, I decided to completely detach myself and stay away from you for the time being. Instead, I’ll simply attempt to completely capture your eternal likeness onto pure cotton canvas—resolutely translating all of those clashing galaxies and kaleidoscopic tones into softer stencils and lifeless monochrome.

Perhaps someday, if I blink the awaiting future away and press on my eyelids hard enough, it might conjure back even a stray phantom of the forgotten iridescence that your dull, graphite-sketched countenance used to boast; gentle pastels warmly seeping in and bringing back the dusky ochre in your hair, the cloudless afternoon horizons back in your irises, perhaps even reviving the blushing cosmos of your clever lips, boyish and lazily smug as it twists into an elegant sunflower smile. The worst kind. The kind I somehow find myself missing the most these days.

But for now, grey is the only undertone I unfortunately possess. And it’s the only way I could captivate your ephemeral memory to return home within my gossamer dreams night after night after night, until my tiring lungs finally let go of my last saved breath and I inevitably coalesce into a sepulchral heaven—a bleak, distorted paradise where I’ll be doomed to roam with fellow spirits of black and white, for deathless infinities to come.

And after then, after then…who will be left to remember your name?

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Asteroseismology

I see no stars in the sky anymore, darling

That’s because they’ve all fallen to the ground now

And lodged their nebulous shards in between

Those tiny beating hearts and empty restless souls

And names and cities and sidewalks no one will ever know

And these stars are long damaged with love

But they look just as exquisitely pretty as when they

Were once strung up in that infinite tapestry

We call the universe—the same universe where

I wonder why I’m still so caught up in you and I

When we’re only stripped-down parts of a woeful quintillion

An unknown number with hydrogen in our breaths

And I want enough pieces for a constellation, darling

Just like you and them and us and the rest of this galaxy

Will you have slowly mended everything together for me

Or are you just another faded light I will soon have to bury?

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Fallback

If I had another girl,

Would that fade you from my chest?

You are like a bad heartburn

Would she finally grant it some rest?

.

If I had another girl,

Would she love me the same way you’d have done?

Even though it hurts to think

Would she finally stop you from being the one?

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Rogue

A subtle system, breaking melodies
Craving bullets from her gun
So I tripped, stayed, follow every word
Little spirals in their eyes…

~*~

scarlet bliss

worries fainting

seize my heart

cold in bad weather

.

scarlet bliss

worries falling

sedate my heart

cold in grey colours

.

scarlet bliss

worries finding

separate my heart

cold but not better

.

scarlet bliss

worries fading

sleep well, my heart

cold in your aether.

~*~

Catch a lover
Turn an enemy
Just to watch them
Burn alive…

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blizzards

it’s 3 a.m.

why does it

still hurt

everywhere

nowhere

now here—

months don’t

fade like

you do,

like your

blue so vivid

sweet oh sweet

oh no…oh.

why do i

do this when

i know it’ll

only deprive

me of oxygen

bruised skin

lost in your

aether, cold

forever

and ever

and ever

and never.

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Don’t Let Your Destiny Escape You

These hands hold up nothing but scars underneath
From swimming these oceans and learning to breathe
So often I tell them, so often they listen to me
So make me strong, there’s blood on my hands
But the killer’s not my enemy, it’s all for the sake of love, it’s all for you…

~*~

You spoke to me like an avalanche

That buried me in rocky trysts and throes

And cut my palms, you held so tight

I wished my numb hands could let you know

.

How much it meant, how much the cost

The blanketed statements against the snow

Stained with pure crimson from my lips

It was more than a hazy hurricane of bliss

.

So I’ll open up to the skies every night

Letting lucky coincidences guide the light

A thousand miles, right into your dreams

Though the hope tears my heart at the seams

.

Now destiny prays, though we both lost faith

Was it worth it, when I forgot how to breathe?

Life’s just too short, you mumbled to heaven

It was worth it for me, but would you wait again?

.

So let’s do everything later and remember it now

I’m willing to pay the price to make it out somehow

Please keep your embrace wrapped tight around me

All before you fade away into this hollow obscurity

.

As I crash beyond the cliff and my body breaks

Into a million pieces built up of all our mistakes

I don’t mind the ocean, submerged in your blue

My thoughts will sink under, falling still for you.

~*~

I can feel your hands on my fingertips
I’m seeing oh-so clear, I know it’s for you
When all we know is falling, I’ll save something
For you, you who are all alone
When everything is beautiful, when everything’s okay
Even if it’s not okay, I’ll say, “it’s all for you”…

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amnesiac

11:15 PM, 04.12.19.

i remember

how you used to have

a place in my

memory

but i’m so forgetful

and the shades

are fading

away to a dull grey

like it’s a static

vacation

turned off to

a lost radio station

and you knew,

you knew…

didn’t you?

um, i can’t recall it

anymore—but

all i know is that

i’m fucked up

i fucked up

i fucked it all up.

and i ruined

everything

we had going on

in that warm

summer conversation

where you made

sense, and i

made amends

and the music wasn’t

bad and flat like

a can of unopened

lime soda—

now nothing will ever

be the same again.

i wonder

i wonder much.

i wandered too much.

my head hurts.

everything hurts now.

it’s weird,

but my thoughts

are so numb

and i’m starting to

forget again…

i’m sorry.

who are you?

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