Tag Archives: fast

Her Hypodermic Heart

I’m fading away off some kind of drug
Maybe it’s lust, maybe it’s love
I know I said I’d straighten out a week ago
I’m feeling though, about to reach my peak, you know
The city’s got me falling off
I’m fading away, I’m losing my head…

~*~

She’s the girl of my dreams

But her nightmares come cheap

She’s got Xans for a goodnight kiss

And fictional love for my lifeline

Then I was told to stay the fuck away

But baby, my head lies all the time

.

If you’re in a rush, then stop running

You’re going too fast, the stopwatch tickin’

Mending my bones, but I’m still broken

Sayin’ I adore you when the ocean gets you

Blue and cold all the way to your mouth

Need another shot to keep it right, she knew

.

But the train stations stopped working

And I’m the only passenger left in red lights

Passing by the metro, keep that devil mania

It’s getting messy, and she’s gonna get me

Delete me from her fingers like I wasn’t there yet

Confuse my addictions as if I need more, yeah

.

Hit me twice and hit me hard, let me feel that smoke

Break me down and break me fast, let me feel my heart choke

Crash my central nervous system and keep the anxiety real

I’ve got some time to fuck around, so won’t you let me feel?

‘Cause she’s always been a sweet voice at the back of my mind

But only whenever I close my eyes and let the pills rewind.

~*~

‘Cause you’ve been steady
Crawling on your knees again
You need a friend
And I’ve been on the pills again
Baby’s only twenty-three
Dancing under lights since she was seventeen
Her brain’s flooded with ketamine…

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Filed under Poetry

Hey World, Why Don’t You Spin A Little Faster For Me?

‘Cause he gets up in the morning
And he goes to work at nine
And he comes back home at five-thirty
Gets the same train every time
‘Cause his world is built around punctuality
It never fails…

~*~

I feel so fucking useless.

The world is running at a breakneck speed and everyone around me is already growing up and moving at a steady pace, getting jobs, meeting new people, going to college, telling wild (well, for me at least, but I’m sure it’s as normal an experience as any person gets) stories that still invariably shock the living breathing manchild in me, and basically acting like an adult, very well on their way to becoming a mature and a fine-class clockwork citizen of this society, and I’m still sitting here, practically catatonic and stuck at home, jadedly counting the crimson hairs on my head before I rip them all off out of sheer frustration, and then repeating the cycle for hours at a time, for days at a time, for weeks at…well, you get the idea.

Hell, all of my friends are doing something decent with their lives, some of whom I haven’t talked to in a rather lengthier amount of time due to their busier affairs, and all I’ve ever done is waste oxygen and continue bitching about my inane sadness like it’s such a fucking choice. Of course, people do tend to worry sometimes and ask way too many questions that I don’t have any answers to (in one situation, I found myself wracked with the conundrum of whether I should blatantly lie to my pressure-ridden grandmother or not), but really, it’s not their job to worry about me. It’s their job to worry about themselves and do good and be productive and get somewhere ahead in this stupid planet, and I’ll be there behind them every step of the way, cheering them on and assuring them and feeling proud for them and all that TED Talk crap, because it’s all I could do for now, and what they can’t ever do for me.

But sometimes, it also feels really lonely, and even lonelier when you know you couldn’t tell anyone about it, because it’s solely yours and no one else’s problem. Yes, I know, I know, I brought this solely upon myself, and I took the riskier choice when everyone pleaded for me to reconsider my decision and take the otherwise solution, and I didn’t even stop to set up any alternate plan-b’s or cheap setbacks to fall on, in the event that my original plan fails. Why? Simply because I wanted a fresh start for myself. Simply because I felt suffocated by this shrinking cul-de-sac of a place and wanted to get away from the same tiring things that I’ve been seeing for 18 years of my life ad nauseam. And simply because I want to force myself to actually believe in my capabilities, and fucking hope that for once in my life, I’ll be enough, maybe just enough, to make at least one implausible triviality into a reality.

Do I not want anyone to be disappointed in me? No. It doesn’t matter if anyone is anyway, I’m pretty much used to that already. I just don’t want to disappoint myself anymore, that’s all. I’ve always been falling behind my entire life, and I don’t think I could ever catch up.

I just wish time would go by just a little bit faster so I can finally stop holding my breath for nothing.

~*~

And he’s oh, so good, and he’s oh, so fine
And he’s oh, so healthy in his body and his mind
He’s a well respected man about town
Doing the best things so conservatively…

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Filed under Prose

Speed Limit

Offered her a pill and now she yelling
Took her from the hills, now we rolling
Probably get her killed by the morning
Pedal to the motherfucking floor, man
Full acceleration, hear me roaring…

~*~

Driving fast, breaking traffic lights, think I’m going insane

Changing gears endlessly but never changing to the right lane

Right hand on the left end, strap yourself and swallow your tongue

The wrong turn makes my eyes spin like oxy, are you having fun?

Worrying slow, think I’m crashing on windshields and pedestrians

Changing my mind again but it’s too late, and everything’s gone

Right now I’m left behind, seatbelt off and choked on my uncertainty

The wrong way makes my car spin like xans, but who’s up for doing ninety?

~*~

Pop another, now it’s hurting
Sip and driving got me swerving
Book a table, I’m reserving
Now it’s feeling like a circus…

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Filed under Poetry

triggers in traffic lights

I’ve been drinking while I’m driving down the highway
Haven’t blinked in like a minute, yeah it’s quite strange
I’ve been thinking ’bout all of the things
I might say or might do to you…

~*~

body like a car crash

i’m driving too fast

trying to get rid of

the devil riding on

my fucking shoulder

telling me don’t stop

.

i can’t blink anymore

they took away my view

and my hands are shaking

on the steering wheel as

i tear down the highways

chasing up atlantic to hell

.

but once i pull the trigger

and hit you with my bullet

i’ll fight in drunken sunsets

until i hear you admit all of it

and when you do, i’ll let it go

i’ll take my hold off the brake

and we’ll careen out of control

bodies colliding on the high road.

~*~

Telling you I won’t slow down
Won’t slow down

Girl you gotta know right now
There’s no way out
Imma pull the trigger off, and imma let
These bullets talk…

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Filed under Poetry

fleeting

you’re growing up

so fast and i can

see the neon lights

slowly flickering in

your hopeful eyes

here’s to cavalier youth

that’s yours to keep

i only pray that i don’t

ever see such a glow die.

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Filed under Poetry

Fast Nights in Baltimore Bars

I took a walk for the very first time
On the dark side of the dance floor
Lit a match just to heat things up
But I got more than I bargained for
Mixed drinks, mixed feelings of elation
I should have known it was a one night invitation…

~*~

Stomachaches and bloodshot traffic lights

Sessions under the sewers and later nights

Angels drink in the city’s insalubrious pubs

Travesties and immoralities, say it’s all love

.

Cause a scene, say what you mean and dare

They’ll fall asleep, knowing you’re not there

Imbibe a dose of reality, a handful of ativan

Lose all trace of humanity to become a man

.

Locked up behind closets, seven minutes tore

Therapeutic unzipping for the playbook score

Five vodka tonics and a misdialed phone call

Acrid tang of mouthwash and bedroom walls

.

Champion friends turned cutthroat solicitation

Pleasantaries choked in stones and desperation

Prized devil horns mounted above the fireplace

Stories of grandeur stitched and tailored in lace

.

Cutting problems with kiddie scissors and unglued

Riveted jaws hang open, loathes passed like the flu

Bad bickering of dollar bills paid under the counter

Chances of stolen jackets and spiels of spilled water

.

Billboards of painful neons, signs of dim fluorescents

Hundred-storey buildings and pseudo-smiles crescent

And if we die tonight, then we’ll die feeling more alive

If they find our remains tomorrow, again we will dive.

~*~

Don’t sweat it, forget it, everything is a-okay
Just let it, go then it’s, off to find another face
I make you come just to watch you leave
You walk around with my heart on your sleeve
Don’t sweat it, it’s over now, our time ran out…

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Filed under Poetry

Infidelity in Fast Lanes

I’ve got a question
Did you think that we would ever believe you?
And on the note of rejection
The line you walk is getting thin, so thin
Your green eyes are potent
But last night I know who you were with…

~*~

Forgive me for the blatant jealousy

I crashed under in high speed velocity

Veering wildly on a falseless hope

This is more than I could have coped

I guess I didn’t expect more than one

To shove down my throat the gun

That would cheat my arrogant death

As you’ll hold away my last breath

Splinters divine like a crimson rose

And I can’t chase your peripheral ghost

So listen up and you won’t speculate

Love the hate and fucking hate the hate

Keep nice thoughts under your pillow

We can reach the distance by tomorrow

If the western train doesn’t take a shortcut

Then I’ll lose you with all that I’ve got

My darling Texas girl, please wait for me

You’ll leave so soon enough regularly

So forgive me for the implicit infidelity

Let’s try this again more slowly, and maybe I’ll be sorry.

~*~

Go back home now and go back to sleep
And we say, go back with someone else who
Who wants you more than me…

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Filed under Poetry