Tag Archives: find

A Spoonful of Stagnancy (The Fix)

I woke up sideways trying to find clarity at the edge of my bed

‘Cause I thought I would meet a liar, but I met you there instead

With the knife stuck in one eye and a strange leer in the other

Before I could start to understand, you held our heads underwater

.

And let contrition flood my nostrils, let your heartbeat send the tides

Where old treasure chests and pirate bones can only dream to hide

My veins phosphorescent, a sickly glow, the predators won’t let me go

Sand in your lips like a velvet bliss, send me beyond cyclones and snow

.

A traitor in my midst, our ribcages interlocked beyond befallen stars

Fine silver melts at the very whim of your ire, spin a mysterious nebular

For where the mind shall go and where you let it roam is an open road

And you dragged me by the skin and teeth, jammed inside the folds

.

Beyond lost libraries and cathedral halls and the closets of your home

Our somewhere that we both could share just to leave ourselves alone

When your iris takes on some colour and the rusty blade begins to recede

Far away from angels and enemies and god, farther away from you and me

.

As I woke up sideways trying to find an elegy at the edge of my unmade bed

I just wanted to meet another dying sinner, but you left me one instead

With the knife out of my spine and your bloodstain roschach on my shoulders

Before we could start to understand, we were ending before it was all over.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

a picture of patience

72ca68fa-6c2a-4fbf-a555-825efe400455

half-remembered

plastic wiles

you’ve got that

kinda poppy smile

spring fills envy

and i’m steady

though my mind’s

about to break

if i’m sorry

you’re not ready

i’ll still own up

to my mistakes

when you find out

what it means

the oceans stain

with solitary pink

i’ll keep my secrets

right beside you

hope you sleep

before you blink

but it’s early

oh, far too early

and maybe i’ll be glad

for this may be an

augean journey

but you shall be my iliad.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

santa’s not real (but you might be)

Wrap me up like a present
And put me away
And when it gets cold, I’ll be yours
Let the bells ring on a fool’s holiday
I swear that I’m more than just
Broken promises…

~*~

i will find you

in wine coolers

and silent carols

and hallmark films

that we both hate

.

your tinsel smirk

in a mistletoe twist

red and green and

stupid clichés on

pink candy cane lips

.

we can stay away

from rude relatives

bland after-dinners

pull the sweater over

our eyes just to hide

.

don’t wake me up

when the fireside’s

snuffed-out, and this

hangover feels like

a feverish nevermind

.

wrap up the year

a humourless cheer

the star fell off the

tree, and the cat stole

half the ornaments

.

but i will find you

in crystal snowdrops

and visiting ghosts

for you’re the childish

wonder that i once lost.

~*~

Decorations can change
Like tinsel and ribbon so
Do not open ’til you’ve got
Forever to spend with me
On a fool’s holiday.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

h[a]unt

feel the

haunt

don’t

open up

kill the

blinds

to hide

your find

.

feel the

haunt

don’t keep

it shut

kill the

mind to

see what’s

inside.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

hanap-ilaw (finding light)

kahit ano mang

idlip ng karimlan

huwag na huwag

mo itong bibitawan

sagipin mo na lang

ang mga nakaligtaan

at susundin ang irog

ng ating kalangitan.

despite the slumber

of the darkness

never should you

ever lose your hold

instead, may you save

what has been neglected

and love shall be brought

back by our heavens.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Elizabeth and the Zealot

His embittered smile proclaims of an innocently senile man, but his rancid breath reeks of irreparable psychological damage.

Outside, a group of children playing tag in the playground across the street, clambering across loose gravel and joyously shrieking as outstretched hands willingly grab for their shoulders, caught unaware and simply caught.

Inside his shirt, the old crucifix his long-deceased mother gave him on the brink of her deathbed, clasp half-broken and several priceless encrusted jewels missing; a toothless grin, unfaithful gaps. The tiny metal weighs heavily against his unwashed chest, the unpleasant sensation almost burning a hole through his heart. Sometimes, he mutters a memorised creed out of reflex, though no one believes in it anymore. Perhaps not even God Himself. But him?

Mindless gazes. The chipped, mouldy statue of a weeping wooden saint in one dark nook of the living room, rotting food and dusty candles its ever-resilient offering. The mirror, barely reflective, smudged with soot and cobwebs and his tuberculosis-infected saliva. The closed window beside him like a sleepy eye, tiringly wary as it occasionally betrays a resounding laugh or a glimpse of excitedly-billowing hair. He forgets so many things nowadays, but he always remembers. The children. He must watch the children.

Or else?

Or else…

Grabbing his ragged coat from the settee, the man coughed into his fist once, twice, and absently wiped the offending knuckle onto his beige pants. He headed for the door and resolutely grabbed the tarnished doorknob with a shaky hand. The hinges squeaked. A child, perhaps the acting leader of the pack, called out for everyone’s attention as he insisted to play hide and seek.

A countdown, and the palpable air of small bodies scattering. The man decided musingly, that he would humour them and join in their little pastime. He’s always been good at hiding. Though, he sighed out in quiet lamentation, with his old age and raging rheumatism, it would not really make the job any easier for him.

But only one child would win the game that night.

No one would ever find her.

He’ll make sure of that.

Leave a comment

Filed under Prose

so what was it that you were hoping for?

just an instantaneous reprieve

i still piss myself off with the thought

that it wouldn’t matter if i worry

you’re just a pretty name on paper

and my stuttering pen refuses to bleed

so my head does all the purging

again and again and i want it to be fine

even if i’m inconsequentially yours

because you’ll never find me out

i’m too shaded but i can’t cool it off

blindsided by your automatic ideas so

i guess i’ll apologise under my breath

every night, just before you save my

nightmares and leave the brake in

your clutch, ripped off like the breaks

in my heaving ribs, mouthing sorry

over and over and i’m not over it

i’ll never be fucking over it anyway

is that all you want? don’t even bother

i’m just the mirror you’re pointing at

and i’m just mimicking your baby eyes

it’s exhausting to let it glint all day

but who will care? you’re the best that

it gets, and i’m half as worse as i will get

and we’re all just a bunch of broken bodies

seemingly set for headfirst collision but

only narrowly missing by a sinew in the end

well i shouldn’t really get my hopes up

you’re far too clever for my cry for help

and my delusions can only cash in so much

before you’re changing your mind again

and i think for a second, maybe, oh

just fucking maybe—falling prey again

to your last instantaneous reprieve

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Still. Alive.

We are made of confused atoms and endless fathoms

And falling in love, in the wrong place at the wrong time

Chasing cigarettes on sixth street astride a flock of pigeons

On a sombre wedding day, runaway like the cotton-lily bride

But her wrists are coated with bright red lipstick she wiped off

After she found out that happily ever after didn’t really exist, train

Dragging along the sidewalk, scraped skateboards and wet chalk

And grinding teeth and damp laundry scattered by grumpy landlords

Perfect enemies knocking down old drywall while the rats complain

And the best friend you haven’t talked to in decades just showed up

At your doorstep dead 2 AM, mostly drunk sometimes troubled to crash

In your couch, grin that familiar grin and ask you how you’re doing

Pretend that the medication in the bathroom cabinet’s only Ambien

And quietly sneak out the morning barelaced and shamefaced so

You’re all alone again, tapping to the faded songs you never recorded

Right by the dusty windowsill as elusive spiders build their homes in

The flat you can’t quite call your home, haunted by strangers’ past bodies

And his awful-scented aftershave of coriander that seems to linger forever

And an uprising in every locked closet hiding identities and mothballs and

Childhood VHS tapes and taped-up mystery boxes containing what might

Just be forgotten yellowing letters and cheesy postcards from every state, or

The very key to unlocking the ultimate truth of the entire universe itself…

But we’re all too busy losing our phases and being torn back to ashes to ever find out.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

bygones

We hear that rumbling song in the distance
It’s coming closer, but we don’t like to talk about it
The sticks and stones won’t build you a home
And every word, it will exert you ’til you’re done…

~*~

hear me scream

your pity in disguise

verses reimbursing

an arcane surprise

so go find the me that

dripped down your

throat like madness

and felt like a cold

decimating the decay

or so i’ve been told

.

a night of encounter

faded into sometimes

sessions in the theatre

to remind you’re not mine

withdrawals attacking

this most awful defiance

but maybe if you don’t

find me out to fix me up,

soon enough, i’ll be able to

avoid this unexposed romance.

~*~

Where do we start
If we will end apart?
Where do we go from here?
It’s head versus heart
It will all be clear someday…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

why are you like that

i say that it’s

unreasonable

and yet i keep

seeing reasons

to be foolishly

drawn to this

chaos—a moth

recklessly flitting

against the sun

your ardent rays

have burned a

hole through my

common sense

and i can’t patch

it up with all this

tedious poetry, nor

careless ire, nor

all of the nihilistic

promises i lie to

of patiently waiting

of finding something

all before dying out

and falling off to nothing

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry