Tag Archives: foolish

foolish spider

i’ve spun

this web

for myself

and now

i’m trapped

within it.

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Just a Pale Shade of Rosy Vision

And I want you to stop insisting that
I’m not a lost cause ’cause I’ve been through a lot
Really all I’ve got is just to stay pissed off, if it’s alright by you
But hearts are breaking, and wars are raging on
And I have taken my glasses off, you got me nervous
When you’re turning it into a joke…

~*~

I don’t know if I’m going to college. I know what I want to do, but I don’t know if I’ll make it.

Obviously, she says I’m being irrational with my decisions because I’m still hopeful, optimistic, just another manic boy seeing the damned dark world through rose-coloured glasses and floral idealisms, too naive and gullible for my own good, covertly trusting in demons masked with shiny halos.

She should’ve seen me nearly bleeding out in the middle of the night because I was too tired for anything else, because I felt like I wouldn’t be able do do anything more useful with my existence. She should’ve seen me doing it again a week after. And again and again and again. She should’ve seen me giving up.

At this point, these foolish little dreams of mine are all I have. They’re insane, yes, and most likely impossible, but who am I to turn it away? When I’m left with nothing but screaming nightmares, it’s the only thing that’s keeping me at bay, keeping me going on, keeping me alive, because everything and everyone else has given up on me. Including her.

Yes, maybe I can be such a selfish idealist sometimes, that much I acknowledge. But is it so wrong for me to want for more than just a stable job? A cash-grab career? A walking ATM fountain? Is it so wrong for me to want to be happy, or at the very least, be content with what I do, to see, experience, and feel more, to be more than just to be another greased cog in this broken machine they call a society?

Apparently, it is. Stupid child, listen to the adults, because they know more than you ever will, and you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. Since it’s so dumb of me to be hopeful, then what’s the fucking point of trying? Is being a sad, jaded, and washed-up individual all I have to look forward to in the future? Is it the only standard I should ever set for myself because everyone else ended up doing it? Because she ended up doing it? Because it’s the only sure and rational thing left in this ever-changing and cutthroat world?

If so, then nothing else should matter. Because I don’t want to have to live for it anymore.

~*~

Just let me cry a little bit longer
I ain’t gon’ smile if I don’t want to
Hey, man, we all can’t be like you
I wish we were all rose-coloured too…

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out there

“The great beyond”

Is just the foolish lie

That charlatans and

Simpleminded folks

Tell to make-believe

That you can still do

What they all failed to

Achieve on their own.

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the one

Only you can make all this world seem right
Only you can make the darkness bright
Only you and you alone can thrill me like you do
And fill my heart with love for only you…

~*~

how can i say

that i envy the chase

from the tip of my pencil

to your graphite gaze?

spitting my heart

onto an endless canvas

of greys and blacks,

hoping the red would stain…

but it never does.

only your floral words are

indelible on my skin

and the reverse

is just a lie i tell myself

so i could sleep a little better

every forsaken night.

the truth is far from your moon;

beyond all your pretty stars

and iridescent eternities,

it is despairingly beyond my fathoms.

but i hope, and again i hurt

for butterfly smiles

and deluding taciturn undertows

and nightmarish illusions

leaving bruises of you

on the very tip of my lost tongue

and all over my wept eyes;

a lifeless empty void

against the autumn shower

of your warm hermetic glances.

and there is no one else

to keep this rusted clockwork

ticking rhythmically to the beats

of your mindless cradle…

and that is the ultimate folly

of this ascetic destructive shale

that i tactlessly call my soul.

for a fool’s machinery,

this chemical heart is.

So indiscernible to lose itself in

such vitreous self-infliction,

and sabotaging the very blood

that my tiring arteries

now regain, thus to sustain

the very memory of your breath

in tranquil consonance…

foolish—and yet; a fool, i am.

a fool for believing that this

lie was past the dark side of the moon

and beyond my wounded stars

and lacklustre infinities…

you are despondently beyond my fathoms.

but i hope, and again, i hurt.

ma cherie, just how can i ever say

that i envy the calm reflection

from the incipience of your melody

to your coda’s revelations?

~*~

Only you can make all this change in me
For it’s true, you are my destiny
When you hold my hand
I understand the magic that you do
You’re my dream come true
My one and only you…

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a one-sided discourse

you were

never there

when my tongue

wishes to be

well worn-out

yet somehow i

keep foolishly

wasting my words

to give you the

benefit of the doubt.

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Filed under Poetry

The Best of You (is the Worst of Me)

In time you’ll find that we can sober up
Clean up any dirt so we can open up
These wounds have been open for forever now
Come on, be strong, your mind has gotten the best of you
You’ve done enough and you are enough
Let’s fall asleep tonight
I’ll hold you close and show you you’re not broken…

~*~

We’re in the middle of nowhere

Trying to find the end of the road

I can’t deny that eternity’s a wreck

It proves that I’m stuck in your hold

.

I’ll limit myself to break down the sun

Let’s divide by three, my cheating friend

Your beautiful face is a drink of regret

I’ll fail falling in love, then I’ll do it again

.

The right side of nothing called out to me

Turn back now while there’s still a chance

And when you run away from my memory

Shut up and decay in a mythical romance

.

Cast a spell on me and take back the war

I’ve got a secret, promise you won’t keep it

Put a curse on me and tonight we’ll go far

I’ve got a secret, swear don’t give me bullshit

.

Forever’s a lie, but together we will die

I said I was sorry, but you don’t believe me

Sometimes you have to fall just to fly

My angel is broken but she’s still so pretty

.

I’m in trouble, devil got a hold on my soul

Let’s settle the score, let’s do some more

My heart has been waiting for an apology

But it keeps coming out all wrong, baby

.

All the reasons we’ve made just not to break

Trying to set things right was another mistake

The decisions and encounters that collapsed

And friends, a forgotten night in a time lapse

.

I don’t think I’ll carry through all this alone

Open up to me, and I will come back home

I think it’s all a bad waste, vague and petty

So tell me honestly, what is it going to be?

.

Maybe we were far too young and foolish to ever feel this much

Attracted to the pains of infatuation, and senseless to the touch

I’ll be leaving soon, but I’ll leave all my things, it’s all you can have

But I’m still here tonight so one more time, teach me how to love.

~*~

You said it, you said it, I’ll take you at your word
These promises that you can’t keep
It’s getting harder to hold on
You said it, you said it, don’t ever let me fall
Don’t give up because you’re losing…

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metal & skin (xii.)

with every word

and foolish lies

that sink within

the blade swings

even closer to my

anticipating skin.

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Filed under Poetry

false assumptions

don’t make

some foolish

assumptions

if you can’t

handle the heat

and never

make false

interferences

if you cannot

fix your own shit.

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Filed under Poetry

the unsaid

there are

times i

regret all

the foolish

words my

tongue

has tread

but i will

always

regret even

more all

the things

that i

never said.

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Filed under Poetry

Second chances, they don’t ever matter

I’m an impossible person, a total mess

I haven’t got any clue

I lose my grips on foolish contrivances

That much is all true

But I found someone, a damaged man

Though I never knew

You are the only one who understands

And now I lost you too.

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Filed under Poetry