Tag Archives: free verse

numb and number

why do i constantly

feel the need to fuck up?

even though the same

mistakes me always cost me

a blood excavation

is it because i just want

to find excuses to just keep

on relapsing? am i really

that messed in the head,

that i would need pain justified

to convince myself that i’ll

fucking need more of it?

for once, i wish i wasn’t capable

of writing until i’m as empty

as my pen and as indecipherable

as the paper i tore to shreds

i’m so sick and disgusted

of how i badly run my system

and really, the only option

is for the gears to stop working

or better still, fix what i can

with a quicker pharmacy visit

and offset an overdosed withdrawal

i just want to muffle it all

can’t i be allowed even that, at least?

can i just no longer feel?

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somnum

i either

sleep

too much

or not

at all.

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shallow

sure, just keep

on digging 

my own

fucking grave

after all,

just how any

more lower

can i even

fucking get?

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hell sweet hell

you make

home

feel like

hell

and make

hell

feel like

home.

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excuses

may i

please be

excused

for the

rest of

my life?

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noose

you can’t

be at

the end

of your

rope

if it was

not even

tied in

the first

place.

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the sober and the selfish

Loose lips sink ships, so I’ll keep silent
Suggest your words stay in your mouth
It’s never ending, the cycles ascending
People keep asking, I’m not here
I don’t really think that you’ve ever walked
A mile in my shoes, I don’t really think
That you know what I’ve been through…

~*~

yes, i’m such a selfish bastard

who understands the complications

of fucking up my own existence

but i do it despite the consequences

because fuck, why the hell not?

i’m self-destructive and apathetic

and there’s a cyclone constantly

ravaging my barely-functional system

and frankly, we all die anyways

so what’s the difference if i go just

a little earlier than i ought to?

and even if that should, would happen

why should, would you give a damn?

i’m just another needle sticking your neck

just one less burden to carry and get

the crippling sciatica and scoliosis from

and don’t you give me the excuse that “you care”

platitude, because i’m honestly so sick of it

and you know i would never believe in

such poisonous lies, such mechanical bullshit

i know i’ll see graveyard dancing at my own funeral

and you’ll be the one leading the goddamn line

so just give it all up, won’t you? it’s useless.

i’m just another one of those cheap, godforsaken

open-ended dime novels that nobody cares to

solve, because it’s frustrating, not worth their time

and the less you act like you’re a genuine heart

the less you pretend this ain’t pathetic entertainment

the more you’ll understand, the more i’ll get it

and the easier it will be for the both of us to let go

yes, i’m such a selfish goddamned bastard

who doesn’t deserve jack shit, who thinks that he will

never be good enough for anything, and a selfish,

egocentric narcissist who hates himself and pushes away

the things he loves, and this selfishness is all i will ever have

oh, how inconsiderate of me not to care about you

when i could barely start to care about me, but hell no

i’m the selfish one…now isn’t that just cleverly fucking ironic?

~*~

All your life, I wish you would
Have learned to swallow your pride.
And stop preaching
I know what you’re thinking
You’re so far above me in your mind…

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wit, wet

your

dry wit

leaves me

drenched in

sickening idiocy.

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Mending the Moon

i shall mend the moon for you

and i hope you’ll still accept it

even though there are stitches

intertwining through its craters

and i’ll embroider sparkling stars

on the dark side of the lunar face

perhaps you’ll hang it on the doorway

next to the artwork sun you handpainted.

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unfinished highways

bury me

in an unfinished highway

where people with

no destinations

and nowhere else to go to

might dare to traverse

an unbroken path

and maybe, just maybe

in that desolate, dust-beaten

incomplete road

i just might be able to

walk away from everything

discover my place, and

find my way home.

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