Tag Archives: goodbye

faded florals

cotton petals

wishing farewell

cherry blossoms

floral and fade

taste the synergy

falter my eyes

chase spectrums

rainbows unmade

floral and fade

carnation blood

paperback stories

fireworks in grey

california nightlines

sloshing out drinks

conjure medicate

colliding with shades

eternity i’ll spend

catching falling songs

i danced for the sun

gravity you played

four misadventures

subtle silhouettes

come back to my heart

goodnight you bade

sketches imperfect

of the perfect art

floral and fading boys

i hope you stayed.

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Faces in the Mirror

“No, I’m barely hanging on…
By the time you’re hearing this
I’ll already be gone.”

~*~

Vacancies in visible endeavours

Spectres gaze back, alluding the mirror

Enchanting curlicues and plumes of smoke

Remorseless, bitter tryptophan in spokes

Unresponsive heart silencing my pulse

Cascading lavender, faux fragile ghost

Persistent aches colluding in my chest

Paralysing asphalt refusing rest

Exquisite grievous, scant aphorism

Whilst speculations worship sadism

Coalescing exaltations infest

Imitating a clockwork heaven’s best

Your faded temper embraced me goodbye

You’re the divine phantom piercing my lies.

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Sidewalk Outlines

I’m half remembered, halfway across the world
Twice removed from a second home
The shadow of a ghost in an old haunt
With a lease on life, ’cause I can’t afford to own
When being young starts getting old
A new place saves face or so I’m told
Be the new kid, on an old block…

~*~

Chalk letters and chalk outlines

Of your body in the blacktop

Playground games that defined

The monsters I couldn’t stop

.

I’m always critical of critics

Casting stones among its kin

As short-sight lovers kicked

Caution off the curbs to win

.

My criminal words misleading

The restless radio remembering

Those vertigo grenades I threw

And I never thought it through

.

Friction turns to sparks but

There is no fuel to feed me

A life of lies, forget-me-not

Legends of a falsified story

.

It’s a big mistake, a big revelation

Towards problematic medication

Substances crafted to taste bitter

Pretending to make me feel better

.

Mechanical cities erasing our names

So say goodbye to playground games

Struggles turned to memories killed

And your chalk outline is left unfilled.

~*~

I’m just a moment, so don’t let me pass you by
We could be a story in the morning
But we’ll be a legend tonight—
Cause you and I, we’re alive
But just for a moment…

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[A]wake

One final night

To pay respect

On silent vigils

Express regrets

Candles burning

Midnight smoke

Scent of flowers

Paperback cloak

Memories chase

Dark paints dawn

Leaving goodbyes

And he must go on.

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letters to s.d.: final fragment #8 {postscript}

Sent: June 28, 2017
Received: August 19, 2017

.

[REDACTED]c, p[REDACTED]re fucking for[REDACTED]le m[REDACTED]e.

.

i failed you.

i thought i could win

but i just let override me

i let it bite my skin

i let it numb and desensitise me

i can’t look you in the eye

as you tell me i’m at my best

but i look at your scars

and it feels like a stab in the chest

if you can, then i can too

but fuck, guess we’re both wrong

despite all my attempts

despite all your painless songs

save the time, as i’m falling

so goddamn stop me

but you can’t help anymore

it’s not like the way it used to be

this was…all for you

all for you alone, all this time

and aren’t i so selfless

to pay you with my crimes?

i remember that you always say

“darlin’, you’ll okay”

and i want so badly to believe

but i have a short breaking point

and this is all i can give

the choice is mine for the taking

what’s another funeral wake?

i’ve gone in far too deep in

and  i’m left with vanished stars

so i can only pick the best

and if i die, i can finally awaken

i’m a coward, i know

but you don’t have to be

struck with contrition for a

guileless naïve stranger

hell, i’m never strong enough

to overpower my own foolish self

that much, at least, is true

no, i’m just not fucking strong enough

f     o     r        y     o     u.

i’m so sorry, s.d.

.

but before i say goodbye permanently, i would like to confess that you’r[CONTENT MISSING]

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taciturn molecules

colliding glances

which screamed

of whispery lies

it was the closest

we’ve ever got to

saying goodbye.

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letters to s.d.: fragment #7 {heights}

i loa[REDACTED] [REDACTED]out [REDACTED]tor, alw[REDACTED] remember.

.

please don’t…

i can’t bear the thought

of this pen moving

and throwing up useless

bullshit yet again…

why do i try? why do i try?

i want to reach for you.

you’re only five feet six inches

short, but when i stand on

your shoulders, i see the whole

universe tearing itself up

apart in neon explosions and

consternated constellations,

and i’m the maestro conductor,

tapping away and waving

the concatenations, every beat

of discord, and the astral

symphony of an entropy.

save me with your caramel arms

don’t let me get sucked in

by the impending black hole

that nullifies every cell, every

song, every damn belief

in my body and system, until

i am reduced to cosmic echoes

of a voided wavelength,

fraudulent e.m.p.t.i.n.e.s.s.

and somehow i would rather

let this planet eat me away.

but don’t let my god go

away for me, love every comet

and asteroid as if it were

my heartbeat and soul,

manipulate the disaster of

my negative existence,

and kiss me goodnight on

this somnolent moontide.

i stopped these knives for you

i’ll make you proud again.

this time, i won’t let the demons

steal my comets and win.

my dearest s.d., you were

always a giant standing among

toy soldiers, so commandeer

the garrison of the angels straight

to heal my stretched humanity

and make my universe spin

once again. i’ll wish for your

comforting star each lonely night,

s.d., so please watch over me

and hope i don’t fall away this time.

love, wishes, and goodbye; signed,

your bleeding little blue moon.

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Allegories in the Curious Case of the Breathless Gentleman

I’ve never so adored you, I’m twisting allegories now
I want to complicate you, don’t let me do this to myself
I’m chasing rollercoasters, I’ve got to have you now
Endless romantic stories, you never could control me…

~*~

Parking lots crumbling against an apartment of beige

In a wasteland of boys and girls, this will be my stage

I’d pull you a mouldy leather chair, or do that yourself

Screaming for hotels to keep the change wouldn’t help

.

There’s no control to be gestured in graceless romance

I’ll tip my hat at your beauty, give the bellboy a chance

There’s a luxurious room that’s reserved for two bodies

Over silken blankets ma cherie, let’s amuse the vagaries

.

Adrenaline shot like cocaine hearts of a powdered nose

Abandonment issues left me but it never felt more close

It’s nothing but anger dripped in crystalline-frosty blood

What makes you think you can seduce the angels of God?

.

The tightrope you used as floss, it snapped in your fangs

And I’m the funambulist that falls away as you have sang

Hiding all the abraded blisters from holding butane knives

For you I’ll devour inedible love, I’ll find the sharpest lives

.

Falling asleep on saline soldiers and flying sordid strangers

Your neck is getting bruised but you love imminent danger

If we wake up at all, I will look for a way to cancel your luck

But if the bullets still pierce you, I’ll yell out harsh, oh fuck

.

I was never quite crass, but this disease makes me so reckless

You’re stepping on my tailcoat, don’t worry about it, princess

I always adored your stories weaved on your lace web gown

The way your blonde hair billows back, shatters your crown

.

Here we are now, crashing and colliding in orbits saturnine

I’m burning cold, and you’re deathly hot, but we will be fine

I’m such a sucker for the rain and each of its mercurial pains

Hell and if I pull the trigger, now, what will be there to gain?

.

So I’ll dance in my boundaries and I’ll stay on the thin lines

If my arms don’t cry again, then I’ll take that as a good sign

For a sunset I chased and the chimera monsters not allowed

As the sky’s pulling me back for the nightmares I said aloud

.

Help me say goodbye, it’s the curdled poison in my delegation

Like contempt on champagne glasses and dwindling devotion

But don’t miss me too soon, have no fear, shed no wasted tears

I was never too charming, but in my wake I’ll be regally austere

.

So inhale infinity deeply and suffocate sanctity on an obscene eternity

Shame you have no shame, my beheaded queen don’t lose equanimity

I won’t be here in a year anyway, so you and I have got the most to live

I’ll provide you half of my oxygen, love, so you won’t be able to breathe.

~*~

Well I really never thought that you’d come tonight
While the crown hangs heavy on either side
Give me one last kiss while we’re far too young to die
(Far too young to die) Far too young to die…

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Dead Giveaway

It’s a been a day, it’s felt like an age
Since I have seen you a face to face
So we can say what we need to
I know you’ve changed, you don’t look the same
We all make mistakes, these growing pains
It’s just a phase we have to go through…

~*~

That’s all I got to give

So I understand if you leave

Our generations train tracks apart

Of the collision you had a part

No, I won’t waste your breath

With my apologies tasting of death

I won’t confuse your mind at all

With drunk dials and alcohol

There’s no more to be lost none

No more lies to dim the sun

There is more to be found again

But I guess see you until then

I gave you all my blades and insanity

I gave all but my own humanity

But you can’t bother with my digits

And flushed my memory down the toilet

Dear, you have been mine for longer

Than I ever reckoned to ponder

Guess torture was my drug to love

Self-esteem you sucked with your touch

But there’s no more sacrifices to plead

No more guilty consciences to lead

Hell, I’m happier than I’ve ever been

But I wonder why you’re still staring?

Really, if we’re better off this way

I don’t think I have anything else to say

‘Cause this is all I have got to give

So don’t be surprised when I finally leave.

~*~

I’ve been wasting all these nights
Trying to keep you off my mind, yeah
You off my mind, but no more
What are you searching for?
What are you looking for?
I don’t think you know…

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My Maiden of Lena

It was there in the winter, bleak and quite bitter

My maiden of Lena rested her heart

From her star studded hair to her very skin fair

Her purple eyes seek another restart

Under branches of Saturn she weaved soft her cavern

My maiden of Lena conceived fresh nights

Where the seas send their tide and no gravity abides

Her clasping hands captured faerie lights

Oh, humility endure, for her soul was too pure

My maiden of Lena tempted the beasts

Tragedy to cure! Must the Seraphs be too sure?

Her tiring legs carried her to the feast

Now lay she serene mourned in rosemary and naphthalene

My maiden of Lena sings lullabies

Her rested heart glows a feverish sheen, gone my innocent queen

Her fading lips whispered a lost goodbye.

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