Tag Archives: hate

She Owns a Red Cadillac and I Need an Accident

(Here, have a random piss-poor excuse of a “song” that I wrote aeons ago, because why the hell not.)

~*~

I can’t imagine being anywhere else
I can’t imagine being anywhere else but here
How the hell did you ever pick me?
Honestly, I could sing you a song
But I don’t think words can express your beauty
It’s singing to me, how the hell did we end up like this?
You bring out the beast in me…

~*~

It was the best day of our lives

Until you decided to run away

Into the highway velocity, a blood-beat wife

It’s the same old routine today

.

My bridal girl, your seatbelt’s fraying

In gasoline tears, your dress is melting

But don’t you cry too fast now

The road’s too slippery for a row

.

Hit another skid, another dancing kid

(I’m tired, I’m tired, I’m fucking tired!)

The path is twisting, I’m getting rid

(Too busy fighting, fucking watch out!)

.

You passed out again from pressing on your bruises

In silken sheets and raining scarlet roses

We’ll save you! We’ll save this

Affair, a tragedy for the intensive care unit

.

Kill me, kiss me again

With both my hands on the steering wheel

It’s more fun to die with both eyes wide shut

So don’t let me miss the thrill

.

Yellow headlights illuminate

Another fractured heart

And shattered glass against the monitor

A beat that won’t restart

.

(Crash! Crash! Cause a pileup on the intersection!

Red! Lights! Call an ambulance, fucking call 911!)

.

You passed out again from coddling your concussion

In the backseat staining sodas and cold emotions

They’ll save you! But can’t save this

Affair, a casualty for the backdoor morgue cemeteries

.

Wipe away the spit that’s fermenting on the windshield

This is the beginning of an ending of a road trip tour that failed

I’m just a pedestrian and you ran me over and out

But I got hit so hard, I lost my sense and twisted my mouth!

.

Let’s be honest, this turnpike romance was never gonna work

I guess you’re just a bad driver now and I’m the jerk…

.

(Confiscate my licence, hit the brakes now!)

.

You blacked out again and you never wanna wake up

This turbulence in California won’t have a gas station stop

I’ll save myself! I’ll save this acceleration

A passenger seat left empty come the overtaking horizon.

.

(Crash! Crash! These hearts are colliding, we’re in motion!

Red! Lights! Don’t call 911, we’re about to have fun!)

~*~

It goes to show, I hope that you know that you are
What my dreams are made of
Can’t fall asleep, can’t fall asleep
I lay in my bed awake, in my bed awake at night…

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Dancing with Roses and Resisting Temptation

Bleed me out, I know you’re the first to listen
When I scream aloud
I’m coming clean again, and I will do my best to
Show you who, who I was and who I am
Don’t write me off, please hear me out
My skin is so much thicker now…

~*~

But I must tell you, sweetheart

Blood is rarely so romanticised

These scarlet kisses on my skin

Are veined vanity, lesioned lies

.

Pain must be such a sorry thrill

By risqué reality in rancid roses

A glamour of the red that spills

Like liquid lipsticks and dresses

.

I love the way the slits do smile

I hate myself for being charmed

I love I loathe I lied I lust for lost

As rubious tears keep me warm

.

But each night, it ends the same

More of hurting for less the gain

I get sick of what keeps me sane

Then I forget, do it all over again

.

It might seem decadently pretty

Almost enough to vie for a taste

But those glass shoes won’t hold

When you’re waltzing on blades.

~*~

I feel it in my bones
Not feeling anymore
The writings on the wall
My scars are at the door…

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letters to s.d.: final fragment #8 {postscript}

Sent: June 28, 2017
Received: August 19, 2017

.

[REDACTED]c, p[REDACTED]re fucking for[REDACTED]le m[REDACTED]e.

.

i failed you.

i thought i could win

but i just let override me

i let it bite my skin

i let it numb and desensitise me

i can’t look you in the eye

as you tell me i’m at my best

but i look at your scars

and it feels like a stab in the chest

if you can, then i can too

but fuck, guess we’re both wrong

despite all my attempts

despite all your painless songs

save the time, as i’m falling

so goddamn stop me

but you can’t help anymore

it’s not like the way it used to be

this was…all for you

all for you alone, all this time

and aren’t i so selfless

to pay you with my crimes?

i remember that you always say

“darlin’, you’ll okay”

and i want so badly to believe

but i have a short breaking point

and this is all i can give

the choice is mine for the taking

what’s another funeral wake?

i’ve gone in far too deep in

and  i’m left with vanished stars

so i can only pick the best

and if i die, i can finally awaken

i’m a coward, i know

but you don’t have to be

struck with contrition for a

guileless naïve stranger

hell, i’m never strong enough

to overpower my own foolish self

that much, at least, is true

no, i’m just not fucking strong enough

f     o     r        y     o     u.

i’m so sorry, s.d.

.

but before i say goodbye permanently, i would like to confess that you’r[CONTENT MISSING]

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The Girl On The Train

“I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head.” ~The Girl On The Train; Paula Hawkins

~*~

The start was the year

The broken was the fall

The night was the fear

The murder was the call

Caught into a secret lie

The witness exchanged

In the blink of her eyes

Her perception changed

On darkness and vomit

Stalked a nuclear family

A crime witnessed writ

Eyes unfocus unreliably

Screaming for their life

And blood hits the floor

Twist that dulled knife

Burn down all the doors

As a love goes screwing

The confessions infest

A person goes missing

Dug into a ruined mess

When a heart runs wild

And the pain sets again

The suburbia is defiled

Alcohol always listens

It screams like the train

And burns down tracks

Of their mistaken pain

And a gruesome attack

On shattered memory

The suspense gets lost

Divorces, drunk sorry

And all that it has cost

The blackouts are gory

Stale violence so grim

Can’t tell the full story

Only the ones on skin

But pieces will unlock

And truth can be found

Of a nice liar that knocks

A mistress under ground

The start were the lovers

The broken were the sins

The night was the horror

And the murder was within.

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Hymn for the Faithless

Our Father, who art in Heaven

Hallowed be thy fame, kingdom

Of temptation we lust for again

Deliver us for your evils, amen

A wickedness in these blue eyes

The sword I carry impaling skin

What must mortal consequences

I shall atone for my begotten sin

Blood on my tears, fallen I wept

These are the songs I am to kept

Pains I pray, damned for my lies

God, am I truly lost in thine eyes?

Blasphemy and sacrilegious vow

Of pious sinners and dead saints

Mercy begat our veneration now

No longer should serpents repent

Dust are we all for a proclamation

Hate leads to lust, our destination

One last surrender, final farewell

In before darkness embraces Hell

My banished halo is extinguished

Drowned by the ashes of the fires

And when my wings are scattered

Beckon not the fine requiem choir.

Hail Mary full of desecrated virginity

For wars I indoctrinated, forgive me

Hearts for hearts, a stigma for stigma

Holy be thy bastard son, a miracle enigma…

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of hurtful jesting and petty amusement

i’ll break

my ribs

if i force

a laugh

of fake

scoffs

i don’t

want to

risk my

heart so

i guess

fuck off.

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humiliation

i’m just gonna

go ahead

and kick away

the chair

under my feet

peacefully

so i’d save my

miserable

little ass from

having to

deal with the

damage

i fucking caused

from a rope

i tied around my

own neck.

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In the Defence of the Liar with No Fault

I know you hate me , I can see through your eyes
I feel the same way, you had the guts to take me by surprise
Maybe I should call it quits, I know you like to see me like this
I rot inside to fight the fight, you know I can’t win…

~*~

INJECT THE VENOM

I will lie, lie, lie

Smile through my lying little chemical teeth

So bite, bite, bite

And if you die, don’t blame me for being toxic.

~*~

LIKE THE TEETH OF A SHARK

You’re all sad talk and no snarl

I’d get caught between your pointing fingernails

Well fuck me for declaring war

Against someone who’s up for an imminent fail.

~*~

DESPERATE MINDS MEAN DESPERATE MEASURES

We’re playing a game of textbook blame

Spin the bottle, flip a coin, bait my name

All chances and hunches and cold guesses

‘Til you’re reduced to wallow in sorry messes.

~*~

IF THE DOLLAR IS RIGHT

Don’t wake me up, I’ll stay sober without your hate

It’s disgusting and abrasive, the way you’re unmade

By trembling little boys and big guns under your chin

But I’ll shut up, pull the trigger, and choke on my gin.

~*~

YOU’RE A LOADED GUN

I’m just a fucking jerk, so loathe me again

I’m just an easy target, so blast off my brain

I’m just a tactless bitch, so keep on crying

I’m just another fuck, so hate me for hating.

~*~

Maybe I should cut my wrists
You know I’ve never been fucked like this
You’ve ripped my heart apart
You know who you are
You’re a godamn liar, you’re a goddamn liar
I don’t want to care, like I want to care…

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Stalker

stop obsessing

over my life

just because you

need to get one

of your own.

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Laryngitis and Lullabies

Dear, when you scream out the lyrics

I fucking hate everything as I feel each anarchic burn of your sharp words

But when you sing softly and melodic

I’m comforted by your warm voice as everything feels all right in this world.

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