Tag Archives: hate

from a writer who can’t write, to a friend who doesn’t care

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you down
And out is where you ought to stay…

~*~

i’m never enough.

every time i build

my invincible walls

back up, you shatter

it with a crashing

sledgehammer

and a glint of your

candy fucking teeth

you’re so goddamn eloquent

an angel with a seraphim

choir voice, heavenly

and i’m just a shitty

raconteur, a useless dry

quill pretending to be

a writer, a croaking bullfrog,

a clean cut nothing

vying to be the something

you would notice and

admire back, and maybe

even e n v y . . .

but no, don’t read

the lines in the wrong

perspective, oh no

i adore you so much

darling, that it turns

my heart into chiseled

stone and devours my

lusted guts like acid

in my abandoned brain

for your creative spell

is my personal dante’s hell.

but this jealousy

hurts so fucking good

that i find ways to

compare, contrast

and inflict pain on myself

emotionally, mentally

p h y s i c a l l y

desiring the day you

finally notice my scars

and compliment them

and i’ll feel fucking

revered and glorified

by a cheap side remark

by a person who couldn’t care

to a thing with ugly taint.

am i really so insecure

as to resort to low blows

and pathetic attention whoring

to feel a little better

about my blithe existence?

F U C K. Y E S.

because no matter how

many beautiful words

i bleed in silver and gold

from my pen and

into the blank canvas,

prose, poetry, stories, lies—

i’m just never enough

to make myself worthy

for myself…

no, i’m never fucking enough

for you.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

In Love and War and Unfair Scars (Nothing is fair!)

A counterfeit heart hanging on by the rope

And I peer at the moon on a blurred periscope

It’s a suitable drink for a girl who can’t think

Love your temper command, you’re so pretty in pink

.

I’m roadkill staring wide on a truck headlight

And gunned fingertips tremble as sharp as a knife

Steal a kiss in the dark, I’m more painful than lust

There’s a thrill in the shame of our summer

.

Blaze the fire tonight, grinding teeth ignite

Leave a scar, scar! Go to war, war!

Burning eyes have cried, lose the broken fight

Made of scars, scars! This is war, war!

.

We spill together as we crash along the halls

This love is over but I still can feel our fall

We go together but we don’t go out at all

.

Smoke of cigarette ash and it hurts to the core

And you drown in grenades but you beg me for more

Make a wish, never miss on a sorry little lie

I’m intoxicated by the trigger to die

.

Failsafe but we choke, caught the locks in our throats

Golden keys that we turn don’t sound the alarm

Great escape lost its grips, there’s a hole in the boat

Dear I told you we’re nothing but trouble

.

Blaze the fire tonight as we both ignite

Drawn in scars, scars! Under war, war!

Burning tongues they light and we’re so contrite

Buying scars, scars! It’s world war, war!

.

We fall together from our lingered pride too tall

This love is over but I’m scratching on the walls

We go together but we don’t go out at all (Don’t go!)

.

Hearts on fire tonight, it’s a bitch to fight

‘Cause this is war (Don’t count the stars…)

Love feels like war (We’re battle scars!)

.

Blaze the fire tonight, don’t let us ignite

Bleeding scars, scars! Fun as war, war!

Burning souls delight, we’ll go down in spite

No more scars, scars! Love is war, war!

.

We fall together but I don’t mind hate at all

If there’s another love, I’ll wait for it to call

We go together and we don’t go out at all

.

This is the end era, we’ll start again and heal our sins…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

This means war, sweetheart

“Every single door in this house is on FIRE!!!”

~*~

I’m in agony over how

You just constantly

Abuse your privilege

And stab razors in

My throat; yes, the

Very ones you stole

From me last night,

While I slept wasted.

I hate your words,

Your putrid tongue

That doesn’t speak

The language of

Originality, somehow

Speaking of holes

And roses and

Pretty fucking proses

In imitated neurosis

And you reckon

You’re so damn cool

When you’re the jack

Playing the fool

And if you’re gonna

Be pretentious

As all abrasive hell,

Then fuck it, at least

Learn how to spell.

Why do you make

Me despise you

So much, then pull

My heart away with

The beat of a miracle?

You threw first punch

But you hit yourself

And blacked out

Your own perspectives

You are impossible

But somehow I read

Every toss of your

Androgynous wink

You can’t fool the

Ones who don’t think.

But don’t take it away

Don’t take the injections

That sedate me from

This lifeless corpse

Named reality…..

They’re mine, goddammit

So don’t make me hate

What I fucking love,

Don’t let me live so you

Could kill me slow,

Don’t ruin victory and

Misery and SoCal lifelines

Singing for me now…

You can’t be that harsh.

You can’t be that insane.

Surely, you can’t be that stupid.

You won’t understand me

You were never too clever

But hear me out again

Damn it, won’t you listen?!

I may talk too much

But bitch please,

You breathe too much,

So I guess we’re all

Peachy and even now

Even though you’re

Still stepping on my toes

With a fist worthy sneer

Chanting la-dee-fucking-da;

But that’s fucking fine

I’ll concede your asininity

…Time remaining.

So get your knife out

Of my jugular now,

Cross a busy highway

And fucking eat shit

And excuse me while

I go and throw up,

‘Cause you make me

Feel so fucking s-i-c-k.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

H.appiness, E.nergy, L.ove, P.assion, ME.

Did someone turn the lights out
Or is it just another dark cloud in my head?
Cause I’m cut deep, my heart won’t beat
Deep down low it’s killing me
If I wanna scratch out yesterday
I’ve got so much I need to say…

~*~

Just how can you stop the loaded weapon

From being pulled, when the hair trigger

Is your own rapidly palpitating heart?

Oh shut up me, you don’t know any better,

But you wished that you did from the start.

Plastering hard concrete on your visage

To permanently solidify your playacted role

As the beast inside you sharpens its razor teeth

Screeching against your sandpaper rough soul

And those blinded idiots never quite knew

The shit storm you were really going through

Never saw that your mannequin plastic smile

Was too perfect, just too happy to be real

Calculated and practised to be worthwhile

That it radiates the hatred that you truly feel

And it’s killing you, you’re so sick of the disease

You’re weak, spineless, an apathetic neurotic

So damn useless, bitter as the coffee you dismiss

How can one be paralysed by being pathetic?

But hell, it’s just a stupid phase, isn’t it?

Can’t concern mom and dad with my bullshit

It’s just an angst desperation, demon arms race

Can’t bother my friends with the problems I face

Trying to convince yourself you won’t choke

As you wipe fingerprints off your bruised throat

Suffocation of a rapid fire oxygen evacuation

I’m happy, I’m happy, can’t you see my emotion?

The lights of the stars burrow under the moon

The shadows infect you with regal monster gloom

Glass exhibits of your blank face in the museum

They stuff and capture you, put you in the tomb

Another day of read lines, red lines on the wall

You don’t break your fall when that curtain falls

I’m not alone…I’m not alone…but…I’m lonely

I’m fighting, I’m fighting, and I’m losing badly.

And you raise your lacerated blue wrists again

Praying to the charcoal dark smoke of heaven

But the inky-black blood that is raining down

Is never enough for you to completely drown

Your voice splinters as you choke on your laugh

Judgement glaring through, you try to keep it up

But it’s not enough at all, no, it’s never enough…

No, you’re just never fucking enough.

~*~

I think I need help
Cause I’m drowning in myself
It’s sinking in, I can’t pretend
That I ain’t been through hell
I think I need help
I’m drowning in myself.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Nameless Nemesis

The sticks and the stones that
You used to throw have
Built me an empire, so don’t even try
To cry me a river, ’cause I forgive you
You are the reason I still fight…

~*~

Wicked witch of the West

The egotistical red queen

Captain Hook, grimy pest

A slimy dream saccharine

.

The acrid poison you spit

Methanes on your tongue

The cold toxic you secrete

Shall be your bad outcome

.

On your charmless veneer

Tortured dark sensibilities

In distasteful doses of fear

A lost cause for humanities

.

You scar me and mar me

With penchant for defeat

Bore holes past my skull

Lay hellfire upon my feet

.

Degrade my capabilities

To reject my testimonies

You think you’re glorious

And quite sanctimonious

.

But your haunting words

Shall revert to your curse

Your reign upon the world

Will crumble and disperse

.

And I’ll be standing strong

Wayward heart and thorns

Raise a sword upon the air

Victory cheer ringing clear

.

Your armies of sticks, stones

Shall add to build my throne

My wounds, burnt-up bones

Shows I survived your scorn

.

Soon you’ll be homely crushed

Banished to a bleak underland

Devoured by ravenous reptiles

Vanish with a flick of the wand

.

But dear, no need to beg and grovel

A chagrin hapless irrefutable defeat

After all, your karma, it’s never well

You are the reason why I still believe.

~*~

So you can throw me to the wolves!
Tomorrow I will come back
Leader of the whole pack
Beat me black and blue!
Every wound will shape me
Every scar will build my throne.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Aftertastes of Pain and Pleasure

“You know the only real way to cure pain is to add a little more, because everything new distracts the old.”

~*~

It’s a chronic disease

Festering like rancid bacteria

Kissing razors everyday

I fucking love the pneumonia

Gnash, gnash, gnash

Hissing breaths through my teeth

Gums bleed as they smile

Tongues lacerate as they seethe

Arachnids building castles

With sand and trapped insects

A gossamer threaded mind

Though I was never too complex

So just hate me, I hate me

There is no clearer difference

So just love pain, I love you

Adrenaline’s a refracted inference

.

Distract the ankle corpses

Lying under my bedroom floor

Putrefaction aspirations

Hallelujah money, give me more

Scream, scream, scream

Curdled up like spoiling milk

Dry warbling tones wrench away

The woven alcove’s curtain silk

The sweet stink of infection

The salty torrents of blue blood

The sour bile of liver under slaughter

The bitter lusts of a cruel God

So just hate me, I hate me

Don’t be fraught with reluctance

So just love pain, I love you

My wrists are failing away to dance

.

Was I too late to even care?

You’re my cloying hallucination

Of virgin vigils and mass memoirs

Be my phenomena salvation

I never saw the whole world alone

No, hell don’t plot to take me

Heaven rejects my grasping fingers

So I wallow in dirt-eyed misery

Dream, dream, dream

And that’s all you can ever do

Lurid eyes glassy, influenced LSD

A pillar of flames burning through

But I’m fucking protesting now

Look away from the wreck of me

It’s a high calibre fanaticism

Fractured away from broken injury

It’s our shared chronic disease

So just hate me, I goddamn hate you

Blind my pulse with your red lips

I love pain, I fucking love that it never stays new.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

infliction

that inane

sensation

of wanting

to harm a

person so

badly but

you aren’t

able to do

so; you end

up hurting

by yourself

instead.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Dollface

you have that

special ability

of ruining my

perfect day

with your

damn words

that i hear

from other

people, it

stabs deep

like pins on

a fabric heart—

your ability’s

so fucking

special that

i don’t even

have to see

your face in

order for you

to unravel my

rare smile

into stray

threads and

loose ends.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Oh, So Careless

So I’ll slit my throat, so I’ll bleed the truth
Cut out my tongue so I speak no excuse
There’s enough trash in this blood to pollute you
And I’m just a fuck, hate me, hate me, hate me…

~*~

Careless, so careless

Hapless I with mine words

Amputated my tongue

To save the hearts I hurled

This is a consequence

That hurts to the very bone

I’ve learned to endure it

I might well be carved stone

Why haven’t I wavered?

Every bite spars a new pain

If rage was an operation

None of my limbs’ll remain

Reduced to a veiny mess

You bled me out, I’ll confess

Sharp blades with stress

I am careless, oh so careless…

~*~

I’ve been falling apart
Self-destructive at heart
It’s okay, it’s okay if you hate me
I’ve been living my death
Over and over again
It’s okay, it’s okay if you hate me
‘Cause I hate me…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry

Betrayal

I put my purest of trust in you

But you broke that faith in two

For you took something I love

And made it hatred hell above

It was this clandestinely secret

Constructed to be held by pair

Hell, apparently I chose wrong

When you begged me to share

And now everyone is watching

Aren’t you proud you’re whole?

And here I sit in regret thinking

You are such a fucking asshole

Oh how I’d love to let you know

That I’m done with this bullshit

Now I’m letting all that I love go

Just so you would go away with it.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry