Tag Archives: hate

In Excelsis

He proclaims to ravage your sanctity with the act of a knighted defender

Find another way to twist the tales, for he’s the tactless paladin, oh-so clever

And he’s far too proud to suck the hollow fibs right off of his glowing teeth

But when it goes around, it comes around, so just strike a match for his greed

Because he’s most obviously the higher man in such a simpleminded charade

Crashes his temples against the ground three times so you would hear his pity parade

He’s better off, he’s better now, he’s still stuck grovelling in his plagiarised sanctimony

All hail to the king and his fucking sharp things, his blood’s thicker with every abusive elegy.

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Actus Reus

There’s snakes among us
That I never bothered to find
Starry eyed and tongue tied
Blurting out and rambling
On and on and on, just hit repeat
On and on and on, one more time…

~*~

You’re the nervous jury awaiting

And their guiltiest defender

Sucking on another infected scar

For an extra opinion to infer

.

So hang your pity party in a closet

Because nobody ever wants to see it

So let all of your hateful hang-ups rest

Because literally no one gives a shit

.

Let your empathy be sharpened

When your arguments are far too dull

Victimise your own worst assets

So nod your head and crack your skull

.

And bully us into carrying your bullying

How the fuck do you think you’re so scot-free?

Kiss ass to your baby, obvious pretending

How the fuck do you think anyone’s gonna believe?

.

Because you’re both the jury and the defender

And we’re just the prisoners lining up on your death row

Blame us for bullshit with damning evidence on your shoulders

And we can’t save ourselves, ’cause isn’t that just how your justice goes?

~*~

Once again, I’ve burned
And borrowed one and two
Turned black and blue
Poisoned before but found the cure
And been exhausted again…

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cheval verre

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chew the shards of glass

between your overcast teeth

and promise me this time—

.

promise me you wouldn’t lie.

.

doesn’t feel too good with

blood overflowing in your

mouth, does it? did it turn

the ashes into putrid mud,

as well, and pour out from

every orifice in a thick, dull

sludge, confessing the crimes

.

tucked quietly behind those

calculating, glimmerless eyes…

.

does the crunching of glass

sound like the bones i broke

trying to convince myself that

your gaping lips are meant for

more than blatant fabrications—

.

does the crunching of glass

sound like sweet music to you,

.

the way it does to me right now?

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Maybe If You Were A Little Nicer (And Whined A Lot Less)

Your clothes and your motions, they caught my eye
It’s no disguise what you want from me
Your humor, the bait for a trap so contrived
It’s no surprise what you want from me—
Your perfume scent, the lies I’ll admit
Just more evident what you want from me…

~*~

Save the best

For your worst boy

‘Cause he’s such a charm

And I’m just your

Filthy little chew toy

Making you feel annoyed

Caught right up in your molars

And I’m willing just to

Take this too far

So pick me up and

Pick me out, bleeding

Gums and toothpick wit

Make you smile but

Without grit, but I’ll never

Give you bullshit

Like you did

When you bleached your

Self-esteem, just to

Make it look like all of the

Soulless models posing

On your cheap TV

Hoping that come January

You’ll be playing all their games

Making out with bigger names

But if not, at least you still

Have me to blame

Kissing me up and down before

You cash in my suffering

‘Cause I was just your

High shortcoming

Next to your no-good dad

And being nothing

Why are you so scared of living

When you haven’t done

A single fucking thing?

But hey, don’t let me

Be the barrier

A naysayer without fervour

Because my ambitions

Also felt the weight

When you decided that

I was never worth the wait

And I’m still saving the worst

For your greatest fall

I’ve crossed the line

So taste my beck and call

And I’m saving myself

Screw your best boy

I’ll break in your plastic decoy

Even if I’ll be destroyed

‘Cause I can’t wait to stop

This pretentious jersey drama act

And when all’s said and done

And gone, well

I won’t be annoyed

No, I won’t be the one still

Waiting on to be your

Ken doll fucking chew toy.

~*~

The right recipe but the wrong target
You’ll never get what you want from me
Got no quarters in my pocket
There’s no change to play your game
Your jokes aren’t funny anymore to me
I’m not the same fool that I used to be…

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come on, skinny love.

Skinny love, what happened here?
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my
My sullen load is full
So slow on the split…

~*~

confidence in taut collarbones

and sinews of soft flesh sticking out

from these slowly-crumbling ribs

hoping they won’t notice the excess

counting macros and scale numbers

on the package of chewing gum

.

i promise you, the hunger’s not real

but the ugly bulk on your arms are

and on your legs and chest and neck

so suppress it all, ignore the growing pain

and perhaps all the consumed water

will revive this withering flower

.

brittle hair falling like twisted snow

too tired all the time from staying pretty

a dull glow from behind skinny eyes

hoping a skinny heart will keep me alive

tears dripping off like the clothes on my back

as the mirror sneers, it’s not enough

.

so i’ll just suck my skin in even tighter

and chew on empty air and constant disgust

never satisfied with my toothpick limbs

until i’m certain that my body could easily splinter

if i was given a hug, by the people who like me

because i finally look the way i forced myself to be.

~*~

Now all your love is wasted
Then who the hell was I?
Now I’m breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines
Who will love you? Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

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Keep It Going, We’re Nearly Out

Least I’ve been looking
Real-faced on my side
Still don’t know how
To be all in the mind
All in my mind
It’s what you would want…

~*~

You’re bringing me down

But enough is enough

I’ve got some good rounds

Now I’ll call out your bluff

.

Spit a tooth and some lungs

Minutes before it’s all over

Say they call me high-strung

But I always blow my cover

.

Just to win their way to lose

Just to dance around the noose

Just to decorate another bruise

And leave the coroners confused

.

I’ll bring myself down now

It’s a game of its own entirely

You’ve had your sadistic fun, now

It’s time for that bland apology

.

Because it’s just only fair for us

To keep our busted bones locked

When it’s all over and overdone

There’d be no space left for a gun.

~*~

Looking real spaced in my eyes
I don’t know how to be
Here all the time
You know that I was
I was ready to be alone…

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Jouska (pointless monologue)

Closed doors, locked in, no keys
Keeping my feelings hidden
There is no ease, I need it to stop
And I want to be able to open up but
My feelings are fatal…

~*~

This much, I know, we will never be alone together.

I couldn’t ever bring myself to attempt to catch up

With you; quietly fearing this trembling uncertainty of

Completely tiring myself down with the futile chase

Only to find out that I arrived in dead-set last place,

So I’ll just allow you to leave me behind instead, as it is.

It just feels like the more happiness you’re getting,

The less of you I could have for myself—and though

I can’t and won’t deprive you of the things you’ve fully

Well deserved for a long time, I also can’t stop

Myself from being such a selfish machine, stupidly

Begging for something far beyond my taut reach,

Inadvertently trapping myself and wailing in anguish

When I have to chew at my own leg just to get out of it—

I just can’t stop myself from giving a damn about you.

But I guess that’s fine. You will never find me out anyway, and

Even if short-lived and shortsighted, I still dearly cherish

What little euphoric glimpses I had of your attention, even

If it meant nothing, I only wish nothing but the very best for you,

And I could only hope that this teaches me a final lesson;

One last acrid pill to swallow, hope I don’t choke this time,

No more. I could only ever endure too much. Please. Not anymore.

The more you feel alive, the more I slowly wither away inside,

But I couldn’t hate you for that. I could never hate you at all…

It’s not your fault I keep fucking losing control of myself.

~*~

How many times must I keep it inside
I need to let go and I swear that I’ve tried
But opening up means trusting others
And that’s just too much, I don’t want to bother
So I’ll keep it inside and bury it deep
I know it’s not healthy, but you won’t hear a peep…

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Play Fetch Then, Motherfucker

Lash out for the sake of acting cute, the vulgar words you spout

Do you kiss your fucking boyfriend with that twisted mouth?

Stick the knife to his side and try to play it nice, well bully for him

We’re too used to it, so you let yourself bite some unmarred skin

.

Black out for the sake of being modest, when virtue’s such a whore

Do you defend your boyfriend when he’s nothing but a fucking bore?

Bleed his mind and bark for him, but don’t put your poor dog down

And trample us, ’cause we’re all you have left to smear on your holy ground.

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Devotion Cuts

You carved out walkways in my brain

With a blunt-edged trowel—laboriously

Inch by inch by quiet inch until I felt like

I was losing my concrete mind completely

.

Only then did you decide to simply jump in

And submerge yourself neck-deep right into

All my secrets and have a taste, or two, or ten

Clinging like a dead bedbug on my worn sheets

.

But when I tried to shake you off, when

I shuddered enough to start earthquakes

Just to make you finally lose your iron grip

When I thought I could sleep soundly again

.

You came crawling back, wings crushed

Eyes blacked out, sharp pincers sheathed

Asking for all of our better times long-gone

My dried blood still on your pleading smile

.

And the sad thing is that I’m almost tempted

To allow you to overcomplicate things again

To let these faded phantom itches bother me

Enough to reopen healed scabs with dirty nails

.

But maybe I only really missed always feeling so bad

And I don’t have to fucking miss anything else

Because when you destroyed my heart for your own sake

I made damn well sure never to return yours.

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